This Can't Be the End

The rest of the car ride was quiet, because Jack wasn’t talking and Alex wasn’t going to tell Jack where he was taking them… even though Alex knew it was killing Jack not knowing.

As soon as they were close enough Alex leaned over and grabbed a beanie Jack had in his backseat.

“Here, put this on so it’s covering your eyes,” Alex told Jack. Jack gave him a look to which Alex responded, “well that’s all you had in your car so just put it on!”

Jack smirked as he put the beanie on far down enough so he couldn’t see. Alex continued to drive until they reached the lake where they first kissed. There, he hopped out of the car and ran over to Jack’s side to help him out.

Jack bit his lip nervously, but didn’t say anything as Alex led them down near the water- to the exact spot where that moment was shared all those years ago. Alex thought about that moment often, and he knew all the details of that day- even to the spot.

“Okay… You can look now,” Alex told Jack. Jack slowly removed his beanie and looked around. After a few moments his eyes began to water at the realization of where they were. He looked at Alex, lips trembling. “I-I wasn’t lying when I told you I think about that day a lot…”

There was a few moments of silence before Alex said, “I know I’ve been a shitty friend and I don’t deserve you as a friend or anything more… but the truth is I’m just scared… that’s why I didn’t tell you sooner how I felt and that’s why when you told me how you felt I reacted the way I did and said those horrible horrible things to you,” Alex saw Jack cringe, but needed to keep on going, “I love you. I know I do and I want you to know that… it’s just… I’m not ready for the whole world to know that yet…”

Alex couldn’t say anymore, he couldn’t risk hurting his best friend more than he already did. He felt like he couldn’t even look at him and risk seeing his face twisted in pain, a sight he has seen way too often lately; so Alex just looked at his feet not saying anything.

Soon enough he felt a nudge and looked up to see Jack handing his phone to him. Alex took it and looked at it. In a note it said, I don’t want to be the one that ruins your life. You said it yourself, you finally had it all figured out until I ruined it.

“Jack the only one that’s ruining my life is me and that’s only because I pushed you away and hurt you…” Alex told him. Jack took his phone back and started typing again. Alex wondered why he couldn’t just talk to him…

He showed Alex the phone again and under what he wrote before it said, no i’m the one that ruined everything. I just hope you forgive me .

Alex let out an exasperated sigh. This is what he deserves though for saying those things to Jack. Alex grabbed Jack’s face and looked him right in the eyes, “Listen to me carefully Barakat. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one that’s sorry because I was scared and said fucked up shit to you that I didn’t mean at ALL. You are not ruining my life, in fact you are the only thing in my life worth living for. I LOVE YOU. Do you understand? I fucking love you so much and it kills me every day knowing I hurt you. I’m sorry. I am the one that hopes you can forgive me. I am the one that’s going to try every day to make you see how much I fucking love you. I want to be with you Jack and if you will give me a chance I will prove all those things to you and make up for putting you through so much pain no matter how long it takes.”

Jack looked away from Alex for the first time since he began speaking and typed something for him on his phone. you love me and wanna be with me but you are too scared to let anybody else know it?

Alex let go of Jack’s face and looked down, nodding shamefully at the truth. Jack deserves so much better than a fuck up that can’t even tell anybody they are together.

Alex felt a nudge again, and read the message on Jack’s phone, well Rian knows…. Alex chuckled and looked up to see Jack smirking.

“Damn… Well we’re going to have to kill him now…” Alex joked and he saw Jack laugh. He couldn’t hear it, but he saw it and it made Alex the most proud he has ever been to know he was able to do that.

Jack typed another message and showed it to Alex, so does this mean we are together but not telling anybody we’re together?

“I mean for now-if it’s okay with you! I know you deserve better than me and you probably want someone that isn’t afraid to tell everyone how he feels about you but… maybe we can take it one step at a time and figure this out together?” Alex asked.

Jack was already done typing his message before Alex was done speaking, you’re wrong. I don’t want anybody but you.

Butterflies would be an understatement to what Alex felt when he read that message. He couldn’t take it any longer; he closed the distance between himself and Jack, kissing him tenderly.

As much as Alex wanted to stay there forever with Jack… he knew the others would be worried about them if they didn’t return soon. Breaking away from the kiss, Alex mumbled, “ready to go back?” Jack nodded and Alex kissed him on the head before starting back toward the car.

When they got back to Jack’s house, Rian and Lisa’s cars along with Zack’s were parked in the driveway. Alex was about to get out when reality struck him like a bolt of lightning. “Shit Jack wait,” Alex grabbed Jack who was moving to get out of the car. Jack looked at him shocked and confused. “I forgot about Lisa…” Jack’s face fell as the memory of Alex’s girlfriend came to him as well.

It’s not like Alex didn’t love Lisa, because he did. They were on and off for a while and Alex cared for Lisa a great deal- just not in the way he felt for Jack. He knew that’s secretly why it never really worked between them. However, he didn’t just want to dump her without reason, especially after she has been so wonderful this past month… but if that’s what it takes to be with Jack and to make Jack happy then Alex just has to hope Lisa will be understanding.

“I have to break up with her… just not right now I’ll wait until we get home…” Alex reassured Jack, but Jack grabbed his arm, shaking his head in protest. “What? You don’t want me to wait? Should I do it as soon as we get inside…?”

Jack shook his head more fiercely, taking out his phone to type a message; don’t break up with her!!!!

Now Alex was more than confused… Why wouldn’t Jack want him to break up with his girlfriend if they were together? “Why?”

Jack went back to his phone and showed Alex ...because it will look suspicious… Alex furrowed his eyebrows, but before he could say anything Jack started typing again. just stay with her and like you said… we’ll figure this out as we go along.

“If that’s what you want baby,” Alex said. Jack’s whole face turned as red as a tomato, but he nodded nonetheless. “Okay then that’s what we will do,” Alex said, leaning over and pecking Jack on the cheek before heading out and facing all of their worried friends.