Broken Bracelets, Broken Promises.

Vic’s P.O.V.
I buried my face into my hands; my eyes burned and I was almost delirious. I hadn’t slept in days. I couldn’t, there was no way. I hadn’t left Kellin’s side, not once, except for the necessary things of course. My mind would race at a million miles a minute, then just completely blank out when my eyes fell to Kellin, pale and unconscious.

It’d been four days since I found Kellin, dying and bloody in the bathtub. It’d been four days of hell, really. I blacked out that night, but the paramedics took Kellin to the hospital. He was hooked up to all sorts of machines, he’d had his stomach pumped again, and his wrists were bound tightly with bandages. I fought my way through security to get to him, only to burst into violent sobs when I saw him. He honestly looked dead, even though the heart rate monitor told me different.

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep the body-wrenching sobs inside. A deep, shaky breath left my lips as I slumped over and rested my forehead against my knees. Kellin’s mom had been here earlier, but she left for work. She almost seemed unfazed by this. I guess she was used to it…but I couldn’t fucking understand that. Maybe she was just tired of it all.

I thought about everything I’d lose if Kellin didn’t make it. I’d lose his gorgeous smile, his infectious laugh, his insane ideas, his comforting hugs…everything. I’d lose my everything. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and tried to hold them in, but it was no use. They overflowed, sliding down my cheeks and dripping onto my skinny jean clad thighs. It was a quiet cry this time, which was unusual. I normally came completely undone, earning concerned looks from outside the door, but no one offered consolation. I guess my body was just too exhausted to cry. Going on basically no sleep probably wasn’t healthy, but there was no way I was going to risk being asleep if and when Kellin opened his beautiful crystal blue eyes. I wanted to be the first one to see them, and I wanted to be the first thing he saw.

Hours later, Kellin’s P.O.V.

“Is he ever gonna wake up?! You have to tell me something!” a familiar, yet muffled voice rang through the room. A female voice piped up, just as muffled,

“Sir, calm down. We’re not sure how much longer he’ll be in this state. He was very bad when he was admitted. Please, relax, I-”

“You want me to fucking relax?! I’ll relax when I know he’s fucking okay, you got that?! This is a fucking hospital, you’re supposed to be able to fix stuff like this, so fucking fix him! I can’t stand seeing him like this anymore! Fix him- please!” the first voice practically yelled, breaking on the last word. The first voice broke into sobs, followed by whispering and the closing of a door.

The silence was back. Such an unbearable silence. The quiet cries still sounded every now and then, but for the most part they had subsided. But this time was a little different. I think I was closer. Closer to the surface, I guess. That’s what it felt like. Like I was underwater, and no matter how hard or how long I swam, I couldn’t break the surface. I was drowning, and it was my own fault.

I didn’t want to drown, though. I wanted so fucking desperately to wake up. To see a tree, a wall, anything. But mostly, to see him.

I figured one last attempt to break the surface of this wouldn’t hurt, so that’s exactly what I did.

“H-His heart rate! Hey! Someone!” Vic’s voice sounded frantic, and I heard a chair scrape across the floor, before falling back with a loud thud. I winced.

I looked down to myself; there were so many fucking wires attached to me, and so many bandages. My head was pounding, my stomach was killing me, and I felt hella weak. I wasn’t even sure if I could sit up on my own- probably not. I tried, though. I tried to push myself up, only to gasp out from a mixture of pain in my bandaged wrists and dizziness, and fall back onto the bed. I heard feet frantically shuffled to the side of my bed, and looked up; a smile instantly formed on my chapped lips when I saw Vic’s face, but the happiness was washed away when I really saw him. He looked beyond exhausted. Neither of us spoke; for the longest time, we just stared at each other, willing the other on with our eyes.

“…Hey Vic,” I croaked finally, coughing at the dryness in my throat. His body tensed a little as he stared back at me, replying just as raspy,

“Hey Kellin…”

Another silence consumed us, our eyes staying locked together. I wanted to apologize, over and over and over again. It was the only thing I could think to do. I wanted to apologize for hurting him. And I wanted to thank him for being here. But I just stared at him, wishing my eyes were telling him everything I couldn’t will my mouth to say. I finally averted my eyes, moving them to the wall, then the floor. I let out a quiet sigh before whispering,

“…I’m so fucking sorry, Vic. I can’t…I don’t know…I’m just…I’m fucking sorry, alright? Don’t hate me, please. Please,” my eyes pricked, but I didn’t cry. I don’t think I would’ve been able to, either. I darted my eyes back to Vic; he was wiping his eyes quickly, hoping I wouldn’t notice. Then he shook his head.

“Shut your mouth, Kellin,” he ordered quietly, staring down at me. I kept my lips shut, staring back at him with wide eyes. His eyes clouded with doubt for an instant, his brows furrowing together while he kept his eyes one me. I was starting to get nervous. Even more so when he slowly reached his tan arm out, brushing my disheveled hair away from my face and letting a small smile creep across his face. I swallowed hard- it hurt like a bitch, my goddamn throat was so dry.

“I’ve missed you,” Vic spoke again, his fingertips trailing down my jawline, then my neck. I shivered at his touch; the damn heart rate monitor gave away my increasing nervousness. Vic just chuckled tiredly at me, cupping my cheek with his hand. He looked into my eyes for a split second, before placing his other hand on my other cheek and leaning down, firmly pressing his lips to mine.

I thought the heart rate monitor-thing was going to fucking explode. Or either my own heart. I honestly couldn’t care less, though. I worked my lips against his- they fit together so perfectly, just like I knew they would. I could feel the smile pulling at the corners of my mouth as I reached my hands up, latching onto Vic’s shirt while he ran his tongue over my chapped bottom lip.

He slipped his tongue into my mouth and moved his hands to the back of my neck, lacing his fingers together to gently hold me in place while our lips worked against each other. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening- I’d wanted something like this to happen for the longest fucking time! Given, when I imagined it, I wasn’t in a hospital bed and Vic didn’t look like he hadn’t slept in five years.

He broke away from me, keeping his face close as he pressed his forehead against mine. We were both breathing heavily, staring into the other’s eyes.

“I love you, too, Kellin. Like, a fucking lot, got it? I can’t lose you...,” Vic whispered, pecking my lips gently. I couldn’t hide the grin that spread across my face; those were the words I’d always wanted to hear him say. And those were the words, I’d convinced myself, that would save my life.
I just nodded my head in return, not able to speak, although I think my erratic heartbeat said it all.