Loving Him Was Red

~Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms~

Emma could hear Patrick’s cries. She wanted to jump up and answer the door, but that same feeling she felt when he had first broke her heart resurfaced and left her body feeling crippled. She could hear him banging against the door, begging her to open, but she knew that she couldn’t. He was so quick to anger, so quick to judge, and she hadn’t done anything wrong. Maybe you should have just told him up front about the kiss, she reminded herself. That still wouldn’t have prevented him from meeting Joel, and it may not have prevented him from getting mad all over again. She wondered if that fight was a long time coming. Although they had discussed some of their past and had come to terms of it, or so she had thought, she realized that there were still some things that they really didn’t talk about.

Like the fact that Patrick had some insecurities when it came to their relationship. She always thought that she was the only one who would be insecure in their relationship; she was the one that was dumped initially. However, she quickly realized that Patrick was uncertain if he was even good enough for her. She found the sentiment ridiculous because, to her, he was perfect in every way. Ever since they first met, she was entranced by him. To her, he was always going to be the funniest, sexiest, most talented man she had ever known. She knew he always was insecure about himself, but he never outwardly expressed insecurities about their relationship. Except when he kicked you out.

Emma suddenly heard Andy’s voice and then two sets of footsteps heading down the stairs. She realized that they were leaving and she jumped up and opened her door slightly. The hallway was empty, and she felt a familiar lump in her throat. She then heard her phone vibrate. She quickly shut the door and stampeded over to her phone, nearly falling over her armchair to get to it. She picked it up and saw that Patrick had sent her a text.

PLZ TELL ME HOW TO MAKE IT BETTER. I LOVE U

She slumped back down on her couch, staring at the text message. She didn’t know what Patrick could do to make it better. He had apologized over and over again, and she had accepted his apology, but she knew deep down that she really hadn’t. She realized how terrible she was at letting go. But maybe you did forgive him, maybe now you’re just afraid, she reasoned with herself. That was what she had told him, and a part of her was telling the truth. She was terrified that she and Patrick would move along in a new relationship that was very much like their old one and that maybe down the road it wouldn’t take a drunken stupor to make Patrick recognize that he shouldn’t be with her.

She felt her shoulders start to shake with a sob and she planted herself face down in the couch and cried. It wasn’t just tears though, she felt as if she was expelling all of her emotions there into the fabric of the couch, her whole body aching from the pain of her sobs. They exhausted every inch of her and she soon found herself passed out from the over exertion.

She was awoken, very late, by a knock on her door. She looked at her phone, which said it was eleven at night. Who the heck is coming to my house now? She looked at her phone and saw a couple of missed calls from Patrick along with some texts.

GETTING READY FOR THE SHOW. WISH U WERE HERE.

EMMA I DON’T WANT THIS TO END. PLZ CALL ME.

She wondered if he was the one at the door. She fixed her hair and adjusted her t-shirt and walked over to the door. She looked through the eye hole and was shocked to see Pete standing there. She unlocked the dead bolt and opened the door. “Pete, what are you doing here?” she looked around him to see if anyone else was there.

“It’s just me, “ Pete assured her. “Um, can I come in?”

She moved out of the way for him to enter and then shut the door behind him. “How was the taping of Jimmy’s show?”

“It rocked. We did Phoenix. The crowd loved it,” he said happily, looking around her apartment with interest. “Patrick did a great job, all things considering.” He eyed her expectantly.

She walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water out of her fridge. “Pete, I can’t…”

“I know,” he cut in. He walked over and she handed him one. “He doesn’t know I’m here. He needed to go to bed, even though you know he likes to be up late, but with the Today Show early in the morning and then he has to go do some rehearsals with Taylor Swift, he needed to be on his A game.” He took a sip of his water.

“Pete, I’m sorry about what happened earlier. It was so embarrassing,” she said softly.

Pete rested a hand on hers. “Emma, I’ve made a bigger ass out of myself at photo shoots before. Hell, I think at live events too. Trust me, it’s all been forgotten,” he paused, “well not by Patrick. He’s ate up about it.” He examined her, obviously noting her puffy red eyes. “And apparently you are too.”

She reddened. “Pete, that wasn’t supposed to happen, at least not there. Joel is such an ass.,” she muttered.

“Well, yeah, he is. Don’t worry Joe punched him later.”

Emma gasped. “What!?”

“Oh yeah went all Fight Club on him,” Pete laughed. “It was pretty fucking awesome.” Emma couldn’t understand why Joe would just punch him. “He said some shitty things about Patrick,” Pete explained, sensing Emma’s confusion.

She made a face of guilt. “He was supposed to be a friend,” she said sadly. “I had no idea he felt that way about me Pete, you have to believe me.”

“I do, and I know Patrick does. He’s just upset because I don’t think he realized that there might have been a chance that you might have tried to move on after him.”

“I didn’t though! I mean I told you guys that I made up some excuse to not date musicians again and all that crap, but in reality I just couldn’t date anyone else. Not when I was still in love with him.”

“Why don’t you tell Patrick that?”

“I have told him that! He knows that I have been in love with him all these years.”

“But he doesn’t know that you didn’t even make an effort to find someone else,” Pete pointed out.

“So? What good will that do? Make him feel guilty for trying?” she said helplessly.

Pete rolled his eyes. “I don’t know if you can really count Natalie as trying to move on. I think that just manifested out of loneliness. I don’t really know how much effort he put into it.”

Emma had to admit that felt a little satisfying when she heard it. She pulled herself up onto the kitchen counter. “That doesn’t change the fact that Patrick isn’t confident that he is right for me.”

Pete regarded her. “Are you really afraid that Patrick will leave you like he did before?”

She shook her head. “No, I think he will do it willing next time without being so far gone that he ends up blacking out. My mom may be a bitch, but she has a point. I don’t want to wake up in 10 years and realize that I am alone with no one to share my life with.”

“Do you want to get married to Patrick?” He asked it so bluntly that it caught her off guard. She could feel the heat rising to her face. Pete just smiled. “Emma, it’s okay, you can be honest with me. I keep secrets.” He crossed his heart to emphasize his point.

“Pete, we have only just got back together, I think it would be crazy to even think about marriage….”

“Is it? It’s not like you guys were only together six months before you broke up the first time. You were together for five years. That’s longer than my marriage to Ashlee.”

She gave him an empathetic look and he waved it off. “But our lives are in two different places now,” she pointed out. “Even if we wanted to, he lives in LA and I’m out here in New York.”

“Joe’s moving here,” Pete noted. Emma looked at him questioningly. “What? Just thought you should know that.”

“I’m not marrying Joe,” she replied.

“You’re apparently not marrying Patrick either from the sound of it,” he retorted.

“I never said that!”

“So you do want to marry him,” Pete grinned.

“What? Well,” she groaned. “Pete, please don’t make a big deal about this.”

“What? I’m not, I was just curious if that was something you were contemplating.”

She peered at him with a suspicious stare. “Why? Is there something you know that I don’t?”

Pete laughed then as if her question was the most absurd thing he had heard. “No, of course not. If Patrick was going to ask you to marry him, I wouldn’t be over here ruining the surprise for him. That would make me a shitty friend. And I am if nothing else an amazing friend.”

Emma grunted. “Except that one time when you weren’t and you let Patrick spiral out of control.” She pulled her knees to her chest.

“Ouch,” he said testily.

“Sorry, that was shitty of me. I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.” She rested her cheek on her knees. “I used to think Patrick and I would get married,” she admitted. “I thought it would be so amazing to know that we could spend the rest of our lives together. I wanted to be there on his arm when he was like 60 and you guys were getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.”

“You have the most optimistic and overly high opinion of our band, Emma Mann,” Pete said with a chuckle. She just shrugged her shoulders. “Okay, let me tell you something. Patrick wants to be with you. I can’t speak to the marriage stuff, we haven’t gotten that far in the conversation about you and him… BUT I know that he’s not in this for just a little bit, he is in it for all of it.”

Emma sighed. “How can you be sure? Yeah, right now he is, but what about three years from now? Or ten years from now?”

“Oh ye of little faith,” Pete declared. “How does anyone know any of that? How do you know that you won’t get tired of Patrick’s weird impressions and love affair with hats?”

She giggled. “How can I get tired of that stuff, it’s too adorable.”

“I agree with you,” Pete said, “But you get my point. The future is the future. Unless you have a Delorian parked somewhere in the back of this building there’s no way of us knowing what is going to happen. You just have to take that leap and hope it works out.”

“God, relationships didn’t seem so scary when I was 21,” she muttered.

“That’s because you didn’t feel the ticking clock of Father Time and Mother Nature in your head,” Pete replied, rubbing her leg comfortingly. “So, I have to get back. I am not quite sure if I’ll be able to handle our six AM wake up call.”

“Oh man, that is terrible,” she said. “So, what does your day look like?”

“Today Show all morning, rehearsal, the show itself and then some interviews afterward. Then Patrick has to head over to Taylor’s and then when he’s done, we are heading on the first flight out to Heathrow.”

Emma knocked her feet together. “You think there will be time for me to meet up with Patrick?”

“I think he would make time for that.” He gave her knee a quick slap. “Have a good night, Emma.”

She saw him out, making sure to lock her door behind her and she took a deep breath. She was happy that Pete had stopped over to talk to her. She hated being alone with her thoughts because they always seemed to lead her down the wrong path. She walked over to her phone and looked at Patrick’s messages again. She placed her fingers on the screen, her mind dwelling on what exactly she should text back to him. Although her mind started so many sentences, she realized that the only way she should say them was to say them to his face. She decided then that that was exactly what she would do.

The next day, Emma got up and readied herself for work. She had contemplated calling in, but she had to finalize the article and anyway she knew that the guys wouldn’t really have a free moment. So she threw on a pair of skinny jeans and an embellished tank and headed to the office. When she got there, Christian was already sitting on her desk, patiently waiting for her. Well, he looked patient, but Emma could tell that he was jumping out of his skin.

“Christian, good morning,” she said stonily. She was still a bit upset with him for dragging Joel into the photo shoot yesterday, and it was obvious he knew it.

“Emma, Emmy, Emma Boo, Emmalicious, how are you today?” he asked her in the most charming and friendly voice possible.

“Well, my boyfriend and I are having a huge fight, and I just realized that someone I thought was my friend turned out to be a total douche bag who just wanted to get in my pants.” She crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

“Wait, are you talking about me?” Christian asked. She gave him a scornful look and he grinned, “great so not me.”

“Christian, what do you want?”

His mood went from lighthearted to serious instantly. “Emma, I wanted to apologize to you,” he said. She started to speak, but he stopped her. “I should never have let Joel in there, I didn’t know… and even then, I should have made him leave.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “I want you to know that I made him take a leave of absence without pay for three weeks.”

“Christian…”

“No, it’s not just because of how he acted, but because he acted that way when toward a client. Last thing I want is for bands to start thinking I let my journalists just attack them when they are coming here doing us a favor by being on the cover of our magazine.” He stood up. “I just wanted you to know that.”

Emma had never seen much of the serious side of Christian, but when she did, she liked it. She stopped him and placed an appreciative kiss on his cheek. “Christian, you’re a great boss, you know that?”

He grinned. “Of course, I know it. I’m the fucking best. Now, get that article finished. I already have a new assignment for you.” He sauntered away and left Emma standing at her desk.

She opened up her laptop and started working on her article, her mind wandering every which way, except toward finishing it. She knew there were a few paragraphs she needed to edit and the ending needed a bit of re-working, and although it was about Patrick, in a sense, all she could think about was him. After three hours of dawdling around, she decided to try calling him and find a place to meet up with him.

She quickly dialed his number and pressed the phone to her ear. It rang four times and suddenly, she heard it pick up.

“Hello, Patrick’s phone.” The high-pitched nasally female voice caught Emma off guard. Not because it was a woman’s voice though.

“Na..Natalie?”she sputtered, unable to believe that she was answering Patrick’s phone.

“Oh, hi, Emma, are you looking for Patrick?” she said in the most condescending way possible that it made Emma wish she had punched her when she had the chance. “I am SO sorry, he’s not here right now.”

Emma could hear her heart beating hard against her chest. She quickly ended the call so that she didn’t have to hear her voice anymore. She looked down at the phone, wondering if it was all some sick joke. Natalie wouldn’t be in New York… Except if Patrick asked her to come, she thought sadly. At first, she felt defeated. But as she sat there, she could feel the anger quelling up inside her, and she let out a strangled cry. A few of the other writers all looked up from what they were doing, and Christian opened up his door.

“Um, Emma, you all right?” he looked at her curiously.

She stood up and grabbed her purse. “I’m fine. I just have to kill someone.”

Christian plugged his ears. “Okay, but I did not hear that. Get that everyone! We DID NOT HEAR THAT!” he shouted the last line and the other writers all just eyed her warily as she bolted out of the office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, you’re not going to try calling her again?” Andy asked him, taking a break from his warm-up routines on his drum pad.

Andy and Patrick were sitting side by side in the green room of the Today Show studios. It was too early for any of them to be up, which was why Pete and Joe had left the room to search for better coffee than the stuff that the crew had put out for them.

“Nothing wakes you up like a good cup of coffee,” Joe had said, “or crack.” And so they went out in search of a good cup.

Patrick kept hitting the Hold button lighting up his lock screen to see if he received any new text messages or missed calls. Unfortunately, Emma had not texted or called him back since his multiple attempts the night before. He felt like he was in the middle of a strange Groundhog Day situation, reliving the same event from his past over and over again.

“Why? So I can listen to her voicemail for the 100th time?” Patrick said gloomily, rubbing his eyes. One of the things he hated about early morning concerts was having to put his contacts in instead of wearing his glasses. They always made his eyes itch if he didn’t get enough sleep the night before.

“Maybe she’ll pick up?” Andy shrugged. Patrick shook his head. “So that’s it then?”

“What’s it?” Pete and Joe walked in, each holding a cup of Starbucks coffee in their hands. Pete was looking at Andy and Patrick with interest. “What’s it?” he repeated, taking a seat on one of the plush arm chairs that faced the couch Patrick and Andy inhabited. Joe took the other.

“Patrick and Emma’s relationship,” Andy stated.

Patrick saw Pete’s eyes grow larger in astonishment. “What do you mean? Patrick, you’re not breaking it off with her are you?”

Patrick tucked his legs under himself. “I don’t think I have to, I think she’s already done it.”

“She’s just upset right now, give her a bit of space,” Pete reasoned.

“We’ve already had three years of space,” Patrick pointed out. “Just face it Pete, I can’t make up for what I did to her. She won’t ever forgive me for it and I don’t blame her if she doesn’t.”

“Jeez, you’re whiny,” Joe muttered, taking a massive gulp of his coffee. “It’s a good thing I have this luxurious hazelnut goodness to keep me happy.”

“Dude, listen to me. You have to not give up on this,” Pete said, seriously, staring at Patrick in a way that made him a little uncomfortable.

“Pete, I appreciate how much you care about this,” he replied, “But what am I supposed to do? Knock down her door?”

“Maybe she needs more than just an apology.” Pete glanced down at his coffee, as if he was choosing his next words carefully. “Patrick, do you love Emma?”

“More than anything,” Patrick replied.

“So why haven’t you thought about what comes next?”

“What do you mean?” Patrick felt confused.

“I think Pete’s talking about marriage man,” Andy commented.

“Oh,” Patrick said dully. Pete eyed him with some disappointment. “I have thought about it,” Patrick said, honestly, because he had. He remembered thinking about marrying Emma when Pete first told the guys he was going to marry Ashlee. He remembered looking at Emma, who was talking animatedly with Ashlee at their engagement party and wondering if she wanted to get married to him. He had even looked at rings. Then everything else happened. He told the guys this and they all seemed surprised by his confession.

“Patrick, you’re saying that you had a ring and everything and you got cold feet because we took a break?” Pete looked at him skeptically.

“I wouldn’t say cold feet, I got distracted,” Patrick corrected. “Emma told you how I was, the first year after we went our separate ways.” He rubbed his eyes again. “I don’t know. Maybe I thought I wasn’t good enough, like I do now.” Maybe there was some truth to what I told Emma that night, he thought bitterly.

“Emma thinks you’re good enough,” Pete spoke up.

Patrick eyed him carefully, wondering how Pete knew that. “Has she told you that?”

Pete smiled. “I may or may not know more things than you think, Patrick.” Patrick gestured for him to continue. “I will not admit to anything, but I may or may not have visited Emma last night. I may or may not have found out that she has thought about marrying you and some weird vision of us getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when you’re 60.” Patrick gave him a skeptical look as did Andy and Joe. “I know, I told her she has very high standards for us. Anyway, I think Patrick, that you have to make a major gesture to prove to her that you are in this forever.”

Patrick glanced down at his left hand, imagining what it would look like to have a wedding band on his ring finger and all that it came with. A future with Emma, regardless of where they both were living, children even, the security of knowing Emma was his forever. He smiled. “You think she would really say yes?”

“Man, I didn’t have that talk with her, and I can tell you with 100% certainty she would,” Joe chimed in.

“He’s right, she loves you, dude,” Andy added.

Patrick looked at Pete. “What is she doing today?”

Pete smiled. “She’s working, but she knows our schedule and she wants to talk to you.”

“I have to call her,” Patrick decided, grabbing his phone and scrolling through his contacts. Just then the door opened and one of the Director’s Assistants walked in .

“Guys, we need you down there now.”

Patrick stopped scrolling and groaned. Pete walked over to him and held his hand out to him. “Dude, she’s not going anywhere. She lives here remember? Call her later.” Pete took his hand and helped him up.

After their show at the Today Show and the interview they did afterward, they headed back to the hotel. The other guys had a small break to nap and get ready for the flight, but Patrick had an even shorter one because he had to get to the Taylor Swift concert.

They all pushed onto the elevator and headed up to their respective floors. Patrick was on the fifth. He got off and Pete said to him before the door closed. “Good luck!”

Patrick gave him a nervous smile and then walked briskly down to his room. As he approached his room, he saw a woman standing outside of it, her back turned to him. However, he didn’t need to see her face to know who she was. He came to a screeching halt and she turned around.

“Patrick,” Natalie cooed. She was dressed in a tight pencil skirt and sheer top with heels, her bright red curls flowing over her shoulders. He glanced around the hallway nervously.

“What are you doing here?” he replied in greeting.

She frowned and walked up to him seductively. “I wanted to come talk to you.” She made a move to touch his face, but Patrick ducked away and pushed past her.

“Why don’t you go talk to another tabloid. I’m sure they are more interested in what you have to say than I am.” He pulled his room key out and quickly swiped it. Where the hell is our security team when I need them? He thought with despair.

He started to turn the knob, but she placed one of her perfectly manicured hands on top of his. “I’m so sorry about that,” she cooed. He didn’t realize just how annoying her voice was until now. “I just want to talk to you. We kind of left things in a very bad way.”

He glared at her. “Natalie, there was really no other way to leave it.” He pushed the door open and moved inside and she weaseled her way in, shutting the door behind her. “Get out of my hotel room,” he ordered.

She leaned against the door. “I just want to talk, is that too much to ask?”

Patrick groaned and walked over to his nightstand, placing his wallet and phone there with his sunglasses. “5 minutes, and then I want you out,” he conceded. He sat down on the bed. “What is it?”

She went and sat down next to him, a little too close for him to feel comfortable. He inched away. “I just wanted to apologize for how I acted when we last saw each other.” She rested a hand on his leg and he gently picked it up and moved it off.

“Well, that’s not necessary. I mean, I guess I would have acted the same way too if I had found out the way that you did,” he said in a conciliatory manner.

She inched closer to him. “I am sorry for cheating on you though,” she said. Patrick had totally forgotten about that, but it didn’t really matter to him because he didn’t feel anything for her. “And I’m sorry about the article.” She rested her hand on his arm and started rubbing it. “I just didn’t know how else to get your attention.” She leaned forward to kiss him and Patrick jumped up.

“Whoa! Okay, that’s enough of that.” He shook his head. “I have to…” he raced into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind him. He then turned the shower on and sat down on the toilet seat, taking some deep breaths.

What the hell, Patrick? He yelled at himself silently. Why didn’t you just call security and get her the hell out of there? He knew he couldn’t hide in there forever, but he was hoping that if he stayed in there long enough, she would just eventually leave. He waited for almost 20 minutes before deciding that he had to man up and just tell her to leave. As he walked out, he saw her holding his phone.

“Um, what are you doing?” he asked her nervously.

She whirled around and held his phone out. “Oh, well your phone rang awhile ago and I hated to just let it go to voicemail, so I answered it for you.” She had a vindictive smile on her face.

Patrick knew no one really ever called him except… “Natalie, who was it?”

She placed her finger to her lip and looked at him thoughtfully. “Oh, well, I always forget her name… What was it?” she snapped her fingers. “Oh that’s right, it was Emma.” She knew she had pissed him off. “It’s a shame, she was really rude, hanging up on me.”

Patrick ran over and grabbed the phone out of Natalie’s hands. Sure enough, Emma’s name was first on his Received calls list. “Natalie!” he exclaimed. “Why the hell did you do that?!”

Natalie brushed past him. “I just thought that we were going to give it another try.”

“No!” Patrick shouted, “there is no second try for us! We don’t even like each other!”

“Hmm, that is true.”

“What are you doing here Natalie!? I don’t want to get back together. You apologized and I accept, now I think it’s time you leave.” He pointed to the door.

“God,” she moaned. “Fine, you have a nice life, Patrick.” She walked over to the hotel door and when she opened it a figured behind it barreled into her, knocking her to the ground, the door banging shut behind it.

“Who the hell do you think you are!” Emma shouted, grabbing Natalie’s hair and pulling it. She had knocked Natalie over and took the mount, pinning her down on the floor.

Natalie held her hands up over her face. “Get off of me, you crazy weirdo girl!” Natalie screeched. She then made a reach for Emma’s hair and that started the two throwing slaps and punches.

“Emma!” Patrick cried out, panicky. He tried to make a move to grab her, but she swung at Natalie, nearly hitting him and he jumped back.

“Hey Patrick, what the hell are you watching?” Patrick looked up from Emma and Natalie to see Pete walking in the room with Andy and Joe behind him. Patrick had forgotten that Pete had the extra room key to Patrick’s hotel room. The guys stared at the two girls fighting with wonderment.

“Why does Patrick get all of the fun?” Joe whined.

Patrick rolled his eyes and motioned for Pete to grab Emma. Pete nudged Joe and the two of them grabbed Emma’s arms and pulled her off of Natalie. “Okay, Munchkin, I think she’s had enough,” Pete said, he and Joe tightening their grips on her arms.

“Let go of me, I’m going to kill her!” Emma shouted.

Natalie stood up and started straightening out her clothes and combing through her curls with her fingertips. “God, you are psycho, you know that!?” Natalie glared at her, and then looked back at Patrick. “Really, you chose that over me?”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah, and I’d do it one hundred times over,” he said smugly, looking past her to Emma who was writhing in Pete and Joe’s grasp to get free.

She started to calm down and looked straight at Patrick, her eyes turning down in sadness. “Why is she here?” she asked him.

Patrick looked at Natalie. “I’m not really sure actually. She just was here when we got back from the Today Show.”

“Wow, gotta talk to Marcus about that security,” Andy commented.

Patrick could tell that Emma didn’t look convinced. “Emma, why would I call her up and ask her to come all the way to New York? Holy Smokes, we only just had a fight yesterday! I’m not that terrible am I?” He stared at her, hoping that she wasn’t going to say yes.

Emma was breathing hard, her chest heaving, her eyes wide from the excitement of the fight. “No, you’re not,” she seceded.

“Can I leave now, like I was planning on doing before your weird girlfriend attacked me?” Natalie was glaring at Patrick.

“God, yes, please get out of here,” Pete piped up.

She rolled her eyes. “Thank God.” She glanced at Patrick. “Thanks for nothing.” Then she sauntered out of the room, with as much dignity as she could.

Once the door was closed, Pete and Joe let go of Emma. She marched over to Patrick and slapped him on the arm, multiple times. “You… are… the… biggest… jerk…ever!” she shouted, hitting his arm between each word. Patrick grabbed her hand on the last one.

“Emma, stop,” he said firmly. She looked at him, her breath coming out now in ragged gasps. “Nothing happened. I hid in the bathroom for like a half an hour, hoping she’d leave. I didn’t know she was going to be a bitch and answer my phone.”

He could see her resolve crumbling. “I was so angry at you when I heard her voice,” she said.

“Yeah, I can see that,” he reasoned. He glanced at the guys who were all watching them with interest. “Um, can you guys give us a minute?”

“Of course, man,” Pete said, turning and pushing Joe and Andy out of Patrick’s hotel room.

Patrick waited until they were gone before he spoke again. “Emma,” he started. He could feel a lump forming in his throat. “I’m sorry,” he managed. She then dissolved into him, her body pressing against his, her arms hugging his neck.

“No, I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry about Joel, I’m sorry for being so scared, I’m sorry for letting the past control me.”

Patrick held her close, the warmth of her body, easing his thoughts. “It’s okay, I’m the same way. Part of what I said to you all those years ago was true. I don’t think I’m good enough for you,” he said softly. “I’ve been scared that you’ll see right through me and see that I’m nothing but some dorky kid from Chicago who just got lucky.”

Emma laughed, wiping a few tears from her face. “Patrick, that’s the person I love. I didn’t stay with you because you became famous and stuff. I stayed with you because you are the biggest dork and the only person who I can feel myself with.” She kissed his lips lightly. “And you didn’t just get lucky. You guys worked your butts off to get where you are now. And it doesn’t hurt that you are extremely talented too.”

“Aw shucks. I'm sure Joe wishes he were here to hear all that mushy goodness,” he said jokingly. He kissed her again, enjoying the feeling of her lips on his. He then remembered what he wanted to talk to her about. He knew he had to do it now, while he still had her there. The next time he would see her in person wouldn’t be for another month and a half, and he wasn’t sure if he could wait that long. He took a breath, but was interrupted by fists pounding on the door.

“Patrick!” Pete shouted. “Have you looked at the time? Not to ruin your alone time, but you have got to get over to the Garden!”

Patrick was thrown off by Pete’s shout and lost his nerve then. He looked down at Emma who smiled sadly. “It’s okay, go. I can’t wait to see you perform with Taylor. Just don’t be frightened by her Amazonian height.” She winked at him and he rolled his eyes, giving her a small laugh.

“Only you can say that and get away with it.”

“Me and Joe,” she replied and he had to agree with her on that one.

He went and changed out of his clothes from the morning to another outfit for the show tonight that would be comfortable enough to fly in. “I’m sorry we didn’t get more time,” he said ruefully, pulling her close for one more kiss.

“It’s okay, you’ll be back in the states when?” Emma looked at him hopefully.

“September,” he replied, and his heart ached when he saw the discouragement in her eyes.

“Well, then, you better make sure you have a great internet connection wherever you go,” she replied, trying to hide her sadness. She walked to the door and held her hand out. “Come on, let’s get you to that concert.”

Patrick took her hand and squeezed it. There was so much more he wanted to say, and one thing he wanted to ask. But now, he realized wasn’t the time. So when is? He thought to himself, as they walked out of the hotel room and followed Pete, Joe and Andy to the SUV waiting out in the front of the hotel. Suddenly, he remembered what Pete had said to him earlier, ‘you have to make a major gesture to prove to her that you are in this forever’. He just wondered if what he had in mind would be enough.