Good Enough

I sat in my room, staring at the mirror that night getting ready. I’d thrown on a pair of jeans and a cute green top that fell off my shoulders, but had straps to keep it up with a white belt. I actually did my hair, straightening it and pulling it into a half up, half down style.

Looking in the mirror, I approved of the small amount of make-up I’d thrown on. While we’d been officially back together for weeks, it felt like this was our first date again. We hadn’t really had a lot of alone time in the last few weeks. Even the time we did get was just in the living room or the odd moment when everyone else would leave the room.

There was almost a bittersweet taste to the air though. I was beyond happy to have Bryden back in my life. But, I was also still fighting a lot within myself. This was our first real night out together and I was going to confront Bryden about something. This isn’t a normal situation.

The doorbell rang and I checked my hair one more time in the mirror before throwing on my Vans and grabbing my purse. I found Bryden standing in the hallway with Mia. When he saw me, his smile grew and the butterflies in my stomach decided the flutter. This was the part of our relationship that made sense no matter what. Every time I saw him, it felt right. Even if everything else was going wrong, being with him is right.

“You’re beautiful.” He met me halfway and pulled me into his arms. His lips found mine and I couldn’t help the smile from forming. When he pulled away, his smile had somehow gotten bigger too. “Let’s get going.”

He took my hand and led me out to his car. Like the gentleman he is, he opened my door for me and everything before me pulled away from the house and drove down the street. It took about fifteen minutes before he stopped at a small restaurant near the beach.

“You said this wasn’t fancy.”

“It’s not. It’s just somewhere I’ve always wanted to come and I know you love Italian.”

He held my hand as we walked in. While there were plenty of other people in jeans, I still felt underdressed in the candle lit room. The hostess led us through the large dining room to a small outdoor patio overlooking the beach where a few tables were set up. We were seated, surrounded by candles, and given menus before she took her leave.

“Seriously? Candles? The beach?” I raised my eyebrows before gasping. “You’re not thinking about proposing, are you?”

“Of course not, crazy person.” Laughter flowed easily between us. It was nice knowing that we could still be ourselves when we were alone. Our waiter introduced himself as Keith. He seemed like a nice enough guy with a kind smile. He took our drink orders after telling us the specials for the night. By the time we’d ordered our food, the air was comfortable and we fell into easy conversation.

“So tell me about the single.” I sipped on the water in front of me.

“I want it to be a surprise for you, so I can’t tell you what the song is. But, it’s ready and it’s been sent to the radio stations and iTunes and all that so people can buy it ‘as soon as they fall in love with it’ as Artie keeps saying.”

“You don’t seem to like Artie much. Why don’t you get a different manager?”

“He’s the one the record company gave me. I don’t have that much interaction with him. And it’s only been four weeks. I should at least give him a chance.”

“You know I’m really excited for you, right? This is what you’ve dreamed about for years.” I took his hand in mine and smiled.

“I know.”

The waiter appeared holding plates of food and set them down in front of us. I smiled up at him and thanked him for the food. As he took his leave, Bryden’s eyes once again held the look from last night. Like he was concerned about something.

“What’s with the look, Bry?” I put down the fork I’d picked up and waited.

“What look?” He picked up his fork and began poking at his food, not making eye-contact.

“The look you had last night at the club, and the one you got just now. If I did something wrong, I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then talk to me.”

He shook his head as if trying to decide whether to brush it off again or actually say something. Keith reappeared with a pitcher of water to refill our glasses. I smiled at him and watched him leave before turning back to Bryden.

“Are you going to sit there and stare at your food or tell me what’s going on?”

“I was hoping you’d be too distracted to remember the conversation.”

“Distracted? By what?”

“You tell me.” His tone suddenly changed. So he was angry with me for something.

“What did I do?”

“Jax, you’re a party girl.”

“And?”

“And, it’s hard to watch you stay the party girl when we’re together. It was hard enough watching you act like that when we weren’t dating. Now that we’re together, I don’t want other guys looking at you. And I definitely don’t want you looking at them.”

We sat in silence when he finished. His words still lingered in the air. His eyes held contact with mine while he waited for me to respond, looking as if he wished he could stuff the words back in his mouth.

“You think I was looking at Keith, our waiter?” The words were slow and deliberate.

“It’s not just him. The guys at the club last night. Plus the guys at the studio when you’ve come to visit. It’s hard to watch, Jacqui.”

“So, I’m not allowed to look at people anymore?”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“So what did you mean? I can only look at people you approve of?”

“Damn it, Jax. You know I didn’t mean that either.”

“Then what? What am I supposed to change to make you happy? I like going out with my friends and having fun and being 23. I enjoy my life. Is that a crime now?”

“Of course not.” He sighed and ran a hand through his dirty blonde hair. I could tell this wasn’t how he wanted tonight to go. “Jacqui, I know you’re confident and wonderful. And you’re damn good looking. I’m having a hard time not being jealous.”

“Jealous of what?” I couldn’t help the irritation that laced through my words.

“Of every guy that looks at you. And the fact that you don’t exactly run from the attention. You’re magnetic to people. You attract them to you. And you revel in it.”

“So what would you like me to do? Not be who I am?”

“I just want to feel like you’re not going to give me up at any second to be with the next guy who walks by. You’re the only girl I see in a room full of people. But I feel like you’re still looking around the room. I feel like you’re still waiting to see if something better will come along. You’ve been Vegas party girl for five years. I’m not sure if you can give that up.”

I sat stunned in the chair. I had a feeling my past would come up eventually, nut I hoped it wouldn’t be for a very long time. I did a lot of things I wasn’t proud of in the last five years. I did a lot of things people wouldn’t understand. I didn’t want Bryden to know the details of the last five years.

“Oh.” That was all I could manage right now. But before he could respond, something happened that saved me from the conversation, but could likely ruin everything.

“Jack Daniels! Is that you?”

Fuck me.