Cold Sweet Brutal Heart
Chapter 13
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WONG WITH YOU?!?!?!"
Matt freaks out from my cuts and bruises all around.... I wanted to get out of there, but what good would it do? We both live in the same area, we both go to the same school, what's the point of getting out of his house and going home if he was still going to see me even after? I just stand there, not letting my tears over rule me. I clench my fists.
"ELLIE!!!"
I don't say a word... what can I say? I am mentally ill? I have a problem? A guy like him wouldn't understand at all. Another reason why I hate myself so damn much. Why didn't I just leave when I could of when we were still in that room at school. Matt the backs up so quickly dragging his body away from me on the floor and get's on his feet, his expression all in panic. I then grab my sweater slowly, and pick it up, putting it back on, still with nothing to say.
"ARE YOU GOING TO TA-?"
"What do you want me to say?" I look at him with a very heavy dirty look this time
"Wha..... what do you mean?! Explain that crazy psychotic shit!!!!" he points to me
"It's not like you'd understand anyway.." I say in a monotone voice
I see his expression change now, into a softer expression.... no... NO!!!
"NO!!!!" I scream which I make him jump a bit " DONT GO SOFT ON ME!!!!" I stomp my feet, he just stares in pity, I get more angry "STOP IT!!!!!!!!" I then hit both of my hands on the door behind me
He just stood there with a sorry face... I hated that so much, those who pitied me had NO place whatsoever in my life let alone to be near my sight!
"C'mon, make fun of me, DO IT!!! I am use to it anyways, you've made fun of me before in school and in front of your damn stupid friends!!!! JUST DO IT NOW!!!!! It'll kill me faster anyways, you want to know why?! BECAUSE I AM FUCKING SUICIDAL!!!! YOU HEAR THAT?!?!?! I AM A FUCKING PSYCHOTIC SUICIDAL FREAK!!!!!" I say this with tears already coming down my eyes, but with a very long smile on my face
I have gone mad.... I didn't know what took over me at that moment, but in my heart I didn't care, because it didn't matter, I just knew once I got home I would end this all and just kill the fucking shit out of myself. It was over. I then land on my knees, my hands touching the ground now, crying harder but silently. This is it. Matt didn't move. He didn't say a word. He just stared at me, I don't know if in panic mode, or just in a mellow mode. But a word was not said, instead he just got up and walked past me, opened the door and shut it behind him.
"AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I scream now at the top of my lungs and cry this time out loud, filling the empty house with very long cries
Goodbye. Goodbye.... forever.
Matt freaks out from my cuts and bruises all around.... I wanted to get out of there, but what good would it do? We both live in the same area, we both go to the same school, what's the point of getting out of his house and going home if he was still going to see me even after? I just stand there, not letting my tears over rule me. I clench my fists.
"ELLIE!!!"
I don't say a word... what can I say? I am mentally ill? I have a problem? A guy like him wouldn't understand at all. Another reason why I hate myself so damn much. Why didn't I just leave when I could of when we were still in that room at school. Matt the backs up so quickly dragging his body away from me on the floor and get's on his feet, his expression all in panic. I then grab my sweater slowly, and pick it up, putting it back on, still with nothing to say.
"ARE YOU GOING TO TA-?"
"What do you want me to say?" I look at him with a very heavy dirty look this time
"Wha..... what do you mean?! Explain that crazy psychotic shit!!!!" he points to me
"It's not like you'd understand anyway.." I say in a monotone voice
I see his expression change now, into a softer expression.... no... NO!!!
"NO!!!!" I scream which I make him jump a bit " DONT GO SOFT ON ME!!!!" I stomp my feet, he just stares in pity, I get more angry "STOP IT!!!!!!!!" I then hit both of my hands on the door behind me
He just stood there with a sorry face... I hated that so much, those who pitied me had NO place whatsoever in my life let alone to be near my sight!
"C'mon, make fun of me, DO IT!!! I am use to it anyways, you've made fun of me before in school and in front of your damn stupid friends!!!! JUST DO IT NOW!!!!! It'll kill me faster anyways, you want to know why?! BECAUSE I AM FUCKING SUICIDAL!!!! YOU HEAR THAT?!?!?! I AM A FUCKING PSYCHOTIC SUICIDAL FREAK!!!!!" I say this with tears already coming down my eyes, but with a very long smile on my face
I have gone mad.... I didn't know what took over me at that moment, but in my heart I didn't care, because it didn't matter, I just knew once I got home I would end this all and just kill the fucking shit out of myself. It was over. I then land on my knees, my hands touching the ground now, crying harder but silently. This is it. Matt didn't move. He didn't say a word. He just stared at me, I don't know if in panic mode, or just in a mellow mode. But a word was not said, instead he just got up and walked past me, opened the door and shut it behind him.
"AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I scream now at the top of my lungs and cry this time out loud, filling the empty house with very long cries
Goodbye. Goodbye.... forever.