Fear of Flying

“Kenny,” I woke to a purring in my ear. “Babe, wake up for a second,” Harry’s voice was scratchy and tired from all the drinking from last night. “You can go back to sleep just wake up for a minute, love.”

I sighed and rolled over to face him, “What? What time is it?”

“A little after 8 in the morning.”

I groaned as I pushed my face in the pillow, “Why the hell are you awake? Why did you wake me up?”

“Cause I gotta go to a meeting and I didn’t want you to think I just ditched you in the morning.” I felt his lips against the skin under my ear as he spoke, sending chills all over my body.

I huffed and turned my face so I could look at him. “I thought you had the day off?”

He winced, “So did I. But they called and I need to meet my publicist.” Once my lips were away from the pillow, he didn’t hesitate to place a few chaste kisses on them.

“Um, okay,” I faltered as he continued to kiss across my face.

“I’ll bring you breakfast, I shouldn’t be long.” He kissed my lips again, “Do you have work today?”

My eyes fluttered back open to see his eyes on mine, “Not until 3.”

“Then go back to sleep, I’ll be back with food and we can spend the afternoon doing nothing.”

I hummed contently, “You’ve got it all figured out haven’t you.”

“Yep.” He turned my chin more towards his face, “Can I have a proper kiss now?”

“No, I have stale night of drinking morning breath.”

He chuckled, “Fine.” He kissed my neck one last time before he started getting off the bed, “Your teeth better be brushed when I get back then.”

“You’re demanding.”

“And you’re cute. I’ll see you in a bit.”

*****

I slept for another two hours before my headache demanded to be felt. I managed to find some painkillers and after a hot shower I started to feel a bit better.

Then my head was clear enough to think about what happened last night, and how things were this morning.

Harry was super affectionate. Not caring about how close we were in the middle of the dance floor or openly kissing me in front of Eleanor and Louis. And obviously, how intimate we were last night.

I blushed just thinking about it. How unembarrassed and daring I was about the whole thing last night, the sounds he made. I think I’d like to spend many, many hours, days and weeks making Harry make those noises if I’m being honest. There was a sense of power in it, that it was because of me that he felt that much pleasure. I mean, I’ve been with guys who thoroughly enjoyed my blow job skills (is it a skill? I’m calling it a skill), but this was different. It was Harry. He was in love with me.

And I… I think I could be falling in love with him too.

I was pulled from my thoughts by the front door opening and closing. I was sitting on Harry’s couch lost in thought with the tellie on when he came in with his hands full of deli bags. He walked by the living room so fast he didn’t even notice me. I did notice the troubled look on his face.

I got up and slowly followed him into the kitchen. His back was to me as he started unloading food from the bags, “Harry?”

“Jesus!” He shrieked as he jumped in place before he spun around to face me. “I swear you need a bell or something to make noise when you walk into a room.”

“I wasn’t exactly quiet. Plus the tellie’s on and you didn’t notice. Are you okay?”

He sighed, relaxing more as he turned around back to the food, “Fine. Long meeting ‘s all.”

I walked around him so I was next to him at the counter. I took a moment to watch him as he busied himself pulling out bagels and cream cheese as well as a few croissants. There was tension in his shoulders and he was noticeably less happy than he was when he left. “I understand if you don’t but if you want to talk about what’s bothering you, you can,” I said softly, not wanting to bug him about it.

He paused his movements, eyes still down at the counter. He let out a big sigh before he finally looked at me, “There are pictures of us on the internet from last night.”

Anxiety instantly shot through my veins. Images of us in the car home running through my mind. “What kind of pictures.”

“Just us on the dance floor.”

“Oh,” I was instantly more relaxed. “So? We were talking.”

“Yeah, but from the angle it looks like we’re kissing.” He sighed, the stress showing full force on his face again. “Those on top of the few of us from Greece, my team once us to keep our distance while in public.”

“Okay.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit offended. Why was it totally find for him to parade around with Kendall Jenner and not okay for us to be seen holding hands and, okay I haven’t seen how bad the club pictures were, but they couldn’t be that terrible. He’s been seen out in public with me before, so had Zayn and there’s never been an issue before, at least not that I know off. But I guess I don’t have a choice really except to be okay with this. “Okay so we just… don’t go out in public together. That’s- that’s fine.” I turned and open his cabinet to grab us each a plate. Anything to avoid the rest of this conversation, if there was anything else. I completely regret asking him now, it’d be better if I was just in the dark about it.

“That’s not what I want. I don’t want you to feel like I’m hiding you. But until we,” he paused and I turned back towards him. He sighed, “Until we figure out whatever this is,” he said pointing between us, “They want us to keep a low profile.”

I nodded slowly, handing him a plate. “What does that entail exactly?”

He grimaced as he popped two bagels into the toaster. “Just, when we’re in public we probably shouldn’t touch. And I need to be stealthy when I go to your flat. I guess there are too many pictures of me going to your place,” he shrugged.

I nodded as I mulled over all this new information. “I’m sorry, you know.”

“For what?”

I shrugged, “Making your life complicated. I’m sorry I can’t just-”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything Kenny,” he cut me off. “You haven’t made my life complicated, it already was.”

I gave him a flat look, “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t,” his eyebrows furrowed and his whole face sagged into a frown as he placed a now toasted bagel on my plate.

“I’m just- I’m sorry I can’t just make it easier and just be with you. I feel terrible about it and guilty. I really, really care about you Harry but I’m still not sure about everything and now it’s just making everything-”

“Stop,” he sighed. “Please stop, this is why I shouldn’t have brought it up.” He pulled a knife out of a drawer before slamming it shut, “It’s ruined the last 12 hours and it was a really good 12 hours!” I stood by as he grumbled down at the bagel he was spreading cream cheese on. “Last night was amazing, and I’m not just talking about what happened in my bedroom.” He sighed as he set everything down and turned to me. His hands grabbed my hips pulling me closer to him, “You let me kiss you in front of our friends. You let me kiss you this morning and it just left really good to wake up to you like that. Like we were making progress and now it’s all ruined because my life can never just be simple, and that has nothing to do with you.”

It pulled at my heart stings how troubled by all this he was, but all I could focus on was how unbelievably cute he looked with a pout on his face. I grabbed his face between my hands and pulled his lips to mine in what I hopped was a reassuring kiss. He kissed me back so that was a good sign. “Relax, yeah?” I said against his lips. “Nothing’s ruined.” I pulled away so I could look into his eyes, “So we have to be more careful around cameras and that’s fine, I’m used to it.”

He pulled me against him and dropped his face to my shoulder, “This is worth it right? Please tell me I’m not in this alone and doing all this for nothing.”

My heart felt like it broke at his words, “You’re not. My apprehension has nothing to do with you personally.” It didn’t honestly. It was my own insecurities that had me terrified to move forward with him. I couldn’t stop comparing myself to ever other woman he’s ever even glanced at. I couldn’t stop questioning why he felt the way he did for me or worry he’d just drop me as soon as someone better came along, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have feelings for him. “I’m in deep, Harry. Trust me.”

He leaned up and rested his forehead against mine, staring directing into my eyes. His eyes were so piercingly green right now, with little flakes of gold. He was looking at me the way he did when he thought I wasn’t looking, so warm and inviting I felt like I was looking into his soul. One of his hands came up and cradled my jaw, his thumb lighting running under my bottom lip. “So am I.”

There was that unbelievable need to kiss him then, and I didn’t fight it. He met me half way and captured my bottom lip between both of his. It was easy to get lost in Harry’s kisses, I knew that very well at this point. His lips were so calculated and slow and his tongue so expertly skilled it was hard to think about anything else than him and how much I wanted him.

My hands were on his chest, grabbing at his shirt to anchor him too me as I pressed myself to him as tight as possible. He felt so good and he made me feel so good with the way he moved his hands all over my hips and sides. I wanted him so much closer. Ever so slowly I inched my hands towards where his buttons started and started undoing them. I only had two undone when he stopped me, “Wait,” he panted. “What about breakfast.”

“I don’t care about breakfast, Harry.” I kissed him against, trying to persuade him with my lips almost.

“But-”

“I want you.”

I watched his eyes dilate with lust at my words. His Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, his breath was labored as he took in the situation. Then he was leaning back into me, kissing me intensely and I went back to unbuttoning his shirt. “I’ve imagined this 400 different ways, and it was never in my kitchen,” he said before going back to kissing me.

“Then let’s go upstairs.”

He dragged us out of the kitchen and up to his room faster than I thought was possible. “Are you sure about this? Because we don’t have-”

“Shut up Harry and take your unbelievably tight pants off, please.”

He didn’t have to be told twice as he instantly went to undoing his belt. We both undressed quickly until he was just in his briefs and I was just in my bra and knickers. He grabbed for my hips, pulling me against him as he started kissing across my neck and shoulder, “You’re beautiful, you know.”

My heart was hammering in my chest so hard I swear he could feel it against his. He led us to his bed where we more or less fell upon the mattress, hardly pulling our mouths from each other. He reached around unhooked my bra before blindly throwing it across the room and his hands replaced the material.

He was lying between my legs and I could feel his excitement growing with each passing minute as my own body became complete putty in his hands. He trailed kisses down my chest before stopping to capture my nipple between his teeth. God, it felt even better than the night in the hammock. He sucked and nipped at one while his hand teased the other and within moments he was me withering and moaning beneath him.

I pulled his face back up to mine and kissed him with so much need. He deepened the kiss, which almost distracted me from his hand which had trailed down between us before dipping inside my knickers. His expert fingers found that bundle of nerves blindly and I sighed happily into his mouth. If felt so good as he rubbed shapes into my clit, but I wanted him, all of him, inside me. “Harry-” I started but he cut me off.

“I want to taste you,” he said against my ear.

My whole body felt like it was set on fire by his words. He moved so he was looking down at me, like he needed valid permission. The only thing going through my mind was ‘why would you need permission? That sounds like a fantastic idea! Do it! Who would say no?’ But instead of saying all that, I just nodded. A small smile graced his lips before he kissed me deeply one more time before removing his hand from my knickers and scooting down the bed, kneeling between my legs.

I always figured, if we got to this point that Harry would take my knickers off slowly. But that was not the case. He hooked his fingers around the top and pulled them off so swiftly and tossed them away like he did my bra. He didn’t take his time, he bent over, throwing my legs over his shoulders and within seconds his tongue and fingers were in all the right places and I felt like I was going to combust right there.

It felt so good, almost too good. It was so hard to concentrate enough to not squeeze his head between my thighs. At one point, I must have bucked my hips too much and he laced his fingers over my pelvis to lock it into place as his tongue continued its assault against my clit. It was hard to breath, it felt so good and all I wanted to do was scream to the point where I was biting on my lip hard enough to draw blood if I kept it up.

I was getting close, but I didn’t want to get there unless he was inside of me. “Harry,” I sighed. I sat up to grasp at his shoulders and I pulled him back against the bed with me. I could taste myself against his lips and tongue as we kissed and it just made me want him so much more. I reached down and started to push down his briefs and he rolled over to kick them off.

“Condom,” he mumbled when I pulled his lips back to mine. “Condom, condom,” he dethatched out lips and reached over to the drawer of the nightstand to haphazardly look for one as I started to kiss and suck across his neck.

He found one and sat back on his knees as he ripped the foil package open with his teeth. I sat up and took it from him, “What-” His question was swallowed by a moan as I slowly rolled the condom onto him. “Fuck,” he breathed. Once the condom was in place, I slowly trailed my fingers up and down his shaft a few times before he was pushing me back against the bed.

He was kissing my sloppily as he positioned himself, lifting my thighs up and out of the way. After a moment of kissing, he lifted up on one arm as his other trailed down to guide himself inside of me. I hissed in pleasure as he gave a few small thrusts to push himself all the way in me before he paused. It had been a few months since the last time I had sex so I needed a minute to stretch around him. He hadn’t even really moved yet and I was flooded with pleasure. “Tell me when,” he mumbled as his kissed and sucked across my collarbone.

My hands trailed down his back to his hips and I locked my legs around him and pushed his hips against mine, “Go.”

It was all a blur of tangled limps and soft mumbles, giggles and moans. He had anchored himself up with one arm as the other had a hold of my hips as he rocked against me. My hips lifted up every few thrusts to meet his to get a better, deeper angle. At one point I had flipped us over to ride him and he about lost it, hissing and groaning as I grounded down against him. He moaned and cursed quietly between soft ‘I love you’s.

He only let me do my thing for a few minutes before he took charge again and flipped us back over. He moved much slower then, taking his time with deep powerful thrusts that made my toes curl. I’ve never done it slow before, not like this. It made the whole experience longer and the pleasure felt like it would go on for days.

When he collapsed next to me much later, we were both sweaty and panting and all around blissed out. “That,” he panted, “was amazing.”

I hummed in delight, still feeling the pulse of my orgasm between my legs. I was hot and sticky but completely content. I know it’s rude to compare people, but that may have been the best sex I’ve ever had. I don’t know if it was because of all the pent up sexual frustration or what, but I totally couldn’t wait to do it again. “I think,” I sighed, “That I’m not going to be able to concentrate during work now.”

He chuckled, “Thanks for the compliment.”

I smirked as I felt him lean over and kiss my shoulder. “I need a shower.”

“So do I.”

“Not together, I need to be able to stand at work.”

“You’re no fun,” he pouted.

I chuckled, “Someone has to draw the line.”

“I think we’ve crossed every line at this point, why not one more?”

I looked over and he was giving me a big cheeky smile. “That face won’t work, quit while you’re ahead.”

He sighed dramatically and turned on his side, “Fine. You can shower alone. But can we make out a little before?”

I shrugged, “Well, I mean, I think I can be talked into it.”

He glared at me before be pulled me towards him, “No talking, just kiss.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as his placed his lips on mine.