Lightning in a Bottle

Sunday

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

It’s been almost a week and I haven’t left Dani’s.

The night I showed up at her house, we stayed up late, drinking wine as I told her everything. She sat there and let me vent it all out, without any bias input. She didn’t tell me to go back to Niall’s and demand an explanation, and she didn’t tell me to move on either. She was just one of my best friends, just as confused as I was over the whole thing.

She let me stay in her guest room and I’ve been living in her sweats and a few t-shirts I could just barely squeeze into. I was far from Dani’s perfect dancer body, and she wore a few (more than a few if I’m honest) sizes smaller than me.

The only people I’ve talked to besides her were my aunt and Blue. I didn’t know how to tell my Aunt that my fiancé had broke my heart and broke up with me, so instead I just told her we were having a fight. She gave me optimistic word about working it out, and all I could do was offer up simple “yeah” and “okay.” It hurt to know that none of this would probably be okay.

Blue on the other hand, was livid. “Why the fuck does he keep doing this to you?” she seethed through the phone. “The last time you two broke up, he didn’t let you have a say either! Why do you keep letting him do this? He’s such a fucking wanker! He doesn’t deserve you! He never has…” and on and on she went. It was almost like she was channeling all the anger I should have for me, but all I felt was empty. “I’m coming home!” she said at the end of our phone call.

“No, no,” I said quickly, “Don’t do that. I’ll be fine.”

“Ayden, you don’t sound fine at all. You sound calm, and you calm is never ‘fine.’” She sighed, “I can’t just stay in the US knowing what you’re going through. You’re my sister, and I know you need me.”

“Of course I need you. But I also don’t want you to leave the tour early. I’m okay. I’ve got Dani and my Aunt if I really need it.”

She sighed again, “If I don’t hear signs of you getting better, or better yet, going over there and beating the shit out of that Irish twat, I’m coming home.”

I managed a weak smile, “Okay.”

“You should go over there you know. At least get some clothes,” she said softly.

“Maybe.”

That phone call was from Sunday. I’ve texted her here and there over the past few days but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything more than just lay in Dani’s guest bed.

I’ve gotten several calls and texts from everyone else too. Niall included. Most of them were from him and Harry actually.

They all went unanswered and unread. I couldn’t bring myself to look at any of them, because then it would just prove that this whole thing was real, and my life over the past 4-ish years was done. I couldn’t rip that wound open any more than it already was. I wasn’t ready for that.

It hurt to ignore Dakota, Eleanor and Perrie. Even Sophia, Liam’s girlfriend who I wasn’t all that close with, had tried reaching out. But I couldn’t give them more than a simple ‘I’m fine’ text before shoving my phone under the pillows and ignoring it.

I abandoned my spot in the bed and made my way downstairs where I found Dani sitting at the kitchen counter reading a magazine. “Hey,” I said weakly.

She smiled up at me, “Morning. There’s tea,” she gestured to the stove where the kettle was.

I made myself a cup before I sat on the stool next to hers, “Thanks for letting me crash her. I know I have been here a while.”

“Nah,” she waved me off, “It’s fine. I don’t mind you being here at all. I’m just worried about you, you know?”

I focused my gaze on my tea, “I’ll be fine.”

“No you won’t. You haven’t left the guest room much except to shower and eat.” She sighed, “I know you don’t want to, but you’re going to have to face this eventually.”

I nodded because she was right, “I know it’s just… every time I think about it my heart feels like it’s going to explode.”

She grasped my wrist comfortingly, “Believe me when I say this, I know what you’re going through. But you shouldn’t lose all hope yet. You said he’s called and texted, maybe he’s-”

“Don’t say it,” I begged. “That’ll just give me false hope, and I don’t need that let down right now.”

She looked at my sympathetically but nodded nonetheless. “You know you can stay here as long as you need. But I do think you should take care of some things.”

“I know,” I sighed. “I just… I just have to prepare myself, you know?”

“I know,” she nodded. “And I’m here for you if you want to talk some more.”

“Thanks Dani,” I smiled softly at her, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she smiled. “It’s so hard to keep in constant touch while I’m so busy going on tours and shows and I don’t know when my life got so busy.”

“I know what you mean,” I nodded. “I’m so happy when I see you in a music video or am watching an award show and see you dancing across the stage.”

She laughed, “And I love buying Kerrang just because you’re on the cover.”

I stayed downstairs with Dani for most of the day. She helped keep my mind off things, and I actually really missed just hanging around her and just talking. She told me about her new boyfriend, who was this super fit dancer, and how she was falling in love with him. I was so happy to hear this coming from here. I hadn’t heard her talk seriously about a lad since Liam, and I was glad she was finally actually moving on.

I eventually did go back up to the guest room though. I could only hide from the sadness and depression for so long.

I was curled up under the blankets, mindlessly watching a marathon of Bad Education when there was a knock on the door. “Dani, it’s open!” I shouted, not bothering to move.

The door opened but she didn’t come in. After a long moment I looked up, and instead of the curly haired goddess that was Dani, her ex boyfriend was standing in the doorway looking in on me with a worried look. “Ayden,” he sighed.

I huffed and pulled the blankets over my head in an attempt to hide myself, “What are you doing here Liam?” To say I was surprised he was the one to find me and come see me was an understatement. Over the years being with Niall, Liam and I had never been super close. I mean, yeah we were friends, but we didn’t have that strong connection. We had never gone out of our way to hang out unless Niall or someone was around. Honestly, I’d expect Louis or Zayn to show up before Liam.

I heard his footsteps get closer to the bed, then after a moment, the blankets were thrown up, and he crawled under them with me. “After I figured out no one knew where you were, I figured there were only a few places you would go. So when you weren’t at your aunts, and Blue is out of town, I figured you’d go to Danielle’s.” He shrugged, “Plus, she called me earlier.”

I sighed. Of course she’d call someone, I knew that conversation we had earlier was a bit odd. “Who else knows I’m here.”

“No one. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming.” He reached over and grabbed my hand, “How you doing love?”

“Dreadful,” there was no use lying. I know you could see on my face plain as day how terrible I was.
He gave me a sympathetic look, “Everyone’s worried about you. Especially Harry. He’s mad you didn’t come to him, and he’s not talking to Niall right now.”

I didn’t want to hear that. Whatever happens between Niall and I shouldn’t affect the lads and their friendship. “Harry shouldn’t be like that.”

Liam’s eyes hardened for a moment, “We’re all mad at him. He did a really stupid thing!”

I shrugged, “What happens between Niall and I shouldn’t affect your friendships at all.”

I watched his face go soft again before I looked away. I tried to pull my hand from his but he wouldn’t let me. “Don’t shut us out Ayden. We all really care about you.” He paused, “And Niall is a wreck.”

“Save it Liam,” I sighed.

He sat up, pushing the blanket off both of us, “He is Ayd! He called me after you left the other night all frantic. He knows he’s fucked up and made a mistake. That’s what he’s been calling you.”

I scoffed and sat up, “He sounded pretty sure of himself when he told me he was done.” I wanted to be mad, but really I was just sad still, and it was so clear in my voice.

“Ayden he’s… he’s hurt yeah? He’s messed up over the stress of his knee’s and the wedding you’re supposed to be planning. And the kid thing. He thinks he’s going to lose you because you don’t want the same things.”

“You know what’s really fucked up about all this?” I said when I finally looked up at him. “I’m not even against having kids anymore. I’ve talked to so many people recently and it doesn’t sound so terrible anymore. I’m not saying them I want them now, but later, sure why not.” I huffed, “But he didn’t let me tell him that. He never lets me have a say in this ever! He always thinks he’s going to lose me or I’m going to leave him so he does it before anything can happen! The last time we broke up, he drunkenly just ended it without giving me a chance to fight for it. This was my relationship too but he doesn’t give a fuck about my feelings Liam!”

“This is what you should be telling him right now. You need to get up, take a shower and go over there and let him have it. Then let him grovel and apologize and let him fix this.”

I shook my head, “That’s not going to happen.”

“What not? Have you spoken to him lately? No you haven’t. He made a really stupid decision the other night and he immediately regretted it as soon as you walked out. He lost his mind when he found your ring. Lost it,” He sighed, “I’ve never seen Niall cry outside of X-Factor, but that night when he asked me to come over, he did.”

It broke my heart to hear that. Its weird, that even after Niall ripped my heart out of my chest, it hurt me to hear he was hurting. How fucked up is that? “I don’t know what you want me to do?”

“You wanna hear what I have to say?” Liam and I both turned towards the door when we heard her voice.

There in the doorway was Blue, Dani right behind her. “Blue what are you doing here?” I asked shooting out of the bed to run over and hug her.

“Oh sure, I come over here to talk to you and all I get is you hiding under the covers,” Liam scoffed from behind me.

We ignored him, “I flew in a few hours ago. I know you told me not too, but I was going crazy on the tour bus knowing that you were hurting. So I got the first light here. I just came from your house.”

“You were at Niall’s house?” I managed to get out as my throat threatened to close.

She scoffed, “No, I came from your house, where I just spend the better half of 2 hours ripping that popstar a new one.” She sighed, “Though it was less satisfying than I thought I’d be because he just sat there and took it. He even agreed with me on some points!”

“I told you he regretted it!” Liam said.

Blue led me back to the bed and sat me down next to Liam, “Here’s what we’re going to do,” she said. “You’re going back home and letting Niall apologize.”

“I already told her this,” Liam sighed.

Dani and Blue gave him a smile, “Of course you did Li. Daddy Direction is still in there somewhere,” Dani laughed.

He smirked, “Only when I really dig for him.”

“Ayden” Blue said getting my attention back. “You love Niall yeah?”

I gave her a flat look, “Yes, but what he said-”

“I know, he was a fucking twat, and he’ll never be forgiven for what he said. But you can move on from this. He may frustrate the hell out of me, but I’ve never seen him look so down as he did when I showed up at the door. I was expecting to fight, but instead I walked in on a broken man. It took the fight right out of me. I just… you need to talk to him.”

I looked at the three of my friends who were all looking at me expectantly, “You really think I should just forgive and forget?”

Liam scoffed, “No. But Blue’s right, you can get past this. But you need to lay into him what you just told me. Tell him that it’s not fair that he keeps deciding this shit for you.”

“None of us would blame you if you went back Ayd,” Dani said softly. “The heart wants what the heart wants. You and Niall… well you’re meant to be together. You just have to stop letting him fuck it up.”

“And we’re here to help you do that,” Blue confirmed.