We're Young and in Love

Chapter 1: Last Night.

Josh's P.O.V

It was New Years Eve and we decided to throw a house party; we thought it would be the best way to introduce Tom to everyone as well as making him feel as welcome as possible into our little group of family and friends.
Everyone showed up, Vic, Jaime, Kellin and his girlfriend Kate, Mike and his new girlfriend, two of Oli’s work mates Matt and Lee, and even Dan came along. I bumped into Dan a few months ago when he was home from uni and ended up telling him the truth about me and Oli; how we fell in love and we didn’t want to go public at school and that was why I drifted apart from the group and Max got the wrong idea etc.
He was really understanding about the whole situation, which shocked me to be honest, but we ended up becoming good friends again.
Me and Oli bought a shit load of alcohol for the party as well as everybody bringing their own too, I knew this party was gonna celebrate the New Year in style.
By the time it got to midnight everyone was pretty much fucked; the drinks, the games, the fun, the laughter, the music it was never ending; it was by the far turning out to be the best party ever.
I forcefully pulled Oli on top of me on the sofa as I gave him a midnight kiss, welcoming the New Year… which soon led to us drunkenly making out. I swear I could have fucked him there and then but we were rudely interrupted by the drunken others, who all thought it would be funny to pile on top of us!

“I can’t breathe!” I screamed.
Everyone was laughing and joking and some of the pile of people ended up drunkenly falling on the floor, including my boyfriend.
Oli was rolling around on the floor with Matt and Tom and I was pretty much squished and fucked on the sofa.
Vic took my hand, helping me up from the sofa.
“I think you’re ready for bed Josh!”
“Noooo, I’m fine. The party is just getting started!”
My words were slurred.
I stumbled and fell against the Christmas tree but Vic caught me before I fell completely on my face.
“Dude come on, you can’t even stand anymore!” he giggled, while placing my arm around his neck and sliding his arm around my waist as he walked me to my bedroom.
“Why are you laughing at me?”
“Cause your hilarious when you’re drunk.”

I was starfished across my bed, heavy eye lids threatening to fall shut whilst my head was spinning;
I didn’t realise how much I'd drank until my head hit the pillow and thats when I started to feel sick too.
Vic placed his hand on my leg and gently shook it to get my attention when he realised I must have passed out for a couple of minutes, but I couldn't hold open my eyes any longer, the drunken tiredness was taking over me.

“Josh don’t fall asleep, I want to talk to you about something.”
“Uh, what?” I grunted, forcing to open one of my eyes to look at him.
He was sat on the end of my bed, I don’t know if it was because I was drunk but he was taking his time to answer me.
“It’s about me and Jaime…we’ve erm, decided to take things to the next step…”
Thats when I opened my eyes, I knew he wanted to have a serious conversation, one which I wasn't in the best state to have one in but he sounded like he really needed someone to talk to about this; he continued to sit with his back to me, I knew this was bothering him, which kind of gave me the idea that he wasn't 100% for it.

“If your not comfortable about it Vic, don’t do it.” I said bluntly.
“No I want to, its just, well Jaime's done it before and I haven’t… and erm, I don’t really know what I’m doing exactly…I don’t want to be a disappointment…”
His voice went quiet at the last part of his sentence and I watched him hang his head, feeling awkward and embarrassed about the situation. he needed me.
Man, why did he have to do this to me now? when my head felt like it weighed a ton of bricks and left on a never ending roller coaster. I grunted and put all of my effort to sit up and shuffle my way to the end of the bed to sit beside him.
“Vic you won’t be a disappointment, if Jamie really cares about you like you say he does, then you have nothing to worry about.”
“I’m nervous Josh…” He shyly admits biting his bottom lip. Wow, its very rarely that I see him like this, hes always so confident and full of himself.

“That’s normal, I was nervous too when me and Oli did it for the first time.”
I tried to assure him that everything he was feeling was completely normal, I mean it would be weird if he wasn't nervous.
“Well seeing as you’re an expert at it now, can you give me a bit of advice?” He laughed, now looking at me.
I might have told him a few stories about me and Oli not being able to keep our hands off each other, he cringed at the thought of course, but that’s what best friends do, they tell each other personal things and whats happening in their love/sex life.

“Well erm, lets see.” I slurred.
I curled my finger round my chin and tilt my head to the side pretending to think. But in all honestly, I think its best if I just tell him the truth, theres no point to sugar coating it.
“Well I’m not gonna lie to you Vic, the first time hurts like a bitch.”
His eyes widen and his face filled with horror before letting out a nervous laugh.
“This is meant to help me how?!”
I burst out laughing at his reaction, it was so cute how nervous he was.
“I’m sorry, I’m just warning you! But it does get better eventually, I promise!”

He looked abit green…or was that just my beer goggles fooling me from what I was really seeing?
I lent my head on Vic’s shoulder to help stop the room from spinning which was making me feel sick. But I continued to try and give him the best advice I could in my current state, I wasn't even sure what was coming out of my mouth anymore.

“Just be yourself and you’ll be great Vic.”
“You really think I’ll be good at it?” I felt him rest his head against mine.
“Yeah, Jaime won’t know how lucky he is.”
“Thanks Josh.” I felt him slide an arm around my waist.
“What are best friends for?” he doesn't say anything, but lightly squeezed his arm around me.

I was half asleep on Vic’s shoulder by now, smiling like a complete idiot about whatever I just said to him. We were sitting in completely silence, sitting at the end of my bed holding each other... well, Vic holding me while I drunkenly slouch all over him.

“Josh?” he says, after a moment not really sure how much time had pass without us saying anything.
“Hmm?” was all I couldn't manage, I was so out of it I could hardly speak anymore.
He shifted around me and then I felt his warm hand stroke my face before feeling his finger hook under my chin and pulling my face up… probably to make my head sit comfortably on his shoulder while we tried to continued our conversation.

Something warm and wet pressed lightly against my lips…I wasn’t really sure what but the feeling was warm and comforting. The touch was unfamiliar but it seemed to stop all the dizziness, so I pushed my lips softly back on whatever it was against mine, wanting more.

Suddenly the tingly warmth was pulled away from my lips, forcing me to open my heavy eyes to find out what happened to the unknown warm contact. My vision was blurred and the room started spinning again, I blinked several times, trying to focus on the blurry silhouette who was sat in front of me... which looked a lot like Vic.
Not being able to control the ridiculous amount of alcohol which stirred inside my system, it got to the point where my body felt weak and heavy and unable to hold myself up anymore. My body falls forward but i'm held up by strong familiar tan hands resting on my shoulders who I believe were the hands of my best friend. He leans his forehead against mine, his lips were so close to mine the warmth of his breath hit my face, that unfamiliar warm whiskey taste from a few moments ago lingered on his lips.

“Show me how…” he whispered, the warm whisky which lingered on hi breath hit me harder this time and I wanted more of it like before.
“What?” I mumbled, frowning in confusion of his words.
“Make love to me Josh.”
I froze. Not really sure what he just asked me… did he ask me to love him? I already do love him, he kinda knows that anyway I think, so why was he asking me to love him? It was too much to think about right now, my eyes lids were stupidly heavy and I couldn’t see straight anymore, I just wanted that warm feeling back on my lips and without a second thought I lean forward and without even realising, I locked lips with Vic…again.

He pulled at my t-shirt trying to bring me closer to him but I couldn't control the weight of my drunk body, so I fell heavily forward hitting against his chest, making us both fall backwards onto the bed. I had no idea what was going on, but from what I could just make out, Vic was lying underneath me, his strong arms wrapped around my neck as he continued to kiss warm tingly kisses on my lips. Everything became a fuzzy blur and I kept blacking in and out of consciousness unsure of my actions and the event happening in front of me.

~~~

My head was pounding when I woke, I felt like actual death, like as if a truck had run over my head about ten times!
What the fuck happened last night? It must have gotten crazy cause I can’t recall a thing…
I lifted my head a little off the pillow and squinted my eyes to focus on the body lying next to me; Oli was passed out besides me, somehow looking more fucked than I was. I don't even remember getting into bed... and it looks like Oli doesn't either because he was still wearing last nights clothes.

I'm soon distracted from my thoughts when the loud ring tone from my phone rings, sending my headache into full blown hell.
Oli grunted loudly, gradually turning away from me and pulling the pillow over his head.

“Fucking make it stop! It’s been going off all morning!” he moaned into the pillow.
Frantically looking for my phone, I finally find it in the pocket of my jeans I was wearing last night and quickly ending the call as fast as I could to stop the loud irritating noise from destroying my head. I look down at the screen on my phone to see who was calling anyway even though I wouldn't bother calling them I was curious. It was Vic, I had 8 missed calls from him… what the hell does he want? God knows why hes calling me so early, isn’t he dying from a hangover like the rest of us?!

Didn't have much chance to sit and think about it because I urgently hung my head over the bed and gagged; suddenly being hit with a big wave of sickness. Fuck I was going to throw up.
I staggered out of bed and ran to the bathroom as fast as I could, falling to my knees and throwing up down the toilet.
Ugh!
I felt vile, god knows how much I had to drink last night but I’m paying for it now, my head felt like it was going to explode and my insides were continuously pouring down into the toilet. After about 15 minutes of throwing up I finally found the strength to stand back up on my feet.
I tossed my dirty t-shirt and boxers to the side and climbed into the shower, letting the cold water awaken my rough hungover body.

What happened last night?
I don't remember much at all...I sort of remember falling into the Christmas tree? Well I think I did anyway and i'm sure someone will tell me if I did or not anyway. And I kind of remember lying down on my bed while Vic spoke about Jaime and then thats when everything goes blank.

Then it sudden hit me and I couldn't help but let out a shocked gasp as a faint memory from last night entered my mind.
I fell back against the tiles, knocking over the shampoos and body wash off the side of the bath.
“Holy shit!” I panted in horror, as last night slowly pieced itself together in my mind. My heart was pounding in my chest. No please, it can't have happened!
I jumped out of the shower and dialed Vic’s number into my phone.
“Josh!” Vic squealed after picking up on the second ring.
“Meet me in the playground now.” I hiss before hanging up, not allowing him to say another word. I needed to get some answers.

~~~

I saw Vic in the distance making his way towards me through the snow; my hands tighten around the chain of the swing as my temper started to flare and it didn't take too long for me to jump up from the swing and snap.

“What the fuck happened last night?”
His smile instantly dropped from his face and was replaced with sudden concern.
I wasn’t in the mood to beat around the bush, I wanted to know everything right this second, so my mind was put at some sort of ease.
“You mean, you don’t remember?”
“I wouldn’t be asking you if I did.” I hissed at him, not in the mood to play games, I just wanted answers.
“What made you call me then?”
I hesitated to answer him, that horrid memory I had in the shower was too much to think about again.
“Last night is all a blur to me, I don’t remember much except for…” I bit my lip, eyes falling to the snowy ground. In the shower, I remembered Vic pulling my face towards his and we ended up kissing... I was hoping I got it wrong and dreamt of the whole scene instead.
I slowly lifted my head, my eyes meeting with his.
“We kissed?” I asked.
“We did more than just kiss Josh…” a small smile appeared on his lips.
I felt my heart sink through my chest before shattering to pieces, no please, god no!
“No! we didn’t!” I pressed.
“Oh yes we did Josh.” He smiled.

“B-but I don’t understand… h-how did this happen?” I started to stutter as my anxiety began to take over me.
“I’ve been saving myself for you Josh.”
“What? You mean you planned it?!”
“I wanted you to be my first.”
“You what?!” I yelled in disbelief.
Anger blazed through me, I can’t believe what I was hearing, but it sounded like the truth was unfolding. This has to be a dream or a joke or something, because this truly can’t be happening to me.

“I was drunk and you took advantage!”
“You seemed pretty much in control the whole time Josh.” Vic stated, still wearing a smile on his lips.
“How fucking dare you! I can’t believe you did this to me, I’m supposed to be your best friend and you used me!”
“I didn’t use you; I wanted my first time to be with the person I love!”
“Love? I thought you were over me?!” his words threw me off guard, theres no way he could still be in love with me. I mean, it;s been months, we spoke about this, he knows I don't feel the same so I don't understand.
He laughed a little.
“I never stopped loving you Josh.”
“How long do you plan on dragging this out for Vic?! We are never gonna be together!”
“Didn’t you feel the connection we had last night?”
“I didn’t feel anything! I was paralytic drunk, for all I know you could be making the whole thing up!”

He looked pissed, more than pissed but I didn't care. There was no actual evidence to prove that we slept together last night, so therefore I refuse to believe him.
He stepped towards me, forcefully pulling down the collar of my jumper which revealed several big purple red love bites along my collar bone.
Fuck, how did I not notice them in the shower this morning?!
“Would you like to ask Oliver if these are his?” he threaten.
And there was the evidence. Shit no.
My hand flung to my collar bone as I shifted back away from Vic’s grip… the love bites were from him and even though it could be another lie, I believed him.
“And that’s not all...”
He lifted up his coat and revealed the hundreds of deep red scratch marks which covered his entire back.
Fuck, I must have done that to him... he really was telling the truth.
I was completely fucked off my face; I don’t remember having sex with him at all, but the proof is all here… the love bites on my collar bone, the scratches on his back… fuck, how did this happen, where was Oli the whole time this was going on?!
Shock shot through me as Oli entered my mind.
“Oh fuck, Oli.” I shakily breathed out.

I felt the tears building up in my eyes, how could I have done this to him?
This will destroy us; he will never forgive me for this. I shoved my head in my hands unable to stop the overflowing tears with fell from my eyes.
I was shaking; I felt utterly disgusted with myself, I felt dirty and used and the guilt was ripping me apart.

“He’s never going to forgive me…” I cried, shaking in my skin as I stood frozen in my spot.
“You don’t need his forgiveness, you have me.”
Is he even serious?!
“You fucking did this! You’ve ruined everything!” I screamed.
Finally able to move I lashed forward grabbing Vic by the collar of his coat and punched him solid in the face, sending him falling to the ground.
His face was covered in blood, he was shaking from disbelief.
“J-Josh!” he stuttered, bringing a hand up to his nose.
My body was shaking from all the adrenaline running through my body, I can’t believe I just did that to him... I probably broke his nose but fuck it, the prick deserved it. And I wasn't going to let him weasel his way out of this one, hes gone too far!

“We’re so done Vic! Don’t ever talk to me again!”
“Josh please!” He tried reasoning with me but I wasn't having it, i've had enough.
“All I’ve ever done is tried to be a good friend to you and you just take my friendship for granted all the fucking time! But not anymore Vic, we’re done!”
“P-please just listen to me!” his hand was pressed against his nose, trying to stop the bleeding as he trembled.
“When are you going to get the fucking hint?! I don’t love you…not anymore. Oli is the one I love, why cant you understand that?!”
I saw his eyes water with tears, usually I would have felt guilty and given in to him but there was no chance in hell that happening now, I couldn’t care less, I was fuming by this point; I had to leave now before my anger got more out of control and I end up beating the shit out of him and I knew i'd regret it.. eventually.
“If you ever come near me again I will give you more than just a bloody nose, you understand me?!” I screamed, tears falling down my face but I didn't stick around for an answer from him.
I was livid, I left him on the icy cold floor of the playground and marched back home not once looking back at him.
I was in absolute pieces, my heart was breaking, I felt like I couldn't breathe. But it was my doing, it was all my fault, I did this.
I slept with somebody else… not just anybody but with Vic, without any knowledge of doing so. But that was no excuse, Oli wouldn’t see it like that, I’ve destroyed us. This is the end; everything we’ve gone through and built together, our little family… it’s now all destroyed because of a stupid drunken mistake and because I couldn't cut myself off from Vic I've ruined everything by keeping him in my life even after Oli warned me not too.
And because of my selfishness, I’m going to lose him, again.

~~~

The flat was in a right state from last night, but I didn’t really give a shit to be honest.
Tom and Oskar didn’t seem to be around so I slumped down onto the sofa, and completely broke down.

“What’s wrong love?”
I flinched as I heard Oli’s voice enter the room, I didn’t know he was awake.
I was crying into my hands refusing to look up at him; how the fuck do I tell him?! This will break him…this will honestly push him off the edge, and I will never forgive myself if he did something to himself because of this.
“What have you done to your hand?” Oli’s voice was thick with concern.
Shit, my knuckles were red raw and covered in blood from punching Vic in the face, how was I going to explain this to him?
“Josh your really scaring me now… talk to me?” Oli placed a hand on my knee as he knelt down infront of me, waiting for me to give him answers.
“You’re never going to forgive me…” I chocked.
“Josh?”

I was shaking like a leaf, I felt sick to my core…I love him so damn much but I knew that wouldn’t be enough to save us this time.
I was going to lose him… yet again, I couldn't handle the thought but I knew I couldn't keep this from him.
My heart was in my throat, I struggled to get those horrendous words past my lips.
I just hung my head in shame; there was nothing I could do now… I had to tell him the truth.
I removed my hands from my face and took a deep breath before I blurted it out.
“Last night I…I slept with Vic.”