The Scars on Your Heart

Josh sat across from me with his back to Max and his posse. Matt was still going on about how he was going to kill Josh and I, and I was getting a bit worked up. Josh stared at me and sighed.

"What?" I asked, not meaning to sound defensive, but that's how it came out.

"Nothing, I just... I just wish Matt would leave you alone." He said, his tone a bit sad. He frowned.

"Dr. Kandula said that the new medicine they put me on will block my brain from his powers." I said with a nod. I didn't really trust the doctors or nurses or techs here, but now I had to just take what I could get. "He'll be gone soon."

No, I won't! Not until I kill both of you!

"That's good." He said, looking down at his food, almost like he was keeping me from seeing his eyes. Like he knew something I didn't. "Why do--" He stopped abruptly. "Never mind." Shaking his head, Josh threw his crumpled napkin onto his plate and stood to place his tray by the washing area. Once that was done, he walked over to me, and gestured for me to follow him. "Let's go back to our room."

"Okay." I agreed, following him and wondering what he had to say that he shut off. Once we reached our room I was out of breath, and disappointed in myself for it. "God damn it." I sighed, plopping down on Josh's bed. I laid down and buried my face in his pillow. I was too fat for anything anymore.

That's right, fatass. Matt growled, and it startled me. 8 stone is huge. I probably weighed even more than that now. Fuck.

I felt Josh lay down next to me, much like he had earlier in the evening, and he grabbed my hand, playing with my fingers; in a gentle way, so it wouldn't hurt my arm. "You're a mess," He stated, and I turned my head so that I was looking at him. I frowned. "but I'm going to help you clean it up, okay? You're going to get better. And when we graduate, you'll be good as new." He smiled at me and I felt my heart ache.

"Er, Josh?" I said, not wanting to admit the truth. But it had to be said. He uttered a quiet "yeah?" and continued smiling. "I'm not going to graduate here." His smile faded into a puzzled look.

"What do you mean?" He asked, and then gasped. "You're not going to try and kill yourself again, are you?"

"No, no I'm not. I mean I turn eighteen on November twentieth." I explained, my heart pounding in my chest as I awaited his answer. "I have to leave that day."

He frowned and sat up. "What? So when Maskell said the end of the year she literally meant the end of the year..." He drew in a sharp breath and let it out slowly, closing his eyes. "So I only have about two months with you, then?"

"Yeah. So... let's make these two months the best they can be." I nodded, and he collapsed on the bed once more. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

"Damn. Then I'll never see you again... Unless we can keep contact--" He whispered into my hair, but I interrupted him.

"We can't." I said, my tone sorrowful. "My parents said I'm not allowed to stay in touch with anyone who leaves or is still here when I leave. They don't want me around a bunch of 'crazies'." I made sure to use air quotes. "They think everyone here is a bad influence and will drag me down once I leave." That was just one reason why I wasn't a big fan of my parents. At first, I didn't mind. I mean, I had a friend here when I was ten who left the program when he wasn't depressed anymore, and when my parents told me I couldn't talk to him anymore, I was mad. But other than that, it wasn't a bad rule. But now that I had Josh, who was easily the best thing that ever happened to me, I was furious at my mum and dad. "But let's not focus on that right now. As I said, we're going to make this the best two months ever. Then I'll leave and you won't have to worry about Max or Dan or Matt or Chris being dicks about me anymore."

Josh pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I felt the butterflies in my stomach again. I buried my head into his chest and let out a deep breath. "Best two months ever, eh?" He asked, and I felt him smile. "Alright." I smiled, too, and moved so that we were at eye-level with each other.

I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, which he returned eagerly, and then I pulled away. I reached my arm up and stroked his hair. Our faces were literally a few centimeters away from each others' and Josh's hand was on the small of my back. This was just so perfect. I hated the fact that I'd have to see it end and then never have him be a part of my life ever again. But I couldn't focus on that. I had to make my time with him as wonderful as possible.

Matt kept going on about how this was what faggots did and how he was going to kill me, but I silently made a pact with myself to not let him kill me until I turned eighteen. I was going to control whatever element of him was inside me. He was not going to get the best of me, and I was sure as hell not going to let him hurt Josh.

----------

We fell asleep together that night, having not moved from that one position since after supper. Josh had gone to breakfast and I was in my room, sitting at the desk. My broken arm was starting to hurt less, but unfortunately, that wasn't my writing arm. The arm with all the stitches still hurt really bad, but not constantly like it had. Nurse Melanie gave me some acetaminophen along with my regular morning medication, and that was probably why it didn't hurt so much.

I was told that I was going to get my stitches out in two weeks, and I could take the dressing off in a few days. I wasn't too happy about my stitch-removal plan, seeing as I wanted to write, but oh well, I guess. Tough luck.

I spent at least thirty minutes just sitting there, staring at a point on the wall and listening to Matt's almost-constant babble about how angry he was with me. I was starting to feel down because of it, but I couldn't let him control me again. I had to control him. It was at this point that I started to try and flex my brain muscle, trying to force him out.

What the fuck are you doing?

I continued straining my mind, my eyes squeezed shut and my breath hitched in my throat. I was holding it so that I could focus on getting Matt out, and not have to worry about my brain switching to "MUST BREATHE" mode.

The door opened but I didn't pay any attention, thinking it was one of the techs. "Uh, Oli?" The voice belonged to Josh, so I quit pushing and exhaled over-dramatically. "What are you doing?" Josh chuckled, and I opened my eyes.

"Trying to get Matt to leave me alone." I spoke pretty loudly over Matt's laughter.

You're a fucking loser, you know that?

"Damn it, Oli," Josh sighed, coming over to me and pressing his lips to my forehead. "he needs to go fuck himself."

I looked Josh in his deep blue eyes and sighed, wondering why things couldn't be normal. Why we couldn't have met in a regular high school or something, why I couldn't have a strong brain that people couldn't break into, why we had been forced to bond with each other. Why couldn't things just be... natural?

"Oli, are you okay? I mean, other than Matt, because I know that's making you... well, not okay." He spoke fast, like he was nervous. I could understand why. I had tried to kill him just the day before.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I said, looking down at my hands, which were joined in my lap. The blood on my cast had caked and left a dark reddish-brown splat. I scratched at it with my fingers, only to have Josh, put his hand under my chin and lift my head so that I was looking at him again.

"I don't want you to have to hide in this room all day." He said with a deep sigh. Then he smiled. "Come to the main lounge with me."

My jaw dropped. "What? No way, you know how Max will react--"

"I don't care." He said slowly, laughing.

"But what if he won't be friends with you anymore?" I asked, getting the nervous butterflies again. But these were bad butterflies. Like butterflies with teeth that were chewing on my insides.

"Screw him, then. I have you to keep me company." Josh grinned and my eyes grew wide. I shook my head but he grabbed my cast-hand and pulled me up. "Come on, don't be so shy."

I had never been in the main lounge in my entire time here. Excluding that one time where I stayed for about five minutes and left because of the bullies. And going with Josh was definitely going to get him into trouble. But I agreed to go, nonetheless, and luckily it was only a short walk so I wouldn't feel bad about myself for being out of breath.

"Whoa, Josh," I heard Max's voice rise up from over the low chatter of the television and the room's other occupants. "what's he doing with you?" Max pointed to me and raised both eyebrows.

"He's coming into the room with me, where we're going to sit and watch television together, that's what." Josh said with a sassy tone.

"Really, Josh? Really?" Dan stood up and walked over to Josh, looking slightly up at him and cocking his head to the side. Apparently Josh saw him to be a little too close, so he gave him a gentle shove backwards.

"Yes, really. Any other questions?" Josh crossed his arms and made a face that was so subtly intimidating that even I was getting scared.

"Yeah. Since when did you let him turn you into a faggot?" Dan asked, smirking once he saw Josh grinding his teeth.

"I'm not a faggot." He hissed in reply. "Just because you enjoy another dude's company doesn't make you gay." He paused, then smiled. "If it did, then you and Max would be the most flaming homos in the history of the world."

Dan laughed. "Wow, Josh. You're a dick."

"You are what you eat, as they say." Max piped up once more, and I looked over at Josh. He was frowning and there was fire in his eyes. I took a step back. "Oh, look. You're scaring your little boyfriend. Why don't you two run along and have some make-up sex?"

That was the final straw for Josh, and the Matt in my brain was laughing again. Josh charged towards Max - only pushing a few people out of the way, seeing as some were still eating - and socked him in the face. Max stumbled backwards and stared at the floor for a moment before looking up at him with shock and rage mixed together. I stood in the corner of the room, just watching, afraid to get involved, even though all of my instincts told me to.

Max came back forward and tried to return the favor, only to be blocked by Josh and kneed in the stomach. Surprisingly quick, he recovered and punched under Josh's jaw, sending Josh reeling backwards. This would've been kind of funny, if it wasn't my only friend - possibly more than friend - attacking-slash-being attacked. It was like a slow motion fight, but I knew they were only just getting started. Josh tackled Max to the ground and did the same motions I did when I had first beat Josh up for making fun of my brother. Punch to one side of the face, punch to the other, and repeat.

"I'm not gay!" He shouted, finishing with one final smash with both hands down on Max's eyes. Max cried out and rolled over onto his back, and I saw Dan begin to rush towards Josh.

"Look out, Josh!" I called and Josh turned around, stopping Dan's surprise attack. It was just an attack now. Dan kicked upward to try and turn Josh's balls into a vagina, judging by the force he put into it, and Josh grabbed his leg mid-kick and pulled, throwing him backwards onto the floor. Chris had run out into the hallway to get someone, and I just stood there, frozen, not wanting to get hurt any more than I already was. Seeing Josh like this was scary; he could've bashed my skull in if he wanted to that day, but he didn't. It was just a huge reminder of what I had done to him and how much I regretted but didn't regret it at the same time. Without that fight, we never would've been put together in a room. We never would've gotten as close as we were now in just under a week. But now was not the time to be "sentimental". I had a fight to watch.

Josh kicked Dan in the ribs repeatedly and then Max came up behind him, grabbing him in a chokehold. "What you gonna do now, faggot?" Max hissed, tightening his grip on Josh's neck. Josh's face was bright red by now and I mustered up all my courage and ran over to the scene. Dan was rolling around on the floor in agony. I grabbed Max's arms and tried to pry them away, but it was all for naught. Max punched me in the face and sent me back into the rear end of the couch. In that time, however, Josh got away, and was charging up a punch when all of a sudden George entered the room, calling for everyone to stop. He looked at me, confused (probably as to why I was in there) and walked over to Josh and Max, separating them.

"Joshua, safe room. Max, safe room. Oliver, safe room." George pointed at all of us individually and I was fucking pissed. Why the hell did I have to go?

"Why Oli? He didn't do shit." Josh shouted with his back turned to Max, and Max took the opportunity to grab Josh's neck again. George popped him on the head with his fist and pulled Josh away.

"Likely story, Franceschi." He said, pulling me up and grabbing Max by the arm. He trusted Josh to follow, which he did.

George threw me into the nearest safe room on this floor, and before the door shut, I heard Max whisper: "You're gonna pay for this, fucking faggot."

----------

Was my existence really such a burden?

You know it is, buttmunch.

I mean, everywhere I went there was violence, whether it was coming from me or someone else. But it all revolved around me. Dean Maskell said it herself, I was an inconvenience. I didn't take her seriously at first, but now I was starting to. I should just ask her to move me back to my old room by myself. That way Josh wouldn't be dragged down by me anymore.

I drummed my fingers on the padded floor of the safe room and slammed my head on the also-padded wall. I hated being in here. It gave me too much time to think. And with Matt dogging me all the time, it was even worse.

"Oliver." I heard a voice say my name, and only then did I realize the door was open. "Come on out. We think you're safe now."

"Is Josh out?" Was the first thing that came out of my mouth. The new tech nodded, and I stood to leave.

"We think it's best if you two stay in your room for the rest of the afternoon, excluding lunch time." She explained. "We'll see if you can behave later this evening."

I was a bit angry, seeing as I hadn't done anything but try to pull Josh free, but I nodded anyway and walked to our room.

Josh was sitting on his bed, twiddling his thumbs with his eyes closed. When he heard me enter, he stood up immediately and came over to hug me. "I'm so fucking sorry, Oli." He whispered in my ear, squeezing me pretty tight. "I should've listened to you."

I hugged him back, lightly due to my arms, but did so nonetheless. "It's okay."

"No, it's not. I got you sent to the safe room when you didn't even do anything." He pulled back and looked me in the eye. "I'm really, really sorry."

I shrugged and smiled. "As I said, it's okay. And you're not going to convince me otherwise." I poked his chest and my smile turned into a grin. "Well, we've got most of the rest of the day to ourselves. What do you want to do?"

He smiled back at me and shut the door, pulling me into a deep, passionate kiss. I guess this day wasn't going to be so bad after all.