Controlled Demolition

Moving past The Incident was easier said than done.

Whenever I was left to my own thoughts when I was around Pete (which happened to occur quite a bit, especially in class) I would think about the fact that we had in fact kiss. No matter how anyone had been feeling in that moment, it had still happened. My history teacher had kissed me. Me, of all people.

Sure I had just happened to be around, but what if it hadn’t been just a coincidence. I couldn’t help but wonder if Pete ever thought about it. If he had imagined kissing me, and in his moment of weakness just took the chance. But of course I would probably never know. We had agreed to not talk about it and to just move on. Like I said, easier said than done, because lately it was all I thought about.

And I hated myself for it. When I was in class and caught myself thinking about it, or making up new scenarios in my head, I wanted to bury my face in shame. But then of course, people would catch on to me. Instead I would glare at the girls in the front row, because in all honesty it felt like I was becoming one of them… Just a lot less obvious.

Pete had become this virus that had infected my brain, and all I could think about was him. I stopped inviting Jess over on the weekends, wanting to leave myself free so that Pete and I could hang out. If he noticed that my closest friend wasn’t around as often, he definitely wasn’t saying anything.

On the Saturday before our last week of school before our Christmas break, Pete and I were watching re-runs of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and sharing a bowl of popcorn. It had been about a month since The Incident, and while neither of us had brought it up as promised, I, as you know, had begun to constantly think about it.

Was it natural for a girl to think about a kiss with a guy for so often since it had occurred? I had had a few boyfriends, but their kissing skills were nothing to write home about. Pete and I had barely kissed—so there wasn’t really much to think about. So why was I thinking about it so often?

My eyes came into focus when I realized that Pete was waving his hand in front of my face.

“Lucy?” he said, my eyes now focusing in on his face. “Are you okay?”

Involuntarily I glanced down at his lips before meeting his gaze again.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I smiled softly at him. “Just thinking.”

“Feel like sharing?”

I studied his face carefully for a moment before deciding it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to confide my thoughts to him, so I just shook my head.

---

Christmas came and went, uneventfully. I spent the days leading up to Christmas working at the book store and reading. Pete went to his parent’s house for a few days, opting to spend Christmas with his family rather than alone in his apartment.

The day after Christmas, Pete showed up at the apartment after I had brought my mom to work (it was a Thursday), which I hadn’t been expected. He smiled when he saw me and I was surprised when he hugged when I opened the door.

When he let go of me, he held up a small, wrapped gift.

“I have a little Christmas present for you,” he said. I could feel my eyebrows rising on my forehead.

“You did?” I asked, taking it from him, wondering what it could be.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “It’s really not much. I just saw it and thought you might like it.”

Carefully I pulled the wrapping paper off if it to reveal a small leather bound journal. I opened it up to look at the blank, lined pages inside before looking up at Pete, smiling.

“Thanks a lot, Pete,” I said, closing the journal to hug it to my chest. “I love it.”

Pete rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, something I was starting to recognize as a nervous habit of his.

“No problem,” he said. “I always see you writing in your notebook in class, so I figured this might be something you’d like.”

“It’s great,” I said. “Honestly. Now I feel bad because I didn’t get you anything.”

“Really don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

“Thanks,” I murmured, before excusing myself to quickly bring the journal to my room.

When I returned Pete was sitting on the couch in the living room and I quickly joined him. I reached for the remote and turned the TV on, flipping through the channels to find something halfway decent to watch.

“Are you doing anything for New Year’s?”

I stopped channel surfing to look at Pete.

“No,” I said. “I usually spend it with Jess but she actually went away for the holidays.”

“I know this might be a weird thing to ask, but I’m throwing a small little New Year’s party in my apartment and I wanted to know if you wanted to come over,” he said. “It’ll be really low-key. Just a few friends of mine—no one from school, so it won’t be weird.”

I thought about it for a moment. New Year’s Eve was on a Tuesday this year, and I knew my mom would be out working until the morning.

“Can I drink?” I asked. Pete laughed, his eyes crinkling and I couldn’t help but smiling.

“Yeah,” he said. “I promise I won’t tell.”

“Then I’ll come.”

---

After some deliberations with myself on what was appropriate to wear to a New Year’s Eve part at my history teacher/friend’s apartment, I decided this was not something I should be spending so much time on. I opted for a pair of jeans, a nice top, and a pair of black flats. Simple.

I went over to Pete’s apartment at 10:00 like he had had told me and I knocked on the door. I could hear some music and laughter on the other side of the door and it took a minute before the door was swinging open in front of me. Pete stood there and he smiled when he saw me.

“Hey Lucy!” he said, pulling me into a one armed hug before dragging me into the apartment.

I eyed the classic red solo cup in his hand and quirked an eyebrow. I could smell the alcohol and had a feeling and had a feeling he had already had a few cups. I quirked an eyebrow and he laughed at me, leading me over to his kitchen where several people were waiting around as someone else was busy filling shot glasses.

“Do you want a shot?” Pete asked and I nodded my head. I’m not exactly sure why I decided to come here. I was significantly younger than everyone here as well as the only one who didn’t know anyone else. Pete grabbed two of the glasses off of the counter and handed me one. He clinked his glass against mine before throwing it back, and I quickly did the same.

---

An hour later, I had a good buzz going and I had somewhat learned the names of a few of the people there. I met the guys who Pete had been in a band with before deciding to teach (Joe, Andy,…Patrick?). Pete’s sister stopped by for a little bit (Hilary). Plus there were a few more people I met but couldn’t for the life of me remember their name.

At 11:50, I found myself squeezed between Patrick and Pete on the couch, waiting for the ball to drop. There were at least five of us on the couch, though I’m not entirely sure how we all fit. I finished the drink in my hand as Pete and Patrick talked loudly and drunkenly about something related to music, and set the empty cup on the table in front of me.

Soon enough we were all counting down the last 10 seconds of the New Year in a drunken uproar, not caring if any of the neighbors were trying to sleep. And finally it was 2014 and Patrick grabbed me for a quick hug as we shouted “Happy New Year!” Pete’s arms quickly snatched me away from Patrick and he pulled me into a tight hug.

“Happy New Year,” he sing-songed quietly into my ear. I shivered when I felt his lips brush my skin. We pulled apart, but Pete left an arm around me as he chatted with his friends, a grin spreading across his face as he laughed.

I wanted to reach out and touch his face, because honestly, he was beautiful when he smiled. Of course, he was attractive even when he wasn’t smiling, but just something about the way he looked when he smiled was enough to send anyone’s heart sailing. Beautiful was the only way to describe it.

It wasn’t too much later that people began trickling out, calling taxis or ride’s from other friends. Before long Pete and I were alone, the TV turned down a bit so it wasn’t so loud.

“Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?” he asked. His arm had slipped down from my shoulders and was now resting around my waist. I could feel his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt, but I didn’t have the motivation to stop him.

“No,” I said, thinking about it. “I never really make any resolutions. What about you?”

“I want to try and start doing stuff with music again,” he said. “We’ll see though.”

We were silent, both of us thinking. I watched Pete’s face, wondering what he was thinking, and all I could focus on was how my head was spinning slightly from the alcohol I had consumed.

“I should probably go back to my apartment,” I finally said, but made no motion to leave. Pete’s arm tightened around my waist as he turned his head to stare at me. Our eyes met and I held his gaze, searching his eyes for any hint of what was going on in his head.

“Have you ever had a New Year’s kiss?” he asked suddenly. I shook my head slowly and Pete smiled. “Would you like one?”

I didn’t say anything after a few seconds, Pete started counting down.

“Ten, nine, eight,” he started, his face slowly inching toward my own. “Seven, six, five, four, three, two…”

His lips were millimeters away from mine when he reached one. He smiled, saying a quiet, “Happy New Year,” before his lips pressed against mine.

Unlike The Incident, this kiss was purposeful. Whether it was because of the alcohol or because I did secretly think about kissing Pete, I let him continue, relishing the feel of his lips against mine. I shivered at the feel of his teeth gently nipping at my bottom lip as he pushed his tongue into my mouth.

He pushed me back on his couch, his hand slipping under my shirt to glide across the skin of my stomach. After kissing for several minutes, Pete pulled away and hovered over me, staring down into my face. Bravely, I reached up and touched the side of his face.

“I know this is wrong,” he said. “But I really fucking want you.”

I laughed. I’m not really sure why… probably because I could picture the expressions of all the girls at school if they knew exactly where I was right at this precise moment. With that thought in mind, I quickly leaned up and reclaimed Pete’s lips for myself, my hands reaching for the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head, before removing my own shirt.

After that, with some quick fumbling and brief pause while Pete went and grabbed a condom, we were both finally naked and the feeling of our skin so close together was unreal. This whole situation was unreal to be perfectly honest.