These Secrets Are Killing Me
Drugs! Booze! Sex?
"OPEN THE DOOR NOW!" Dad screamed, I just screamed out random song lyrics and ignored him. He got louder and so did I, he wasn't going to win this fight. He kicked on the door and screamed, I heard the guys trying to hold Dad back telling him to calm down. I would agree with them, if you want me to open a door don't fucking yell at me.
"JESSE OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR, OR I SWEAR TO-"
"You'll what send me to juvie?! You'll never talk to me again?! You'll what Dad?!" I yelled, waiting for his answer I began to pick at my fresh wounds. I watched the blood form in the deep wound, and slowly fall out of it dripping down my arm. It hurt so bad, but yet I've never felt so alive. As scary as it sounds, or creepy I'm not lying it proves that I'm a fucking human being. God if my Mom saw me as human being I would not be here, arguing with my family, or completely ruining my life. I was lost in my little world till I heard the bang on the other side, I jumped slightly. I heard Mom yelling at Dad telling him to calm down, the guys yelling at Mom telling her to shut up. I broke down laughing, I laughed so hard I cried.
"JESSICA LYNN YOU WILL OP-" I unlocked the door and opened it, he stopped screaming and just looked down at me. I don't think I really care anymore what he thinks of me, I lie I do care what he thinks.
"Daddy I'm sorry it's just that I have so much going on. I'm sorry I put you through this, I love you so much." I said, into his shirt as I hugged him tight. Taking in his scent, his strength, the way his jersey accent slipped. I felt my own tears fall, just like his did. We both whispered sorry to each other, and just hugged for what felt like hours. I know I say I hate my father, but I'm a teenager of course I hate my father. But I still love him more than anything in this world, and seeing him hurt because of me makes me hurt. Oh I know so cliche but it's true, next time you hurt your Dad's feelings you try to mean what you said. It won't be easy I promise you.
"Jesse it's OK just don't do that again, next time I won't be so nice." I just laughed and hugged him tighter. I pulled away from him and hugged my uncles, I apologized countless times and vice versa. Oh it would be just like her to ruin a perfectly good moment with my family, not like she isn't family but you know what I mean. I walked back over to Dad who placed an arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him, he kissed the top of my head and whispered an I love you.
"Jesse go apologize to your Mom."
"What-"
"-Do it Jesse please for me." I inwardly growled and walked over to my Mom, I was going to give her a hug when she pushed me away. I looked up at her confused and hurt, just because I hate what my Mom's done to me doesn't mean I hate her no matter what I say. I think what we have is a love/ hate relationship.
"You...how could you do this? First the drugs and booze now this! God were did I go wrong with you?" Mom yelled, the 'tears' falling out of her eyes.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, staring at her confused I've been rehab for two weeks. What could she possibly be blaming on me this time?
"Don't act stupid Jesse I can't believe you. I'm... I'm at a loss for words."
"Babe what are you talking about?" Dad asked.
She reached into my bag and pulled out a box of condoms, I heard her fake sob escape her throat. Dad's gasp and own sob, I looked around the room to see all eye's on me. "Dad that's not mine!" I defended myself.
"I can't believe this Jesse. The drugs and booze sure I can handle that, but why did you go out and have sex? It... I...." He just stopped talking, and left the room. Mom and the guys followed leaving me speechless and shocked.
"JESSE OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR, OR I SWEAR TO-"
"You'll what send me to juvie?! You'll never talk to me again?! You'll what Dad?!" I yelled, waiting for his answer I began to pick at my fresh wounds. I watched the blood form in the deep wound, and slowly fall out of it dripping down my arm. It hurt so bad, but yet I've never felt so alive. As scary as it sounds, or creepy I'm not lying it proves that I'm a fucking human being. God if my Mom saw me as human being I would not be here, arguing with my family, or completely ruining my life. I was lost in my little world till I heard the bang on the other side, I jumped slightly. I heard Mom yelling at Dad telling him to calm down, the guys yelling at Mom telling her to shut up. I broke down laughing, I laughed so hard I cried.
"JESSICA LYNN YOU WILL OP-" I unlocked the door and opened it, he stopped screaming and just looked down at me. I don't think I really care anymore what he thinks of me, I lie I do care what he thinks.
"Daddy I'm sorry it's just that I have so much going on. I'm sorry I put you through this, I love you so much." I said, into his shirt as I hugged him tight. Taking in his scent, his strength, the way his jersey accent slipped. I felt my own tears fall, just like his did. We both whispered sorry to each other, and just hugged for what felt like hours. I know I say I hate my father, but I'm a teenager of course I hate my father. But I still love him more than anything in this world, and seeing him hurt because of me makes me hurt. Oh I know so cliche but it's true, next time you hurt your Dad's feelings you try to mean what you said. It won't be easy I promise you.
"Jesse it's OK just don't do that again, next time I won't be so nice." I just laughed and hugged him tighter. I pulled away from him and hugged my uncles, I apologized countless times and vice versa. Oh it would be just like her to ruin a perfectly good moment with my family, not like she isn't family but you know what I mean. I walked back over to Dad who placed an arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him, he kissed the top of my head and whispered an I love you.
"Jesse go apologize to your Mom."
"What-"
"-Do it Jesse please for me." I inwardly growled and walked over to my Mom, I was going to give her a hug when she pushed me away. I looked up at her confused and hurt, just because I hate what my Mom's done to me doesn't mean I hate her no matter what I say. I think what we have is a love/ hate relationship.
"You...how could you do this? First the drugs and booze now this! God were did I go wrong with you?" Mom yelled, the 'tears' falling out of her eyes.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, staring at her confused I've been rehab for two weeks. What could she possibly be blaming on me this time?
"Don't act stupid Jesse I can't believe you. I'm... I'm at a loss for words."
"Babe what are you talking about?" Dad asked.
She reached into my bag and pulled out a box of condoms, I heard her fake sob escape her throat. Dad's gasp and own sob, I looked around the room to see all eye's on me. "Dad that's not mine!" I defended myself.
"I can't believe this Jesse. The drugs and booze sure I can handle that, but why did you go out and have sex? It... I...." He just stopped talking, and left the room. Mom and the guys followed leaving me speechless and shocked.
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I'm so sorry I've been busy with summer school, probation, and a bunch of family drama. Thank you guys for the amazing comments we have 7 stars!!!!! eek.... Thank you again for the comments and my lovely 48 subscribers. I hope this update doesn't suck to much, and I also hope it makes it up for the lack of updates. comments??