Status: Am still trying to write, but school is keeping me really busy
Hopeless Wanderer
Twelve
Carl had his shirt lifted up over his head, showing off his scar, when Rick came out. This kid amazed me with his tenacity to live. Not even a bullet could take him down. My mind lazily wondered if anything ever could. I suppose my comfortability around him stemmed from this bad ass persona. Carl was safe to love and trust because Carl wasn’t going to up and die on me. I also knew he wasn’t going to hurt me unless I threatened his family. My eyes met Rick’s, and I could have sworn he smiled at me. My own lips tugged slightly at the edges but with Carl’s attention back on me, I reigned them in.
He spoke rapidly about something or other, but I couldn’t keep my eyes from darting over to where Rick was standing idly out of Carl’s sight. My eyes trained on him as he casually walked over. He put his hand on his son’s shoulder, who turned to look up at his dad. With just a simple nod of his head and a slight smile, he sent Carl inside to bed. I watched the conversation with a twinge of envy. Will and I had never decided if we actually wanted kids or not. We watched our friends start families, and sure, kids looked like they could be wonderful. We were just a little selfishly attached to our “go anywhere, do anything” lifestyle of being young. Watching Rick with his son sometimes made me resent that the world took away my choice.
“Rick, will I ever be allowed to leave?”
“What would you wanna do that for?” I shrugged. I hadn’t truly thought about it much, but the desire of being out from under everyone’s watchful eyes crossed my mind a time or two.
“Don’t you want to be to free?” He looked at me like I was crazy. “You’re literally in a prison, Rick. Sure, it’s nice to get a chance to relax and really sleep, but when you go to bed at night, you’re still sleeping in a prison. It doesn’t even occur to you that you’re trapped here. My life probably won’t be long out there, but I could go anywhere I want.”
“I guess we’ve got different definitions of free. Out there, you’re confined to surviving. In here, I can watch my kids sleep in peace. Having that burden lifted, it’s freeing.”
“I need to find him,” I quietly admitted. I’d started having dreams about Will walking around this earth in full zombie glory. Sometimes, but rarely, he was out there surviving. Sometimes it was just replaying those final minutes but instead of following me to the bunker my dream followed Will to his resting place. In the most common dream of Will, I had to watch while he hurt people. I ached for him whenever I would wake from those nightmares. He would despise himself for hurting others. It fueled this new desire to find him and know for sure.
“He could be anywhere,” Rick offered as if that settled the matter.
He spoke rapidly about something or other, but I couldn’t keep my eyes from darting over to where Rick was standing idly out of Carl’s sight. My eyes trained on him as he casually walked over. He put his hand on his son’s shoulder, who turned to look up at his dad. With just a simple nod of his head and a slight smile, he sent Carl inside to bed. I watched the conversation with a twinge of envy. Will and I had never decided if we actually wanted kids or not. We watched our friends start families, and sure, kids looked like they could be wonderful. We were just a little selfishly attached to our “go anywhere, do anything” lifestyle of being young. Watching Rick with his son sometimes made me resent that the world took away my choice.
“Rick, will I ever be allowed to leave?”
“What would you wanna do that for?” I shrugged. I hadn’t truly thought about it much, but the desire of being out from under everyone’s watchful eyes crossed my mind a time or two.
“Don’t you want to be to free?” He looked at me like I was crazy. “You’re literally in a prison, Rick. Sure, it’s nice to get a chance to relax and really sleep, but when you go to bed at night, you’re still sleeping in a prison. It doesn’t even occur to you that you’re trapped here. My life probably won’t be long out there, but I could go anywhere I want.”
“I guess we’ve got different definitions of free. Out there, you’re confined to surviving. In here, I can watch my kids sleep in peace. Having that burden lifted, it’s freeing.”
“I need to find him,” I quietly admitted. I’d started having dreams about Will walking around this earth in full zombie glory. Sometimes, but rarely, he was out there surviving. Sometimes it was just replaying those final minutes but instead of following me to the bunker my dream followed Will to his resting place. In the most common dream of Will, I had to watch while he hurt people. I ached for him whenever I would wake from those nightmares. He would despise himself for hurting others. It fueled this new desire to find him and know for sure.
“He could be anywhere,” Rick offered as if that settled the matter.