Until My Dying Breath

Adalaide May Matthews was always a happy girl despite her many allergies and medical conditions. It seems like she was always sick but that never stopped her from doing what she loved. Adalaide always cared about everyone and everything. She would try to put herself before others but she just couldn’t do it. Adalaide was just one of those people who couldn’t be selfish.

But maybe now was the day to start being selfish if only for a few months. She had nothing left to lose anymore except perhaps her own life. And it was starting to look like she was going to be losing that as well.

Adalaide was dying.

She had just come from a doctor’s appointment where she was told that the tumor on her lung was cancerous and not benign like they had originally thought. After some more tests they found out that she was entering stage 2 lung cancer. However, because of all of her other medical conditions there wasn’t a whole lot that they could do. While her parents tried to figure out how she even got lung cancer and what they could still do for their daughter; Adalaide could only focus on the fact that she was slowly dying.

The doctors’ didn’t seem too enthusiastic about her odds for survival since she already had COPD and at least one cancerous tumor. Sure she could try radiation and chemotherapy but even then she could still die.

Especially since the doctors’ all gave her 5-7 months to live; 8 max if she made it through chemotherapy and radiation.

Honestly, all Adalaide wanted to do was live life freely until her time ran out. She had, had enough of being sick and she just wanted to be done with it all. Her parents would fight her on this tooth and nail, but she was 22 so it would be her decision in the end.

Hers and hers alone.

There was just one thing she needed to do. She had to tell her best friend she was in love with him. Adalaide had to tell him that she’s been head over heels for him for a long time now. Everything about him she loved, no matter how cocky he got at times or how “rockstar” he got she still loved him. Because at the end of the day he was still normal Brian. He was always Brian in the end of things.

Her Brian.

The next day Adalaide was sitting curled up on her couch with her favorite blanket waiting for Brian to come over. He was due any minute now and Adalaide was both excited and nervous to see him. She had decided she was going to tell him how she truly felt. The fact that she was dying was bound to come up sooner rather than later since Brian would just know that something was up.

Just then Adalaide heard the door to her apartment open and close followed by Brian’s booming voice. “Aida, sweetheart! I’m home!”

Adalaide couldn’t help but smile. Brian was always saying things like that and they always made her feel special since he never did that with anyone else. Not even with the many girls he’s dated since their friendship began.

Brian came around the corner and smiled wide when he saw Adalaide smiling at him. He always loved coming home from a tour and seeing her smiling face. Adalaide was everything to him and he didn’t know what he’d do without her.

“Hey Aida, did you miss me?”

“Always.”

Brian attacked Adalaide with a hug and held her close, just breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo and conditioner and her favorite perfume all mixed in with the smells of his hoodie she was currently wearing. It was a tradition with them every time he went on tour. He would leave Aida one of his hoodies and she would give him a book or two of hers to read. It was their way to keep each other close when they were apart.

“So, how was the tour?”

Brian splayed out on the couch next to Aida. “Same old, same old.”

“So chaotic and a blast?”

“Pretty much.”

Adalaide smiled as Brian reached for the bags he had brought with him. He pulled out a stuffed penguin from one of them and held it out to her.

“Some truck stop in New York had this, and I know how much you love penguins.”

Adalaide took the stuffed penguin from Brian and her eyes started to fill with water instantly. She was really going to miss Brian most of all once she got really sick. She was really going to miss him.

Brian noticed the tears in her eyes and he scooted closer to her before putting his arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer to him.

“Hey, what’s wrong Aida bear?” Brian asked with concern laced throughout his voice.

Adalaide burst out crying then and completely fell into Brian’s arms while her gently rocked her back and forth and did his best to soothe her. After a short while Adalaide calmed down enough so that she could speak.

“Sorry, I just...lost it.”

“It’s okay.”

“I really missed you.”

Brian ran his hand up and down her arm in a soothing matter. “Yeah I missed you too.”

“Brian...”

“Yeah.”

Adalaide sat up and looked into brian’s chocolate brown eyes, completely terrified to tell him she was dying and that she loved him.

“Bri...I’m really sick.”

“Okay...but you’ll get better, right? Like always?”

Adalaide shook her head and let a single tear fall from her eye. “Not this time.”

Brian felt his heart drop and the mood darkened immediately around the two of them.

“What do you mean?”

“I...I just found out that...that I have a cancerous tumor on my lung.”

Brian’s face fell and shock crossed his features. “What?”

“I have stage 2 lung cancer.”

“What?”

Adalaide shook her head and scooted away from Brian so that she could face him, “Brian I...the doctors...they...I only have 5 to 7 months to live, 8 max if I do chemo and shit.”

“Oh my God.”

“I’m dying, Brian,” Aida stated before starting to cry again. She flung herself at Brian who only held on to her has he processed everything. His sweet, wonderful Aida was dying. His everything was dying and he never had a chance to be with her or to even try to be with her.

Brian was crazy about Aida but never thought she would be interested in him for the longest time. He was going to start trying to gauge how she would react to him asking for more out of their relationship but then this happened. He was mentally kicking himself for not just speaking up sooner. Now that she was dying there was no way his Aida would be concerned with a relationship.

After a while Brian finally managed to speak, “You can’t die...you can’t.”

“I’m not choosing to die, Brian.”

“Can’t you fight it?”

Adalaide wiped at her eyes. “That’s just it. I don’t want to. I’m tired of being sick, I’m tired of my health going downhill. I’m just tired.”

Brian pushed Aida away from him and fought back the sudden urge to cry at hearing her words of defeat, "You can’t die!”

“I don’t know if I have a choice, Bri.”

“Aida...”

“There’s something else, Brian.”

Brian wasn’t sure if he could take anymore news like this but still he said, “What?”

Aida looked at her hands in her lap and messed with the edges of the hoodie she was wearing, "I should have told you this sooner.”

“What is it?”

Aida took one deep breath before speaking.

“I love you, Brian. Head over heels love you. I have for years.”

Brian tried to process this new information along with everything else.

His Aida loved him?

“You...you have?”

“Yes.”

Brian’s heart started to pound in his chest and his mood began to lift just slightly. His Aida was in love with him, just like he was in love with her.

Brian just leaned towards Adalaide and took her face in his hands, placing his lips against hers softly. Aida kissed Brian back before he pulled away and smiled at her.

“I love you too, Aida. I’m so sorry I never told you before. I just never thought you would feel the same or be interested in trying for something more between us.”

Adalaide laughed at the sheer insanity of their current situation. Brian just smiled before tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“So 8 months, huh?”

“Brian, that’s max.”

“You’ll make it to 8 months.”

“Bri-”

“Nope you’re going to make it to 8 months, so we better get started.”

Adalaide looked at Brian as if he had gone crazy once again while he just rubbed his hands together in thought.

“Okay, so we have 8 months to be together. Well first off we’re going to have our Doctor Who marathon has already planned for today. And this weekend we’re going away together. I don’t care what you say we are going away and I am paying. We’re going to see the world while we still can. You and me all over.”

Adalaide started to cry once more and she was officially sick of crying but she just couldn’t help it. She eventually leaned over and kissed Brian’s cheek. To which he just pulled her into his lap and kissed her deeply while holding her close to him.

Suffice to say they didn’t start their Doctor Who marathon for a little while after that. They were otherwise detained.



Brian took Adalaide to a remote beach house an hour or so north of LA. He knew how much she loved the beach so he was taking her there for some alone time.

The rest of the week had been slightly emotional for everyone. Adalaide went with Brian to tell the rest of the guys that she was dying. Everyone got really upset; especially Jimmy who had always loved Aida.

Matt was planning a big trip to Disney World and Universal Studios for all of them in a couple weeks. Johnny was going to take Aida to the Grand Canyon since they both have been planning to for years now. Zacky is going to find the best restaurants on the west coast for them to go too. And Jimmy is going to help Brian with all other plans for the time she has left.

Aida had told them she didn't want any special treatment but they all ignored her because deep down they knew she really didn't mind it. The guys were all excited to hear that Brian was finally with his Aida.

After dragging everything into the beach house Brian just watched as Aida looked around and took everything in. She was so beautiful and he couldn't believe she was all his even if only for a short while.

Adalaide walked out onto the back porch and took in a deep breath of the ocean air. She smiled and for the first time since she found out she was getting sick she didn't care. Nothing was hurting or phasing her right now. Aida was living in this perfect, beautiful moment. The only thing that registered to her at all was the familiar feeling of Brian's arms wrapping around her torso and pulling her back against his chest. She felt when he brushed some of her hair away from her neck with his nose. And as he placed several short, sweet kisses to her shoulder she let a sigh pass her lips as she relaxed into Brian's arms.

Brian slowly slid his hand back and forth across Aida's stomach and enjoyed the sighs coming from her mouth. There was so much, much more that he wanted to do to her but whether she would be up for it was another story.

Aida turned in Brian's arms and wound her arms around his neck, twisting her fingers into his hair and pulling him down so that she could kiss his sweet lips. Despite his thin lips, Aida loved kissing Brian. He kissed her with so much passion and so much love that she thought she might burst any minute now.

Brian traced his tongue across her lips before pulling her bottom lip between his own and sucking on it gently before nipping at it slightly. Aida gasped and Brian took that moment to slip his tongue into her mouth. When their tongues met Aida moaned out and she felt her knees start to buckle as she fell against Brian more. Brian smirked against her lips and held her firmly against him with one hand pressed into her lower back and the other fisted in her hair.

Aida kissed Brian back with as much force as she could before having to break away for air. Brian just held her close and kissed along her neck while she fought to control the feelings coursing through her body.

"You okay Aida?"

"Yeah just...just..."

Brian placed a sweet kiss to her temple, "Just what sweetheart?"

Aida took a deep breath and looked up into Brian's intense, dark chocolate brown eyes as he gazed into her mesmorizing light grey eyes.

"Make love to me?"

Brian fought to keep the smile on his face under control when inside, he was dancing and doing flips.

"Are you sure?"

Aida smiled up at him, "Of course I am."

Brian caressed her cheek with his hand, "You'll be okay to do this?"

Aida looked up at Brian and gave a small laugh, "Is the great Synyster Gates trying to talk a girl out of sex? Doesn't it usually work the other way around?"

Brian laughed before shaking his head.

"Yeah usually but I just want to make you'll be able to handle it. I don't want you getting sick on me or anything."

"Brian I have never wanted anything more in my entire life. I want to be with you in every possible way. Please make love to me."

Brian gazed into Aida's eyes before pulling her close and kissing her deeply. He pulled away and leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Anything for you."

The way he spoke those three words sent a shiver down Aida's spine and a soft moan to flow from her mouth. Brian simply smirked at her before pulling her in for a kiss. His hands started to roam her body and they ended up at her tighs. He wrapped his hands around them right where her ass met her thighs and lifted her up.

Aida squeaked in surprise but quickly wrapped her legs around Brian's waist and kept her arms locked around his neck.

Brian turned slowly and started to walk back into the house whole kissing Aida. When they ended up colliding with a doorway they burst out laughing and Brian set Aida down; gently kissing her again.

"Maybe we should just head to the bedroom normally."

Aida laughed but shook her head yes. They started to make their way up the stairs to the second floor and down the hall to the bedroom. While they made their way they started to discard their clothing.

On the stairs lay Brian's shirt and Aida's flip flops along with her outer shirt. Brian lost his flip flops at the top of the stairs and Aida lost her shirt and shorts. Brian lost his shorts just outside the bedroom.

Wanting to get to the bed quicker; Brian picked Aida up again without breaking their heated kiss and carried her to the bed. He laid her down gently and ran his hands along her sides. He had been dreaming of this moment for so long now and finally it was happening.

Brian reached behind Aida's back and managed to get the clasp of her bra undone. She helped him get her bra off before he took one of her breasts into his hand and massaged it gently causing her to moan out. Aida dug her nails into Brian's shoulder when he leaned down and covered the nipple of her other breast with his mouth. Aida moaned out Brian's name while bucking her hips up against his in need.

Brian started to attack Aida's neck with kisses and little nips her and there while she ran her hands up and down his chest before pressing her fingers into the skin of his hips just beneath the top of his boxers.

Brian groaned against Aida's neck and bit down on the soft flesh making Aida moan loudly. Her moan went straight to Brian's dick and he knew he couldn't wait any longer.

He pulled away and quickly pulled Aida's panties off before getting out of his boxers as fast as possible. He had condoms in his bag but the way Aida was looking at him made him forget all about them.

Brian kissed Aida at the same time he thrust a finger into her. Aida cried out and bit her lip to suppress the moans building in her throat. Her eyes closed once more as Brian began to circle and press on her clit with his thumb before inserting another finger into her.

Aida moaned and pressed her hips against his hand just begging for him to release the burning inside of her.

"Dammit Brian stop teasing me!"

Brian chuckled before removing his hands and kissing Aida has he lined himself up with her entrance.

"Just tell me if it gets to be too much."

Aida nodded her head before Brian slowly slid into her. He suppressed a moan my biting into her shoulder. Aida dug her nails into Brian's biceps and cried out in both pain and pleasure. It had been a while since Aida last had sex but she quickly realized this felt so much better with Brian than with any other guy before.

Brian remained still until Aida pushed her hips against his. He slowly formed a rhythm with her that soon had them both moaning and gasping in pleasure. Their lips coming together for a kiss here and there.

Soon Brian's rhythm sped up and his thrusts became a little rougher which lead to Aida dragging her nails down Brian's back while moaning out his name. Brian thrust into Aida hard and groaned out nonsense into her neck.

They kept moving together perfectly when Brian was close and he knew Aida was getting close. He slid a hand between them and started to work her clit between his fingers.

Within minutes Brian had managed to bring Aida to her breaking point. With one final thrust Aida felt the pit in her stomach erupt and her whole body lit on fire. She held Brian in her arms and cried out in immense pleasure. Aida biting his shoulder was what finally threw Brian over the edge. He had been close for awhile now but feeling her biting him and clenching around him made him burst inside. His whole body shook as he mumbled encoherent words while riding out his orgasm.

Once he was done he collapsed onto Aida's chest and tried to regain his breathing. Aida just held Brian in her arms and breathed out three words.

"I love you."

Brian pushed himself onto his elbows and stared into his Aida's eyes, "I love you Aida."

After one more shared kiss Brian pulled out of Aida who groaned quietly, already missing the feeling of him inside of her. Brian fell onto his side and pulled Aida over into him and held her close.

They spoke random things and shared passionate kisses before falling asleep that night. The weekend was far from over and both Brian and Aida entended on more of this the rest of their time together.



Brian slowly made his way across the cemetery to the grave he always visited here. He stopped and knelt down at her grave before replacing the old flowers there with new ones. He set a new photo down at her grave and smiled. This new photo was a new favorite of his. The only thing that would make it better would be if she was in it. If his, beautiful, Adalaide was in it.

“Brian!”

Brian looked over his shoulder and smiled before standing up and turning around. Brian’s mom walked up to him and handed over the smiling little baby girl who was doing her best to reach for him. Brian held her close and took her diaper bag from his mom.

“Thanks for bringing her here, mom.”

“It was on my way home from running all my errands.”

“She was good for you, though?”

“A little fussy after you left but she was good after that.”

Brian smiled at the little girl in his arms before looking over at his mom again. “Thanks so much again for watching her today. I had so much to do for the band and everything.”

“You’re welcome. Besides I always love seeing my granddaughter.”

Brian’s mom gave both her son and the little girl in his arms a hug and a kiss on the cheek before walking away. Brian sighed before turning around and setting the diaper bag down onto the ground.

He kneeled down in front of the grave and set the little baby girl down, holding her up right.

“Look how big she’s getting, Aida. Our little girl is getting so big so fast.”

Yes, the little baby girl in Brian’s arms was Adalaide's and his daughter. Before Adalaide passed away she gave birth to a beautiful little girl that they named Maybel Ann, May for short.

Maybel was only four months old but she looked a lot like her mother already. May had dark brown hair that Brian loved to stick bows in. She had her mother’s beautiful light grey eyes and her father’s high cheekbones. She was constantly smiling and just like Aida in almost every single way.

After Brian and Adalaide had spent their weekend together on the beach they went on many different adventures. Brian was determined to help Aida out with whatever she wanted, which was to travel before she got too sick to do so.

Almost two months after that weekend Adalaide started to get sick but soon found out that it was because she was pregnant. Which was something neither her nor Brian had thought about could still happen despite how sick Adalaide was getting.

Everyone told Aida that a baby wouldn’t be good for her body and her worsening condition but she ignored them. One look at Brian and she just knew she would live until her child was born. She would survive long enough to see their child. Brian was with her every step of the way and immediately started setting up a nursery in his house. He was excited to become a dad but sad that Aida wasn’t going to be a mom for very long.

When Aida was seven months along her condition worsened greatly and she spent most of the next month on bed rest and at the hospital. A month later her condition took another turn for the worse and she soon decided, along with Brian, that the doctors’ should take their baby out now before she got any worse. The cesarean section surgery was nerve wrecking but in the end Maybel was born.

Maybel was barely over 6lbs and was checked out thoroughly before Adalaide and Brian really got to see her and hold her for a while. When they did they cherished their time together and thanked God that their little girl was healthy despite Aida’s medical conditions and her being born a month early. Adalaide spent the next week or two in the hospital until she and Maybel could go home.

Adalaide passed away peacefully in her sleep two weeks later, having lived past the doctors’ predictions and long enough to see that Maybel was healthy and happy. Also to see that Brian would be okay without her.

That was 3 months ago.

Now Maybel was four months old and developing as she should be. She was beautiful and Brian was blessed to have her when he couldn’t have Aida.

He just wished sometimes that he had tried asking Adalaide out years earlier when he knew for sure that he loved her.

But better late than never right?