Fear of Flying

My parents weren’t coming to London for my birthday. Mom had called this morning and said that there was a big storm in Greece last night and a tree had fallen through the roof of the garage. The Garage was completely unusable now, and they were going to have to have workers at the house 24/7 and all their extra money was tied up in the reconstruction.

I was a little disappointed to be honest. They’ve never missed a birthday, even since they’d moved to another country. Mom promised they’d come visit once the repairs were done, and I was fine with that, but it wasn’t the same you know? It just wouldn’t feel like my birthday without a family dinner out.

“Aw, cheer up buttercup,” Eleanor said when I told her. “You still have me! We can go to dinner. Plus I think the lads wanna do something?” We were shopping through Topshop on my day off because Eleanor insisted that days off were for retail therapy.

I shrugged, “I don’t want a party though. I just want like, low key if I do anything.”

“Louis and I are still down to host a movie night.” She pulled a dress off the rack and threw it over her arm to add to her growing pile. “You’ve still got a few days to figure it out.”

“Yeah maybe. I’d be fine with just dinner with you though.”

She scoffed, “What about Harry.”

I blushed, “Yeah well, I guess he could come too.”

“Are you guys any closer to DTRing yet?”

“DTRing?”

She sighed like I wasn’t keeping up with her, “Defining the relationship.”

I rolled my eyes as I picked up a dress I thought was cute, then I looked at the price and put it back. “No,” I said absentmindedly.

“Is it still because of your personal demons?”

This was becoming such a serious conversation for shopping at Topshop. “Yes, and no. I mean, sometimes I’m like ‘fuck it! I’m perfect!’ but I still have those moment you know.”

She turned to me as she readjusted her pile of clothes in her arms, “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret babe.” She stared at me until she was sure I was paying attention. “We’re all insecure. No one is always 100% in love with themselves. You don’t think I compare myself to models and beautiful women? I do all the time. Plus I have 1D fans constantly telling me I’m shit and sending me death threats,” she rolled her eyes. “But then I just think of how good my life is and I just don’t care. I have my family and my friends, and the love of my life and it doesn’t matter that people are asshole or if I have a few flaws. I am who I am.”

“But you handle it so well! I don’t know if I can.”

She shrugged, “Well you won’t know until you just say ‘fuck it’ and go for what you want. Plus, it’s not like you’d be in it alone. You’ll have Harry and you’re friends. Have I ever gone a day without telling you how sexy you are? The answer is no.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled, “You’re such a lesbian El.”

“Only for you. But for real, you just gotta say ‘fuck it’ more. You’re a fantastic person. You should love yourself.”

“Well I’m trying. It’s not an overnight thing.”

“This would look cute on you,” she said pushing a light pink crop top into my hands. “And I’ll remind you every day how fantastic you are, don’t worry.”

I snorted a laugh, “Thanks.”

“Let’s go try all this on,” she said as she hiked her massive pile of clothes high on her grip. “You wanna get lunch after this?”

“I can’t,” I glanced at my phone for the time. “I have to meet up with Zayn in a little over an hour.”

She sent me a sideways glance as we headed towards the dressing room. “You’re meeting up with Zayn? That’s not code for ‘his girlfriends out of town so you can hook up now,’ right?” I sent her a really annoyed glare. “Okay, okay, I’m kidding! But seriously, since when are you guys like, hanging out?”

I shrugged, “We aren’t really. I mean, I haven’t seen him since your party, but we still talk and stuff. He just texted me earlier that he had something for me so I should come over.”

“That sounds sketch,” she mumbled as we took over one of the bigger dressing room stalls together.
I shrugged, “It’s Zayn. He’s king of vague.”

“That’s true. On a serious note though, I’m glad you guys are friends though, you know?”

I nodded, “Thanks.”

*****

“Well someone’s early,” Zayn smiled as he answered the door to let me in.

I shrugged, “Yeah well Eleanor had me on an endless shopping marathon and I just wasn’t in the mood to spend my entire paycheck so I cut out early.”

“Well I was just about to light up,” he guided us towards the backyard. “If you wanna join?”

“I think I’ll pass this time, but I’ll sit with you.”

No matter how many times I’ve been in Zayn’s house, I was still amazed at how nice it was. Like, yeah, I understood he had money and all that, but he wasn’t the type of guy to just throw his money around. Though I guess a house is one reason to do so. Plus is was clean, which was shocking for a 20 year old who lived on his own if you asked me.

We walked through his spacious living room towards his even more impressive backyard. I think his backyard was my favorite part of his house. He had a covered beck with 2 huge hammocks, a porch swing and a seating area around a fire pit. And then there was the huge, huge pool.

Basically it was where I’d spend all my time if I lived in a house like this.

He grabbed his pipe off the table before gracefully falling back into one of the hammocks sideways, to sit in it like a chair. He left enough space next to him and gestured for me to sit. “So shopping was a bust then?” he asked as I sat back. I tried to push the ironic thought about how much I’ve been with boys on hammocks lately as we both leaned back and he kicked to get as swaying a bit.

“No, I got one top. But I still left like I shouldn’t have spent the money.”

He lit his pipe and inhaled deeply, holding it for a moment before blowing it out slowly. “You know,” he coughed a bit, “If you need some money-”

“Please do not finish that sentence. I’m not a charity case, I’m fine Z.”

“I know you are,” he said before lighting the pipe again. “I’m just saying that it’s okay to need help.”

I shrugged and watched the smoke twirl in the wind above us. “I know it is. But I’m fine. I’m just stingy with spending money on clothes I really don’t need. Plus I’m having an off day.”

“Why’s that?”

I sighed, “My parents can’t make it for my birthday, so I’m a little bummed about that.”

“Ah that sucks babe. What happened?”

“A tree fell through the garage, so they have to get it fixed.”

“Bummer. But you still have us here, so we’ll make your birthday epic no matter what.”

I smiled, “Thanks. I just want something chill though.”

He hummed in response as he continued to smoke. We sat there in a comfortable silence as he took hits and rocked us back and forth. It was a really nice day out in London today. The sun was out, and a bit of wind. It mad sitting in a hammock in the shade feel real relaxing.

“So how’s Perrie?” I asked after a while. He’d finished smoking and we were just swinging in silence now.

“She’s good. Her first show of her tour starts a few days after your birthday so she’s got a lot of interviews and promo going on.”

I smiled at him and bumped my knee against his, “Gonna miss her?”

He smiled back, “Of course. I kind of like it you know, her having her own career and busy all the time. She gets it and I don’t feel guilty for leaving her when I have One Direction commitments.”

“Yeah, that’s a positive way at looking at it all.”

He nodded, “I always felt guilty when I’d have to leave you behind. You know, even though we weren’t together really, but we were you know.” He shrugged, “Like I always felt like it wasn’t fair to you.”

I understand though. You all are living your dream, and you’ve worked, you work so hard for it. I know it’s pointless to say, but you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for that. But I’m glad you have someone who completely knows about the life of an international popstar.”

“You’re happy to, yeah? With you and Harry, whatever you’re situation is?” he smirked.

I chuckled, “Yeah, whatever it is, I’m happy I think. I mean, I love him. I’m pretty sure, it’s just…”

“Terrifying?”

“Yes!”

He nodded, “Yeah, believe me, I completely agree. I’m still fucking terrified by how fast I’ve fallen for Perrie. Kinda makes you wanna throw up some times yeah?”

“All the time.”

“I’m told that it’s a normal feeling.”

I sighed, “Well that’s not reassuring at all.”

“I know,” he laughed. “But at the same time, I wouldn’t change anything.” I was quiet, mulling over his words. “You’ll figure it all out,” he promised. “You already know you love him, so you’re half way there. Just need to get you to realize how fuckin’ amazing you are.”

“You and Eleanor are like my biggest fans, I swear.”

He laughed, “We run the Kennedy fan club.”

I rolled my eyes, “Whatever. So you told me you had something for me. Do you really, or were you just bored by yourself?”

“No, I have something for you,” he smirked. “Hanging out was just a bonus.”

“Well, what is it? You know I love gifts.”

He stood up, “You’re such a brat. Stay here, I’ll go get it.” He ran into the house and was only gone for a few minutes before he came back with a massive dopy smile. The weed had totally kicked in. “Now, this is a birthday present. Well it’s for both of us, but I found it and knew you had to have it.”

“Its for both of us?”

“Yep. And I know you’re birthday is still days away but I can’t wait. The timing is everything.”

“Okay! Now give it to me!”

“So impatient!” He reached into his back pockets and dropped an envelope into my lap. I just stared at it as he sat back down next to me. “Open it.”

I pulled the flap up and peeked inside. There were two concert tickets. “If these are One Direction tickets, you aren’t funny,” I said giving him a look.

“It’s not. It’s better.”

I scoffed, “What’s better than One Direction tickets?” I pulled the tickets out and a shot of adrenalin shot through me. “You got us Childish Gambino tickets?!”

“I told you it was a gift for both of us. I guess the polite thing to do would let you take whoever you want with you, but I’m a bit selfish.”

I scoffed, “I’d take you anyway. You’re the only one I know that likes Childish Gambino. This is awesome Zayn! I didn’t even know he was coming!”

“Me either until Ant told me, and I knew I had to get us tickets. I tweeted him and one thing led to another and he gave me tickets. It’s the day before your birthday, which is why I couldn’t wait to give it to you.”

“Wait! Hold on, he gave you tickets? You talked to Donald Glover?! Holy shit!”

“He invited us to hang out after the show. So like, can get dinner before hand, yeah? Then go to the show and have a laugh.”

I turned and hugged him, “This is the best gift ever! I so needed something to turn the day around. I’m so excited!”

“So am I!”

“I don’t think anything will top this present, to be honest.”

He scoffed, “Well I don’t know about that. But I’m glad you liked it. I thought for sure you’d find out since I used twitter to talk to him at first.”

I shrugged, “I’m never on twitter. Plus I generally don’t search your name online.”

“Thank god for that!”

“But seriously,” I said looking back at the tickets in my hand, “this is gonna be such a fun night!”

*****

I hadn’t heard from Harry since this morning when he texted me ‘good morning.’ I’d called him on my way home from Zayn’s but it just rang until it went to voicemail.

So I was very surprised when I walked into my flat and found him fast asleep in my bed. He was wearing nothing but a tight pair of jeans and socks, laying on his stomach across my mattress over the blankets.

My heart fluttered at the sight of him so at home in my bed. I was really in deep with him.

I watched him sleep for a moment like a creep before I crawled up next to him. He looked so freaking cute with the pout on his lips that I couldn’t help kiss his lips. Then his jaw, his cheek, neck, then across his shoulder.

When I got back to his neck he finally stirred. “This is the best way to be woken up,” he mumbled in a thick voice full of sleep. The sound of it turned me to mush.

“When are you doing here?” I asked as he turned and his arm found its way around my waist. His eyes fluttered open and a slow smile stretched across his lips.

“I missed you. I was gonna call you but then I laid down and just passed out.” He curled into me and snuggled into my chest. “You smell like marijuana,” he mused against my chest. “How’s Zayn?” he said sarcastically.

I chuckled as I threaded my fingers through his hair. “Nice guess. He’s fine. A little bored I think with Perrie busy.”

I was about to tell him about my birthday concert but then he started sponging open mouth kisses on my chest and I figured that it could wait. He hummed against my skin, “Sucks for him I guess.” One of his legs pushed between mine as he slowly rolled us over as he nibbled at my neck. “Are you high?”

“No, why?”

He moved to my lips and kissed me slowly, “Because you’re here, and I’m here, and I’m kind of turned on a little bit.” I giggled against his lips as he pulled my bottom one between his teeth, “Wouldn’t want to take advantage of you under the influence.”

“I’m pretty sure we’ve bother taken advantage of ourselves under the influence.”

“Whatever.” He pulled at the hem of my shirt, “Can we take this off?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

“It’s polite.”

I sighed as he nipped at the spot right under my ear, “Just take my shirt off Harry.”

He pulled my shirt off quickly before he went back to kissing me slowly. It was like he was trying to memorize every sensation of our lips together. “I love you,” he whispered just as I unzipped his jeans and dipped my hand inside his briefs.

I wrapped my hand around his growing shaft and felt him twitch against my palm. He groaned in approval and shuttered. “I love you too.”