Your Voice

Even though it was hard, I knew I had to get over this Chris thing. Kade had forgiven me for what I’d said so the least I could do was trust him about Chris, right? I’d never realised just how jealous I was, but I’d never had a boyfriend before, so I guess it had just never had the opportunity to come out. But the thought of losing Kade…of Chris stealing him away... It chilled me to the bone.

After our argument, Kade and I cuddled together. Something felt different when Kade came back into the room. He seemed a bit down. More so than before…or maybe not more, but in a different way. He’d forgiven me for what I’d said and for a moment he’d been happy. And then I’d fallen asleep and when I came to, he seemed upset again. I hoped he and Gemma hadn’t had an argument or anything. I would be stuck in the middle if that were the case. That would just be a nightmare. I decided against asking him, though, deciding to just hold him as he’d asked.

For the next few days, things returned to normal between Kade and I, but things between Kade and Gemma seemed strained. Although they’d only been friends a short while, they’d instantly bonded and I hated seeing them so uncomfortable around one another. They talked, sure, but I could see there was something between them, some elephant that they weren’t talking about. I wasn’t sure who to talk to about it. I knew that Kade was very sensitive about his friendships but at the same time, he was the person who I wanted to talk to more about this emotional stuff. Gemma and I talked, of course, but I liked the way Kade and I could talk. It was just more…open and honest. I felt like I could tell him anything. Well, almost anything.

I shook my head of my thoughts and saw Kade was signing to me. “-okay?” he signed. I only caught the end of whatever he’d signed, but I knew what he was asking. I smiled and nodded.
“Yeah,” I said and signed. “Just thinking.”
“Don’t hurt yourself,” he grinned and I rolled my eyes as I grinned back at him.
“Are things okay with you and Gemma?” I asked him and I saw his smile falter momentarily before returning.
“Of course,” he signed and I nodded.
“You know you can talk to me,” I said and he smiled and nodded. “If you need to.”
“I know,” he signed, shifting closer to me and cuddling in to my side. I smiled and wrapped my arms around him and buried my nose in his hair. God, I’d be happy just sitting like this for the rest of my life. Cuddling with the boy I loved, yeah, that sounded pretty damn good. “Something happened at school,” Kade suddenly signed and I frowned with concern. “That’s why Gemma and I are arguing.”
“What happened?” I asked. Gemma was out for the evening, meeting up with a friend, so Kade and I had the house to ourselves. It was a very rare occurrence and I was going to make the most of it. I’d had a pretty hectic day at work and then uni, but coming home to Kade made it all okay. I liked having him there to come home to, even if I did have to drop him home at some point. I could only imagine what it would be like in the future when we lived together. By that time I would have finished uni and hopefully have an even better job, and I would be able to spend more time with him. But I’m only a first year university student; I still had five years to go. The thought was daunting. Would I have to wait five years until I can have a good relationship with Kade? I want to see him more, I want to actually do things with him and not just when I have a break in between work and studying. I wanted to be able to put him first, but it was so hard.
“You know that presentation we did?” he asked and I nodded. Gemma had told me how well she’d done; she’d got an A, which she was pretty chuffed about. I’d just assumed Kade had got the same mark, they’d done it together after all.
“Yeah?” I said with a curious frown.
“I got marked down because I didn’t actually present it,” he signed and my frown deepened.
“That’s ridiculous!” I said, sitting up straight and forcing Kade to do so too. He turned to look up at me, eyes sad but resigned.
“Nothing I can do about it,” he signed and I shook my head. There was plenty he could do about it; talk to the teacher, talk to the head of the department, hell, even talk to the head teacher. But I knew Kade didn’t like making a fuss about the way he was treated.
“What did you actually get?” I asked.
“I just scraped a B,” he signed. Even though it was still a B, the fact that he’d been penalised was grossly unfair. “It doesn’t matter,” he signed, “It’s not like it counts towards anything. It’s just…made things awkward between Gemma and I.” I nodded slowly. To me, it did matter, but I wasn’t going to push it. The bigger concern at that moment was his friendship with Gemma. Was he annoyed that she’d got a better mark than him? Was she annoyed because Kade wouldn’t argue that he deserved the same mark as her? “We’ll sort things out, though,” he said with a soft smile and I had to smile back. I knew he and Gemma would be okay in the end, but that didn’t mean I was okay with the fact that they weren’t okay at that moment.
“Do you want me to talk to her?” I asked him and he quickly shook his head.
“No,” he signed. “It’s fine, I promise. I just want to forget about this and move on.” I paused thoughtfully and then nodded.
“Okay,” I nodded. I took his hand in mine and he smiled up at me before leaning in for a kiss, which I happily gave him.

Even though Kade reassured me that things were fine with him and Gemma and that they’d be back to normal soon, I couldn’t stop thinking about the whole thing. I was less concerned with their friendship now and more concerned with the fact that a teacher had lowered Kade’s mark because he didn’t talk. Surely that’s discrimination of some sort? I needed to look into it. I knew that if that had happened to Gemma while she’d been deaf, I would have marched into the school and given that teacher a talking to. But Gemma had talked a little when she’d lost her hearing, though she avoided it when she could. I didn’t want to just forget about what had happened to Kade, but it wasn’t my place to say anything or to talk to the school. That was up to his parents and I knew without a doubt that his parents wouldn’t care even if they knew. Kade needed someone on his side though, to defend him when he was too anxious to defend himself. Going up against teachers and authority figures must be pretty daunting, especially when you couldn’t hear what precisely they were saying. I knew he had Gemma on his team – because even if they were fighting, I knew she’d be on his side – and I was pretty sure that their English teacher Mr Lynn would be on his side – Gemma and Kade had told me plenty about how nice he was to Kade – but still, he needed someone outside school who could go in and say something. I wanted to be that person for him, but I didn’t really have the right. I couldn’t very well go in and say, as Kade’s boyfriend, I felt he was being treated unfairly. Not only would they probably ignore me, but they’d look into my age and his age and that would unleash a whole heap of problems. I often forgot that Kade was only 16, and while he was of legal age, it could still raise questions about our relationship. Him being 16 wasn’t really an issue for us as a couple, even though I had been hesitant at first. Kade was mature and grown up – he’d had to be – and sometimes I forgot that he was so young. Maybe I’d had to grow up quickly, but so had he, so we worked well together. In fact, I couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else; Kade was it for me.

“What are you smiling about?” Kade signed. I hadn’t realised I’d been smiling, but I guess it’s just something I did when I thought about Kade.
“Nothing,” I said and Kade pouted and I couldn’t help but chuckle as I kissed him gently. “I was thinking about you.” Kade blushed and ducked his head into my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Do you want to go to the cinema this weekend?” I asked once Kade looked up from my shirt.
“The cinema?” Kade asked, sitting back and looking at me with a frown.
“Yeah,” I said. “We could go see a subtitled movie.” He blinked at me but didn’t say anything. “If you want to.” Slowly, a grin appeared on his face and his eyes sparkled.
“Yes, I want to,” he signed. I smiled and pecked his lips.
“Saturday okay for you?” I asked and he nodded, scooting closer to me and catching my lips in another kiss, only this one much deeper. Kade quickly moved to straddle my lap and my hands rested on his hips, temptingly close to the curve of his arse. He settled in my lap as we kissed leisurely, our tongues meeting and stroking and just…loving every second of contact. Kade made a soft mewling noise in the back of his throat and I couldn’t help but grin. God, he was so sexy and he had no idea. I moved my hands to his waist and carefully manoeuvred him so he was lying on the sofa and I covered his small body with mine. I lay between his legs and he surprised me by wrapping them around my hips, keeping me trapped against him; I wasn’t about to complain. I couldn’t remember ever having been in this position before – with me lying over Kade, as it was usually him in my lap – but Kade either didn’t notice or was too distracted. Lying like that with him felt so much more intimate, especially as I was positioned between his legs. My heart was thudding in my chest and I was kind of worried Kade might feel it against him, but I wasn’t worried enough to stop. My mind jumped back to the time a couple weeks ago when we’d been my car on our one month anniversary. When things had got pretty hot and heavy and when Gemma had interrupted us. Only this time, Gemma wasn’t home. We had the house to ourselves and we didn’t have to worry about any interruptions. I gasped as Kade’s fingers slipped under my t-shirt and stoked softly over my back. Goosebumps erupted over my skin and I shivered. I pulled away from Kade’s kiss and looked down at him. His cheeks were red, his lips were slightly kiss-swollen, and his hair was in complete disarray on his head. I smiled down at him. I loved this boy so much. “So beautiful,” I whispered, stroking his cheek and brushing his fringe away from his eyes. I leant down and kissed him again, squeezing his sides gently as his tongue met mine once again.

When I needed to breathe, I reluctantly moved my lips away from his. I kept contact with him, though, by moving my lips down his neck to the point that I knew made him moan. I sucked and nibbled at the spot and soon he was writhing beneath me. God, if he wasn’t the hottest thing I’d ever seen. My hands moved under his shirt and stroked over the soft skin of his flat stomach. Kade gasped and arched up into my touch, his hands knotting in my hair. I loved his reactions. My usually timid Kade was wonderfully enthusiastic when we kissed like this. Which, I’ll admit, wasn’t often enough. We very rarely had time to ourselves like this except when we went to sleep. And I don’t think Kade’s ready to kiss like this in a bed; where it feels like it could lead to so much more. I kissed my way back up to his lips, where I caught his lower lip between mine. I sucked it softly and Kade gasped as I let it go. He was breathing heavily as he gazed up at me, his eyes dark with desire. I knew this needed to stop soon, but he was just so tempting. I kissed him once again and his body rose off the sofa to press against mine. I could feel how hard his was through his jeans as his hips pressed against mine. I was just as hard in my own sweats. And then Kade’s hands moved from my hair to my shoulders, to my chest, to my hips, and then they were toying with the waist band of my sweats. I didn’t want to stop him, I wanted him to touch me, but I was worried he wasn’t quite ready. I pulled back once again and met his heated gaze. “Dylan,” he whispered and I groaned. How was I meant to say no when he was looking at me like that, when he was whispering my name like that?
“Kade,” I whispered. Instead of putting a stop to things completely, I cautiously pushed his shirt up and looked down at his chest. I glanced up to check he was still okay before lowering my lips to the smooth skin of his stomach and chest. Kade gasped and whimpered as I kissed and sucked at his skin, and his hands moved away from my hips and back to my shoulders. I smiled softly as I swirled my tongue around his nipple and he inhaled sharply. I pressed a light kiss to it before giving the same treatment to the other. I continued dotting kisses all over his body, attempting to cover every last inch.

In the back of my mind, I heard the front door and sighed internally, knowing our evening had come to an end. I moved up to Kade’s lips for a final, slow kiss and then pulled away. Kade’s legs were still wrapped around my hips but I managed to untangle myself to sign, “Gemma’s back.” Immediately, his legs fell from around me and I sat up, pulling him up with me. His cheeks were still flushed and his hair was beyond saving, but it’s not like Gemma wouldn’t have guessed what we’d been doing anyway. Besides, I thought he looked pretty gorgeous like that. A moment later, she appeared and grinned at us. “Hey,” I smiled as she fell into the armchair. “Have a good evening?”
“Yeah,” she smiled, looking between the two of us with a wide, knowing grin. “Have you?”
“Yeah,” I smiled as Kade just blushed. I linked my fingers with his and he leant against me slightly, not because he was embarrassed, I don’t think, but just because it was comfortable. I loved that he sought contact just as desperately as I did. “I’m gonna drop Kade home,” I said after a minute. It was just gone 11 o’clock and it was a school night, so I knew I shouldn’t keep him out much later or we’d both be tired tomorrow. I stood, turning my back to Gemma because I still hadn’t quite calmed down and sweats did nothing to hide it. Kade blushed again and quickly stood too, going off in search of his bag and shoes. “I’ll be back in a minute,” I said to Gemma, who just nodded before standing herself and heading up to her room.

The drive back to Kade’s was the same as ever. We kissed when we got to his house, but we didn’t go crazy. “Will you stay over on Saturday?” I asked and he grinned and nodded.
“Of course,” he signed and I grinned before pecking his lips once again.
“Great,” I said. “I’ll see you on Saturday, then.”
“Yeah,” he smiled. It was only 3 days away, but I knew we’d be texting back and forth until then.

When Saturday arrived, I reluctantly went to my lectures and then picked up Kade on my way home. I’d decided to drive to the station that morning for that very reason. “Hey,” I smiled, leaning over to peck his lips once he was sat in the car.
“Hi,” he signed with a smile once we pulled apart.
“Ready to go?” I asked and he smiled and nodded, pulling his seat belt on.
“How were your lectures?” Kade signed once we were heading over to the cinema.
“Good,” I smiled. That was pretty much true. They had been kinda dull as I’d already known most of what we were being taught about due to the fact that I’d worked in an office for several years. But that felt good; knowing that I had actually picked up something useful from working for John.

We got to the cinema about 20 minutes later and I bought two tickets for the newest comedy film that was subtitled. It annoyed me how few films actually had subtitles, but I guess I should be happy that at least one did. “I’ve never been to the cinema before,” Kade signed once I’d bought the tickets and I stared at him in shock.
“Never?” I asked. I used to go to the cinema all the time when I was his age and younger. My friends and I had gone pretty much once a week. But I guess, Kade hadn’t really ever had any real friends and I knew his parents sure as hell wouldn’t take him. Kade just shrugged and I took his hand and dragged him over to the counter where they sold all the sweets and treats. “What do you want?” I asked Kade and he glanced at me with a gentle frown.
“I’m fine,” he said and I rolled my eyes, asking for a portion of nachos, a large sweet popcorn and an Ice Blast drink. “Dylan, you don’t need to get all that just for me,” he signed and I rolled my eyes as I handed over my money.
“Of course I do,” I smiled, accepting my change from the teenage girl behind the counter. “You need the full experience.” Kade frowned unsurely and I reached down to squeeze his hand, before letting go so I could carry the popcorn and drink and Kade grabbed the nachos.
“They do smell good,” Kade signed and I just grinned and led him over to our screen.

As it was subtitled, the screen was pretty empty, so we piled out jackets on the empty seat beside Kade and I carefully put the popcorn on the floor beside me so we could enjoy the nachos first. “Do you mind having to see this with subtitles?” Kade asked just before the movie started and I rolled my eyes.
“Not at all,” I said. “I’m used to it, I don’t even notice them anymore.” Kade gazed at me for a moment and pressed a quick kiss to my lips before turning and staring at the screen. I guess as he’d never been to the cinema before, the size of the screen would be something to marvel at. I was happy just to sit and watch him, even once the opening scene of the movie started.

After the movie, which had been pretty decent but nothing spectacular, we both decided we were full from the nachos, popcorn and drink, so we just headed home. I was more than happy to do that, because that meant cuddling on the sofa.

Gemma was upstairs when we got back and thankfully stayed there. “It’s our two month anniversary on Monday,” I said to Kade, who blushed and nodded. I passed him a glass of water and got one for myself before we headed into the living room. I fell onto the sofa and Kade grinned at me before situating himself between my legs leaning against my chest, in what I knew as his favourite position.
“I know,” he signed and I grinned and tightened my arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his temple. He sighed in content and let his head loll to the side. I smiled and buried my nose in his hair, smelling the apples of his shampoo and something that was just Kade.
“I love you,” I whispered into his hair, though my hands remained still on his stomach. I wanted him to know, but I knew he wasn’t quite ready. But still, I’d wanted, I’d needed, to say the words. Because I felt them and I didn’t feel right keeping them to myself. I smiled slightly when Kade sighed in content once again and moved to link our fingers together. He didn’t need to know yet, I wasn’t even sure if I was ready for him to know, but I knew that I wasn’t going to stop saying them to him in secret.