This Can't Be the End

“I miss you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry,” Alex sang, strumming the last few chords of his song he wrote about his brother oh so many years ago; he didn’t realize then, that these exact lyrics would fit any situation with Jack. He thought they were inseparable, but he was sadly mistaken.

Alex wiped off the tears that were streaming down his face as he put down his guitar. Oh how he wished his brother were here right now... He wished he had that one person here that would love him unconditionally and that he could talk about anything with. He knew that person for him was Jack, but well he couldn’t talk about this with Jack could he?

Alex sat on his bed, suddenly feeling all alone- like he was the last person on Earth. It sure seemed that way to him, considering he couldn’t talk to anybody. He couldn’t tell Lisa the truth of what happened with Jack and if he did tell Rian or Zack they would hate him... He knows Rian already does.

“Why did you have to leave Tom? Why’d you have to go and leave me all alone?” Alex mumbled to his brother, tears forming in his eyes once again. He was surprised that he was still able to cry; he’s been crying so much he thought he was all cried out. There was a sudden knock on the door. Alex answered, “who is it?”

Rushing in the living room, while wiping his tears; he was about to open the door but the person on the other side already did. “It’s m-” Rian started to call out and almost jumped when he saw Alex standing right there, “fuck Alex! Why the fuck you standing so close to the door?”

“Uh.. I was about to open it?” Alex answered.

“Oh.. sorry... Anyway since every time I call you hang up on me I decided to pop on over for a little visit...” Rian said awkwardly. Alex shrugged, walking past Rian into the kitchen. Rian followed him saying, “So how ya been?”

“Oh just peachy,” Alex answered sarcastically.

“Doesn’t look it... Alex have you gotten any sleep this past month?” Rian asked.

“What do you care?” Alex mumbled, playing with something on the counter to keep himself distracted.

“I don’t know where you got this notion in your head that suddenly I don’t care about you! Yeah I get what happened between you and Jack made Jack do what he did... or was just the last straw for him, I don’t know... but both of you are my best friends and you’re both hurting and I love both of you and want both of you to be yourselves again! Not just Jack!” Rian told him.

Alex smirked a little bit, but quickly squashed down the feeling of happiness. Sure Rian doesn’t hate him now... but that’s only because he doesn’t know what Alex did... “You will... you’ll hate me when you find out what I did...”

“No I won’t! I promise you I could never hate you,” Rian said grabbing his best friend my the shoulders, making him look away from the counter. “Just tell me what you did that you think is so bad...”

Alex looked up at him and right as he was about to tell him, he realized his mistake and shook him off, striding quickly into the living room.

“Alex please don’t shut me out! You wanna talk about it! Why can’t you trust me enough to talk to me about it?” Rian asked rushing after him and grabbing his arm.

“Rian please just go away! You don’t understand!” Alex yelled.

“Then help me understand!” Rian yelled in return.

“I CAN’T!” Alex yelled, breaking away from Rian’s grasp and going into the bedroom.

“You can’t?! You CAN’T? Well if you can’t do it to help yourself do it for Jack! He’s fucked up Alex and YOU are the ONLY person that can help him! You wanna make up for what you did that was SO FUCKING BAD then just tell me! Talk to me so I can at LEAST help him!” Rian yelled. Alex turned away, guiltiness causing tears to form and fall down his face. When he didn’t say anything Rian yelled again, “you realize what you’re doing right? You’re tearing both you of apart! You know Jack hasn’t even said one word in a fucking MONTH?”

“What?” Alex asked, turning to Rian now. Seeing his face red and tears forming in his eyes from anger. It scared Alex because in the many years Alex has known Rian he was always the one to keep his cool during bad situations. He’s never even heard him raise his voice and now he was standing here screaming at Alex.

“You heard me. Not one fucking word since the night he tried to kill himself,” Rian choked the on the last two words.

“Why?” Alex asked, stupidly.

“Um, I don’t know Alex it’s not like I can ASK him because he can’t fucking answer!” Rian yelled again. Alex flinched at Rian’s tone of voice, causing him to calm down before saying, “the doctors say it’s from trauma and he might never talk again... but I’m hoping that if you go and talk to him he’ll be better. Maybe not one hundred percent not suicidal and happy, but if you can at least get him to talk we can start helping both of you to be yourselves again...”

After a long pause Alex finally admitted, “I want to tell you. I don’t care if you hate me afterward because that’s what I deserve.. but I can’t just tell you without Jack wanting it... I can’t do that to him. I love him and will protect him no matter what... so if it’s what Jack wants I’ll tell you everything... Only if it’s what Jack wants though...” Alex mumbled.

“How will you know if he says it’s okay? Why don’t you go talk to him yourself...” Rian suggested.

“He won’t want that...” Alex quickly replied.

“I know he will!” Rian told him.

Alex shook his head. “No, I know he never wants to see me again...”

“Please stop being so stubborn and talk to him,” Rian said, beginning to lose his patience.

“Please go away...” Alex said, not being able to take anymore.

“No I won’t unless you agree to go talk to him,” Rian told him.

“Well, that’s not going to happy so just get the FUCK out,” Alex yelled. He didn’t wanna lash out at Rian but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t bare talking about Jack anymore. All he kept visualizing was how hurt he was... and that Alex himself was the one doing it to him. Alex was supposed to protect him, but all he was doing was the exact opposite of everything he ever wanted to do.

Alex heard the front door slam and he sunk down to the floor. All alone yet again, however this time Alex was almost grateful for the peace... until all the thoughts of Jack flooded his mind once again, causing Alex to lie on his floor and cry.