Decided to Break It

Lunch was coming up quickly and I really didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to see Matt or Amanda… actually I didn’t want to see the others who called themselves my “friends” either. I started remembering stuff from the night before and I knew everything now. I guess they thought I’d get too messed up to remember. But my bruises reminded me.

**I took 4 Triple C’s before walking into Matt’s house where Mike immediately handed me a beer. It was loud inside since Matt hired a live band. I complimented Mike on his Mohawk to which he laughed, patted my back and led me towards the kitchen and out of the sliding back door. The night was calm and cool, but eerie as well. I knew something bad was gonna happen and I didn’t wait for it before I chugged my beer. By the time I swallowed, Ian put a rum and coke in my hand. “What’s going on, you two?” I stared at Ian’s blue and black Vans because I knew if I looked at him feeling this way, I’d have an episode. “Drink some of that.” Ian said as he started tapping his foot. I cocked my head towards Mike. “He just chugged a beer. That’ll make him throw up, eh?” “What’s. Going. On?” I asked, growing more and more frustrated by the moment. Ian gulped. “I can’t do this.” He said. He threw up his hand and walked around a little. “Stupid Matt should be here!” He yelled.

I could tell he was a little tipsy. Mike didn’t have anything, I’m sure. He always babysat the partiers and was fine with it. “I can’t do this.” I chugged my drink and threw the cup. “What?!” I yelled so loud I felt like it reverberated off of the windows, but it was just the band starting another song. “It’s…” Ian swallowed before quickly walking toward me and getting close to my face. “Matt and Amanda, man. They’re together. It happened earlier tonight, man. I’m sorry.” I felt like I’d been hit by a car. My girlfriend of 4 years was now with my best friend of 10 years. Bros before hoes was never followed with Matt.

“Oh. Okay.” I laughed a little. “That’s not bad. You guys didn’t have to worry.” Lie. “Really, Josh? Good, cuz I was scared. I just thought… Especially with what your parents are going through…” Mike cringed. “It doesn’t matter, eh?” He patted my back. He smiled. “I best be getting in. Oooohhh, Ian! Shelby just showed up.” “Ooohh!” They both rushed in, leaving me alone in the backyard. My chest got tight and my breathing sped up. I needed another drink, or some pills… better yet… I reached into my pockets but nothing was there. I grabbed my cell and looked behind the battery- nothing. I stared at the highway just beyond some trees and decided that walking through and getting hit couldn’t be an option- this time. My body grew numb and my head started spinning. I ran in the house, pushing past all the people and trying to get to the bathroom before I puked everywhere. Someone along the way handed me another beer which I chugged, crushed the cup and tossed it behind me once I got to the guest bathroom downstairs. I opened the door and saw Matt and Amanda making out against the bathroom wall, her shirt off. Matt looked over at me, but Amanda never turned around. I think she knew I was there. “Hey. Did you talk to uh, Mike and Ian?” Biting my lip, I shook my head. “Is it okay?” I shook my head again. He smiled at me. “Then close the door, man.” Before I could even close it completely, they started up again. I wanted to cut but instead, I found another rum and coke, Matt’s empty room and his baseball trophy.**

I rubbed my leg where the square bruises were and as soon as I did, the lunch bell rang. I tried to reach the back door of the school but Matt grabbed me and put his arm around me. “Man! Last night was epic!” He said. I decided earlier that if need be, I’d swallow down any hate because this was my best friend. But once I saw him, I realized I had no feelings whatsoever. I was completely numb. Sickening numb. And whenever that happens, something within me gets worse. I wanted to call him names but my heart wasn’t in it so I pretended to be fine. He told me everything that happened on his end (well, what he remembered) and by the time we got to the cafeteria, I knew I wasn’t eating anything. I sat at the table while everyone went in the line to get stuff. I wanted to go to sleep, but I don’t do much of that. Plus I wanted to keep my eyes open for that Echo girl.

Echo Morietti from Virginia. She was gorgeous with wavy black hair past her shoulders and great teeth. Her smile was innocent and her brown-green eyes were mysterious. There was so much pain in her eyes but a lot of promise too. I sound like a girl, don’t I? I don’t know though. Echo had something special about her. She needed to be saved. Before I could gather my thoughts, Ian sat across from me. “Sucks, don’t it?” He said. I stared at his food. A cheeseburger, fries, chocolate milk and pudding. God, I wanna eat. “Uh… what?” “Amanda and Matt. It’s fucking uncomfortable.” He bit his burger and looked towards the line. “Ya’ll were the power couple here. Can you even be friends with them?” I didn’t answer before he continued. “I mean, not the friends thing but… Look man, are you alright? With everything going on with school, therapy, your parents and now them, I don’t… I don’t see how you’d be okay.”

I guess he was trying to make me feel better and I think smiling at him made him believe I was better but really… I just saw Echo walk into the room. She radiated. She wore all black which made her stand out and I was blown away. She was beautiful, not in the Barbie sense, but just naturally. She didn’t have to try. She was short, about 5’3’’ and her body was curvy- which she was obviously embarrassed about. Standing at the double doors of the cafeteria, she tried to hide her torso while twisting her rubber band and biting her lip. Her eyes looked scared and I knew I had to grab her attention. Instead, while Ian was still talking and Mike sat next to me, I just got up and tried to get over to her before the crowd swallowed me. “Aphrodite!” I called to her. She looked towards me and rolled her eyes. I smiled…for real this time. After pushing through a few people, I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards me. “Don’t call me that.” She said and nudged me a bit. I stuck my tongue out at her. “Okay fine. How was class?” “Weird, some chick said something… I don’t know. Whatever.” I didn’t know how to take that but I didn’t care. Echo was standing by me again. “Maybe meeting my friends would be better.” I put my arm around her shoulders and led her to the table where everyone was now sitting. “That’s Mike, Ian, Matt, Ali, Brad, Kevvy, and Amanda.” I didn’t look at Amanda when I pointed her out. I sat down quickly and Echo followed suit. “I’m Echo.” She sounded uncomfortable. “We know.” Amanda sounded like she had an attitude and I couldn’t tell why. It’s not like I left her for her best friend.

Echo sat down by me and stared at the table top while fervently pulling at the rubber band. Her breathing got faster and she bit her lip. “Why’s your name Echo? That’s cool.” Ali asked her. I quickly put my hand on Echo’s knee to see if it calmed her down any so she could answer. “I look just like my mother who was Greek.” She looked up at Ali and smiled. “It’s weird. No one ever asks me that but I was asked twice today.” She nudged me again. Lunch was a lot better than it could’ve been, honestly. I mean, with what happened yesterday, I didn’t think it was gonna end well. After a while, school ended, like it normally does, and I needed to be on my way to the studio since band practice got canceled. Me and Ian, Mike and Matt have a band but really- I couldn’t see more of him.

I lit a cigarette and stood at the fence separating the school from the parking lot. “Those things’ll kill you, ya know?” I looked to my left and Echo was standing there, her hair blowing in the wind and her holding onto the fence. “What did they do?” She asked so nicely and I could tell she genuinely cared about the answer. “Huh?” “Those two.” She’d noticed that across the parking lot, I was looking at Amanda and Matt hugging and kissing each other by his fancy car. My head started spinning and I grabbed onto the fence like Echo. “Best friend. Ex-girl. But we broke up like a week ago.” She scoffed. “Not to be mean, cuz you probably love her, but she’s a bitch.” “What about him?” “Oh, I wasn’t talking about what she did to you, even though that is bitchy. I was just saying in general… that girl’s a bitch.” I smiled again. “You goin’ home?” She shook her head. “Nah. I gotta grab some tea or juice or something but then go to… um…” She pulled her phone out. “Ram Records.” “Yeah? Same. There’s a few places by the studio. I’ll take you there.”

At one point while walking, she started telling me her favorite Greek myth that her YaYa would tell her. “And the Titans didn’t stand a chance.” She said smiling. She pushed her hair onto her head and her warm brown skin glinted in the sun. I sound really girly… I listened to her talk because her voice was astounding. Plus, she was a great storyteller. “I talk too much.” She grabbed her rubber band and popped it on her skin. She didn’t flinch. “Your turn.” “Well, I don’t know what to say.” I shrugged. “Okay. Well, why are you goin’ to Ram?” “Oh. It’s my dad’s studio.” “Your dad runs the studio? Cool.” She smiled again. “Yeah, I’m not spoiled though, in case you think that. Nothing’s that great when your parents are famous.” “Or infamous.” She kicked some rocks on the ground while we walked in silence again. I wanted to ask what that was about but I figured she’d tell me if she wanted me to know.