Status: Am still trying to write, but school is keeping me really busy
Hopeless Wanderer
Sixteen
The wind rustled through the leaves, carrying a faint trace of decay. The smell was pretty much soaked into nature now. A line of goosebumps crept up along my arms. I moved cautiously, hoping the breeze would be enough to mask my movement. I settled in against the tree trunk. I tried to remember how I got comfortable up here before the prison. Only an hour had passed since climbing up but I already felt restless.
I looked across the game path to see how Daryl was faring. Of course, he looked perfectly at ease nestled into his tree. He sat absolutely still, eyes trained on the ground below. He certainly wasn’t going to be unprepared if our next meal came along. Frustration rose up inside me just from watching him. How did he shut out the world and do whatever was necessary to survive? More importantly, how could he do it even after being with other people for so long?
I sighed. Daryl must have heard since he shot an impatient look my direction. I mouthed an apology but he was already focused on the path. I had to be better at this if I had any hope of convincing him of a repeat trip. I’d barely convinced him it was a good idea this time on the theory that if he was really ill or dead this camp still needed somebody who could do what he knew how to do.
After I had grown certain that we were going to return empty-handed, I began to solely watch Daryl. Of course, not long after that, I could see excitement return to his still form. My eyes wandered back to the path. A small deer was heading right for us. Out of apprehension I tensed up and couldn’t move. I watched Daryl, hoping to take a cue from him. He had silently and smoothly lifted an arrow to his bow and was taking aim. Practically before I could blink, he downed the deer.
He gutted it right there by the trail but I couldn’t bring myself to watch. Even after all the gruesome things I’d seen since the end of the world, I hadn’t completely resigned myself to all the aspects of life and death, including ripping the intestines out of Bambi. I was able to help carry it back to the prison. Luckily we didn’t have far to go. Daryl had done this before, but I was still nervous the smell of fresh death would bring the rotters calling.
Upon our return, I immediately retreated to the watch tower. It was the only place beside my cell that Rick allowed me to go in the prison without him present. Of course, he often wasn’t too far away if I was outside, so I’m not sure how much reprieve it truly offered. In fact, I could see him leaning against the prison wall with his hands stuffed into his pockets and his eyes on the ground. Every so often he glanced up in my direction.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” I heard behind me. I sat up, a bit startled, and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. What was he doing up here, and what was he talking about now? I stared at him blankly for a minute while he nervously ran a hand through his hair. “You told me something personal and I didn’t handle it very well.”
“Understatement of the year,” I muttered under my breath. I’m not sure if he didn’t hear me or if he was ignoring the comment. He sat down beside me, so close I could feel his body heat. My heart rate picked up a little bit and I immediately began planning an escape route.
I could see his hands were clenched so tight into fists his knuckles were turning white and they were shaking. “I was a deputy at the Sheriff’s Department, you know? Before, I could get a statement and bring the guy in for questioning. I could do justice. Now, I can’t do a god damned thing. And I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle knowing somebody hurt you like that and I can’t do anything about it.”
I looked across the game path to see how Daryl was faring. Of course, he looked perfectly at ease nestled into his tree. He sat absolutely still, eyes trained on the ground below. He certainly wasn’t going to be unprepared if our next meal came along. Frustration rose up inside me just from watching him. How did he shut out the world and do whatever was necessary to survive? More importantly, how could he do it even after being with other people for so long?
I sighed. Daryl must have heard since he shot an impatient look my direction. I mouthed an apology but he was already focused on the path. I had to be better at this if I had any hope of convincing him of a repeat trip. I’d barely convinced him it was a good idea this time on the theory that if he was really ill or dead this camp still needed somebody who could do what he knew how to do.
After I had grown certain that we were going to return empty-handed, I began to solely watch Daryl. Of course, not long after that, I could see excitement return to his still form. My eyes wandered back to the path. A small deer was heading right for us. Out of apprehension I tensed up and couldn’t move. I watched Daryl, hoping to take a cue from him. He had silently and smoothly lifted an arrow to his bow and was taking aim. Practically before I could blink, he downed the deer.
He gutted it right there by the trail but I couldn’t bring myself to watch. Even after all the gruesome things I’d seen since the end of the world, I hadn’t completely resigned myself to all the aspects of life and death, including ripping the intestines out of Bambi. I was able to help carry it back to the prison. Luckily we didn’t have far to go. Daryl had done this before, but I was still nervous the smell of fresh death would bring the rotters calling.
Upon our return, I immediately retreated to the watch tower. It was the only place beside my cell that Rick allowed me to go in the prison without him present. Of course, he often wasn’t too far away if I was outside, so I’m not sure how much reprieve it truly offered. In fact, I could see him leaning against the prison wall with his hands stuffed into his pockets and his eyes on the ground. Every so often he glanced up in my direction.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” I heard behind me. I sat up, a bit startled, and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. What was he doing up here, and what was he talking about now? I stared at him blankly for a minute while he nervously ran a hand through his hair. “You told me something personal and I didn’t handle it very well.”
“Understatement of the year,” I muttered under my breath. I’m not sure if he didn’t hear me or if he was ignoring the comment. He sat down beside me, so close I could feel his body heat. My heart rate picked up a little bit and I immediately began planning an escape route.
I could see his hands were clenched so tight into fists his knuckles were turning white and they were shaking. “I was a deputy at the Sheriff’s Department, you know? Before, I could get a statement and bring the guy in for questioning. I could do justice. Now, I can’t do a god damned thing. And I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle knowing somebody hurt you like that and I can’t do anything about it.”