Fear of Flying

I woke up to Harry’s phone ringing and him flailing around trying to reach for his jeans to find his phone. “Why does everyone have to wake me up?” he grumbled. I heard him answer as I rolled over and buried under the blankets and began to fall back asleep. I’m not sure how long it was after I drifted off before I felt him curl around me and shaking me awake, “Love, wake up.” That was the last thing I wanted to do so I shoved my shoulder back at him to get him off. “Kenny-Kenny,” he purred into my ear. “Babe, it’s almost 10, you have work don’t you?”

I sighed in defeat as I rolled onto my back. Harry loomed above me, smiling down, “My shift starts at noon.”

He leaned down and started kissing my collarbone lightly, “What time do you get off?”

“Five,” I said around a yawn as I rubbed at my eyes tiredly.

Harry hummed as he relaxed against me fully. Lying across my chest as his face rested in my neck as one of his hands crept up the side of my shirt. “Do you want to have dinner with my sister?”

“Gemma’s in town?” I’ve met his sister a handful of times at shows, and parties and other One Direction things we were both present for. She was lovely, and it’d be nice to see her.

I felt Harry rub his lips against my skin before he spoke. “Yeah, she just called. Ashton came to visit her and they’re coming into London. Wanted to get together today, but since you work, I figured you’d want to meet us for dinner?”

“Yeah, okay I can do that.”

“Good, you can help me get on their case about their relationship.”

I snorted a laugh, “Didn’t you just get on Eleanor’s case about the same thing yesterday?” I didn’t know much about the friendship between Gemma and Ashton Irwin, but from the outside and what I had seen of them flirting backstage at a few shows, I’d say they were friend but more than friends… sound familiar to anyone?

He was quiet for a moment, “Yes, but this is different.”

“How so?”

“Well,” he sighed as he lifted his head to look down at me. “For starters, Ashton is my friend and Gemma is my sister. I have a right to know what’s going on!”

I laughed at the whine in his voice, “You really are that annoying little brother aren’t you?”

“It’s one of my many talents,” he smirked. I watched as his eyes traveled down to my lips before he tried to dip and kiss me but I turned my head at the last moment. “Heeeeeey!” he said against my jaw. “Why?”

“Morning breath you knob!”

He scoffed, “Isn’t love stronger than morning breath?”

I barked a laugh, “Not even a little bit.”

“Well I guess I’m just better than you, because I’d kiss you with morning breath, no problem!”

I kissed his cheek before I slipped out from under him to get up, “I’ll kiss you once we’ve both brushed out teeth. I have to shower anyway.”

He sighed dramatically and fell back into the bed, “You’re no fun!”

“Make me breakfast!” I called as I walked into his bathroom.

“So demanding! But alright.”

*****

Eddie was hanging around the café and he wasn’t even on the schedule.

But Mary was.

After a few hours of watching Mary flirt with Eddie between making coffee I had had enough. They were cute, but come on! “Okay, so you two are so adorable I want to hurl.”

“Is someone jealous?” Eddie sassed at me as he lounged against the coffee counter.

“She’s not jealous, she has the adorable Harry Styles in her bed at night.”

“Mary!” I shirked. “Shut up!”

She and Eddie laughed, “Yet she doesn’t deny it!” Eddie said.

I sent him a glare, “I think at this point, you all know, so why deny it?” Eddie opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off, “But I’d like to know about you two.”

They shared a look before shrugging, “We’re dating,” Mary said.

“What about you?” Eddie demanded. “You’re always so tight lipped about it, but all in our business,” he smirked.

I sighed rolling my eyes at him dramatically. “Harry and I… we’re just taking it a day at a time.”

Mary was giving me a hard look, “Just promise me one thing.” She moved closer to me and lowered her voice so no one but use and Eddie would hear, “Just don’t let this turn into what you had with Zayn. You were really hurt and I’d hate to see you like that again, or do it to someone else.”

“I know,” I nodded. Because I did, she and Eleanor were overly concerned about this and I knew what I was doing. “It’s fine, we’re just trying to figure it out.”

“Hey ladies,” Eddie stage whispered at us. “If we’re gonna gossip, can I be included?”

*****

Eleanor called on the way home. “You’re going to dinner with Harry and Gemma?”

“Oh wow, your boyfriend is such a huge gossip I swear.”

“Well Harry told me, but Louis is a gossip, I won’t lie about that.”

I chuckled, “Anyways, yes I’m having dinner with them. Ashton’s gonna be there too.”

“That should be interesting.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, is Gemma going to just be normal, or play the protective big sister now that you and Harry are… Well now that you’re sleeping together.”

My heartbeat spiked, “Oh god, I hadn’t thought about that.”

She hummed in satisfaction, “Well on the plus side, you already know her, so you have that going for you.”

“Don’t make me nervous about this, because I wasn’t and now you’re making me rethink it!”

“Okay, okay I’m sorry! You’ll be fine. It’ll be just dinner with friends. No big deal,” I could tell she wanted to say more but was holding back.

I sighed, “Well I’m almost home and I need to change and make sure I don’t stress myself out. I’ll call you later yeah?”

“Yeah, sure. Call me when you get home or something.”

*****

I’m embarrassed to say that Eleanor made me so nervous about this dinner that I changed my outfit about 20 times. Nothing looked good or casual enough for dinner with Harry’s sister.

When I was debating on black jeans and a dark maroon button up blouse, I heard Harry let himself into my flat. “Kenny, are you ready?” He called out as his footsteps clomped down the hall towards my room.

“Um,” I said uncertain, “I don’t know, I-”

“You look amazing,” he said as soon as he walked in and saw me.

I turned to face him and glanced down at my outfit in doubt, “Thanks but I- I don’t think I should wear this.”

He furrowed his brows in confusion, “Why not? What’s wrong with it?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know, um…” I slumped with a sigh, “I’m nervous,” I admitted. “Eleanor called and got me worried how your sister would react to this,” I said pointing between him and me.

“You’re worried about my sister?” He rolled his eyes with a smile as he walked towards me. His hands reached for my hips and pulled me against him. “You don’t have to worry about my sister. She already knows everything basically,” he leaned down and kissed my cheek.

“Everything?” I squeaked.

He kissed my jaw, “Well mostly. I talked to her and my mom about everything before I ever told you.”

“Oh jeez.”

He chuckled against my skin, “It’s gonna be fine babe. Promise. Plus she has no room to judge. After spending the day with her and Ashton, I’m more than positive they’re doing the exact same thing.”

I pressed my face into his chest, “Well, okay.” I sighed, “But are you sure this outfit is okay?”

He leaned back so I could look up at him, “I’m positive. You look fantastic Kenny.”

I scrunched my face to try and hide the blush on my cheeks before I reached up and kissed him. He sighed against my lips as he eagerly kissed me back. Kissing him was my favorite, I don’t know how I went so long without it.

His tongue was flicking against mine as I pulled his hips tighter against me. He let out a little whine, “If we don’t stop now, we’ll never leave.”

“Part of me is okay with that,” I said against his lips before sucking on his bottom lip.

He whined again, “Don’t say that. I need one of us to have the willpower.”

I laughed before kissing his one more time then pushing away from him. “Alright, come on. Gemma and Ashton are waiting.”

He grabbed my hand before I could walk around him, “Wait, we still have a few more minutes I think!”

I let him pull me back to him so he could kiss me again but I didn’t let it go to long. “Okay, that’s enough Harry. We’ve got plans. We can continue this later.”

“Promise?” He pouted.

I chuckled, “Promise.”

*****

“You’re late,” Gemma said pointedly at her brother when we walked up to the table. Her and Ashton we seated on one side of the booth with water.

He scoffed, “By 2 minutes, relax Gem.”

She rolled her eyes at him before she turned her gaze to me. I was nervous for about 3 seconds before she beamed at me and pushed Ashton out of the booth and jumped out of her seat, “Kennedy, how are you?” She pulled me into a hug, “It’s been a while.”

“It has,” I agreed once we parted. “You’re hair looks amazing!” I gushed as I grabbed a piece of her blue-purple hair.

“Thanks. I wanted a change.” Then she turned to her brother and Ashton was in front of me.

“Hey, how have you been?” I asked as I leaned in to kiss his cheek in greeting.

“I’m good. The bands on a break so I thought I’d come see everyone n the UK.

I eyed him, “Everyone?” He tried to play off his blush but it was obvious. We finished out greetings before we sat down again, Harry offering me the inside seat in the booth. His hand finding my knee as soon as he scooted in next to me.

The dinner was great, filled with banter and snappy comments from the siblings while Ashton and I sat back and let them to their thing. We also talked about how 5 Seconds of Summer was about to head off on a promo tour and the new job Gemma was about to start, as well as how Uni and work was going for me. Basically all topics were hit except the one about any relationships that might be going on between the parties at the table.

Once we got dessert, the conversation turned to Harry. “You’re almost done recording, yeah?” Ashton asked.

Harry nodded, “Yeah. We’ve got some touch ups here and then it’s off to mixing.”

“Do you know when the first single will drop?” Gemma asked. “When promo will start?”

He shrugged, “Probably not for a few months, but it’s all up in the air right now. All I’ve got planned now is a few appearances and fashion week.”

Gemma snorted a laugh, “You at fashion week always kills me.”

“You’re going to fashion week again?” I asked surprised. It was coming up soon and he hadn’t mentioned it.

He shrugged bashfully, “Yeah. I have to go to a few shows this year. It’s not a big deal.”

Gemma scoffed, “I thought you were taking Kennedy. If not than who are you taking, since you said I couldn’t go.”

He glared at his sister, “I didn’t say you couldn’t go, I said I didn’t want to take you. There’s a difference.”

She scoffed, “Whatever.”

“I’m not taking anyone. I’ll probably just meet up with Grimmy and Alexa.”

“And just letting that extra ticket go to waste,” she tisked. “What a shame.”

I could feel how uncomfortable Harry had gotten with the topic which confused me. Why did it matter who he did or didn’t take to fashion week. And why had he never mentioned it. Ashton must have felt the tension too because he cleared his throat and changed the subject. The awkwardness after that was gone, but I could still feel that something was off. Weather it was in me or because of how Harry had reacted, I wasn’t sure.

Once we were finished with dessert, we lingered for a bit longer before finally calling it a night and said goodbye. Gemma made a promise that we’d have to get together more and I bid Ashton good luck on the promo tour before we all went our separate ways.

Harry was noticeably quiet on the ride home and it put me on edge. “What’s wrong?”

He worked his jaw tightly before he answered, “Nothing.”

“You’re lying,” I sighed. “You’re all tense and quiet. What’s wrong?”

“I just,” he sighed. “Alright, so about fashion week, I don’t want you to feel like I wasn’t hiding it from you, or not inviting you.”

“Well, I didn’t.” I mean, I did wonder why he hadn’t brought it up, but if he didn’t want to take me, it wasn’t a big deal.

His fingers tapped anxiously against the steering wheel, “I did want you to go with me.” He started playing with his bottom lip as he tried to speak. “Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way or think it’s because of you or anything,” he said. “This is why I never brought it up, because I was worried you take it wrong.”

“Take what wrong?” I had no idea what he was getting at.

He sighed heavily, “So I was going to ask if you wanted to go to fashion with me. But when I brought it up, management didn’t think it was a good idea.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what to think of that.

“And it’s not because you’re you or not the type of girl they want me seen with,” he rushed out. “It has nothing to do with that, I swear.” He paused for a moment, “It’s just that they don’t want us doing a lot of high profile stuff together when we’re not sure what we’re doing. And even if we did, we haven’t talked about going public, so there’s all like- like, you’re not a secret, but we don’t want to make a big deal out of this. Especially so early on in uh, what we are,” it sounded like a question at the end.

The anxiety I had at the start of this car ride slowly started to drain out of me. “Okay, um-”

“Please don’t be mad,” he cut me off. “I swear it has nothing to do with you personally Kenny. It’s-”

“Harry, relax,” I said and reached over and placed a hand on his thigh. “I understand yeah? Your management is just looking out for your best interest, I get it. And I’m not ready to have people hound me anymore than they already are anyways. I get it.”

He was quiet as he took in my promise. “You do?” he whispered.

“Yes, Harry. You didn’t have to hide anything from me, and I’m sorry you felt like you had to.” He let out a deep breath and his whole body relaxed. “Harry, I might be a bit… mental over my insecurities, but I am trying to be okay with everything, and I do understand you have certain responsibilities that come with your life, and people to listen to. I get it, okay?”

He nodded as he sighed. He reached down to my hand on his thigh and slotted his fingers through mine. “So we’re good?”

I scoffed but smiled, “Yes we’re good. We’re better than good, we’re great.”

He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles, “Good.” He smiled at me, “We’re going back to mine.”

“Again?” I smirked.

“Yes. As much as I like your flat, it’s a bit small, yeah?”

“Shut up, it’s cozy!”

“Whatever you say,” he laughed.

*****

Sex with Harry that night was different. A good different. It was gentle and rough all at the same time. Soft caresses and grabs and mumbles and laughs.

I had already had one orgasm and he rocked into me to give me a second as he craved his own release. His movements got a bit sloppy and I knew he was almost there. “I’m close,” he purred into my ear followed by a grunt of pleasure.

I rolled my hips up to meet his, causing him to go deeper and hit a different, better angle. I got tingles across my whole body as he continued to hit it, “Me too.”

He reached a hand between us and rubbed against my clit as he continued to thrust into me, and within a few short moments, we were both coming undone. “Fuck,” he panted and he rolled a few quick thrusts into me as we both rode out our orgasms.

We were both sticky with sweat and he was shaking above me as he tried to catch his breath. He pulled out, but collapsed on top of me and kissed across my neck and shoulders. I wrapped my arms around his back, clinging to him, “Now that was fantastic!”

He chuckled against my skin. One of his hands trailed down my side down to the back of my knee before he pushed my leg up to wrap around his waist. He lifted his head only press his lips to mine in a kiss with so much passion behind it that it was almost unbearable. He moved and kissed my cheeks and my eyelids and then my forehead before he rested his own against it, “I love you,” he declared leaning up to look at me properly. “I’m yours.”

He looks so vulnerable, like he was bearing his soul, which I guess in a way he was. This was Harry, my best friend, who felt so deeply about everything and cared so much about everyone. He was scared to say or do things because he thought I would run. I felt so much guilt and so much love in that moment that all I wanted to do was hold him tightly and never let him go. I pushed a few wet curls off his forehead, “I love you too.”

He smiled softly and kissed me again, “I love hearing you say it.”