Your Voice
Kade.
Gemma and I hadn't really talked to each other for a while. For nearly a week now, actually. And yeah, we were civil with each other. For Dylan's sake mostly, as I hadn't told him the full truth as to why we were fighting. Although I thought about it, I really did. I'm not that bad of a person, so I kept my mouth shut about Gemma's dirty little secret. And Dylan never caught on to the fact there was some serious tension; at least I don’t think he did, but then again he was the most oblivious male I’d ever met. I loved it.
I think I loved Dylan. Actually, I was pretty sure I did, which kind of screwed me over when you think about. I mean, like he loves me?
But anyway, I’d stayed over at his house for the weekend, and we’d enjoyed just sitting around and watching Netflix in his room. It was better than going out and blowing all his money in my opinion, plus that kept away crowds or whatever else might get in our way. We had a great time, in short. Spent half of it making out, which we did a lot of but we were young, what more do you expect? And we both slept in pretty late on Sunday. I naturally did that in Dylan’s arms though; they were like home. Not to be cheesy.
Now, it was Monday. I’d spent the night yet again at Dylan’s place, considering my parents couldn’t give a shit what I did. He’d left before I’d woken up, though. Well, he woke me up long enough to kiss me goodbye but I went to bed after that. Which meant I walked the entire way to school in awkward silence with Gemma. Not fun.
Maybe I was the stubborn one in this fight. Well, both of us were stubborn. Gemma refused to let Dylan know Chris was her boyfriend, and I refused to forgive her until she does. She was being selfish in refusing to tell him because it would ‘ruin their happiness’ when it nearly ruined my own. But at the same time, I don’t know if I’d tell my parents about Dylan if I thought they’d make me break up with him. It’s the same concept. I should probably just be the bigger person and talk to her; maybe we could let this slide and move on. Besides, going a week without my best friend is not cool.
I think Chris was beginning to feel the strain as well. He didn’t know what to do; side with his girlfriend or me. And the choice should be obvious, if Chris didn’t want to come out and tell Dylan about them too. Gemma was the only one left who was keeping it a secret. And it sucked. I count for a vote in this, right? Two thirds rules majority. Therefore Gemma should spill the beans by default.
When we get to school, Gemma and I go our separate ways without even glancing at each other. It hurts in many ways, because I’ve never had a friend before and now it’s like I was back to being that weird, deaf kid again. I never wanted that.
In the hallway, without my small group, it was easier for people to knock me about. Elbows into shoulders, shoulder’s into chests. I thought more than once I would fall on my face and embarrass myself, but it never happened. And in my head, I can envision them laughing at me. Part of me think that’s only in my head, but another part if certain no one here even likes me. And now Gemma doesn’t either.
As I finally reach my locker, I sigh. I open it slowly, hoping to become as least noticeable as possible. I still remember getting body slammed and Chris making the guys leave me alone. It’s like bullying, in whatever form it comes in, follows me everywhere I go. I can only hope that in the real world, when I’m out of school and out of this town (hopefully), I’ll finally be rid of my reputation as the weak, easy target. And I can only hope I’ll still have Dylan.
I jump a little when out of my peripheral vision, a body leans against the locker beside mine. My heart hammers quickly as I turn, ready to run if necessary, only to relax when I see it’s Chris. He’s taller than I remember, I think. His hair is less kempt than usual, and he’s got a bit of stubble on his chin that I hope none of the teachers notice. He’s just staring at me right now and it’s kind of creepy, so I hold up a hand and ask as sassily as I can without words, “What?”
Chris rolls his eyes and leans up from the lockers, running a hand through his hair. I think he sighs, but I can’t be sure. Even if he has easy lips to read. Not that I like to stare at Chris’s lips! Dylan’s are much better. But nine times out of ten I can’t read Chris’s hands so his lips are the only other option; poor lad. “You and Gemma need to make-up,” he says and signs; although he was still shaky, Chris’s signing was loads better than it was in the beginning. Which I don’t think makes Dylan happy, for whatever reason.
I roll my eyes at him, shutting my locker door and holding my books. “Why would I do that?” I ask, because it’s honestly a valid question. My feelings and opinions and what I think about this whole situation shouldn’t be over looked.
“Because she’s miserable!” Chris shouts; I imagine he does anyway, as his cheeks redden a bit and his shoulders lift. And his comment makes me stop for a moment. Why would she be miserable? Our friendship can’t affect her that much, can it? I mean she had friends before she had me. Then again we did see each other every day so I’m sure that took a toll on her. I’m miserable too without her though, and his whole thing is stupid…
“How?”
Chris rolls his eyes. “You’re her best friend, mate. She feels bad that she’s the reason you and Dylan fought, but at the same time she’s afraid to talk to her brother. It’s really complicated if you think about it.”
“I can tell,” I sign, smile tugging at my lips a little and Chris’s too. I sigh softly, shrugging my shoulders. “I just don’t want the two of you causing any more problems in my relationship…” I sign slowly, biting my lip and hoping that being brutally honest doesn’t bother Chris. Then again, he’s a guy and I’ve found much doesn’t bother them. I mean I’m one too but it’s different.
“We will tell him soon, I promise. Just talk to Gemma, please? I can’t take much more of her moping. Plus I miss you at lunch, I’m just surrounded by girls all the time,” he shudders as if it’s bothered him and I can’t help but laugh. Chris flashes a grin that, if I weren’t head-over-hills for Dylan, might make me like him a bit. I can see why Gemma fell; he’s quite charming and very genuine.
“Fine,” I say, smile pulling at my lips. “I’ll talk to her.”
Chris grins and makes some sort of noise; I only know because everyone in the hall turns to look at us. I laugh to myself and am more than surprised when I’m pulled into a bear-hug of sorts, crushed to Chris’s chest as he does an excited jump. When he pulls away I can feel how red my cheeks are, it’s just a natural reaction. He signs quickly, “You better get to class before you’re late!” and then runs off in his own direction for class, leaving me stumped.
~
I don’t speak to Gemma until lunch, because we’re honestly busy in the classes we have together. You can definitely tell we’re getting further into the school year. I’m not sure if I’m excited or not to be honest.
I corner Gemma in the line for food, and fortunately we have a language of our own we can speak with so nosy eavesdroppers aren’t in our business. She seems surprised I’m in there and standing beside her, but I just flash a hesitant smile and sign, “Hey.”
Gemma quirks a brow high, brushing the long hair over her shoulder. She looks at me sceptically for a moment before signing, “Chris talked to you, didn’t he?” I give a sheepish smile and that’s all she needs before she rolls her eyes. “I told him not to!”
“Don’t be mad at him,” I sign quickly, gaining her attention back. “You can’t really blame him, he’s been stuck in the middle here for a while. He didn’t say much anyway, just begged me to talk to you.”
Gemma nods slowly, moving further up the line. I glance around to see no one is paying attention to us; good. “He said you’re miserable,” I sign, biting my lip nervously.
Gemma glances at me, and a faint smile lifts her lips up. I take this as a good sign. “I’m fine, I just really miss you,” she says honestly, shrugging.
Smiling at her, I move a little closer and rest a hand on her bicep. I sign with my free hand and say, “I miss you too. I just… I just don’t want anything to happen between Dylan and I.”
“I know!” She says, face guilty. She glances at the line and then takes my arm, pulling me over to the side. This gives up our place in the order to get food, but Gemma doesn’t seem to mind. Against the wall she must think we have a bit more privacy, but I feel more open. “I do plan to tell him, Kade. Soon! I just don’t know when will be the best time. Please just give me a little longer?”
“Of course,” I say quickly, reaching out to grab one of Gemma’s hands and give it a squeeze before dropping it. “I’m sorry for making such a fuss, I just feel sensitive because I don’t want your brother to leave me over something like this.”
“He won’t,” Gemma says, and by the slap of her hand it’s quite adamant. I bite my lip unsurely and she quickly adds, “I swear Kade, he’s like in love with you!”
At that, my cheeks blaze and I glance away. That can’t be true, can it? I mean, we haven’t even been together that long. Like, a little over a month, that’s all. He can’t already love me. Though I love him, don’t I? And Dylan’s older, more mature, and more aware of what he wants. So it makes more sense for him to love me than it does for me to love him. It’s just such an impossible thought for me, though. We’re so different, we have different paths ahead of us, different lives that can’t possibly mix well. Yet… I’m in love with him, and if what Gemma is saying is true…
I look up, to say what I’m not sure, but I see over Gemma’s shoulder Kyle Smith, my translator and assistant teacher, heading this way. He seems a bit concerned, not that I personally even care because I’m not the biggest fan of the guy. But he is alarmed nonetheless and that doesn’t quell my own sudden nerves. Gemma looks over when she sees me staring and steps toward me almost on instinct.
“Kade, you’re needed in the head teacher’s office,” he says and signs. My eyes widen and my heart beats quickly; what the hell would I need to go there for? I haven’t done anything! Not that I’m aware of anyway. Am I in trouble or is this a good thing? I’ve always just strolled right under the radar, no one’s ever noticed me before…
“Why?” I ask, my hands a bit shaky.
Mr. Smith cuts a glance at Gemma and then says slowly, “I don’t know the details, Kade. We just need to go. Mrs. Thompson will explain it to you.” My brow furrows together and I look at Gemma, but she just shrugs.
Dumbstruck, I nod. Gemma gives me a quick, sudden hug before I leave. I know all is forgiven between us and now she is worried about this situation just as much as I am. Heart hammering, I follow behind Mr. Smith anyway. I don’t have much else of a choice.
I think I loved Dylan. Actually, I was pretty sure I did, which kind of screwed me over when you think about. I mean, like he loves me?
But anyway, I’d stayed over at his house for the weekend, and we’d enjoyed just sitting around and watching Netflix in his room. It was better than going out and blowing all his money in my opinion, plus that kept away crowds or whatever else might get in our way. We had a great time, in short. Spent half of it making out, which we did a lot of but we were young, what more do you expect? And we both slept in pretty late on Sunday. I naturally did that in Dylan’s arms though; they were like home. Not to be cheesy.
Now, it was Monday. I’d spent the night yet again at Dylan’s place, considering my parents couldn’t give a shit what I did. He’d left before I’d woken up, though. Well, he woke me up long enough to kiss me goodbye but I went to bed after that. Which meant I walked the entire way to school in awkward silence with Gemma. Not fun.
Maybe I was the stubborn one in this fight. Well, both of us were stubborn. Gemma refused to let Dylan know Chris was her boyfriend, and I refused to forgive her until she does. She was being selfish in refusing to tell him because it would ‘ruin their happiness’ when it nearly ruined my own. But at the same time, I don’t know if I’d tell my parents about Dylan if I thought they’d make me break up with him. It’s the same concept. I should probably just be the bigger person and talk to her; maybe we could let this slide and move on. Besides, going a week without my best friend is not cool.
I think Chris was beginning to feel the strain as well. He didn’t know what to do; side with his girlfriend or me. And the choice should be obvious, if Chris didn’t want to come out and tell Dylan about them too. Gemma was the only one left who was keeping it a secret. And it sucked. I count for a vote in this, right? Two thirds rules majority. Therefore Gemma should spill the beans by default.
When we get to school, Gemma and I go our separate ways without even glancing at each other. It hurts in many ways, because I’ve never had a friend before and now it’s like I was back to being that weird, deaf kid again. I never wanted that.
In the hallway, without my small group, it was easier for people to knock me about. Elbows into shoulders, shoulder’s into chests. I thought more than once I would fall on my face and embarrass myself, but it never happened. And in my head, I can envision them laughing at me. Part of me think that’s only in my head, but another part if certain no one here even likes me. And now Gemma doesn’t either.
As I finally reach my locker, I sigh. I open it slowly, hoping to become as least noticeable as possible. I still remember getting body slammed and Chris making the guys leave me alone. It’s like bullying, in whatever form it comes in, follows me everywhere I go. I can only hope that in the real world, when I’m out of school and out of this town (hopefully), I’ll finally be rid of my reputation as the weak, easy target. And I can only hope I’ll still have Dylan.
I jump a little when out of my peripheral vision, a body leans against the locker beside mine. My heart hammers quickly as I turn, ready to run if necessary, only to relax when I see it’s Chris. He’s taller than I remember, I think. His hair is less kempt than usual, and he’s got a bit of stubble on his chin that I hope none of the teachers notice. He’s just staring at me right now and it’s kind of creepy, so I hold up a hand and ask as sassily as I can without words, “What?”
Chris rolls his eyes and leans up from the lockers, running a hand through his hair. I think he sighs, but I can’t be sure. Even if he has easy lips to read. Not that I like to stare at Chris’s lips! Dylan’s are much better. But nine times out of ten I can’t read Chris’s hands so his lips are the only other option; poor lad. “You and Gemma need to make-up,” he says and signs; although he was still shaky, Chris’s signing was loads better than it was in the beginning. Which I don’t think makes Dylan happy, for whatever reason.
I roll my eyes at him, shutting my locker door and holding my books. “Why would I do that?” I ask, because it’s honestly a valid question. My feelings and opinions and what I think about this whole situation shouldn’t be over looked.
“Because she’s miserable!” Chris shouts; I imagine he does anyway, as his cheeks redden a bit and his shoulders lift. And his comment makes me stop for a moment. Why would she be miserable? Our friendship can’t affect her that much, can it? I mean she had friends before she had me. Then again we did see each other every day so I’m sure that took a toll on her. I’m miserable too without her though, and his whole thing is stupid…
“How?”
Chris rolls his eyes. “You’re her best friend, mate. She feels bad that she’s the reason you and Dylan fought, but at the same time she’s afraid to talk to her brother. It’s really complicated if you think about it.”
“I can tell,” I sign, smile tugging at my lips a little and Chris’s too. I sigh softly, shrugging my shoulders. “I just don’t want the two of you causing any more problems in my relationship…” I sign slowly, biting my lip and hoping that being brutally honest doesn’t bother Chris. Then again, he’s a guy and I’ve found much doesn’t bother them. I mean I’m one too but it’s different.
“We will tell him soon, I promise. Just talk to Gemma, please? I can’t take much more of her moping. Plus I miss you at lunch, I’m just surrounded by girls all the time,” he shudders as if it’s bothered him and I can’t help but laugh. Chris flashes a grin that, if I weren’t head-over-hills for Dylan, might make me like him a bit. I can see why Gemma fell; he’s quite charming and very genuine.
“Fine,” I say, smile pulling at my lips. “I’ll talk to her.”
Chris grins and makes some sort of noise; I only know because everyone in the hall turns to look at us. I laugh to myself and am more than surprised when I’m pulled into a bear-hug of sorts, crushed to Chris’s chest as he does an excited jump. When he pulls away I can feel how red my cheeks are, it’s just a natural reaction. He signs quickly, “You better get to class before you’re late!” and then runs off in his own direction for class, leaving me stumped.
~
I don’t speak to Gemma until lunch, because we’re honestly busy in the classes we have together. You can definitely tell we’re getting further into the school year. I’m not sure if I’m excited or not to be honest.
I corner Gemma in the line for food, and fortunately we have a language of our own we can speak with so nosy eavesdroppers aren’t in our business. She seems surprised I’m in there and standing beside her, but I just flash a hesitant smile and sign, “Hey.”
Gemma quirks a brow high, brushing the long hair over her shoulder. She looks at me sceptically for a moment before signing, “Chris talked to you, didn’t he?” I give a sheepish smile and that’s all she needs before she rolls her eyes. “I told him not to!”
“Don’t be mad at him,” I sign quickly, gaining her attention back. “You can’t really blame him, he’s been stuck in the middle here for a while. He didn’t say much anyway, just begged me to talk to you.”
Gemma nods slowly, moving further up the line. I glance around to see no one is paying attention to us; good. “He said you’re miserable,” I sign, biting my lip nervously.
Gemma glances at me, and a faint smile lifts her lips up. I take this as a good sign. “I’m fine, I just really miss you,” she says honestly, shrugging.
Smiling at her, I move a little closer and rest a hand on her bicep. I sign with my free hand and say, “I miss you too. I just… I just don’t want anything to happen between Dylan and I.”
“I know!” She says, face guilty. She glances at the line and then takes my arm, pulling me over to the side. This gives up our place in the order to get food, but Gemma doesn’t seem to mind. Against the wall she must think we have a bit more privacy, but I feel more open. “I do plan to tell him, Kade. Soon! I just don’t know when will be the best time. Please just give me a little longer?”
“Of course,” I say quickly, reaching out to grab one of Gemma’s hands and give it a squeeze before dropping it. “I’m sorry for making such a fuss, I just feel sensitive because I don’t want your brother to leave me over something like this.”
“He won’t,” Gemma says, and by the slap of her hand it’s quite adamant. I bite my lip unsurely and she quickly adds, “I swear Kade, he’s like in love with you!”
At that, my cheeks blaze and I glance away. That can’t be true, can it? I mean, we haven’t even been together that long. Like, a little over a month, that’s all. He can’t already love me. Though I love him, don’t I? And Dylan’s older, more mature, and more aware of what he wants. So it makes more sense for him to love me than it does for me to love him. It’s just such an impossible thought for me, though. We’re so different, we have different paths ahead of us, different lives that can’t possibly mix well. Yet… I’m in love with him, and if what Gemma is saying is true…
I look up, to say what I’m not sure, but I see over Gemma’s shoulder Kyle Smith, my translator and assistant teacher, heading this way. He seems a bit concerned, not that I personally even care because I’m not the biggest fan of the guy. But he is alarmed nonetheless and that doesn’t quell my own sudden nerves. Gemma looks over when she sees me staring and steps toward me almost on instinct.
“Kade, you’re needed in the head teacher’s office,” he says and signs. My eyes widen and my heart beats quickly; what the hell would I need to go there for? I haven’t done anything! Not that I’m aware of anyway. Am I in trouble or is this a good thing? I’ve always just strolled right under the radar, no one’s ever noticed me before…
“Why?” I ask, my hands a bit shaky.
Mr. Smith cuts a glance at Gemma and then says slowly, “I don’t know the details, Kade. We just need to go. Mrs. Thompson will explain it to you.” My brow furrows together and I look at Gemma, but she just shrugs.
Dumbstruck, I nod. Gemma gives me a quick, sudden hug before I leave. I know all is forgiven between us and now she is worried about this situation just as much as I am. Heart hammering, I follow behind Mr. Smith anyway. I don’t have much else of a choice.