Status: Active =)
Don't Give up on Me
You Went Away, How Dare You?
ALEXIS’S POV
“Okay, so I left the lads with their girlfriends alone in my flat.” Niall spoke out as we entered his building. “They could have totally demolished the place for all I know. I just wanted to give you a head’s up.”
“It can’t be that bad.” Ben commented, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Oh it definitely can.” I smirked at him. “Louis is a little rambunctious.”
“Only a little.” Niall laughed as he opened the door and we entered.
“I like the flat.” Lily commented, glancing around as we took off our shoes.
“Gotcha!” Harry yelled triumphantly as he shot at Louis. Louis laughed, ducking behind Niall as the colored liquid shot from Harry’s water gun.
“Harry!” Niall growled, wiping the water off of his face. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“Sorry Nialler, but it's just colored water.” Louis stepped out in front of Niall again. I fought back giggles, watching Niall attempt to control his frustration with the guys. “Watch out!” Louis called out, ducking quickly. Harry had shot again, but Louis was too fast and Niall got hit with another jet of water. I burst into laughter, leaning into Ben to keep me upright. He fought back chuckles as Lily doubled over giggling.
“Harry!” Niall screamed. The veins in his neck popped out as he clenched his jaw. “Louis! You guys are the most immature people I’ve ever met!”
"Nialler I’m sorry!” Louis apologized profusely. I moved over to Harry as Niall continued to yell at Louis.
“Harry,” I whispered, pulling at his arm.
“Lex, he’s so mad about this and he’s not usually like this. He’s normally so much more fun!” He glanced over at Niall. “I don’t know how to make it better.” I looked and noticed the rest of the group gathering in confusion.
“I do.” He looked at me in confusion. “At least I think I do. Hand me your gun and trust me.”
“Are you sure? He may get mad at you too Lex.”
“Well, even if he does I can take it.” I held out my hand and he shrugged as he handed over the gun. I took aim at Niall, watching Louis try to calm him down. I rolled my eyes and pulled the trigger. The water hit Niall and his shoulders rose as he tensed. He glanced over at us, preparing to yell at Harry again but froze when he saw the gun dangling in my hand.
“Alexis, seriously?”
“Oh get over it Niall. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s just water.”
“Just water?” Niall sauntered over to me, grabbing Louis’s gun. “You enjoy getting hit with water?”
“Why not?” I giggled as he shot me with the gun.
“You seriously find this enjoyable?” Niall lowered the gun, staring at me incredulously. “We were supposed to have a nice night getting to know you all better.” He shot a look at Louis and Harry who were slowly backing away from us. “And these clowns got me wet. How is this remotely okay?”
“Lighten up Niall!” I sniped him.
“Alexis. Enough with the water.”
“Niall, let’s just have fun okay?”
“This isn’t fun.” He glared at me. “No more water.”
"This is fun!” I walked over to his fridge, glancing inside and pulling out a tube of whipped cream. “This is too.” I sprayed him with the topping.
“I think this is our cue to leave.” Lily whispered to the others, but Niall and I didn’t hear what she said. We were focused on each other. Niall radiated with frustration and anger and I began to feel the same.
“Niall, we’re just having fun! I don’t know what your problem is but you need to chill out.” I shot at him, spraying more whipped cream.
“I cannot believe you.” Niall’s eyes glinted at me as he walked closer. I rolled my eyes, hitting him with more whipped cream. “Alexis you’re gonna get it.”
“Yeah right.” I scoffed and grinned at him. He lunged, swiping the can from my hand. He turned it on me, shooting whipped cream into my hair. I screamed as he pulled me into his grasp. He shot whipped cream over my body and I began laughing as the sugary substance started melting on my skin.
“Niall!” I squealed, wriggling out of his hold. “It’s so on!” I reached into the fridge and pulled out chocolate syrup. The kitchen dissolved into chaos as we each tried to coat the other with our sticky weapons. After Niall ran out of whipped cream I stopped squirting him with the syrup. I glanced at the kitchen, laughing as I saw the disaster that lay before us. “We may have made a bit of a mess.” I glanced up at Niall and snorted. “You’re absolutely covered in dessert toppings.”
“Have you seen yourself?” His bemused smile finally reached his eyes. “You’ve got whipped cream and chocolate all over you, especially your face.” He reached out and gently touched the mess on my cheeks. I flushed as he gazed into my eyes.
“Sorry about your kitchen.” I murmured glancing around again as the friction between us grew.
“Alexis.” Niall whispered, stepping so close I could feel his body heat. “Please Alexis.” His voice was low and strained, as if he was fighting to keep himself controlled. He gently tilted my face toward his. “I know you feel this between us. You’re driving me crazy, but I just don’t want to make you move too fast.”
“I’m sorry Niall. It’s complicated. It has nothing to do with you.” I shied away from his touch. “I’m sorry, I just need more time.”
“It’s okay.” He sighed quietly. “Let’s get you in a shower okay?”
“Thanks Niall.” I whispered, training my eyes on the floor as we walked to his room.
“Here, you can borrow these sweatpants and this t-shirt.” He handed me his folded clothes. “Towels are in the cabinet in the bathroom and I’ll shower when you’re done.”
“You’re not showering together?” Harry burst into the room. Much to my surprise, Niall blushed violently red.
“Not helping Haz.” He muttered as he led me to his bathroom. He reached in the shower, turning on the water and adjusting the temperature for me. I carefully lifted my shirt over my head, leaving me in my tank top.
“Niall,” I murmured hesitantly. “Can you see if the back of this got anything on it? I think the front is okay.” I watched him in the mirror His eyes trailed down my back and he blushed, clearing his throat as he noticed me watching him.
“It’s fine.” He took a step back, giving me adequate room to turn around. “I should let you shower now.” He stepped out of the room and I showered as quickly as I could. I dried off, pulling Niall’s pants on. They were a tad big on me, but I was okay with that. I pulled my wet hair into a bun, keeping it off my neck.
“Niall, I’m done.” I called out, looking in the mirror as I pinned my bangs back. He stepped in, his eyes admiring the way his pants settled on my hips. I bit my lip, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Alexis, please stop.” He groaned, his large hands rested gently on my hips. “You’re killing me darlin’.” A shudder passed through my body as his breath softly touched my bare neck.
“Sorry.” I whispered, releasing my lip and pulling away from his grip. “You can shower now.”
“Okay.” He reached down to the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head. I gulped, my eyes tracing his abs. “You okay there?” He grinned impishly at me as I turned beet red.
“Yes.” I squeaked before rushing out of the room. I could hear his chuckles as I crashed into a solid pillar of warmth.
“Slow down there love.” Louis winked at me and helped me up.
“Sorry Louis.”
“What were you running from?” He asked as we walked toward the rest of the group who had gathered in the kitchen to help clean up.
“Um.” I ducked my head. “Niall took his shirt off so I ran.”
“Lex.” I whipped my head in Lily’s direction at the sharpness of her tone. “You can’t do that to people. They’ll think you find them unattractive!”
‘Lil, that’s not what I meant at all! I just couldn’t. It was too much.” I picked up a wet rag and began wiping down the counter in front of me.
“You ran from him?” Ben looked over at me. I felt guilty and bit the inside of my cheek to keep tears from falling. I knew running was the wrong thing to do, but I didn’t know how else to avoid all the memories. I took a deep breath to steady myself as Ben continued to talk. “Lexy, you have to learn how to deal with all of this.”
“I’m trying Ben. It’s not easy for me.”
“I know, but running from that poor guy must have made him question how his body looks.”
"What is going on?" Liam asked, glancing between the three of us. "It doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal."
“It’s not about that and you know it." I replied, keeping my gaze trained on Ben as I ignored Liam's question. "Anybody can see I’m attracted to Niall. There’s nothing wrong with Niall, it’s all on me. And I get that. Don’t you think I feel bad enough about this? It feels like I’m stringing him around. I mean, what if I never get over it? What if I can’t open up to him? What if, what if, what if? I get it Ben. I’m a horrible person and I-"
“Enough.” Niall’s Irish lilt sounded low in my ear. “Alexis, you’re worth the risk to me. When you’re ready to tell me why you’re so afraid of letting me in I’m here to listen. I will not push you darlin’.” He looked at the rest of the group. “Guys, let her figure this out at her own pace.”
“I understand your respect for her, but I love her.” Ben replied.
“You what?” Niall drew me into his body and I relaxed in his hold.
“No dude not like that, she’s like my little sister. Cool your jets okay?” Ben turned his attention on me. “Lexy, you have to face what happened. It’s like you’ve completely forgotten.”
“Shut up Ben.” My jaw clenched and I took deep breaths to remain calm. “I don’t want to even think about David.”
“No Lex. I know you and David had your own shit that you’ll get over in time. That’s not what I’m talking about. You have to talk about James.” I stopped breathing and met his sympathetic eyes with my wide fearful ones. ”Lex, it’s been almost a year. You have to deal with this. I know David screwed you up, but Niall can help you get past all of that. What happened with James is the reason you don't let people close anymore. It's the reason you have walls around your heart. James is the reason you're struggling letting Niall get closer to you.” His tone was gentle and he took a step closer to me. I yanked myself away from Niall and backed away from Ben’s insistence.
"Ben stop." I gritted my teeth. "I don't want to hear this."
“Lexy, Ben is right.” Lily spoke up, resting on the counter. I shook my head and pressed my palms against my ears. Liam was immediately at my side wrapping his arms around me.
“I’ve got you okay?” He whispered. “What the heck is going on?” He studied Ben.
“Li, I think we should listen to them.” Niall spoke out. I flashed a glare in his direction but he shrugged his shoulders. “Lex, they know you better than we do. I’m trusting them. I’m sorry darlin’.”
“Alexis Prince. You have to listen to me.” Ben spoke with the authority of one in the military. I dropped my hands but refused to look at him. “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about James. I remember everything about our time together. He was my best friend Lex. James was the best guy I’ve ever known and I still can’t believe he’s gone. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to you about that day.”
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Ben, shut up. I don’t want to talk about this.”
“You have to Alexis. James wouldn’t want you shutting down. He wouldn’t want you giving up your dancing and music. He fought for you and you’re wasting everything that he did. You’ve pushed everybody out of your heart because you think it’s safer, but it’s not! You can’t live like this. You’ve become a shell of the loving and life-filled girl I used to know, the girl he used to know. Alexis, I’m going to tell you about that day because you need to know how much he loved you.” I let a tear slide down my cheek and nodded slightly. “We were on a patrol in Iraq when they opened fire on us. I got hit in my leg and couldn’t move as quickly as the others. They retreated but I got separated because I had to move slower. James was leading the patrol that day. He could never leave a man behind, so he sent the others on and came back for me. We were about to get into the truck when he yelled for me to get down. I heard a gunshot and turned to catch him as he fell. Lex, that bullet was about to hit me and he took it instead. James is a hero, but I find myself wondering every moment why I live and he died.” I was no longer trying to be quiet as I clung to Liam’s shirt. Sobs racked my body as I let the ache that had filled my chest for a year take over my emotions.
“You need to keep going.” Lily whispered to Ben.
“I got him in that truck and made it back to base before he died. As he was dying he pulled me down closer and said: ‘there’s a girl in the states. You have to tell her that I love her and I’ll never forget her. Tell her I’ll always be with her, protecting her from all harm.’ He gave me your address and the first thing I did when I got back was find you and make sure you were okay. Lex, you were the last thing he thought about before he died.” I turned to see Ben collapse into a mess of tears.
“You’re the army guy. You’re supposed to be the tough one.” I flung my arms around him, giving him the slight comfort I could. “Benny, thank you.” We remained in that embrace until each of us calmed down and then pulled apart.
“I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but who is James to you?” Harry asked me quietly.
“I’ve known James all my life. He taught me virtually everything I know. When he died, I didn’t see the point in continuing down the road he’d been helping me down because he wasn’t there anymore.” I looked to Niall for comfort and he moved to stand behind me, running his hands lightly up and down my arms. “James was my life. He protected and loved me.” I took a deep but shaky breath. “James was my older brother, and the only real family I had left, and now he's gone.”
“Okay, so I left the lads with their girlfriends alone in my flat.” Niall spoke out as we entered his building. “They could have totally demolished the place for all I know. I just wanted to give you a head’s up.”
“It can’t be that bad.” Ben commented, raising an eyebrow at me.
“Oh it definitely can.” I smirked at him. “Louis is a little rambunctious.”
“Only a little.” Niall laughed as he opened the door and we entered.
“I like the flat.” Lily commented, glancing around as we took off our shoes.
“Gotcha!” Harry yelled triumphantly as he shot at Louis. Louis laughed, ducking behind Niall as the colored liquid shot from Harry’s water gun.
“Harry!” Niall growled, wiping the water off of his face. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“Sorry Nialler, but it's just colored water.” Louis stepped out in front of Niall again. I fought back giggles, watching Niall attempt to control his frustration with the guys. “Watch out!” Louis called out, ducking quickly. Harry had shot again, but Louis was too fast and Niall got hit with another jet of water. I burst into laughter, leaning into Ben to keep me upright. He fought back chuckles as Lily doubled over giggling.
“Harry!” Niall screamed. The veins in his neck popped out as he clenched his jaw. “Louis! You guys are the most immature people I’ve ever met!”
"Nialler I’m sorry!” Louis apologized profusely. I moved over to Harry as Niall continued to yell at Louis.
“Harry,” I whispered, pulling at his arm.
“Lex, he’s so mad about this and he’s not usually like this. He’s normally so much more fun!” He glanced over at Niall. “I don’t know how to make it better.” I looked and noticed the rest of the group gathering in confusion.
“I do.” He looked at me in confusion. “At least I think I do. Hand me your gun and trust me.”
“Are you sure? He may get mad at you too Lex.”
“Well, even if he does I can take it.” I held out my hand and he shrugged as he handed over the gun. I took aim at Niall, watching Louis try to calm him down. I rolled my eyes and pulled the trigger. The water hit Niall and his shoulders rose as he tensed. He glanced over at us, preparing to yell at Harry again but froze when he saw the gun dangling in my hand.
“Alexis, seriously?”
“Oh get over it Niall. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s just water.”
“Just water?” Niall sauntered over to me, grabbing Louis’s gun. “You enjoy getting hit with water?”
“Why not?” I giggled as he shot me with the gun.
“You seriously find this enjoyable?” Niall lowered the gun, staring at me incredulously. “We were supposed to have a nice night getting to know you all better.” He shot a look at Louis and Harry who were slowly backing away from us. “And these clowns got me wet. How is this remotely okay?”
“Lighten up Niall!” I sniped him.
“Alexis. Enough with the water.”
“Niall, let’s just have fun okay?”
“This isn’t fun.” He glared at me. “No more water.”
"This is fun!” I walked over to his fridge, glancing inside and pulling out a tube of whipped cream. “This is too.” I sprayed him with the topping.
“I think this is our cue to leave.” Lily whispered to the others, but Niall and I didn’t hear what she said. We were focused on each other. Niall radiated with frustration and anger and I began to feel the same.
“Niall, we’re just having fun! I don’t know what your problem is but you need to chill out.” I shot at him, spraying more whipped cream.
“I cannot believe you.” Niall’s eyes glinted at me as he walked closer. I rolled my eyes, hitting him with more whipped cream. “Alexis you’re gonna get it.”
“Yeah right.” I scoffed and grinned at him. He lunged, swiping the can from my hand. He turned it on me, shooting whipped cream into my hair. I screamed as he pulled me into his grasp. He shot whipped cream over my body and I began laughing as the sugary substance started melting on my skin.
“Niall!” I squealed, wriggling out of his hold. “It’s so on!” I reached into the fridge and pulled out chocolate syrup. The kitchen dissolved into chaos as we each tried to coat the other with our sticky weapons. After Niall ran out of whipped cream I stopped squirting him with the syrup. I glanced at the kitchen, laughing as I saw the disaster that lay before us. “We may have made a bit of a mess.” I glanced up at Niall and snorted. “You’re absolutely covered in dessert toppings.”
“Have you seen yourself?” His bemused smile finally reached his eyes. “You’ve got whipped cream and chocolate all over you, especially your face.” He reached out and gently touched the mess on my cheeks. I flushed as he gazed into my eyes.
“Sorry about your kitchen.” I murmured glancing around again as the friction between us grew.
“Alexis.” Niall whispered, stepping so close I could feel his body heat. “Please Alexis.” His voice was low and strained, as if he was fighting to keep himself controlled. He gently tilted my face toward his. “I know you feel this between us. You’re driving me crazy, but I just don’t want to make you move too fast.”
“I’m sorry Niall. It’s complicated. It has nothing to do with you.” I shied away from his touch. “I’m sorry, I just need more time.”
“It’s okay.” He sighed quietly. “Let’s get you in a shower okay?”
“Thanks Niall.” I whispered, training my eyes on the floor as we walked to his room.
“Here, you can borrow these sweatpants and this t-shirt.” He handed me his folded clothes. “Towels are in the cabinet in the bathroom and I’ll shower when you’re done.”
“You’re not showering together?” Harry burst into the room. Much to my surprise, Niall blushed violently red.
“Not helping Haz.” He muttered as he led me to his bathroom. He reached in the shower, turning on the water and adjusting the temperature for me. I carefully lifted my shirt over my head, leaving me in my tank top.
“Niall,” I murmured hesitantly. “Can you see if the back of this got anything on it? I think the front is okay.” I watched him in the mirror His eyes trailed down my back and he blushed, clearing his throat as he noticed me watching him.
“It’s fine.” He took a step back, giving me adequate room to turn around. “I should let you shower now.” He stepped out of the room and I showered as quickly as I could. I dried off, pulling Niall’s pants on. They were a tad big on me, but I was okay with that. I pulled my wet hair into a bun, keeping it off my neck.
“Niall, I’m done.” I called out, looking in the mirror as I pinned my bangs back. He stepped in, his eyes admiring the way his pants settled on my hips. I bit my lip, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Alexis, please stop.” He groaned, his large hands rested gently on my hips. “You’re killing me darlin’.” A shudder passed through my body as his breath softly touched my bare neck.
“Sorry.” I whispered, releasing my lip and pulling away from his grip. “You can shower now.”
“Okay.” He reached down to the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head. I gulped, my eyes tracing his abs. “You okay there?” He grinned impishly at me as I turned beet red.
“Yes.” I squeaked before rushing out of the room. I could hear his chuckles as I crashed into a solid pillar of warmth.
“Slow down there love.” Louis winked at me and helped me up.
“Sorry Louis.”
“What were you running from?” He asked as we walked toward the rest of the group who had gathered in the kitchen to help clean up.
“Um.” I ducked my head. “Niall took his shirt off so I ran.”
“Lex.” I whipped my head in Lily’s direction at the sharpness of her tone. “You can’t do that to people. They’ll think you find them unattractive!”
‘Lil, that’s not what I meant at all! I just couldn’t. It was too much.” I picked up a wet rag and began wiping down the counter in front of me.
“You ran from him?” Ben looked over at me. I felt guilty and bit the inside of my cheek to keep tears from falling. I knew running was the wrong thing to do, but I didn’t know how else to avoid all the memories. I took a deep breath to steady myself as Ben continued to talk. “Lexy, you have to learn how to deal with all of this.”
“I’m trying Ben. It’s not easy for me.”
“I know, but running from that poor guy must have made him question how his body looks.”
"What is going on?" Liam asked, glancing between the three of us. "It doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal."
“It’s not about that and you know it." I replied, keeping my gaze trained on Ben as I ignored Liam's question. "Anybody can see I’m attracted to Niall. There’s nothing wrong with Niall, it’s all on me. And I get that. Don’t you think I feel bad enough about this? It feels like I’m stringing him around. I mean, what if I never get over it? What if I can’t open up to him? What if, what if, what if? I get it Ben. I’m a horrible person and I-"
“Enough.” Niall’s Irish lilt sounded low in my ear. “Alexis, you’re worth the risk to me. When you’re ready to tell me why you’re so afraid of letting me in I’m here to listen. I will not push you darlin’.” He looked at the rest of the group. “Guys, let her figure this out at her own pace.”
“I understand your respect for her, but I love her.” Ben replied.
“You what?” Niall drew me into his body and I relaxed in his hold.
“No dude not like that, she’s like my little sister. Cool your jets okay?” Ben turned his attention on me. “Lexy, you have to face what happened. It’s like you’ve completely forgotten.”
“Shut up Ben.” My jaw clenched and I took deep breaths to remain calm. “I don’t want to even think about David.”
“No Lex. I know you and David had your own shit that you’ll get over in time. That’s not what I’m talking about. You have to talk about James.” I stopped breathing and met his sympathetic eyes with my wide fearful ones. ”Lex, it’s been almost a year. You have to deal with this. I know David screwed you up, but Niall can help you get past all of that. What happened with James is the reason you don't let people close anymore. It's the reason you have walls around your heart. James is the reason you're struggling letting Niall get closer to you.” His tone was gentle and he took a step closer to me. I yanked myself away from Niall and backed away from Ben’s insistence.
"Ben stop." I gritted my teeth. "I don't want to hear this."
“Lexy, Ben is right.” Lily spoke up, resting on the counter. I shook my head and pressed my palms against my ears. Liam was immediately at my side wrapping his arms around me.
“I’ve got you okay?” He whispered. “What the heck is going on?” He studied Ben.
“Li, I think we should listen to them.” Niall spoke out. I flashed a glare in his direction but he shrugged his shoulders. “Lex, they know you better than we do. I’m trusting them. I’m sorry darlin’.”
“Alexis Prince. You have to listen to me.” Ben spoke with the authority of one in the military. I dropped my hands but refused to look at him. “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about James. I remember everything about our time together. He was my best friend Lex. James was the best guy I’ve ever known and I still can’t believe he’s gone. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to you about that day.”
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Ben, shut up. I don’t want to talk about this.”
“You have to Alexis. James wouldn’t want you shutting down. He wouldn’t want you giving up your dancing and music. He fought for you and you’re wasting everything that he did. You’ve pushed everybody out of your heart because you think it’s safer, but it’s not! You can’t live like this. You’ve become a shell of the loving and life-filled girl I used to know, the girl he used to know. Alexis, I’m going to tell you about that day because you need to know how much he loved you.” I let a tear slide down my cheek and nodded slightly. “We were on a patrol in Iraq when they opened fire on us. I got hit in my leg and couldn’t move as quickly as the others. They retreated but I got separated because I had to move slower. James was leading the patrol that day. He could never leave a man behind, so he sent the others on and came back for me. We were about to get into the truck when he yelled for me to get down. I heard a gunshot and turned to catch him as he fell. Lex, that bullet was about to hit me and he took it instead. James is a hero, but I find myself wondering every moment why I live and he died.” I was no longer trying to be quiet as I clung to Liam’s shirt. Sobs racked my body as I let the ache that had filled my chest for a year take over my emotions.
“You need to keep going.” Lily whispered to Ben.
“I got him in that truck and made it back to base before he died. As he was dying he pulled me down closer and said: ‘there’s a girl in the states. You have to tell her that I love her and I’ll never forget her. Tell her I’ll always be with her, protecting her from all harm.’ He gave me your address and the first thing I did when I got back was find you and make sure you were okay. Lex, you were the last thing he thought about before he died.” I turned to see Ben collapse into a mess of tears.
“You’re the army guy. You’re supposed to be the tough one.” I flung my arms around him, giving him the slight comfort I could. “Benny, thank you.” We remained in that embrace until each of us calmed down and then pulled apart.
“I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but who is James to you?” Harry asked me quietly.
“I’ve known James all my life. He taught me virtually everything I know. When he died, I didn’t see the point in continuing down the road he’d been helping me down because he wasn’t there anymore.” I looked to Niall for comfort and he moved to stand behind me, running his hands lightly up and down my arms. “James was my life. He protected and loved me.” I took a deep but shaky breath. “James was my older brother, and the only real family I had left, and now he's gone.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Alexis's outfit after the shower: http://www.polyvore.com/lex/set?id=84643342