What You Did in the Dark
I kissed the scars on her skin, I still think you're beautiful.
When she went over the next day after the boys came home from school, she saw that Oliver was the one that was home—Tom and his mom were elsewhere.
Oliver offered her a warm smile when she came in. “Hi.”
"Hey, Oliver."
He led them upstairs to his room. She grew nervous; she planned on confronting him about what Tom informed her on yesterday, and she didn’t want to freak him out or scare him. She also planned on telling him that she, too, was suicidal. She was afraid that he could hear her heart pounding. What if he thought that they shouldn’t be friends, because he wanted to get better and she would only bring him down?
Oskar was asleep when she walked in. She quickly joined Oliver on the floor and spoke before he could get a chance to start the video games.
"Can I talk to you about something?"
Oliver looked taken aback, but nodded anyways. “Anything.”
Now the spotlight was on her. She didn’t know how to start. So she began by taking Oliver’s arm and gently pushing up his sleeve. Inhaling a deep breath, she blinked back the beginnings of tears and said, “Tom told me everything yesterday.”
Oliver had a look of utter defeat on his face; this is it, this is where she leaves him. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to scare off my only friend.”
Aleria shook her head. “You’d never scare me off, Oliver. I do it too—see?”
Lifting up her sleeve, she felt guilty when she saw tears pooling in his eyes. “I’ve been suicidal since ninth grade,” she informed, “my best friend did it first.
"Marylin and I were cut from the same piece of fabric. I loved her so much, but she ended her life in ninth grade when her mother overdosed and died. Since then I’ve been cutting. It got so bad one night that I fainted, and my mom rushed me to the ER. People made jokes at school so she took me out and put me in therapy. I see Dr. Volkheimer at Sunset Bay Counseling," she explained.
"I go there too," Oliver stated. "I see Dr. Hawthorne."
Aleria nodded. “Therapy doesn’t do me much good because I don’t answer her questions. I don’t speak. At all. My dad left my mom when she was pregnant with Kyne and I was only fourteen. That was before highschool started, and before Marylin died. And it’s been hard ever since. It just feels like it would be better to kill myself. It would make my mom sad, but sometimes in life you gotta make selfish decisions.”
Oliver nodded. He knew exactly what she meant. He may not have only one parent, but he knew that she was feeling cold and lonely—even if she still had family. He knew that she would cry herself to sleep sometimes because that’s what he did. He knew she would think about different ways she could do it silently, because that’s what he did. He knew she felt that there was nothing left for her in life and let the sinister thoughts get to her—because that’s what he did.
"Ever since I moved here from England people didn’t like me. They don’t like my accent, they don’t like my slang, or my tattoos…they make fun of me for not knowing how to drive an American car. I just haven’t learned yet. But I got depressed when I had to leave everything behind. Coming across the ocean to a community where the kids hate you isn’t very comforting."
"I’m sorry." And she truly was. She couldn’t imagine having to move to a place where you’re not welcome.
Oliver shrugged as if this was nothing. “It’s okay. I wish you went to school with us though.”
Aleria smiled, “Why is that?”
Oliver chuckled and started up the gaming system. “Because you make everything better.”
After therapy on Wednesday, she took her mother by surprise when she joined her on the couch. “I have to ask you something.”
The day before was simply beautiful. After video games, they laid on the floor and talked about different things, such as what made them happy and what kind of foods they ate. She learned that they had vegetarianism in common and that Oliver had a thing for cheese pizza. Before she left, Oliver enlightened her by singlehandedly lifting her wrist to his mouth and kissing atop her darkest scars. He then proceeded to hug her for the first time, bidding her goodbye with warm eyes and a sweet smile.
This caused butterflies to hatch in her stomach and her cheeks heat up and turn pink. A gorgeous boy was kissing her skin and holding her close—how could she not? She was beginning to notice the little things he did, like flipping his floppy brown hair away from his eyes absent-mindedly and drumming his hands on his lap when he sat on his legs. She longed for his touch a lot, so she always made sure that their shoulders were touching when they were sitting next to each other or that she could at least smell his gentle scent. He smelled like clean linen and cotton, and Aleria thought it was adorable.
"Go ahead, sweety." Her mom said.
Aleria scooted closer and tucked her legs under her bottom before she continued. “How do you know if you have a crush on someone?”
Her mother smiled down at her. “You get excited whenever you’re about to see them. You blush when they do something like compliment you, and you get butterflies. And you just like to be around them, Leria.”
Aleria’s heart beat faster when said hints all applied to Oliver.
"Why? Do you have a crush on someone, hun?"
"Yeah…" She mumbled. "I think I have a crush on Oliver."
Oliver offered her a warm smile when she came in. “Hi.”
"Hey, Oliver."
He led them upstairs to his room. She grew nervous; she planned on confronting him about what Tom informed her on yesterday, and she didn’t want to freak him out or scare him. She also planned on telling him that she, too, was suicidal. She was afraid that he could hear her heart pounding. What if he thought that they shouldn’t be friends, because he wanted to get better and she would only bring him down?
Oskar was asleep when she walked in. She quickly joined Oliver on the floor and spoke before he could get a chance to start the video games.
"Can I talk to you about something?"
Oliver looked taken aback, but nodded anyways. “Anything.”
Now the spotlight was on her. She didn’t know how to start. So she began by taking Oliver’s arm and gently pushing up his sleeve. Inhaling a deep breath, she blinked back the beginnings of tears and said, “Tom told me everything yesterday.”
Oliver had a look of utter defeat on his face; this is it, this is where she leaves him. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to scare off my only friend.”
Aleria shook her head. “You’d never scare me off, Oliver. I do it too—see?”
Lifting up her sleeve, she felt guilty when she saw tears pooling in his eyes. “I’ve been suicidal since ninth grade,” she informed, “my best friend did it first.
"Marylin and I were cut from the same piece of fabric. I loved her so much, but she ended her life in ninth grade when her mother overdosed and died. Since then I’ve been cutting. It got so bad one night that I fainted, and my mom rushed me to the ER. People made jokes at school so she took me out and put me in therapy. I see Dr. Volkheimer at Sunset Bay Counseling," she explained.
"I go there too," Oliver stated. "I see Dr. Hawthorne."
Aleria nodded. “Therapy doesn’t do me much good because I don’t answer her questions. I don’t speak. At all. My dad left my mom when she was pregnant with Kyne and I was only fourteen. That was before highschool started, and before Marylin died. And it’s been hard ever since. It just feels like it would be better to kill myself. It would make my mom sad, but sometimes in life you gotta make selfish decisions.”
Oliver nodded. He knew exactly what she meant. He may not have only one parent, but he knew that she was feeling cold and lonely—even if she still had family. He knew that she would cry herself to sleep sometimes because that’s what he did. He knew she would think about different ways she could do it silently, because that’s what he did. He knew she felt that there was nothing left for her in life and let the sinister thoughts get to her—because that’s what he did.
"Ever since I moved here from England people didn’t like me. They don’t like my accent, they don’t like my slang, or my tattoos…they make fun of me for not knowing how to drive an American car. I just haven’t learned yet. But I got depressed when I had to leave everything behind. Coming across the ocean to a community where the kids hate you isn’t very comforting."
"I’m sorry." And she truly was. She couldn’t imagine having to move to a place where you’re not welcome.
Oliver shrugged as if this was nothing. “It’s okay. I wish you went to school with us though.”
Aleria smiled, “Why is that?”
Oliver chuckled and started up the gaming system. “Because you make everything better.”
After therapy on Wednesday, she took her mother by surprise when she joined her on the couch. “I have to ask you something.”
The day before was simply beautiful. After video games, they laid on the floor and talked about different things, such as what made them happy and what kind of foods they ate. She learned that they had vegetarianism in common and that Oliver had a thing for cheese pizza. Before she left, Oliver enlightened her by singlehandedly lifting her wrist to his mouth and kissing atop her darkest scars. He then proceeded to hug her for the first time, bidding her goodbye with warm eyes and a sweet smile.
This caused butterflies to hatch in her stomach and her cheeks heat up and turn pink. A gorgeous boy was kissing her skin and holding her close—how could she not? She was beginning to notice the little things he did, like flipping his floppy brown hair away from his eyes absent-mindedly and drumming his hands on his lap when he sat on his legs. She longed for his touch a lot, so she always made sure that their shoulders were touching when they were sitting next to each other or that she could at least smell his gentle scent. He smelled like clean linen and cotton, and Aleria thought it was adorable.
"Go ahead, sweety." Her mom said.
Aleria scooted closer and tucked her legs under her bottom before she continued. “How do you know if you have a crush on someone?”
Her mother smiled down at her. “You get excited whenever you’re about to see them. You blush when they do something like compliment you, and you get butterflies. And you just like to be around them, Leria.”
Aleria’s heart beat faster when said hints all applied to Oliver.
"Why? Do you have a crush on someone, hun?"
"Yeah…" She mumbled. "I think I have a crush on Oliver."