Status: New
This Can't Be the End
Alex
Alex was running. Running down a long, dark hallway. He could see a figure at the end and even though he couldn’t see any details, Alex knew who it was. It was standing there, waiting for him. Alex ran faster and faster but the figure remained the same distance away, never getting any closer. Finally, the figure turned to him, revealing the person Alex already knew was standing there. Alex stopped dead in his tracks, suddenly face to face with his best friend, Jack. Jack was standing there, blood running down his face as he looked at Alex with such distaste it made tears form in Alex’s eyes. Jack took a razor blade and went to his neck-
Alex bolted upright in his bed, screaming. He sat there amongst the covers and sweat, gasping for air. That was the fifth time this week Alex has been haunted by the same nightmare, but that didn't make it any less horrible to endure.
Alex felt a hand on his sweat ridden back and jumped, obviously still shaken. He relaxed instantly when he realized it was just his girlfriend Lisa, who he probably woke up with his screams.
"Sorry," Alex apologized, " I didn't mean to wake you."
"Shhh, don't be sorry. Just relax, you want me to get you some water?" Lisa asked. Alex shook his head and flipped his pillow over so he could lay back down without lying in a pool of his sweat. He laid there, trying not to think about the dream that haunted him night after night. Lisa cuddled into him and he put his arms around her to assure her that he was alright. He rubbed her back lightly until he drifted off into another restless slumber.
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"Maybe you should just call him!" Lisa said, setting down their dog Baz.
"And say what Lis? Hey um I know I haven't talked you to since you tried to kill yourself but I was wondering if you wanted to get some pizza?" Alex mocked.
"Why not?” Lisa asked, but got no response. Alex was just looking at the T.V. although he wasn’t really watching it. He didn’t want to have this conversation again. “Alex why haven’t you talked you him?”
Alex just rolled his eyes. If he didn’t answer the first twenty times she asked that question, what makes her think that he would answer her now? He just kept staring at the T.V. hoping Lisa would give up trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. After a couple more seconds of Lisa staring that annoyed Alex to no end, she finally sighed and got up.
Alex knows he shouldn’t be annoyed at Lisa. He knows she’s only trying to help and he can’t blame her for that. He’d be worried too if he were in her situation. Alex didn’t couldn’t sleep because when he did he dreamt of Jack. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t think straight because of what had happened. If Lisa were behaving like this Alex would never give up trying to help her. However, he couldn’t help being annoyed with her. He doesn’t deserve such kindness. He doesn’t deserve such devotion and love. He deserved to rot in hell and have all the people in his life that he loves just look down on him and laugh. That’s what he deserves. That’s what he deserves for killing his best friend.
“Alex! Phone!” Lisa yelled from the kitchen, but Alex made no move to get up and answer it. He didn’t care who called him. Lisa didn’t get the hint he wanted to be left alone, or didn’t care; she came in and gave him the phone personally saying, “It’s Rian. Talk to him.”
Alex sighed and answered the phone. A pit in his stomach was forming and he contemplated hanging up before Rian got the chance to tell him how scummy he really was. However, Alex didn’t want to be lectured by Lisa for another twenty minutes so instead he pressed the phone up against his ear and said, “hello?”
“Hey Alex, you alright?” Rian said. Where was the yelling? The hate? Everything that Alex knew he deserved?
“I don’t think you should be asking me that question...” Alex answered.
“I think I should considering you dropped off the face of the Earth! Dude where have you been we’ve been really worried about you...” Rian said.
“Again... I’m not the one you should be worrying about.” Rian sighed on the other end. “Why’d you really call?”
After a long pause, Rian finally said, “he wants to see you.”
Alex’s heart skipped a beat; why on earth would Jack want to see him? Alex didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t see him, he couldn’t handle seeing him after what Alex had done. But there was a part of him that ached to see him. That ached to see his goofy smile and bright brown eyes. Ached to hear his voice as he cracked dick joke after dick joke. “Why?” was all he managed to choke out.
“Because you’re his best friend and he needs you,” Rian told him. His heart sank.
“I need you Alex! You’re my best friend! Who am I without you?” Jack yelled, voice cracking. Tears were streaming down his face, although it was obvious Jack was trying to hold them back.
“You don’t need me. You’ve never needed me, it was always me that was the weak one- the one that needed you,” Alex told him, honestly.
“Please don’t leave,” Jack whispered.
“I can’t handle this right now Jack! I have Lisa and we’re actually getting along this time! Everything’s finally going good for me why do you have to go and ruin it!” Alex yelled, getting angry. Jack whimpered as Alex’s voice rose, but Alex didn’t notice. He was too angry to notice how badly he was hurting his best friend.
“I’m sorry, Lex. It’s not like I meant for this to happen!” Jack yelled back at him. Alex just turned and walked away. “Please Alex, don’t go! I can’t do this on my own! Alex please I love you!”
“I can’t,” Alex whispered.
“You can’t what? See him? Talk to him? Alex you two have to get over this thing you two are going through! Jack’s hurting and even if that means absolutely NOTHING to you- we still have a band and this little “vacation” we told the fans we are on can only last so long...”
“Well you’re gonna have to figure something out to tell the fans I guess,” Alex said, hanging up.
As he was hanging up he heard Rian on the other end yelling, “YOU SELFISH INCONSI-” and it went blank. Alex put the phone on the couch and shuffled to his room, closing and locking the door behind him.
His head was rushing and he couldn’t breathe. Just a little relief is all Alex needed. He went to his end table and opened the first drawer and felt around until his hand felt something sharp and cool in his hand. Taking the razor blade out he didn’t hesitate in sliding the blade across his wrist, in desperate need for any kind of relief. Pain shot through his body, numbing him as crimson blood slid down his arm. He did it again and again and again until he was numb enough where all he could think about was the pain in his arm. He lay down on the bed and focused on the numbing pain.
Alex bolted upright in his bed, screaming. He sat there amongst the covers and sweat, gasping for air. That was the fifth time this week Alex has been haunted by the same nightmare, but that didn't make it any less horrible to endure.
Alex felt a hand on his sweat ridden back and jumped, obviously still shaken. He relaxed instantly when he realized it was just his girlfriend Lisa, who he probably woke up with his screams.
"Sorry," Alex apologized, " I didn't mean to wake you."
"Shhh, don't be sorry. Just relax, you want me to get you some water?" Lisa asked. Alex shook his head and flipped his pillow over so he could lay back down without lying in a pool of his sweat. He laid there, trying not to think about the dream that haunted him night after night. Lisa cuddled into him and he put his arms around her to assure her that he was alright. He rubbed her back lightly until he drifted off into another restless slumber.
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"Maybe you should just call him!" Lisa said, setting down their dog Baz.
"And say what Lis? Hey um I know I haven't talked you to since you tried to kill yourself but I was wondering if you wanted to get some pizza?" Alex mocked.
"Why not?” Lisa asked, but got no response. Alex was just looking at the T.V. although he wasn’t really watching it. He didn’t want to have this conversation again. “Alex why haven’t you talked you him?”
Alex just rolled his eyes. If he didn’t answer the first twenty times she asked that question, what makes her think that he would answer her now? He just kept staring at the T.V. hoping Lisa would give up trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. After a couple more seconds of Lisa staring that annoyed Alex to no end, she finally sighed and got up.
Alex knows he shouldn’t be annoyed at Lisa. He knows she’s only trying to help and he can’t blame her for that. He’d be worried too if he were in her situation. Alex didn’t couldn’t sleep because when he did he dreamt of Jack. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t think straight because of what had happened. If Lisa were behaving like this Alex would never give up trying to help her. However, he couldn’t help being annoyed with her. He doesn’t deserve such kindness. He doesn’t deserve such devotion and love. He deserved to rot in hell and have all the people in his life that he loves just look down on him and laugh. That’s what he deserves. That’s what he deserves for killing his best friend.
“Alex! Phone!” Lisa yelled from the kitchen, but Alex made no move to get up and answer it. He didn’t care who called him. Lisa didn’t get the hint he wanted to be left alone, or didn’t care; she came in and gave him the phone personally saying, “It’s Rian. Talk to him.”
Alex sighed and answered the phone. A pit in his stomach was forming and he contemplated hanging up before Rian got the chance to tell him how scummy he really was. However, Alex didn’t want to be lectured by Lisa for another twenty minutes so instead he pressed the phone up against his ear and said, “hello?”
“Hey Alex, you alright?” Rian said. Where was the yelling? The hate? Everything that Alex knew he deserved?
“I don’t think you should be asking me that question...” Alex answered.
“I think I should considering you dropped off the face of the Earth! Dude where have you been we’ve been really worried about you...” Rian said.
“Again... I’m not the one you should be worrying about.” Rian sighed on the other end. “Why’d you really call?”
After a long pause, Rian finally said, “he wants to see you.”
Alex’s heart skipped a beat; why on earth would Jack want to see him? Alex didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t see him, he couldn’t handle seeing him after what Alex had done. But there was a part of him that ached to see him. That ached to see his goofy smile and bright brown eyes. Ached to hear his voice as he cracked dick joke after dick joke. “Why?” was all he managed to choke out.
“Because you’re his best friend and he needs you,” Rian told him. His heart sank.
“I need you Alex! You’re my best friend! Who am I without you?” Jack yelled, voice cracking. Tears were streaming down his face, although it was obvious Jack was trying to hold them back.
“You don’t need me. You’ve never needed me, it was always me that was the weak one- the one that needed you,” Alex told him, honestly.
“Please don’t leave,” Jack whispered.
“I can’t handle this right now Jack! I have Lisa and we’re actually getting along this time! Everything’s finally going good for me why do you have to go and ruin it!” Alex yelled, getting angry. Jack whimpered as Alex’s voice rose, but Alex didn’t notice. He was too angry to notice how badly he was hurting his best friend.
“I’m sorry, Lex. It’s not like I meant for this to happen!” Jack yelled back at him. Alex just turned and walked away. “Please Alex, don’t go! I can’t do this on my own! Alex please I love you!”
“I can’t,” Alex whispered.
“You can’t what? See him? Talk to him? Alex you two have to get over this thing you two are going through! Jack’s hurting and even if that means absolutely NOTHING to you- we still have a band and this little “vacation” we told the fans we are on can only last so long...”
“Well you’re gonna have to figure something out to tell the fans I guess,” Alex said, hanging up.
As he was hanging up he heard Rian on the other end yelling, “YOU SELFISH INCONSI-” and it went blank. Alex put the phone on the couch and shuffled to his room, closing and locking the door behind him.
His head was rushing and he couldn’t breathe. Just a little relief is all Alex needed. He went to his end table and opened the first drawer and felt around until his hand felt something sharp and cool in his hand. Taking the razor blade out he didn’t hesitate in sliding the blade across his wrist, in desperate need for any kind of relief. Pain shot through his body, numbing him as crimson blood slid down his arm. He did it again and again and again until he was numb enough where all he could think about was the pain in his arm. He lay down on the bed and focused on the numbing pain.