Clarity

“Brooklyn, can I-I talk to you? There’s something I need to tell you,” he spoke in a sad yet serious tone, staring at me, his gorgeous emerald eyes staring right into my blue ones. I knew things didn't sound good since he was using my whole first name. He only ever called me by my full name when he needed to talk to me desperately wanting to tell me something.

He sat beside me on the couch in our flat we shared together. As he spoke, there was a sad tone to his voice like he had a lump in his throat. What was he going to tell me? I think to myself as I stare over at my boyfriend who sat a few feet away from me.

I stare at him, my eyes wide with confusion as I look at my boyfriend of three and a half years. Something definitely seemed off, he was never like this, only on occasion but it’s never been this awkward in quite a while. We have been together for almost four amazing years and I’ve never been happier. Harry makes me the happiest I’ve ever been. He also helped me from keeping myself from cutting after my younger sister, Bridget passed away.

She was only eight when that happened on that tragic day. I still blame that damn drunken bastard who ran that red light and slammed right into the side she was on. It killed her instantly. I was thankful I survived along with my parents. My older sister, Becca wasn’t there. I think she was already off at University by that point. She, of course was devastated, like the rest of us, that our baby sister was killed by a stupid drunk driver.

That was a little over two years ago, I was seventeen. Harry felt horrible and helped me every step of the way. Eventually, I stopped cutting. She was my sister but she was also my best friend. I can’t believe they took her away so soon. She was only the young age of eight, a good ten almost eleven years younger than me and twice her age, with Becca, who is now twenty-two.

I shake the memories from my mind as I look back up at Harry as I felt my eyes well up with tears as I began to speak, “W-what do you need to tell me, babe? You know you can come to me with anything, whatever is on your mind, Haz,” I question as I look at the gorgeous boy beside me with the messy curls and crooked smile that didn’t seem so crooked right now. He seemed sad and I wanted to know what was going on.

“I know,” he says quietly and shifts his eyes away from mine. “I-I…Brooke, I know you’re going to hate me for saying this, but,” he trails off and takes a deep breath before he continues, “I think we should…take a break for a while,” he finishes. I don’t respond right away. Hell, I don’t even know how to respond to what just came out his mouth.

I continue to feel my eyes well up with endless tears I know that will soon be falling freely down my face. I try to come up with words as I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Was he serious or was he just joking with me? By how quiet he was, it sure didn’t seem like he was joking around.

“What…why?” I ask my voice soft and quivering as I spoke.

I knew I was about to break down in tears. I tried to keep myself from looking at him but my eyes told me otherwise. I couldn’t take my eyes off of his, his gorgeous emerald eyes that had a sprinkle of blue mixed in, and his curly hair I’ve grown to love over the past few years.

“I want…” he starts out and lets a shaky sigh escape his lips before he continues, his gaze still fixated on mine. “I want to take a break for a little while and focus on me…I have things I need to figure out, I want to straighten them out, I really do so I can get my life on track. You know how much I love you, I know you do,” he says as he reaches forward and runs one of his big hands through his curls.

“What is that supposed to mean? Do you not want to be with me anymore or what? Do you have any idea how much I love you? So much it hurts; I don’t think I’d be where I am today if it weren’t for you helping me through that, so, thanks for that,” I question him as I raise my voice from how upset I was.

“No, Brooke- that isn’t it at all. I want to be with you so bad I just can’t right now, this is not permanent, I never said it was, I just need space,” he says abruptly and blinks a few times. His eyes looked glassy like he was about to cry. Seeing him like that just made things even more difficult than they already were.

“You need space,” I repeat as I slowly get up off the couch, tears flowing freely down my face.

I needed to get out of here, I couldn’t stay here. I wanted nothing more than to leave so I could clear my head. That’s when I thought of the perfect place…my sister, Becca. She had a flat in Loughton with an extra room. It was about forty minutes away not too close just not far enough away than I’d like.

“Brooke, don’t,” I feel one of his strong hands grab hold of my arm. I had just swung my purse over my shoulder and was about to head for the door when I turned to find Harry staring at me, eyes glassy as if not more than mine were already.

“Don’t go, please, stay with me,” he begged staring at me. Even as much as I wanted to, I refrained. I did need time to clear my head.

“I love you, Brooke, so much, you have my heart, and I will always have yours. You know that, I’ll always be yours. This will be hard but I know we’ll find our way back to each other one day, and I know you do too, you just have to trust me, we’ll work through this, I know it,” he says as the tears fall from his eyes as he grabs my hands and wraps them around him. He tightens his big arms around my small waist and holds me tight against him.

“I love you too, I just don’t know. I…I think I’m going to go, not sure when I’ll be back for my things, soon, hopefully,” I mutter as I pull myself from his grip. I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head and whisper another “I love you so much” into my ear. I shut my eyes tightly to keep myself from crying.

Once I walked out the door, the tears I had been crying were now flowing rapidly down my cheeks. I don’t know how I let that just happen. I have a feeling we’ll be together again, I just have no clue when. I sniffle as I walk down the hall way to the lift to take me down to the lobby floor. After I step onto the lift, I pull out my phone and decide to give my sister, Becca a ring. I reach over and press the button for the lobby as I press the phone to my ear.

She answers on the first ring. “Hey Brookie! How’re you, love?” she replied in a happy tone. I rolled my eyes and sniffled kind of loudly into the receiver. On the other end, I hear her let out a sigh. Great, here comes the many questions.

“What’s wrong, Brookie? You sound upset, tell me what happened, love,” I hear my sister say on the other end. I let out a heavy sigh in response as I open my mouth to respond.

“H-Harry and I…h-he wants a break for the t-time being s…so I wanted to know if I could stay at your place for a while…I need time to think about all this,” I tell her and sniffle again as I reach up to wipe a few tears away.

“Oh my god, Brooklyn! I’m so sorry to hear that! Of course, babe, I’ll leave the door unlocked for you, be careful,” she tells me.

“I’ll be fine,” I tell her firmly as I lean against the back wall of the lift.

“Okay, see you soon, love you,” I hear her say on the other line.

“Love you too,” I say and end the call before dropping it in my purse. The tears continue to slowly fall. Why the hell did this have to happen to me? Me of all the many people in this world, why me? I guess there are a million questions for a million different things that go on every single day.