The Hard Times

As I stepped out of the shower, I winced at the pain from the fresh bruises I had gotten the night before. My brother was over at his girlfriend’s once again, so my Dad seized the opportunity to show me how worthless I was. I surveyed the damage he had done to see that most of the work was on my ribs and upper arms.

‘Well, looks like I’ll be wearing long sleeves today,’ I heaved a sigh and observed my wardrobe. It was days like today where I didn’t want to get ready for school. Instead, I wanted to stay in bed so that I wouldn’t have to put on a brave face. I was known for being a happy and smiley person, maybe one of the loudest in my class. But only I knew that it was all a façade because on the inside, I felt like shit. I put on the act so that no one would ever find out my secret; that I was an abused child. If I remained inclusive and shy, people would think I had something to hide, but if I acted loud and outspoken, they wouldn’t learn that I’m weak; that my own father doesn’t even love me.

I shook my head trying to rid myself of my thoughts. I hated thinking. It just made me dwell on myself as well as my feelings. I put on my skinny jeans before pulling my light grey sweater over my head. After fixing my hair up into a messy bun, I grabbed my bag, taking a quick look at the clock as I left my room. I tried my best not to let the floorboards creak as I peered of the ledge of the stairway, trying to see if my Dad had left yet.

I had to take extra caution since Luke had stopped the night at his girlfriends and wasn’t in to protect me. I inwardly gave a humourless laugh, focussing on the fact that if it was me spending the night at a boy’s house, I’d be slaughtered. But since it was my perfect brother, he was seen as a stud in my Dad’s eyes. I convinced myself that I wasn’t jealous before taking the risk and slowly stepping down the stairs. As I reached the bottom, I saw my Dad head into the kitchen with his back to me, so I took the opportunity and quickly scurried out of the front door, before he even saw me.

Smiling at my fast escape, I put in my earphones and headed to school. It was beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly and I was almost regretting wearing a thick piece of clothing, but it had to be done. Thankfully, the small breeze was enough to keep me from sweating. I looked at my torn up combat boots that were walking in time with the beat blaring into my ears. People always told me it was a dangerous thing, having it on full volume but I thought it was the best way to listen music. That way, I could hear each hidden layer of the track and the instruments involved. My personal favourite was the piano. The way the keys blended perfectly together, and the harmonies of separate octaves were enough to my spine shiver with excitement.

I had already taught myself how to play the piano by staying in the music room at school after hours. It was a place where I could delay myself from going home to face my Dad, and escape in the music instead. After accomplishing that instrument, I moved on to my next favourite. The guitar. I managed to buy myself a second hand acoustic one my savings as well as the help of Luke’s. It was all I could afford but it sounded quite nice. As long as the strings worked, that was all I needed.

I pulled out my earphones as I walked through the grand double doors of good ol’ Douglass High. I started my normal routine of walking to my locker and as if on cue, Zack appeared just as I shut it.

“God, aren’t you hot in that?” he asked, observing my choice of attire. I just gave a shrug in response. Whenever he would ask questions which were a bit too close to the truth, I never said anything. It was either a shrug, a roll of the eyes or any other non-committal gesture I could think of. That way, he would drop his questions and change the subject. It wasn’t just Zack that it worked on, it was other people too. Like my brother for example. He would always ask suspicious questions, but I realised that the more I didn’t talk about, the less he asked.

“So, what’s new with you?” he shrugged, walking side by side as we went to our first class.

I laughed, “Dude, it’s the middle of the week. I saw you yesterday at this hell-hole, and then I went home and watched Survivor whilst I was stuck in my room.”

“That’s still a pretty good way to spend an evening,” he smiled in my defence. We continued walking down the hall when I noticed we had fallen into a silence. It wasn’t uncommon for us since we had been friends long enough to just enjoy each other’s company, but this was different. I turned to look at him, finding him staring at me with eager eyes, trying to fight back a smile.

I rolled my eyes, “Go on then. I know you want to tell me something.”

With no hesitation, he responded, his smile now fully surfacing, “I got accepted into the band!”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion before remembering what he had told me a couple of days ago, “Oh my god, congratulations!”

I stopped to give him a hug which he accepted, “Thanks. You know, we actually all sound pretty good together. I think that we could probably go somewhere with this band.”

“So what are you guys called?” I asked.

He shrugged, “Well, we’ve thought about the name ‘All Time Low’. You know, based on Head on Collision by New Found Glory.”

I smiled, “I love that song.”

“I know. But it’s not solid. We might come up with a different one since it’s just an idea for now.”

“Let me know if you need any help. Chances are, you’ll need my creative genius,” I winked before he laughed and nudged me in the shoulder, causing me to wince. Thankfully he didn’t see and just carried on walking. There were many moments when I thought about telling Zack about my Dad, but I never did. I think it was because deep down inside, I didn’t want him to know. In fact, I didn’t want anyone to know. It was my secret.

We walked into our first class for the day which was Biology. I would usually hate that class but recently I started to enjoy it. The main reason for that though was because our regular teacher was on maternity leave, so we had been having substitutes for the past couple of weeks since they hadn’t found a suitable replacement yet. All of that meant that we could do whatever we wanted. As I sat down in my regular desk next to Zack, I got out my usual black book and a pen, ready to write down whatever I felt like that day.

“Whatcha writing?” Zack looked over, trying to peer over. I looked at him and it was clear that he was bored so I decided to hand it to him. He knew all about my love for writing songs, and sometimes, I would go over to his house and we would just play music together.

He scanned over the words and started nodding, impressed, “Olivia, this is fucking amazing.”

I rolled my eyes as I always did when he complimented my skills. Even though I loved doing it, I never thought that they were anything special. They were just my thoughts and feelings on paper.

“You know, one day you’re gonna see how great these songs are,” he told me.

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not,” he insisted, “You honestly write great songs.”

“So, what’s the plan with the band then?” I changed the subject. I hated it when the topic of conversation revolved about me; I never like being the centre of attention.

He rolled his eyes at the fact that I did, “Well, we’re gonna practice every week. So far we’re just doing covers of Blink songs, but we already sound awesome.”

“I should probably come and check you guys out then, some time.”

His eyes lit up as he nodded, “Yeah. And then maybe, we could play some of the songs you’ve written.”

I groaned and slammed my head into the desk. He knew I didn’t like talking about myself or my talents, so he purposefully brought the conversation back to that. I heard him chuckle as my face was buried, “Oh lighten up. You’ll thank me one day when you’re all famous and shit.”

I lifted my middle finger, not taking my face away from the table, “Fuck you Zack Merrick. Fuck you.”