Pros and Cons (Of Living With a Hipster)

- They're guaranteed to be the holder of a Starbucks gold card. Brian knows for fact that Jude buys a cup every morning and evening, so Brian just waits until Jude drinks twelve cups before snagging the freebee. He's something of an evil genius, he knows.

- Brian is a proud owner of a yoga membership (the nice place across from Starbucks, of course) that he doesn't have to pay for because Jude claims that his body needs cleansing.



- The electricity bill each month makes Brian want to admit defeat and move back in with his parents. Jude insisted that it was perfectly okay to string Christmas lights around the living room, bedroom, and hallway and leave them on all night. Brian really doesn't want to talk about bill day, he doesn't.

- Their shared apartment smells like thrift store.

- Jude brings home weird sweaters from said thrift store all the time and insists Brian wears them.

- "WAIT, DON'T EAT THAT YET. HAVE TO - INSTAGRAM. Oh this lighting is all wrong, for shit's sake. Can you move your plate to my side? Thanks. Oh, and I'm sure you wouldn't mind if a snag a fry or two... Thanks."

- Their fucking walls are covered in fucking shit. I can't fall asleep but I sure can dream, NOT ALL WHO WONDER ARE LOST, and YOU CAN'T START THE NEXT CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU KEEP RE-READING THE LAST ONE. In Helvetica, of course.

- Hello, Jude? This is your friend, Brian, and he just wants to ask you to please shave your beard.

- When Jude's friends come over, the girls wear mom jeans sometimes. They're not cute, honey. They're not stylish -- they're mom jeans.

- "Cars are bad for the environment; you should really invest in a bike."

- They can't pay their rent because the "new iPad just came out, man."

- "Do you like Maroon 5?" "Nah, I only liked their old stuff."

- They have this tomato plant on their porch that Brian is always stuck watering. Always.

- Jude is a total fucking cock-block.