I Won't Give Up

December

“We need to get you a Sock Monkey hat to match mine.” I giggled as I took decorations out of one of the many boxes piled up in the apartment, my eyes sparkling from the now lit strand of lights that were getting ready to go on the tree.

“No we don’t.” He deadpanned without looking at me.

“Aw babe, why so serious?” I deepened my voice to sound like the Joker, causing Pat to freeze what he was doing and look at me. He lasted a total of five seconds before laughing at her. “Seriously though, you’re like the Grinch and I’m the poor Whos down in Whoville.”

He shook his head; “I am not the Grinch.” That was something he could say he had never been called, until today.

"Are too, come help decorate." I giggled as I wrapped tinsel around his neck and danced. Patrick pulled himself up and kissed me lightly, "You're a dork."

"I'm you're dork." I smirked as I shoved my hand in his face before returning to the 10 foot tree that was set up in the middle of the apartment.

“I’m not sure if Santa will come for you. I am a firsthand witness at how naughty you have been this year.” He whispered in my ear as he placed his hands on my hips.

“Don’t act like you’re so innocent Mr. Kane.” I winked as I pulled away to turn off the timer and pull the cookies I had put in the oven a half hour ago, out.

“Never claimed I was.” He chuckled as he followed me into the kitchen, sitting on one of our bar stools at the island counter.

“You have to wait until they’re cooler!” I swatted his hand away as I placed the cookies on the cooling racks.

“Well maybe I want to eat one hot.” He stuck his tongue out as he quickly snatched one anyway.

“You’re such a brat.” I laughed at his childish actions

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. Not just my favorite holiday, mind you, but my favorite time of year, period. It's not necessarily because of the presents, although I do love buying presents and receiving them isn't bad either. I love the weather, and the music, everything smells so good, the food is delicious, the decorations are so fun to put up, and everything and everyone is so happy. My dads favorite holiday was Christmas, growing up we would always go Christmas Tree shopping the day after Thanksgiving to pick out the biggest tree the store had; our biggest being at 17 ft tall.

__________________

"Baby I'm sorry." he whispered into the phone, his voice thick with sleep and sadness.

I closed my eyes tightly, willing myself not to cry, but all I did was sniffle. I knew that if I opened my mouth to talk I would end up sobbing.

“You promised Patrick, you promised that you would be here for Christmas. It’s two days away; I can’t make plans this close to the holiday to fly to New York to spend it with my family. And its not like my dads here…" I sobbed.

We had made plans; he had promised that he would be home for Christmas. He promised that he would make time for me for the first time in weeks. He had promised.

“I’m sorry, but the game had to be rescheduled for tomorrow, and coach is talking about possibly not being able to fly out right after,” he whispered.

“No, I,” I paused as I cleared my throat and sniffled loudly, “I get it. The team needs you,” I muttered a little darkly before sighing heavily. “I’ll see you whenever I can. Have a good Christmas Pat.”

“Wait, no baby don’t-,” but he was cut off as I hung up on him. I threw my phone across the empty apartment as I slid down to cry on the couch.

His schedule was stacked with games, practices and meetings with sponsors. There was no room for a personal life for him and, sadly, for me that meant no time for me. But it wasn’t the constant time and miles apart when he was on road trips that hurt me; it was the fact that the one day he had promised to be there for wasn’t going to happen.

_____

I woke up Christmas morning, half expecting to see Patrick laying beside me or even cooking breakfast. But as I walked around the room, I realized I had woken up to an empty apartment once again. I picked up the scattered tissues and my now broken phone before heading to my room and [url= http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=93562012] changed [/url]

I drove to the cemetery where my dad was buried, bringing the cookies I made last night and a perfectly wrapped present to lay on his stone.

"Merry Christmas daddy." I whispered, the air was so cold that I could see my breathe whenever I spoke. I smoothed the ground and carefully sat down, not wanting to get snow up my skirt.

"I made your favorite…snicker doodles." I smiled as I placed the box of cookies on his stone.

"Patricks in Dallas still, he promised me he would be home but he called yesterday and said the new coach won't let them leave after the game…" I sighed

"I decorated the apartment just how you taught me when I was a little girl, you always thought I wasn't paying attention but I think you'd be proud."

"I miss you a lot daddy, I don't think you understand." I let my hand brush over the lettering on the tombstone, it was still so surreal to me that he wasn't alive anymore.

"I have to go now or I'll be late for church, I love you."

I stood up and rubbed the snow off my back, feeling more alone then ever as I saw families visiting their loved ones together. I wiped away a single tear that fell from my face before getting into my car, that's when they really began to cascade down.

Mass went by quickly, and I rushed out right away, not wanting to hear anyones pity about my fathers passing. I checked my phone as soon as I got out to see if I had any messages from Patrick but there was nothing. I sighed and played with my ring, tears blurring my vision. I stopped at a near by dominicks before going home to pick up some chicken for dinner, Patricks family was in town and coming over.

___

“Here let me help with that dear.” I jumped as Donna appeared from beside me and took the spoon from my hand.

“You scared me.” I laughed as she pressed a kiss to my cheek.

“How are you?" Jacqueline came up on the other side of her. I shrugged at her and offered a small smile, she saw right through it though.

“He really wanted to be here.” Erica said to me softly. I fought the tears back and nodded at her before looking at the ground. He hadn’t called or texted me all day. I had no missed calls when I woke up, as far as I knew Patrick hadn’t tried to contact me at all.

"Where's Mr Kane?" I asked as I looked around the apartment to see he had disappeared from the couch.

"We don't know, he said he had a surprise for all of us." Jessica shrugged as she set the table with plates and silverware.

Donna put some Christmas music on and before long we were all singing and dancing around the kitchen ridiculously. And for now that was enough to take my mind from Patrick.

“Aren’t these women just angels.” A voice came from the door. I smiled turned to Mr. Kane's voice.

“Beautiful angels at that.” Another voice joined. I paused where I was as the familiar voice echoed through my head.

I spun around quickly to see a tired but smiling Patrick standing in the doorway looking directly at me.

My mouth fell open in shock as I watched him walk forward so he was standing in front of me.

“I made it.” He said to me softly. A smile working it’s way across his features.

“You’re late.” I whispered to him as tears of happiness filled my eyes.

“Oh just kiss her, she’s been upset all morning.” Jacqueline's voice filled the kitchen. I laughed as I felt my cheeks heat up with a blush.

“Gladly.” Patrick smirked, knowing how much I hated PDA, even if it was just family, before lifting a hand to brush a strand of hair out of my eyes. His lips then instantly crashed against mine as his hands fell to my waist and pulled me closely.

'Merry Christmas Ella."