Chasing

I looked at the boy beside me, basking in the close proximity of our bodies. After all, today was the last time I would see him. His arm was a few inches away from mine and that thought made the butterflies in my stomach fluttering again. He ran a hand through his dyed blonde hair and bit his lip, obviously deep in thought since the noise around us wasn't even bothering him. Unabashedly, I stared at him while he stared at something else - probably someone else, actually.

What are you looking at, I wanted to ask but my mouth wouldn't move. Was that wrong - to keep all of my questions bottled up inside?

Suddenly, I saw his lips curl into a toothy smile and he raised his hand to wave. I pursed my lips into a thin line, now knowing who got his attention. Certainly not me though. It was our mutual friend, Hyejin. Well, it made sense why he liked her. I mean, everyone in the whole school liked her. She was pretty, nice and responsible - the perfect model student. Except for the fact that she had a boyfriend but did that stop boys from confessing to her? No. It probably tempted those boys more. But the fact that she had a boyfriend was the only thing stopping him from confessing his feelings. Hyejin's boyfriend was his best friend and he couldn't break his friend's trust in him just like that.

I wanted to sneer, curse or insult her whenever she told us that someone had confessed to her again. I wanted to wring her pretty little neck and shave her perfectly curly hair. I was sick of her being the epitome of perfection. But even if I wanted to stop being her friend, for some reason, I couldn't. Oh, the irony of it annoyed me to no end. Even I couldn't be mad at her.

I turned my back at the sight of them smiling at each other from afar and rested my back against the railing and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Kai," I called. He turned to look at me with a slight smile on his face. "You like her, don't you?"

He looked flabbergasted for a moment as he sputtered out inaudible responses but he became quiet after a few seconds, his cheeks slowly becoming rosy and looked back at her instead of me. Then whispered quietly so that only I would hear, "Yeah."

A pool of dread formed in my stomach and my heart throbbed painfully. My lips curled into a grim smile as I looked up to the ceiling, feeling desolate and lonely at the same time. I suppose this is what I got for keeping quiet. Then I straightened my back and stretched, faking a yawn because the place that I didn't want to be right now was beside him, knowing that the place beside him wasn't mine to begin with.

"I'm gonna go to the clinic, okay?" I lied as I patted his back when I passed by him. "Go get her, lover boy." I was actually going to the classroom.

Nothing hurts more than wishing your best friend good luck in confessing to your other best friend. My mind was blank as I walked and before I knew it, I was halfway towards the classroom when I shoved my hand in my pocket and fished out my phone. I slid the door to the classroom open and stepped inside, making my way to his chair. I sat down slowly and tentatively rested my head against his desk. I glanced at the phone in my hands, debating silently whether I should do it or not. Before I knew it, my fingers moved on its own, quickly typing a text and sent it to him. I quickly sat up, suddenly feeling tense but relaxed when I reminded myself of what happened a while ago. Would it have made a difference if I confessed now? Most likely not but better late than never, right? Yeah, well, whatever. There was nothing I could do about it now.

I sighed again, running my hands through my black hair. I had to leave now or else I would have to face him. I didn't want that - not right now. I placed my phone on his desk before I left because I was determined to leave everything behind and start anew even if that meant cutting all ties with him. I slid the door closed as I got out and walked down the hallway to the nearest flight of stairs. Chuckling dryly to myself, I remembered that I didn't even tell him that I was going to another country.

I wonder if we were both feeling the same thing - that suffocating feeling of chasing someone who won't love you back.