"Mother" of the Year

“Mommy…? Where are you going…?”

I had just put on my coat when I saw Jayden and Scarlett walking down the stairs, still in their pajamas and yawning from their nap.

They got to the last stair before I knelt down and pressed kisses to both of their foreheads.

“Mommy is going to visit a friend.”
“Really…?!” Jayden’s eyes widened.

“It is the guy from the park?” – Scarlett had a knowing smile on her face.

“A guy from the park? Who?”
“You wouldn’t know, Jayden. You were with Uncle Jay.”
“Who is the guy, Mommy?”

Before I could answer, Jayce came out of his room.

“Alright you two, stop asking your mother questions.”
He lifted them into his arms with a smile.

“How about I make you two some grilled cheese sandwiches, and then we’ll go and buy some fireworks for tonight?”

“Yeah!” – in unison.
“Great! Go get ready. I’ll start cooking while you do.”

He put them down and they rushed back upstairs.

“You’re going to be home tonight, right?”
“Of course.”

I gave him a small smile.
He walked towards me and pulled me into a hug.

“What’s this about?”
“What? I can’t hug my best friend?”

I let out a small laugh and hugged him back.

He pulled away and ruffled my hair.

“Now go before you’re late. Oh, and say 'Hi' to Alec for me.”
He sends a wink my way, causing the blood to rush to my cheeks, before making his way into the kitchen.

I scoffed.

“Bye, Jayce.”
“Have fun, Lover Boy!”

And I was out the door.

| x | x | x |

4:30.
He told me to meet him here at 4:30 P.M.

It’s now 4:47.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

Seventeen minutes isn’t that bad.
Some people are just a little late.

But what if he doesn’t show up at all?

I bit down on my lip.

Would I really care if he didn’t show up?

Before I could answer myself, there was a tall figure jogging towards me.
He stopped in front of me before he bent down with his hands on his knees, letting out heavy breaths.

“Sorry…for…making you…wait…”

He looked up at me guiltily.
I gave him a small smile in return.

“Nice to see you too, Alec.”

We made our way into the café, ordered our coffees, and sat at the table near the window.

“So, you said that you wanted to talk?”

I took a sip from my coffee and nodded.

How would I even begin to start this conversation?

We sat there in a moment of awkward silence.

“Well…you know a little about me. It’s only fair that I get to know you a little bit more, right?”
“I suppose you’re right.”

He gave me his usual nervous smile as he scratched the back of his head.

And he began to talk.

About his job as a Psychology professor and how he feels some remorse for slightly enjoying the suffering of his students.

About how he ended up being friends with a Swedish foreign exchange student in college, who is still his best friend to this day.

About his son Kyle, who he claims is a loveable goofball sometimes, but an amazing reading tutor to the twins – that part was my opinion.

He even opened up to me about him being bisexual and how his wife left him because of that – I couldn’t stand to see him upset, so I decided to change the subject.

“So you fix instruments during the day? Sounds nice.”
“It is for the most part. To me it’s a little relaxing to have some classical music play in the background while I work. However, sometimes it gets a little hectic when someone brings me a decimated instrument and expects me to fix it the same day.”

I took another sip from my coffee.

“I don’t know how I manage to do it, but I do. My husband used to help me. Now…”

Another moment of silence.

“What was he like?”

“Gentle, trustworthy, generous, selfless. There were many words to describe him. Family was everything to him, especially his brother and the twins. I still remember the day when he burst into tears when he first held Scarlett and Jayden in his arms. They tugged at his black, curly hair with wide smiles and he could only smile as more tears fell. He loved them without a doubt. He loved me without a doubt…”

There weren’t any tears this time, just a small smile from those memories that I’ve shared with him.

Hmm…That was a first.

“He sounded like a great man.”
“He was, and he’ll always be one.”

I checked the time on my phone – 6:34 PM.

“Wow…Have we really been talking for two hours?”

He looked outside for a moment – the sun was setting.

“I guess so. I should probably go home. I know that Kyle wants to watch the ball drop, so I should go get him before it’s too crowded.”
“Same here.”

We stood up and tossed our cups into the trash before walking back outside.

“We should do this more often. It was nice talking to you, Alec.”
That nervous smile made its appearance again.

“It was nice talking to you too.”

“Let me know how the dropping of the ball goes?”
We were crossing the street.

“Yeah! Of course—”

Then his demeanor changed quickly, as if he looked panicked.

Next thing I knew, I was being shoved and the sound of tires screeching came after.

I hit the ground, paralyzed in fear.

No…
This was familiar.

All too familiar.

My chest grew tight.
Tears threatened to fall.

I swore that time slowed down as I watched Alec land on the ground.

But I couldn’t scream.

Not for help.
Not to make a sound.

My mind was gone.

This has happened before.
This has happened before!

This is how Matt, your husband, died!

He saved you, and died in your place.

You should have been the one to die, Aaron!

“Aaron…?!”

A voice.

“Aaron!”

Someone was kneeling in front of me, shaking me slightly.

“Come on, Aaron! Answer me! Are you alright?!”

I came to, seeing that the person was Alec.

He’s…not dead…?
But he—

“Say something! Are you hurt?!”

“…I should be asking you that…”
“I-I’m fine! He stopped in time, but that doesn’t matter! Please tell me if you’re hurt or not!”

“It’s…it’s my fault…It’s my fault that he’s dead…It’s my fault that you’re hurt…”

The tears finally fell.

“Aaron, please stay with me. Please answer my question!”
“…Get away from me…”

“Not until—”
“Just get the fuck away from me! Just let me go!”

The tears wouldn’t stop as I pushed him away from me.

I stood up and ran, furiously wiping away the tears that continued to fall.

I can’t go through that again!

Not again!
Never again!

| x | x | x |

“I put the twins to bed. They looked like they had fun, right?”

Jayce’s voice seemed to echo in my head as I was sitting on the couch, drinking my second glass of vodka, still silent.

Drunk, but silent.

I felt the couch dip down next to me.

“Alright. You’ve faked happiness enough for the twins tonight. Now, tell me what happened for you to be like this.”

I only shook my head at him.

He took the glass from my hand and turned my head to look at him.

“Did he do anything to hurt you? Cause I swear to God I’ll—”
“You look so much like him…”

I knew he was shocked by what I said, but I couldn’t seem to care much about anything at this point.

“What happened, Aaron?”

And he did, he did look so much like…

And without thinking, I leant in and pressed my lips against his.
But he didn’t stop me.

He only pulled me closer and let me continue to kiss him.

I finally stopped.
I finally came to my senses.

And the tears fell again.

I buried my face into his chest and cried.

“I miss him…I miss him so much…!”
“I know…I miss him too.”

I can’t go through this again.

Not again.

Never again.