A Single Daffodil

“OH MY GOD!!” Niall’s screaming was so loud that all the tourists on the beach could probably hear him, which would be remarkable, since we were at least two miles off shore. “THIS IS SO TERRIFYING!”

My arms were tightly wrapped around Harry’s shirtless torso as he sped over the huge waves that were coming in from the east. Harry and I were leading the four jet-skies that were rented out for us. Zayn and Niall had their own jet skies, while Liam and Jayden shared the third one.

Still clinging onto Harry (for dear life), I turned around to look behind me. The yacht that we were once standing on a couple of moments ago, already looked like a tiny spec from where we were. I imagined Sophia and Louis were already lying out on their beach towels at the bow of the yacht, sipping on mimosas and bathing in the morning sun.

Harry jumped a wave, causing the jet ski to fly a little higher in the air then the last jump. When we crashed back down to the water, I squealed and held onto Harry a little tighter. “Harry!”

He laughed loudly at my fear, not daring to slow down.

“You just caught so much air, Harry!” I heard Zayn yell from behind us. “Do it again!”

“No!” I quickly fired back at Zayn. “Don’t encourage him! I want to live past thirty!”

Harry laughed again.

This was the first time I’ve seen Harry in three days. Three days. That was the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing each other since we started dating. Ever since Harry sent me those flowers at work, I’ve been panicky. Very panicky. I was freaking out about us. I still didn’t know what to do, and I sure as hell wasn’t ready to talk to Harry about it.

So I avoided him.

I avoided him like the plague.

Every night he called me after he finished up at the studio, I would instantly lie to him about being busy. I would tell him I was taking Grandpa Gene to the movies. Or that I was babysitting Sophia’s cousins. Or that I was having dinner with my dad (which, by the way, was the worst lie of all. I was surprised Harry didn’t catch onto my fabricated stories when I told him that one). Of course, Harry was Harry, and didn’t question anything that came out of my mouth. He was patient, sweet, and perfect. And it made my wrong-doing feel even worse.

“You’re still coming out with us on the yacht tomorrow morning, right?” Harry asked me over the phone last night when I was... ‘on my way home from dinner with my dad’. What I was actually doing was sitting out on my porch, gnawing at my bottom lip until it was raw. It definitely didn’t help that Harry sounded sleepy over the phone when he spoke. His voice was extra raspy and rough. It gave me goosebumps. I could imagine him lying across his bed at the Presidential Suite with an arm resting behind his head.

“Yeah.” I responded softly. “Yeah, of course I am.”

“Good.” I could hear his smile on the other side of the line. “I miss you. Three days are much too long for us to be apart.”

I wanted to say something to him, right there and then on the phone. He opened the can of worms. I could have easily said, ‘Three days? Imagine three months. By the way, are we ever going to talk about you leaving at the end of summer?’.

But I didn’t.

Instead I said, “I miss you too.”

Because it was true.

It was so true.

“Harry, wait!” I heard Jayden shout a couple of waves behind us. “Niall fell off!”

Harry turned his head to look behind us before immediately slowing our jet ski down. He steered us around and slowed when we reached Niall’s little head bobbing in the water.

“You alright there, Niall?” Liam asked as Jayden parked their jet ski next to ours. Zayn finally caught up to us and slowed down next to Niall’s empty jet ski.

“Yeah, I’m grande.” He answered, coughing up a bit of water before swimming back over to his jet ski. “These waves are killer!”

“Niall, don’t swim too fast. There’s hundreds of sharks swimming under you right now. They’ll bite your toes off.” I teased.

“Stop it! You’re lyin’!” Niall suddenly cried, swimming even faster to his stalled jet ski. Liam started laughing when Niall struggled to get back on. When he did, he pointed right at me. “You’re a cruel woman, Vita. I just peed me pants!”

I loved getting a rise out of Niall. He was so easy to tease. When I’d get him riled up enough, his Irish accent would get extra thick and he’d always give me his funniest grump face. Even though Sophia denies her relationship with Niall, I was convinced they were perfect for each other. He’s kind, funny and downright adorable with his chubby cheeks and blue eyes. He was good for Sophia because he balanced out her loud Latina ways.

I actually got along really well with the rest of Harry’s bandmates when we would all hang out. I learned over the past few weeks just how different they were from one another. While Niall was the cute and adorable Irish one, Liam was the clever one (who always hung out with Jayden, I noticed), Louis was the sarcastic, funny one, and Zayn was the shy one. It always took Zayn a couple of minutes to really break out of his shell when we would hang out.

“Race you bitches back to the boat!” Jayden exclaimed, already revving his jet ski back to life. He did a quick loop around the rest of us before heading back to the yacht.

“Tally-ho!” Liam yelled, standing up behind Jayden (probably not the safest way to travel via jet ski) as he pointed onwards to the yacht.

“Hey, no fair! You lot got a head start!” Niall shouted, driving his own jet ski after them, quickly followed by Zayn.

“Ready?” Harry turned his head to look at me while the others zoomed off. “Hold on!”

I was fixing my hair into a higher ponytail when Harry jerked the jet ski forward, causing me to shriek loudly before hastily re-wrapping my arms around Harry’s waist. I started laughing when I noticed how adamant Harry was to catch up with everyone else. He looked so determined with his brows creasing right into his sunglasses.

“What?” He beamed after catching me trying to hide my laughter.

“Nothing.” I giggled back, lightly tickling the front of his abdomen with my fingers. He flexed away from them almost immediately. I knew full well that was his sensitive spot. “I’m just...this is fun. I’m having a good time!”

Harry reached down for one of my hands and kissed the top of it as his response. I grinned, resting my cheek against his hard back. I pushed away any kind of anxiety about us breaking up and enjoyed the moment. He was unbearably perfect.

Of course that moment didn’t last long.

When we parked the jet skies behind the yacht, the boys were already preparing to go snorkeling in the water. Everyone except Niall, of course. I spooked him right out of the ocean with my shark comment. Since I really didn’t feel like getting my hair wet, I decided to accompany Niall on the top deck of the yacht since an early brunch buffet was patiently waiting to get eaten.

The yacht was a pretty snazzy, expensive looking thing. It must have costed their label a boat load of money to just rent for the day--pun very much intended. It was definitely much bigger than my dad’s yacht and even came with a wait staff and a captain.

“See, this is why I like you, Vita.” Niall’s voice came out muffled as he tried to speak with his mouth full. Once we picked out our food, we moved over to the outside part of the deck and sat down at the bar so we could look out at the ocean. “Unlike Sophia, you love to eat. Where I’m from, it’s not an option to be Vegan.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I laughed, chewing on one of the cheese cubes I picked off a kabob stick. “Do you miss home?”

“Yeah, ‘course I do.” Niall replied easily, taking a sip of his drink. “Definitely don’t miss the weather though. It’s absolute crap! Rains every single day, I’ll tell ya. We never get days like this.”

I smiled at him before looking back at the ocean. I could see Harry, Louis and Zayn swimming at the edge of the boat, with their multi-colored snorkels sticking out of the water. Jayden and Liam ditched the snorkelers altogether and were challenging each other to try and swim under the yacht, which was really starting to freak me out.

“Can’t believe we’ll have to be leaving this paradise in two weeks.”

I whipped my head around to Niall so fast, I experienced whiplash. “Wait. What did you just say? Two weeks? Did I hear that right?”

My voice was frantic and my eyes were wide as I watched Niall take another large swig from his drink.

“Yeah, we’re leaving in two weeks.” Niall’s voice was slower, watching my surprised and frantic expression carefully. “Didn’t Harry tell you? We have one more week of recordin’ left and then another week of editing and re-dos. We leave two weeks from tomorrow.”

I stared at Niall with my mouth open.

“Are you playing a prank on me because of that shark comment? It’s not funny Niall.” I sounded desperate and panicky. “Swear on your life that you’re not joking.”

“I wish that I was.” Niall replied. “Harry really didn’t tell you?”

I sucked in my bottom lip and shook my head.

“Oh boy.” He whistled, running a hand through his blonde mop of hair.

There was no way that could be true. Two weeks!? I wanted to scream. I thought I had more time. I thought we had more time. There was another four weeks left of summer, and I thought they would be here until then. Harry hasn’t said one thing about them leaving in two weeks. Two weeks. God, I couldn’t get my head around it. Two weeks was nothing.

A rush of worry and fear hit me like a strike of lightning. It was all happening so fast. I turned away from Niall and looked back at the water, trying to prevent myself from crying. I suddenly felt hurt that Harry hasn’t said anything. How am I suppose to interpret that? Did he even care? Didn’t he realize I had a say in how this played out too?

Oh God. This was bad. This was really bad.



“Just ordered the pizza! Should be here in twenty minutes!” I heard Harry call from the living room.

I slammed the drawer back into my dresser and cleared my throat before responding. “Sounds good. I’ll be out in a minute!”

I discarded the towel that was wrapped around my body and changed into a pair of frayed denim shorts and an old white tank top. I tried to stay calm as I let down my dry salty curls, brushing the knots out carefully. My hands were shaking, my fingertips were numb. I’ve been trying to ignore the anxiety and agonizing worry that has been building up within my entire core since we returned from the yacht. The feeling was not fleeting. It was permanent.

I tried to stay calm and relaxed for the remainder of our time on the boat after Niall spilled the beans this morning. I didn’t want to fight with Harry when we were practically suspended in the middle of the ocean. It was so difficult to not lock myself in the bathroom and hide from everyone. I just wanted to be alone and think. I wanted to think about how I was going to handle this. A part of me wanted to yell at Harry and then a part of me wanted to cry. I was so hurt that he didn’t tell me anything about him leaving so soon.

When Niall and I finished eating, I went back to the main deck downstairs and joined Sophia at the bow of the yacht. She was lying on her stomach, humming some pop tune while flipping through the latest issue of Vogue. I wordlessly laid down next to her and opened up the Hemingway book I was reading. I was grateful Sophia didn’t catch onto the distress that my body was obviously exuding.

But now we were back at my house, alone, and we needed to talk.

When I walked back into the living room, Harry was already sprawled out on my couch, remote in one hand, and his phone in the other. He looked so relaxed and at ease. If only I could be the same.

“Hey, you.” He smiled up at me when I reached the back of the couch. He dropped the remote into his lap as he reached up for my hand, caressing my fingers with his. I gulped. “Game Of Thrones is about to start.”

I smiled. It didn’t reach my eyes. It was the weakest smile. “Okay.”

“You’re so cute when you’re tired.” Harry smirked, completely misreading my response. He tugged on my fingers. “Come cuddle with me.”

I obeyed, walking around the couch and letting Harry completely pull me into him. His arms easily wrapped around me as I rested my head against his chest. He smelled like he usually did: a little peppermint and a dash of lavender. It was the strangest combination, thanks to whatever detergent he used, but I loved it. It was his scent, and no one else's.

I closed my eyes and took the time to really enjoy this moment. My favorite moments with Harry were when we would watch movies together. We’d end up on my couch, just like this, and he would just kiss me all over. He’d kiss my curls, my forehead, cheek, nose and neck. He would play with my fingers throughout the whole movie, carefully gliding his fingertips ever so slightly across the inside of my own. It was endearing and intoxicating. It made me come undone at the seams. It was as if he was unintentionally reminding me just how lucky I was to have a guy like him.

But this time was different. It was the calm before the storm.

I immediately tensed up, not entirely giving in to Harry’s touch. The butterflies erupted in my stomach when I cleared my throat. “Harry?”

“Mmm?” He was twirling a strand of my hair around his finger.

“When were you going tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you were leaving in two weeks.”

His finger stopped twirling, his whole body going still. There. I said it. It was officially out in the open. The can has been opened, the cage’s gate no longer secured. This was the very moment I was dreading.

“Niall told me.” I answered the question I knew he was already thinking. How did she know?.

“He did, did he.” I wasn’t facing Harry, but just by his tone of voice, I could tell he was frowning.

I knew this was my cue to unravel myself from Harry’s body so I could face him, but I was scared. I was terrified to see his face. I was terrified to let him see my expression.

“When were we going to talk about this?” I asked again, keeping my eyes on the television, trying to keep my voice even. Game Of Throne’s was starting.

“Well, I figured it wasn’t really something that needed to be discussed.”

That did it. That’s what did it for me. My heart started to race and I pulled myself away from Harry. “What do you mean, wasn’t something that needed to be discussed? Harry, it’s definitely something that needs to be discussed.”

“Why? There’s nothing being changed.” Harry said it so nonchalantly, that it took me by surprise. “What’s there to discuss?”

“Harry. You’re leaving and I’m staying here. That’s a change. A huge change.”

“Yeah, but we’re not changing anything.”

I responded with silence. I sucked in my lips and diverted my gaze from his. That made him sit up quick. Real quick.

“Right, Vita?” There was a hint of stress in his voice now as he watched me carefully. “We’re not changing anything between us.”

“Harry.” I looked down at my hands, reminding myself to stay calm. “You’re going back to England and I’m staying here. How would we continue being us if you’re not even going to be here?”

“How can you say that? Long distance relationships work.” Harry reached for my hands and held them tightly. “I didn’t bring up my departure date because I didn’t believe it was even issue. I assumed there was no doubt about us staying together.”

“That’s not real life.” I choked out. My hands started trembling again. Harry gripped on tighter.

“Yes it is.” He scooted closer to me. His eyes were wide and his eyebrows were creased with worry. “Yes it is, Vita. Yes it is. It is to me.”

“You’re going to be so busy when you leave. You’re going to be on tour, doing press related things, interviews, photo shoots, flying around the world, continuing your commitment to your career--”

“Then come with me.” Harry cut me off. “You can come with me and we’ll make it work.”

“Harry.” I gave him an incredulous look. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have commitments too!” I pulled my hands out of his and stood up. “I’m still in college, I have my family here, I have Grandpa Gene. I can’t just...leave!”

“Okay, you’re right.” Harry stood up too and followed me into the kitchen. The tension was so thick between us, I could barely breathe. “Then, we’ll make adjustments. I can commit to flying here on my days off, and then--and then you can fly over to me on your days off and we can figure it out. We can figure it out, Vita.”

There was a silent pause as I finally turned around to face him. No longer was there a cheeky grin on Harry’s lips and a twinkle in his eye. His expression was despairing. His eyes were dark. His bottom lip was quivering.

“I can’t do it.” I whispered, my gaze finally meeting his. “I won’t do it. Sometime or another, it’s not going to work Harry. And it’ll-it will end and it will hurt. Can’t you see that?”

“Vita.” It came out as a whimper. “You’re not saying that we...”

“I’m saying maybe we need to realize that what we’ve had this summer has been perfect and nothing short of amazing.” My voice was starting to break. I could feel that oh so familiar burning sensation behind my eyes when I watched Harry’s face crumple in distress. I choked back the tears and kept speaking. “I’m saying maybe it won’t get any better then this.”

“That’s bullshit Vita, and you know it!” He exploded. “I care about you so much. Surely you must know that. This isn’t some..fucking summer fling. This is the real deal. What I feel for you is real. We can make it work. I don’t know how but it will. It fucking will. I won’t let it go to shit. I promise I won’t.”

He looked so wounded and despondent as he watched me from across the kitchen. I wanted nothing more than for us to be together. But I knew I couldn’t do the long-distance. I knew in the end, I would be the one who got hurt. I would be the one who wouldn’t be able to handle it. I was the one who would, inevitably, fuck it all up.

I looked down at the floor, my eyes watering.

“I can’t do it.” I whispered.

“You won’t even try?” He asked, his voice stumbling on the boarder of despair. I looked up at him then, and I could see, just how badly he wanted me to change my mind.

I covered my mouth with my hand, suddenly revolted with myself for doing this to him. But it was for the best. For both of us. My eyebrows furrowed and tears threatened to spill. I shook my head.

He chewed on his bottom lip and tore his eyes away from me almost instantly. Severing eye-contact hurt a lot more than I expected. I wanted him to see how sorry I was, how badly I didn’t want us to break up. I wanted him to see that I was doing the right thing, even though it hurt. But he wouldn’t look at me. He looked everywhere else but my face.

Harry slid his tongue nervously across his bottom lip before slowly turning around and walking towards the front hallway. A second later, I heard his car keys jingle and the front door opening and slamming shut.

I put my hand over my chest and started gasping for air. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath the whole time we were in my kitchen.

I gripped the kitchen counter and let go of the violent bursts of sobs that exploded from my chest. My cheeks were damp and my vision was blurry from the tears that I held onto all day.

We were done. I couldn’t believe it. It was over. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. No, it felt worse than that. It felt like I was hit by a train. I knew I would be in bad shape after it was all said and done, but not this bad. I could barely breathe. I felt like I was dying. This was much worse than I anticipated.