Our Pain Will Shine a Light

Chapter 14
Andy's POV

The next day when I woke up, Ashley was no where to be found. Usually, he'd be in the kitchen making breakfast or us, or making coffee. Today, though his car wasn't outside and he left the door unlocked, which he never did.

My first instinct was to call his cell phone. I had to look for mine, but eventually I found it and dialed his number. It rang for a few seconds and went to voicemail. I dialed it again, and he finally picked up.

"What!"

"Ashley, where are you?"

"Leave me alone, Andy." His voice was slurred indicating that he was drunk and it sounded like he was crying too.

"Ashley, honey, what's wrong?"

"I said leave me alone!"

He hung up the phone, leaving me flabbergasted. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit

Alright, what do I do? What do I do? Think Andrew think! Alright, who can I call? Ashley's friends...there's Jinxx, but how will I call him? Oh my god! Think Andy think!

Right, there's the list on the refrigerator. He made it for me! Alright alright.

I dialed the number,and he didn't answer. I started to panic even more. I can't call anyone else. He doesn't talk to anyone, but...Roberta.

Shit

Alright Andy. You have to do this. It's for Ashley.

I dialed her number and let it ring. She picked up and there was a silence after she greeted me.

"Hello?" She said again.

"H–hi."

"Who is this?"

"This is Andy. Andy Biersack. Ashley's friend."

"Oh? You're calling me why? Did Ashley need something because if he does he can call me himself and—"

"No. I need help. I'm sorry for what I said okay, but Ashley, there's something wrong with him."

"Like what?"

"He wasn't home when I woke up and when I called me told me to leave him alone and he was drunk."

"Drunk? Oh my...he didn't tell you did he?"

"Tell me what?"

"Andy, it's been seven years since his mother's death. He's always done this. He goes out and gets himself drunk, and I don't hear from him for weeks."

"This is bad, I mean, he has to go to work tomorrow."

"I'm on my way. Get dressed."

"Wait—"

Before I could finish my sentence, she hung up leaving me to panic. I ran to our room and threw on some pants. I grabbed left over coffee from yesterday and threw it in the microwave.

There was a knock on the door and there Roberta stood.

"We've got a lot of looking to do."

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We went to every fucking bar in Los Angeles! No one understands how many bars there are!

"Is there any where else?"

"The grave yard. His mom's buried near here, but he never goes there. That's the last place to look."

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When Roberta got to the cemetery, we spotted Ashley's car almost instantly. The place was run down for a cemetery, and his car was the only one there.

"This way," Roberta said, reading the names on the stones.

"You've been here before?"

"Yeah, I have a grandfather and a great aunt here. That's how I knew about this place. I was walking around one day and saw the name Purdy. Because of the date, I figured she was his mom."

"He doesn't know that you know."

"Maybe it's better that way. Do you know?"

"Yeah. Her name was Danielle."

"So he trusts you enough to tell you. You mean a lot to him. He's texted me a little, and you're all he talks about."

"Really? Do you know about us—?"

"About you two dating? Of course. I'm not stupid."

"Are you upset about it. I don't want you to stop talking to Ash just because—"

"There he is."

I stopped talking and shifted my gaze to him. He was sitting cross legged with a bottle of vodka in his hand. He didn't even bother to look up when we approached him.

"Roberta, you can go. I can handle him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Just call if you need me."

"I will. Thank you."

"Give me a hug," I looked at her confused for a moment, but I did. "Thank you so much for making him happy. I know he won't say it, but he loves you."

She walked away, leaving me with Ashley. I slowly approached him and sat with my legs on each side of him.

"Ashley, sweetie, what are you doing to yourself?"

He was silent, but he turned around and looked at me.

"You're really beautiful, you know?"

"I don't want to focus on me Ashley. I need to take you home."

"She's right too. I love you, but I'm afraid. I mean, look at me. I do this every fucking year and what does it do for me?"

He shook his head and buried his face in my chest.

"All these years, I though I was free, but now I have you, and I can't see you turn into her. It can't happen. I love you too much. I know I've only known you for a short amount of time, but I just have a feeling that you're the one, and now I'm just so...tired."

He looked up and me, smiled faintly and closed his eyes. Was he asleep now? His chest was rising and falling normally, so I took that as a good sign.

I carried him back to his car and disposed of the vodka. On the way home I kept going over what he said to me. He loves me? A part of me wants to believe it, but I'm just a meth addict.

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When we got home Ashley woke up, but he was still clearly drunk. I couldn't carry him up the stairs, but most of his weight leaned on me.

"Andy, I love you."

"Ash, stop saying that. You're drunk."

"It's true Autumn. I love you."

"Ashley! Stop!"

"Why don't you believe me?"

"Because you can't!"

"Fine! I'm going to bed. Don't follow me."

I didn't follow him, but a couple hours later I went back to check on him, and he was sleeping peacefully. God, he scared me today. I know for a fact that he won't remember anything tomorrow and maybe that was for the best.