On Your Side

Jenna couldn't help but feel guilty for going on a date with Eric. She wasn't sure why, she wasn't necessarily with John, but she felt like she was cheating or something. Then again, she couldn't help but enjoy being around the boy.

Jenna laughed as Eric pushed her on the swing. They had went to dinner and some how ended up at the park not too far from the restaurant.

Eric chuckled and he pulled her to a stop as she yelled that she was getting too high for comfort. He placed his arms around her waist, kissing her cheek.

"You almost gave me a heart attack."

He chuckled, "I wouldn't have let you fall, you know?" He whispered against her ear. Nerves hit her stomach and his grasp tightened, "Jenna...can I kiss you?"

She bit her bottom lip, her heart beating rapidly in her stomach.

"You don't want me to because you've kissed John haven't you?" He asked, hurt evident in his voice as he let her go causing her to rock back and forth.

"It isn't like that." She spoke quickly.

"Yes it is, Jenna. Are you hanging out with me because you want to or because you feel bad for me?"

"I don't feel bad for you..."

"But do you want to?"

"Of course I do."

Eric groaned as he ran his hand through his short hair.

"Is this a lost cause? Is there not a chance of me getting you back?"

"Eric..."

"No, just tell me now. If I'm wasting my time just let me know. As much as I love you Jenna if this isn't what you want I'll let you go. Even if it might kill me."

Her eyes met his and he rubbed his neck nervously.

"Eric, I just, I don't know what I want. I want to love you like you love me. I know I love you, I just...it's taking time and I'm sorry. I feel selfish, just know that and I'm sorry, and if you can't wait until I have it figured out I won't blame you. I deserve it."

Eric sighed, "It's just frustrating for me and I'm sorry."

Jenna shook her head, "Don't be, I'm sorry. I forget how this is effecting you and I'm so sorry. You just don't get it. No one does and I'm not mad at anyone for it, I just, I'm sorry and honestly you shouldn't want to waste time on me."

Eric scoffed, "Jenna, I love you. If I wasn't wasting my time with you, I'd be wasting it thinking of you."

"I just wish you wouldn't."

Eric sighed and knelled in front of her, grasping onto the chains of the swing.

"Jenna..." He whispered and she immediately bit her bottom lip. The nerves from before settling in her stomach.

He pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth gently, "I love you. If you think it'll happen then I'll wait. It's fine." He whispered bringing his hand to her cheek as his forehead touched hers.

"That's the thing. I don't know. I just don't and I don't want you to go through this."

"I get that, but I can't let you go. I won't."

She sighed as he stood up and she watched him from where she sat.

"Come on, let's get outta here. It's getting chilly."

She nodded forcing herself from the swing, crossing her arms in order to warm up a bit. She didn't realize until now that she was in fact cold.

"Here." He whispered, placing his jacket over her shoulders.

"Eric..."

"I'm fine. Really."

She decided not to argue and slid her arms into the blue jean jacket that smelled more like him then she was ready for.

She glanced over at him as he walked with his hands in his front pockets. Sure she liked John, but Eric...Eric had her heart and she knew she loved him. She just hoped that was enough and that the old feeling she had for him would come back.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" She asked and he froze before he opened the car door. She knew John would be mad about that, but she had to ask. Maybe it would help with her feelings.

"What?" He asked staring at her over the car.

"You don't have to I just..."

"N-no, I um, I will. If you want me to."

"I do."

He nodded and they both climbed into the car. The car was silent on the way back, Eric's mind racing with what this meant. Why did she want him to stay?

"Are you sure about this?" He asked as he followed her into the quiet house.

"Eric, you don't have to you know?" She said with a grin as she turned to face him.

"I mean, I want to, I just want to make sure..."

She smiled, "relax."

Eric rolled his eyes as he entered her room. He looked around, realizing that nothing had changed which he appreciated. Sure, he had been in there several days ago, but the fact that the picture of the two of them still sat on the night stand seemed to ease his nerves. That made him feel a bit better he had to admit.

"I have tons of your clothes so..." She said with a weak smile as she sat on the bed.

"I am aware."

She chuckled softly and she pulled off his jacket. The pair changed in pajamas in silence and once Jenna emerged from the bathroom Eric was already in the bed. She turned off the light before climbing in nervously. She wish that feeling would go away but telling herself it was just Eric didn't make it any better.

"I don't know why this makes me so fucking nervous." Eric finally said and she couldn't help but chuckle.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because I was thinking the same thing."

"Were you?" He asked laughing and she smiled, "Yeah!"

"Ah well, I'm not so nervous now that I know that."

"Me neither."

Eric chuckled, "I just, don't know how to act or what I can and cannot do so basically I'm scared to move."

"Don't be." She whispered, her eyes now adjusting to the darkness. She turned on her side to face him and his eyes met hers.

"Would you be against me holding you?" He asked softly and she bit her bottom lip as she shook her head no. He didn't bother to speak, just placed his arm around her waist and slowly pulled them closer together until she could feel him breathing.

His eyes shut, touching his forehead to hers, "I've missed you." He whispered, taking in the amazing feeling of her being close to him again.

"I've missed you too." She whispered honestly and he kissed her forehead before she buried her face against the crook of his neck, holding on to him tightly.

With him here and the way she felt in his arms, it all overwhelmed her and she found herself crying which she was certain he wouldn't have noticed if the tears didn't hit his skin.

"Jen, what's wrong?" He asked stroking her hair lightly.

"Nothing." She whispered and all though he didn't believe her, he just held her close. He didn't want to push his luck.

"I've missed you so much." She stated softly.

Her eyes met his and he brushed her cheek gently, "I know how that feels..."

Before she could speak, Eric's lips landed on hers and it set her heart on fire. It was like everything she had been hiding from ignited.

She grasped at the boy, his lips never leaving hers as he hovered over her.

"I love you." He breathed, his fingers tangling into her hair as his lips trailed over her jaw. He had missed her. Missed the way her skin felt, how her lips tasted. Everything.

Eric touched his forehead to hers, both of them now breathing heavily.

"Eric..." she whispered,running her fingers over the back of his neck.

"Do you remember that night we spent in your backyard? Just the two of us, watching the stars and talking about stupid stuff thanks to the alcohol John had given us?"

Jenna chuckled, "Before we started dating?"

Eric nodded, "Yeah. I think it was like a week before."

"Yeah and of course I remember it."

So do I. Probably because of a different reasons though."

"Well, why do you remember it?"

"Because that was the night I knew."

"Knew what?" She whispered, staring up at the boy as her heart raced in her chest.

"I knew that you were my future. I've always felt like that for some reason. Ever since the first day I met you I've felt drawn to you, like that I had to be around you in order to be completed. And that's truly how I feel you know? When I'm not with you I feel like a part of myself is missing. And yeah, I hate that I rely on you for that, but fuck Jen, I love you so much and I know us meeting, dating, falling in love, it isn't all for nothing."

Tears fell from her eyes and he stared down at her not urging her to speak just hoping she truly grasped the words that he said.

"I feel that way too."

"That it isn't for nothing?"

"That and because, I get the whole feeling lost thing, Eric. I feel so much better when you're with me. Even when you're simply in the same room as me I feel...different."

"Then what are you doing with John? Do you have feelings for him? Do you love him?"

"I could never love him. He isn't you." She mumbled and he brought his hand to her cheek, "Then what is it? because you know, he loves you. A lot, Jenna. He always has."

"I know..." she whispered, "I wish he didn't, but I, I like him. I do. And maybe that has something to do with my dreams, but either way I have feelings for him, but what I feel for you and what I feel for him are not the same things."

"I get that. I do. I just...I want you to pick me, Jenna. I need you to pick me because, I've planned my whole life around you. You have been all I ever wanted and I just...I truly don't know how to live without you and I don't want to. I'll never find another girl like you. Not one that wants me anyway. I mean, how I got you is seriously a true mystery to me because I know I talk too much, I'm beyond nerdy and although I'm in a band I'm the furthest thing from cool. I'm also way less attractive than John, so I really don't get it, but..."

Jenna covered his mouth, as a smile hit her lips, "Eric, all those things make you, you and as far as the whole attractive thing, believe it or not, I think you are way more attractive than John."

"Bullshit." He mumbled into her hand and she removed it, placing it on his cheek.

"I do." She whispered. His eyes locked with hers as she stroked his cheek gently.

"Wanna run away with me?" He asked softly and she laughed, "Run away?"

"Yeah. Me and you. We can leave ad never come back."

"And what about our family and friends and your music?" She asked with a grin.

Eric shrugged, "we can talk to them on the phone and I can play music wherever we go. Just wanna be with you."

"As tempting as that is we can't do that."

Eric sighed, "Figured."

Jenna relaxed against his chest, shutting her eyes as he ran his fingers up and down her back. It was silly that all it took was a night out with him for her to realize one simple thing. That it could only ever be him. The way he made her feel. How much he cared for her. She couldn't help how safe and how at home she felt with him.

"Eric?" She whispered, and he mumbled to her, trying not to fall asleep.

"I love you." She spoke into his shirt, "I love you so much and I don't want to be with anyone but you. Ever. Because you're my person Eric. And the thought of not being with you, of having a life with someone else, of you having a life with someone else, is unbearable."

The room grew quiet and she moved to look at him only to find him asleep. A grin hit her lips before she kissed his cheek gently. It didn't matter if he heard her or not, she knew this was where she was meant to be and she felt foolish for not realizing it sooner.