Status: Active, not sure of frequency of updates
Give 'Em Hell, Kid
Chapter Eleven
I realised what a big mistake I made the next morning when I went downstairs and saw Alexia had already left. Ray, Mikey and Frank were lounging on the couch while my mother made breakfast for them. I have no idea where my father was, and to be honest I didn’t care. What I did care about was the fact that Alexia was so pissed off at me that she left before breakfast. I remembered my actions from the night before, and with hindsight I could see that I handled it very badly. It was a major screw up and I wasn’t sure if I could fix it. The sympathetic look the guys gave me made me want to cringe, although I wasn’t sure if it was because of what happened with Alexia or because my mother was probably going to murder me for all the noise last night.
‘Gerard, can you come in here please?’
I visibly flinched at the sound of my mother’s voice shouting from the kitchen, whoss tone suggested that I was in for a lecture. Of course the idiots that got drunk and made all the noise last night wouldn’t face her wrath; that privilege belonged to me as always. No matter the situation it was always my responsibility if something went wrong. I trudged my way into the kitchen with the feeling of dread in my stomach. My mother’s expression was hard to decipher as she fried some sausages and eggs,
‘So…how was last night?’
I swallowed hard while my hand scratched the back of my neck.
‘It was okay, just a normal party you know?’
‘Really? Then why was Alexia running out of here so early this morning?’
I hesitated before answering, I didn’t want to lie but I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell her the full truth either.
‘We just had a little argument’ I eventually answered.
Her eyes scrutinized me as she searched for any signs of guilt or lying. After an awkward minute of trying not to squirm she focused on the pan again.
‘Nice bruise you got there’ my mother commented, not sounded at all concerned.
I touched the cheek Alexia had hit last night, and held back a hiss as a short sting of pain shot through it. I prodded it lightly, checking out the damage.
‘Shit’ I muttered, rushing out of the kitchen to look in the large mirror that hung above the fire place in the living room. I could see the mark straight away, it was light blue with a hint of pink surrounding it which I had no doubt was bright red last night. My mother’s lack of questioning meant that she had heard the argument last night, which made my stomach drop uncomfortably. It also made me wonder if the guys had heard, the last thing I needed was to be berated by Mikey or Ray over what happened. They might not show it often but they were protective of Alexia and they would have no problem calling me out on my behaviour. My inspection of my reflection was cut short by my mother calling us in for breakfast.
I took a seat at the table and avoided eye contact with everyone. I felt like shit, and I didn’t need their incriminating looks to make me feel worse. I could feel my mother’s anger simmering underneath her nice façade in front of the others. She knew there was no point in giving out to me after the fact but I knew she wanted to yell. She put a plate in front of me wordlessly and barely responded to my muttered thanks. Mikey and Frank talked nonstop the entire time, but I didn’t have any energy for mindless chit chat that wouldn’t help my racing mind and aching heart.
I knew this was what heartbreak felt like. I could feel the physical pain in my chest when I thought about the possibility of losing Alexia. Kissing her like I did last night in anger was perhaps the worst move I could have made. Now she would feel used, on top of the hurt and anger she was harbouring. I needed to find a way to convince her that I truly cared about her, that I didn’t want anybody but her. Her self esteem was quite low, something she tried to hide underneath a façade of confidence and indifference to what people thought of her. She didn’t think she was pretty, or amazing or perfect in almost every way. I wanted her to see how I saw her.
The thought gave me an idea, a plan that might just get me back into Alexia’s good book again, and maybe her arms.
***************************************************
It was half ten that night before I had everything ready. I sent her a text telling her to meet me at our old tree house. By ours, I mean an old abandoned one we found a few blocks away that we claimed as our own. It smelled foul and was dank when we first came across it over ten years ago, but after a bit of cleaning it was habitable. I managed to steal a few things from my Grandmother, like a rug and some night lights to give it a more homely feel. Over the years we also bought bean bags for when we managed to steal alcohol. The place had a lot of memories and it meant a lot to all of us.
I waited for her with slight impatience. I checked my watch every couple of minutes, fearful that she wouldn’t come. Maybe she was still angry enough to avoid seeing me. When it hit eleven o’ clock I began to worry. I was about to leave when I heard somebody climbing up the steps to the tree house. I was relieved when I saw Alexia crawl through the door even though she was looking at me with narrowed eyes that made it clear she was angry.
‘This better be good Way. My Dad’s home, if I get caught I’m grounded for life.’
I didn’t answer her straight away. I took in the sight of her in her skinny jeans and a Nightmare before Christmas long sleeved top. Her cheeks were flushed from her journey, something I couldn’t help but find adorable
‘Look, I know I was out of line last night. But I think you know that you were too. We’re both so scared of getting hurt, or hurting the other that we’re just waiting for something to go wrong. I just…’
I wanted to say the three words, to let her know how I truly felt. Fear held me back though. I was afraid of scaring her, or that she wouldn’t believe me. Even though she had said the words herself last night, she hadn’t said them to me. Maybe she wasn’t ready for a big declaration of love. As I stood facing her, watching her curl her arms around herself and eyeing me with a weary look, I knew it wasn’t the right moment.
‘I just wish you could see how I see you. So I made you this.’
I held out the sketch I had made for her earlier. It was folded up and tightened with an elastic band to keep it from opening. She took it from me with a shaking hand, her eyes not leaving mine. She took the elastic off the paper and opened it with delicate fingers, obviously afraid of cutting herself. She had done it numerous times before. Her green eyes widened when she looked at the page, her flushed cheeks growing redder as stared at the charcoal sketch I had made of her. I had worked on it for hours, anxious to get it right. I hadn’t looked at any photographs of her while drawing it; I wanted to draw her as I pictured her in my mind whenever I thought of her. I could see her eyes glaze over slightly, and I knew I had done something right. She was touched; I could tell when she no longer looked at me with blazing anger but with softened eyes, which were slightly glassy and had enlarged pupils.
‘Gerard, I don’t know what to say.’
‘Then don’t say anything. I know they say opposites attract but I think we’re the exception to the rule. We’re so alike it kind of scares me sometimes. We both like the same music, we’re both hot tempered and stubborn as fuck. And we’re both shit with words. So I also made this.’
I pulled the CD I had burned for her out of my pocket. She gave me a questioning look when she saw there were no song titles written on the disc.
‘I want you to listen to it tonight’ was all I said in response.
She nodded at me, biting her lip and standing awkwardly as she decided how she should react. She was never good when it came to the emotional or sentimental stuff. Her Dad was often a cold man who only showed affection to Alexia so I could understand where it came from.
I decided to put her out of her misery by closing the space between us and wrapping my arms around her. She melted into me and took a deep breath in which mimicked my own heavy breathing. I didn’t prolong the hug; instead I kissed her cheek and pulled away.
‘Text me when you finish listening to the CD.’
There was nothing else to say so I gave her a reassuring look and a small smile before I climbed down from the tree house and ran all the way home before I could get caught.
‘Gerard, can you come in here please?’
I visibly flinched at the sound of my mother’s voice shouting from the kitchen, whoss tone suggested that I was in for a lecture. Of course the idiots that got drunk and made all the noise last night wouldn’t face her wrath; that privilege belonged to me as always. No matter the situation it was always my responsibility if something went wrong. I trudged my way into the kitchen with the feeling of dread in my stomach. My mother’s expression was hard to decipher as she fried some sausages and eggs,
‘So…how was last night?’
I swallowed hard while my hand scratched the back of my neck.
‘It was okay, just a normal party you know?’
‘Really? Then why was Alexia running out of here so early this morning?’
I hesitated before answering, I didn’t want to lie but I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell her the full truth either.
‘We just had a little argument’ I eventually answered.
Her eyes scrutinized me as she searched for any signs of guilt or lying. After an awkward minute of trying not to squirm she focused on the pan again.
‘Nice bruise you got there’ my mother commented, not sounded at all concerned.
I touched the cheek Alexia had hit last night, and held back a hiss as a short sting of pain shot through it. I prodded it lightly, checking out the damage.
‘Shit’ I muttered, rushing out of the kitchen to look in the large mirror that hung above the fire place in the living room. I could see the mark straight away, it was light blue with a hint of pink surrounding it which I had no doubt was bright red last night. My mother’s lack of questioning meant that she had heard the argument last night, which made my stomach drop uncomfortably. It also made me wonder if the guys had heard, the last thing I needed was to be berated by Mikey or Ray over what happened. They might not show it often but they were protective of Alexia and they would have no problem calling me out on my behaviour. My inspection of my reflection was cut short by my mother calling us in for breakfast.
I took a seat at the table and avoided eye contact with everyone. I felt like shit, and I didn’t need their incriminating looks to make me feel worse. I could feel my mother’s anger simmering underneath her nice façade in front of the others. She knew there was no point in giving out to me after the fact but I knew she wanted to yell. She put a plate in front of me wordlessly and barely responded to my muttered thanks. Mikey and Frank talked nonstop the entire time, but I didn’t have any energy for mindless chit chat that wouldn’t help my racing mind and aching heart.
I knew this was what heartbreak felt like. I could feel the physical pain in my chest when I thought about the possibility of losing Alexia. Kissing her like I did last night in anger was perhaps the worst move I could have made. Now she would feel used, on top of the hurt and anger she was harbouring. I needed to find a way to convince her that I truly cared about her, that I didn’t want anybody but her. Her self esteem was quite low, something she tried to hide underneath a façade of confidence and indifference to what people thought of her. She didn’t think she was pretty, or amazing or perfect in almost every way. I wanted her to see how I saw her.
The thought gave me an idea, a plan that might just get me back into Alexia’s good book again, and maybe her arms.
***************************************************
It was half ten that night before I had everything ready. I sent her a text telling her to meet me at our old tree house. By ours, I mean an old abandoned one we found a few blocks away that we claimed as our own. It smelled foul and was dank when we first came across it over ten years ago, but after a bit of cleaning it was habitable. I managed to steal a few things from my Grandmother, like a rug and some night lights to give it a more homely feel. Over the years we also bought bean bags for when we managed to steal alcohol. The place had a lot of memories and it meant a lot to all of us.
I waited for her with slight impatience. I checked my watch every couple of minutes, fearful that she wouldn’t come. Maybe she was still angry enough to avoid seeing me. When it hit eleven o’ clock I began to worry. I was about to leave when I heard somebody climbing up the steps to the tree house. I was relieved when I saw Alexia crawl through the door even though she was looking at me with narrowed eyes that made it clear she was angry.
‘This better be good Way. My Dad’s home, if I get caught I’m grounded for life.’
I didn’t answer her straight away. I took in the sight of her in her skinny jeans and a Nightmare before Christmas long sleeved top. Her cheeks were flushed from her journey, something I couldn’t help but find adorable
‘Look, I know I was out of line last night. But I think you know that you were too. We’re both so scared of getting hurt, or hurting the other that we’re just waiting for something to go wrong. I just…’
I wanted to say the three words, to let her know how I truly felt. Fear held me back though. I was afraid of scaring her, or that she wouldn’t believe me. Even though she had said the words herself last night, she hadn’t said them to me. Maybe she wasn’t ready for a big declaration of love. As I stood facing her, watching her curl her arms around herself and eyeing me with a weary look, I knew it wasn’t the right moment.
‘I just wish you could see how I see you. So I made you this.’
I held out the sketch I had made for her earlier. It was folded up and tightened with an elastic band to keep it from opening. She took it from me with a shaking hand, her eyes not leaving mine. She took the elastic off the paper and opened it with delicate fingers, obviously afraid of cutting herself. She had done it numerous times before. Her green eyes widened when she looked at the page, her flushed cheeks growing redder as stared at the charcoal sketch I had made of her. I had worked on it for hours, anxious to get it right. I hadn’t looked at any photographs of her while drawing it; I wanted to draw her as I pictured her in my mind whenever I thought of her. I could see her eyes glaze over slightly, and I knew I had done something right. She was touched; I could tell when she no longer looked at me with blazing anger but with softened eyes, which were slightly glassy and had enlarged pupils.
‘Gerard, I don’t know what to say.’
‘Then don’t say anything. I know they say opposites attract but I think we’re the exception to the rule. We’re so alike it kind of scares me sometimes. We both like the same music, we’re both hot tempered and stubborn as fuck. And we’re both shit with words. So I also made this.’
I pulled the CD I had burned for her out of my pocket. She gave me a questioning look when she saw there were no song titles written on the disc.
‘I want you to listen to it tonight’ was all I said in response.
She nodded at me, biting her lip and standing awkwardly as she decided how she should react. She was never good when it came to the emotional or sentimental stuff. Her Dad was often a cold man who only showed affection to Alexia so I could understand where it came from.
I decided to put her out of her misery by closing the space between us and wrapping my arms around her. She melted into me and took a deep breath in which mimicked my own heavy breathing. I didn’t prolong the hug; instead I kissed her cheek and pulled away.
‘Text me when you finish listening to the CD.’
There was nothing else to say so I gave her a reassuring look and a small smile before I climbed down from the tree house and ran all the way home before I could get caught.