"Mother" of the Year

“I-I don’t know how long I can hold on…”

I watched silently in tears.

He was slowly dying in front of me, and I can’t do anything about it.

“Promise me…Promise me that you’ll take care of Scarlett and Jayden…”
“I…I promise…I p-promise…” I choked out.

It was inevitable.

I was going to lose the one I love.
Scarlett and Jayden were going to lose their father.

“I love you…I’ve always loved you…”
“I love you too…! So much…!”

He forced a smile, but it faltered quickly.

“Tell the kids…that I’m sorry that I won’t…be able to celebrate their birthday with them…and that I love them...”

I didn’t reply. I only gripped his hand tightly in mine.

I don’t want to lose him. I’m not ready to lose him!

We were supposed to watch Scarlett and Jayden grow up together!
We were supposed to grow old together!

I can’t lose him…! Not now!

“A-Aaron, look at me.”
I did as he told, my tears slightly blinding my vision.

“I know this is hard, but…you have to move on…You’ll have to let go and live your life, along with Scarlett and Jayden.”
“How can you expect me to—”

“Aaron…Do it for the kids and for me…”

I bit down on my bottom lip and nodded.

He forced another small smile and moved his hand from my grip, placing it on my cheek.
He wiped away a tear that was falling with his thumb.

“One last kiss…?”
“O-Of course…”

I leant in and gently pressed my lips against his, putting every bit of my emotions into the kiss.

I pulled away and the sound of a flatline pierced the room.

I could only stand there, numb, as the doctor and nurses rushed into the room, pulling me out of the way.
I watched as they tried to revive him, but I knew it was hopeless.

“Matthias Smith. December 24th. Time of death: 11:04 P.M.”

| x | x | x |

I came home the next day, preparing for the worst.
As soon as I stepped inside, I heard a loud “Mommy’s home!” along with pitter-patters of two pairs of feet.

The twins hugged my legs tightly, almost knocking me over.

“Happy birthday, you two, and Merry Christmas of course!”

They looked up at me with bright, toothy grins and sparkling jade-green eyes.
I gave them a small smile and petted their heads.

Jayden looked behind me and frowned a little.

“Mommy…?”
“Yes, sweetie?”

“Where’s Daddy?”

I didn’t bother putting up a façade.
I broke out into a mess of tears and sobs, right in front of them, falling to my knees.

“Mommy? Don’t cry, Mommy…!”
Both of them cried out as they petted my hair.

“What’s going on?”
I heard the familiar voice from the kitchen, but I didn’t bother looking up.

“Uncle Jay! Mommy’s crying! Why is he sad?”
“Kids, go to your room. I need to speak to your mother, alone.”

They both hugged me and did what they were told.

“Aaron…?”
I didn’t respond.

“Aaron, look at me.”
I shook my head and let out a couple of more sobs.

Jayce gently grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face.

“Aaron…Where’s Matt?”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t respond.

“Come on, Aaron…Answer me…!”
“He…H-He…”

“Oh God no…”

He pulled me into a tight hug and rubbed calming circles on my back while I continued to cry into his shoulder.

But I think he was trying to calm himself more.

“A-Are you going to tell your mother…?”
He shook his head.

“Not now…I’ll wait until tomorrow…”

The whole day was spent celebrating the twins’ birthday, putting up façades when they were around, and letting them fade when they weren’t around.

Everyone who came to celebrate had finally left, and I was in the twins’ room, tucking them into bed.

“Mommy, where’s Daddy?”
Scarlett asked this time. Jayden was trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.

I let out a shaky breath.

“Daddy…h-had to go away. He won’t come back, but he said that he’s sorry he couldn’t be with you for your special day, and he said that he loves you, very much.”

“Where did he go?”

I quickly wiped a tear away so that they wouldn’t see.

“He went to a special place. A place where there’s no pain, no war or violence. A place in which there’s only peace and love.”

I wasn’t the religious type, but I had to tell them something.

“Are you gonna go away too, Mommy?”
Jayden spoke up.

I shook my head and kissed both of their foreheads.

“I won’t go away, sweetie. I won’t…”

“Night, Mommy.”
Spoken in unison.

“Good night. Sweet dreams…”

I plugged in their nightlight, walked out of the room, and closed the door behind me.

“How did they take it…?”
Jayce was sitting on the couch, a cup of eggnog in his hands. A bottle of vodka was on the table in front of him.

I sat down next to him and pulled my knees to my chest.

“I don’t know. I told them what I could so that they would understand a little. I just…”
I choked up a bit.

“They’re only three years old, Jayce…! They shouldn’t have to go through this…!”

Jayce placed his cup on the table and wrapped an arm around me.
I rested my head against his shoulder and started to cry again.

“How can they grow up without him, Jayce? And…How can I take care of them by myself? My job doesn’t pay enough…!”

He rubbed my side and shushed me.

“You won’t do it alone, Aaron. You’re my brother-in-law and my best friend. I won’t let you do it alone.”

I wiped a tear away and cuddled closer to him.

“Thank you, Jayce.”