Same Mistakes

It was dark again. We spend the whole day talking and kissing and… well you know, between little naps, our bodies intertwined. We ordered takeaway and ate it in bed, occasionally paid attention to the tellie, but that only lasted maybe 20 minutes before we got lost in each other.

This was literally the corniest, most domestic thing I think I’ve ever done, and I loved it.

I was so not looking forward to having to go into work tomorrow. I’d rather just stay in bed with Liam forever.

We were laying tangled into each other like we had been since I got here, MTV was on but turned down to a low murmur as we vaguely watched. He was absently playing with a strand of my hair, twisting and curling it around his fingers. “Can I ask you something I’ve always wondered…?”

I looked into his eyes, “Yeah, of course.”

“Well,” he bit his lip, pondering for a moment. “When we were just hanging out and getting to know each other on tour, before we-” he waved his hands about, “you know. You had mentioned that you didn’t do relationships and you thought that maybe it had something to do with how your first time was… I guess I was just wondering about that…”

I sort of remembered us talking about it, but he never pushed it. It was more of a fleeting comment really. “Well what do you want to know?”

He shrugged. His eyes trailing from mine as he trailed his fingers up my arm, “Just wondering what happened, like why do you think it affected you? If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine too.”

I sighed, but smiled, “I guess it’s time for that conversation isn’t it? This is where we talk about our pasts?” He just shrugged, waiting for me to continue. “I’m not proud of how it happened, so please don’t judge me.”

“I’d never judge you Jazmin. Ever.”

I smiled at the sincerity in his eyes as they blazed into mine. I nodded, “Okay. Well, I lost my virginity to a guy I met at a party when I was 16.” I felted, a part of me was ashamed just thinking about how it happened, but I never admitted that to anyone ever. I think Jesy assumed I regretted how it happened, but she never said anything to me about it. I sighed, “His name was Justin- and the whole night he was so sweet and adorable, and he was really fit. And he was 22, and I liked the attention he was giving me. Anyways, I didn’t plan on it to happen, but then we somehow ended up in a dark bedroom together and I didn’t know how to slow him down so I just… let it happen.” I shrugged again, “It didn’t last long. He was in there and done before I even really comprehended what was happening. As soon as he was finished he left.”

Liam nodded, “So, that really bothered you?” I didn’t think the experience affected me a great deal honestly. I wasn’t the type of girl that thought my virginity was this big important thing that needed to be saved until I was in love. That was bullshit, virginity wasn’t some milestone, it was just a lack of experience.

I shook my head, “I don’t think it did, but maybe subconsciously, I don’t know. Did I wish I actually knew the guy I lost it too? Yeah, but I couldn’t change it now.”

He hummed, “Thanks for telling me. I was just curious.” I hated that I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. But his face looked serene so I wasn’t too worried that my story had changed anything between us.

I shrugged, “Can I ask you about yours?”

A little half smile appeared on his lips, “It was a typical first time story. It happened right before I left for X Factor bootcamp, before One Direction happened. It was with my girlfriend at the time Sarah. It was awkward and sloppy and neither of us had any idea what we were doing.” He chuckled, “Then she broke up with me before I went off the judges houses, and then I met Danielle.”

I’ve always wanted to ask him about Danielle, but I was never sure how to approach it. Or what I even wanted to ask. I knew they dated for a number of years, and that she was a huge part of his life. I mean, they even got a dog together (yes I read things on tumblr, don’t judge me)!

Right as I was about to bring her up, the words were on the tip of my tongue, I decided that I didn’t want to cross that line. I’ve never had to ask anyone about an ex before, it was never part of what I had with other guys in the past so I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know what to expect either. I didn’t want to see how he’d react to the topic or worry about any feelings he may still have for her.

Before I could fill the silence with another topic Liam beat me too it, “Can I ask how many lads you’ve been with?”

I didn’t even have to think about it, I knew exactly how many people I’ve been with, “Including you, 5.” My first time aside, I was very selective of who I let below the belt. The casual… flings, for lack of a better term, always lasted a significant time, and I never hooked up with someone else while I was with one person. STD’s are no joke okay! “How many have you been with?”

In the glow of the tellie, I could see his face turn a shade of red. “Um… well including you, 7.”

I smirked, “I’m not gonna lie, that’s more than I thought.” I laughed, “But good for you.”

He still looked embarrassed, “After Dani, I was just trying to get over it you know? And I thought finding other birds would help, but it didn’t really,” he shrugged.

He looked troubled, and that bothered me. I placed my finger between big furrowed brows until he relaxed them, “Hey, lots of people do that, don’t feel embarrassed. I’m not judging you.”

“I know, it’s just,” he winced a bit, “I’m not proud of how I acted after Danielle and I broke up. It’s a personal issue I have with it really.”

I nodded, “Well if you ever want to talk about it, feel free.”

“Maybe another time. I don’t want that to ruin the vibe we’ve got going on right now,” he said tugging my waist a little closer.

I hummed contently into his chest, “I don’t want to have to leave tomorrow… tonight? What time is it?”

“It’s not midnight yet, so tomorrow. I don’t want you to go either.” We were silent then, his fingers trailing up my spine. Sometime I noticed he liked doing; touching my skin whenever he could. “Do you wanna go to dinner tomorrow night?”

I kissed his chest softly, “Alright.” My arm snaked up around his neck, my fingers touching the last ends of his hair there, “Where are we going? Somewhere casual I hope.”

He chuckled, “Someday, I’ll get you to go somewhere fancy with me.”

“Thire just such a pain in the ass though,” I scoffed. “Plus, who wants to wear heels to eat overly priced food? Not this bird.”

He chuckled into my hair, “You’re perfect.”

“Thanks, I try,” I smirked.

He placed little butterfly kisses across my shoulder, “We’ve been together almost 2 months now.”

“I know.”

“Are we celebrating little anniversaries?”

I laughed, “That’s so cheesy though.”

I felt him shrugged, “Just wondering.”

I pulled back from his chest so I could look into his face. He masked his emotions well when he wanted to, so I had no idea what he was thinking. “If you want, we can celebrate the little milestones,” I shrugged.

“I just think,” he paused to brush a piece of hair out of my eyes, “That you fought so hard to not be with me in a real relationship, that I think we should celebrate the accomplishments.”

“Well if it makes you happy we can celebrate that.”

He ran his thumb across my cheekbone slowly, “You make me happy.”

I felt my heart stop for a second before it kicked into high gear. He always knows what to say. How!? “You make me happy too.” And he did. I never thought being with someone could make me feel so… giddy, for lack of a better word. But he did. Now, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be happy without him, let’s just get that clear. But Liam definitely made life more exciting.

*****

When I walked out of the bathroom after my shower, I found Liam on the bed still. We spent the day there again, though we managed to get up a few times to actually make food. He had his laptop open on his lap but shut it when I came out. “Did you have a good shower?”

I shrugged, “Would have been better with you, but it was alright.”

My favorite smile of his graced his face as he stood up, “Next time,” he promised. He came over and kissed my damp shoulder, “I’m gonna shower real quick then we can head to Louis’ before heading to dinner.” I nodded at his words as he made his way to the bathroom. Our date had turned into a double date with Louis and Eleanor when Lou called Liam a few hours ago.

As soon as the bathroom door closed I got dressed; in jeans and a t-shirts, the best attire. I brushed my suborning curly hair before putting it into a tight bun at the top of my head.

I sat on the bed and pulled Liam’s laptop over out of boredom. When I opened it the screen came back to life and his twitter popped up.

I scanned the page, he was looking through tags… of my name. Irritation crept up my spine, why was he reading this shit? Nothing good comes from reading what these people, who don’t even know us, have to say.

I skimmed through some tweets; ‘I’m not worried about Jazmin Medina. Liam will leave her soon enough.’

‘Jazmin Medina’s not even pretty!’

‘Liam could do soooooo much better than Jazmin Medina!’

‘Jazmin Medina is such a fame whore! What, was mooching off Little Mix not enough?’

‘Why doesn’t Liam like white girls? Danielle Peazer, now Jazmin Medina? #why’

‘What the fuck is Jazmin Medina anyway? Mexican? Her skin is sooooo muddy’

Fuckers.

First of all, I’m Egyptian and Spanish you twats! And second, I am not a fame whore. Far from it actually.

I rolled my eyes and shut the laptop again. I was even more irritated now, at myself this time for reading it. It gets you worked up, you can’t help it. When someone is attacking you for no reason and making really dumb, ignorant comments, even the strangest person would want to snap and make a twitlonger.

But I’m above that. Acknowledging these types of things just makes things worse. I opened the laptop again and pulled of Liam’s twitter page because now I was curious.

There were three tweets. The first was simply ‘I hate when people run their mouth like they know everything.’ The next two were just simple hashtags; #Done and #OverIt.

I sighed as I closed the laptop again and pushed it away from me. I was flattered he felt the urge to protect me and say something, but this just makes people lash back more. He knows this, or at least he should.

I was still annoyed when I heard the shower shut off. I sat up and waited for him to come out so I could speak my mind on the subject.

But then he came out and I almost completely lost my train of thought. It doesn’t matter how many time I see Liam Payne naked, I’m never ready for it. Especially when he’s wet and fresh out of the shower with a towel riding dangerously low on his hips.

“You’re staring.”

I snapped out of it at his voice. He had a smug smirk on his face as he went over to his dresser and pulled out clothes. I watched him pull on his briefs before I was able to pull myself out of the dirty thoughts. I cleared my throat, “So… I saw what you were looking at on Twitter.”

He paused momentarily with one leg in his pant leg before he slowly pulled them the rest of the way on. “You did? You didn’t read it right?”

I rolled my eyes, “I skimmed though a few. What I don’t get is why you’re seeking that shit out. Why are you letting their words affect you?”

“I’m not,” he sighed as he pulled his shirt on, “I’d rather just see it than have you find it first. I don’t… I just don’t want the bullshit to get to you.”

“It won’t,” I shrugged. “I’ve dealt with this kind of stuff before. There are some Little Mix fans that don’t like me either, I’ve heard negative comments before.”

“I know, it’s just…” he sighed, “The harassment from fans was a big issue with Dani and I. I don’t want that to happen again.”

I nodded, “I understand where you’re coming from Liam, I do. But I’m not Dani, and I’m not going to let some ignorant comment from some 15 year old affect my life or my relationship. I just don’t want you to let this stress you out or affect your relationship with your fans. People are always gonna talk, you of all people should know that. It’s just part of the life.”

He walked over to me and pulled me up from the bed. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against him, “You’re right. I just get so aggravated when strangers attack the people I… the people I care about.”

I reached up and placed my lips on his softly, “And I appreciate it. I do. I just don’t want this to become an issue when it’s really not.”

He sighed into me, kissing my neck, “You’re right. I’m letting it get in the middle of my life when it doesn’t need too.”

“Exactly.”

His lips found mine again briefly, “Come on, let’s go to dinner with our friends.”

*****

I have only met Eleanor one other time, but with the amount that Louis talks about her, I felt like I’ve known her for years. She’s probably the best fit for Louis; she’s calm, but at times, just as mental and snarky as her boyfriend.

And she has this amazing, bubbly personality that’s completely contagious.

We were well into the middle of dinner, and I don’t remember the last time I’ve laughed so much. Eleanor and I were listening to our lads talk about what happened on the rest of tour. All the pranks and mishaps that had happened.

“I can’t wait to get back on tour,” I gushed as soon as Louis finished telling us about when Niall and Harry crashed into each other while racing on segways.

“You need to ditch Little Mix and just tour with us!” Louis shot.

I rolled my eyes, “Not gonna happen. But I could work out visits I think,” I turned my attention to Liam next to me and winked at him.

“You two are so cute,” Eleanor cooed causing me to giggle.

“We are, aren’t we?” Liam said, and I felt him lace his fingers with mine under the table.

Louis fake choked, “Please, not the PDA.”

I rolled my eyes at him, “You can’t even see us holding hands you twat!”

“No, but the way Liam is looking at you is gag worthy.”

Liam scoffed, “Do you know how many ‘looks’ I’ve had to sit through with you and Eleanor?”

“Yeah babe, besides they’re cute. Let them have goo-goo eyes.”

We were interrupted by 2 young girls coming over and asking for pictures with the lads. El and I sat back and focused on the rest of our meals as they handled it before saying goodbye for the girls and sitting back down.

“So how are you dealing with that?” El asked referring to the fans.

I shrugged, “Fine. I’m used to it with Little Mix. But I don’t think Liam is used to it,” I said giving him a side glace. He sighed, rolling his eyes at me.

“Are you still looking at her name in tags, mate?” Louis sighed.

“You’ve been doing it for a while?” I asked.

“Yes,” Lou answered for him, “Since before you were even actually dating.” He leaned over and ruffled Liam’s short hair, “This one’s very protective.”

“And I appreciate it, he just doesn’t need to get all worked up over it.”

“Louis has his moments too,” Eleanor threw in.

“Oi, it’s my job as your boyfriend to tell people to fuck off.”

“Sure, love,” El said patting his cheek.

He swatted his girlfriends hand away before turning back to me, “So Jaz, I gather we’ll be seeing a lot of you over our next few months off?”

I shrugged, “Yeah, I’ll be around. Whenever I’m not working.”

“I hear your working for a magazine?” Eleanor asked me, “How’s that going?”

“Amazing actually. I get to work pretty much on my own schedule doing what I do best.”

“I’d love to see your pictures some time!”

“She’s amazing,” Liam said, resting his hand on my thigh again.

“Sap,” Louis coughed under his breath.

Liam reached over and punched him in the arm, “Jealous?”

Louis laughed heartily, “Yes I am, that Jazmin has stolen your affection from me!”

Eleanor reached over and placed her hand on mine, “I apologize for this wanker here. Past, present and future,” we shared a laugh at her comment.

“Oi!”