We're Young and in Love

I’d Rather You Lie Than Throw It All Away.

Vic’s POV

I reached the last step on the second floor and stood outside my front door, reluctant to put my key through the key hole and let myself in because I knew what was waiting for me on the other side. I sighed heavily to myself as I ran my hand through my long curly hair; I knew he was going to be upset, very upset because I let him down, yet again. I didn’t want to feed him excuses but this time it was completely unintentional and was entirely innocent, hopefully he’ll understand that if he let me explain. Apart of me was hoping he gave up waiting for me and went home but I knew he was still here as his car was still parked outside the block. This is ridiculous, I shouldn’t be standing outside my own home debating if I should enter or not, afraid of how another person was going to act for my late presences. And without wasting another moment I opened my door and let myself in, making sure I closed the door quietly behind me, not wanting to draw attention to myself.

The flat had a strange presence to it, it was soundless maybe too quiet for someone who was suppose to be annoyed and tired of waiting for me. I didn’t bother calling out for him, maybe he fell asleep and I’ll be able to figure out what to say or sort something out before he woke up, instead of facing the truth of our date being ruined because of me. I make my way into the living area and I suddenly stop in my path when I see him sitting on the sofa hunch forward resting his arms on his thighs. Dark eyes filled with hurt and anger piercing right through me when they’re met with mine and I knew then that I was in for it now.

“I let you go to get us food and you return back three hours later empty handed and I’m left with nothing but a text that says you’re with him and our lunch date is cancelled!” he raised his voice and stood up from the sofa.
“Hime-“
“No Vic, I don’t want to hear your lame excuses!” he yells, cutting me off. Shit, I knew he would be like this, this is what I wanted to avoid.
“It’s not what you think.” I say calmly, placing my keys on the kitchen counter.
“It never is when he’s involved.”
“Hey, don’t be like that.” I say in a slight defence tone as I turn back around but he was already walking past me. I managed to wrap my arms around his waist and pull him to me and he tries pushing me away but I hold on to him tighter.
“You promised me Vic. You promised me this time round it would be different.”
“And it is. Come on, you know full well that I’ve hardly seen him.” I frown in annoyance, keeping a firm grip on him.
“But you still cancelled on me to be with him though!”

Me and Jaime had started seeing each other again, not long, about four weeks now I think. We’ve spent the last six months apart and for a moment I was almost certain that we wouldn’t get back together again but here we are. I guess I kind of missed him, I really didn’t deserve him, and he deserved someone so much better than me, someone who could give him everything I’d failed to give him in our long term relationship. We’ve been on and off for the last five years and during that time I’ve never felt as strongly about him as he did for me. I knew he was madly in love with me and every time we broke up, he was always so willing to take me back… I didn’t understand it. He’ll be waiting for me with open arms, ready to forgive me for how badly I treated him and ready to give us another go no matter how poorly I treated him the last time.

I didn’t even know why I kept going back to him… I guess I was comfortable, settled with what I had. Jaime is basically the only and real proper relationship I’ve ever been in…
My past relationships didn’t exactly count, me and Oliver were far too young and only got as far as kissing. Me and Claire lost our virginity to each other but yet again we were still so young and not long after she passed away. And as for Josh, well he is a whole different story, basically the one that got away or friend zoned if you want to call it. Our past relationship was far from complicated; we’ve kissed, had sex and basically shared a relationship without even being in one… his choice of course.

The thought of dating anyone else kind of scared me and to be honest, I didn’t think anyone else wasn’t even worth my time. Whenever Hime and I broke up I’d sometimes hook up with someone but it’s nothing more than sex and I would never hear or see that person again.
Jaime knew how I felt about Josh, he learned that many years ago when I cheated on him when Josh and I had that drunken one night stand… but he forgave me for it and eventually took me back. I never understood why, he always puts up with me and my shit, especially the shit I put him through with my feelings for Josh it’s a never ending cycle and I guess you could say that’s the main reason why we’re constantly breaking up. I’m always hoping one day Josh is going to change his mind and want me instead of Oliver but who am I kidding, its been five years and nothings changed, I was holding on to false hope.

But this time I really wanted to try and give our relationship a proper go. I wanted to be with Jaime, I’ve spent too long pining for my best friend I knew I wasn’t going to ever get. I needed to finally get a grip and move on, all this waiting around wasn’t healthy and I was literally wasting my life away, we were friends and nothing more. I wanted to do what was best for Jaime, he loves me and I love him. I do, maybe not in the way I should love him or in the way he wanted me to love him but I do and I know I don’t like to admit it to myself or even say it out loud very often but I really do. He’s all I know and he worthships the ground I walk on and I know I will never find anyone who loves me as much as Jaime loves me. I wanted us to finally be a normal couple, just me and him and no anyone else, I needed to move on and think of my future with him.

“I’ve had enough of being second best.” He hisses, wriggling out of my hold.
“You’re not second best! Okay I admit, today I screwed up. I shouldn’t have ruin our date to be with Josh, I assure you it wasn’t intentional, I should have just took him home and came straight back here to you but I didn’t and I’m sorry ok! He’s my best friend and Hannah’s my god daughter I can’t just abandon them, they’re apart of my life and you know that.” I yell back also glaring at him.
“So is Kellin your best friend and Liam’s your God son but you don’t go running to they’re every beck and calls do you?”
“Don’t start comparing my friendships to others.”
“Because you know I’m right. You know Josh comes first before anyone, even before your very own boyfriend who you’ve been with for years. I get no say or even a thought when he’s in the picture and I’ve had enough of it!”
“Whatever Hime, I told you that I’m sorry and if you don’t want to forgive me then fine. You know where the door is.” I snap. I was pissed off now and I wasn’t going to put up with him anymore. I said I was sorry, I wasn’t going to beg for him and he knew damn well that I wouldn’t either.

I push past him annoyed not caring if he left or not and flopped myself down on my sofa, lying down on my back, turning my snapback forward so I could lean my head against the arm of the sofa. I tucked my arm up behind my head as my other hand pulls out my phone from my pocket which has been on silent the entire time and I see all the unread text messages and missed calls from Jaime which causes me to frown.

Taking me by surprise, an angry Jaime straddles my waist and rips my phone from my hands and holds me down in place.
“You’re such a fucking asshole you know that.”
“You’ve told me a few times before.” I smirk, upsetting him even more.
“Is this what you want Vic? Do you really want me to leave, again?”
I groan in frustration covering my face with my hands, he was being so fucking irritating and practically pushing me to admit that I didn’t want him to leave. In fact I really wanted him to fucking stay and be by my side and I knew that wouldn’t happen unless I say it to him so loud the neighbours above could hear me. All he had to do was ask but no he had to throw a god damn hissy fit over it and do everything he could to piss me off.

“You know I don’t want that alright!” I yell, pulling my hands away from my face and glaring up at him. Watching as his face falls slightly.
“You know how hard I’ve been trying to focus on us, don’t make me out like I haven’t.”
For the last four weeks I’ve done nothing but focus on our relationship; Going out of my way to organise dates or trying to spend as much time with him or doing whatever I could to make him happy. And I’ll admit it’s been nice, really nice just me and him without allowing anyone to interfere or ruin it until today that is.
“I’m sorry but you hurt me and I’m hungry and you ignored me to be with him!” he pouts, crossing his arms to his chest and refusing to look at me while he sulks.
“Look, Hime. You know it’s you that I want and I mean it. I’m sorry about today and I’ll make it up to you okay, I promise.” I place my hands on his thighs and gently rub them up and down knowing the contact would help in my favour and relax him. He’s so paranoid about me spending time with Josh, I guess I’ve never given him a reason not to be. Jaime and Josh got along alright together but there is a slight awkwardness between them sometimes but they were friends.
Hime was the type of character who got along with everybody, who had lots of friends and loved being centre of attention. Whatever was going on at an event or a party or a catch up he had to be apart of it no matter what and he knew whenever Josh was around he got everyone’s attention but mine. I didn’t even realise I was ignoring him until Jaime pointed it out or made a scene over it, it wasn’t intentional it just happen. It’s just whenever Josh was in my sight, he was the only person I wanted to see and no else around me mattered. I presume that’s why Jaime disliked our close friendship, he knew we had history together and feelings and everything he wished he had with me instead of Josh.

“I don’t want to lose you again.” He mumbles quietly.
“You’re not going to.”
“You said that last time Vic and we were apart for six months.”
I see his eyes fill with tears as he tries to hold them back and I’m hit with a load of guilt and I sit up with him still in my lap and place my hand on his cheek to comfort him. I’ve hurt him so much in the past and I hate myself for it.
“I know and I’m sorry that it took me so long to come back to you. But you’re not going to lose me okay, I want you.” I say but he just sniffs back his tears without saying anything. He didn’t believe me and I had no one to blame but myself, I’ve told him this so many times before why would this time be any different? But I had to prove it to him, I had to show him I meant it this time.
“What can I do to prove it to you that you’re the one I want?” I ask, wanting to try anything that would make him believe me.
He glances at me with watery eyes and shakes him head and shrugs.
“Actions speak louder than words Vic.”

And with that I pulled his face closer to mine and crushed my lips down on to his. The kiss was soft and sweet and despite how upset he was with me he kissed me back never refusing to have me in this way. I soon deepen the kiss, leaving its innocence’s behind and turning it into something more dark and sinister. I push him down gently on the sofa so that I was now lying on top nicely settled in between his legs and moved my lips to his neck where I began sucking a mark into his light tanned skin. I hear him let out a little groan as I continued to assault his neck with my tongue, his hands roaming all over my body until his fingers find they’re way up my shirt digging his nails into my bare skin when he bucked his hips up into mine causing me to break away from his neck to let out a breathy moan at the friction.
“Bedroom?” I ask, rising up an eyebrow to him.
“Bedroom.” He nods eagerly causing me to chuckle before climbing off him and taking his hand in my and pulling him into my bedroom with me.

~~~~~

Jaime was currently sitting cross legged on my bed in just his boxers, eating a bowl of cereal, while his eyes were fixed on the tv screen in front of him. After our fun little activity in my bedroom, I quickly whipped him up a cheese omelette seeing as he didn’t eat anything and after made our way back to my bed room for round two of our make up session which always worked in my favour when I wanted his forgiveness. He claimed I had worn him out the second round and was too tired to do anything for the rest of the evening but yet he was still really hungry. Feeling a little guilty, I only had cereal to offer him this time because it was literally all I had in the cupboards and I wasn’t hungry enough to order a take away. His eyes never looked away from the film which was playing in front of him, not bothering about the milk dripping down his chin and onto the dirty bed sheets under him.

I was sat against the headboard lazily, the bed sheets only covering up my naked lower half. I wasn’t really paying attention to the film, as I’ve seen Pulp Fiction many times before and it was already half way through when Hime turn it on. I was in the middle of texting Kellin, Jaime was right earlier when he mentioned I haven’t spent any time with Kellin and Liam recently and they both mean just as much to me and I felt rather guilty knowing so.
But it was so damn hard to arrange a day which was best for both of us, I guess that’s adult life for you, it’s almost impossible to find a day to hang out these days and catch up. It’s not as easy as it was when we were kids, Kellin was settled down now, happily married with a three year old as well as another kid on the way and I was always working which didn’t make it any easier. As I was in the middle of typing a sentence, I got a text from Josh, popping up at the top of my screen I wasted no time clicking on the text and not bothering to finish off my text to Kellin first.

Josh only texted to say he and Oliver had agreed to a day to themselves and would it be alright to babysit Hannah sometime next week, whatever day was best for me and just to let him know. I couldn’t help the smile which planted it self across my face because being able to have Hannah for the whole day all by myself was huge. Josh never left her side; he was always very protective of Hannah and usually never allowed anyone to watch her no longer than an hour and that was only if it was really nesscceray. I knew Josh was putting a lot of trust in me to have Hannah for the whole day and I knew that it probably took Oliver a lot of convincing as well so I was flattered to have the rare opportunity.
Not sure how Hime would react to it though, he only just forgave me for being with Josh and Hannah today and I didn’t want to bring it up and have a repeat of a similar argument again. But I guess this situation is entirely different, Josh wouldn’t be there and I am entitled to spend time with my god daughter with or without Jaime’s permission and will.
Kinda think I should tell him now though instead of him finding out later and risking another argument, I wanted us to talk about these things like proper adults and have a trusting relationship.

I reach out and rest my hand on his lower back, stroking his bare skin with my thumb gently. He turns around to look at me probably wondering what’s brought on the loving contact but I smile up at him lovingly and the big goof smiles back with a mouth full of cereal causing him to spill it down himself and I can’t help but laugh.

“How would you feel about me babysitting Hannah sometime next week?” I thought I should ask instead of tell him to avoid any arguments from starting.
“What sort of question is that?”
“I want to know if you would be okay with it because Josh asked me.”
“I’m not going to stop you from spending time with your god daughter Vic. I know she means the world to you.”
“Yeah, she does. But I don’t want to do anything which makes you feel uncomfortable.” He looked back at me a little shocked. I guess it was because I was actually considering his feelings for once. Something I never often done in the past and you could tell from the look on his face he was grateful that I was this time.
“Sure, I don’t mind. But how comes, where are Josh and Oli going?”
“They just need some alone time together. Which means you, me and Hannah can go out for the day somewhere.”
“Y-you want me to babysit with you?” he stutters surprised, turning around so he was facing me.
“Yeah of course, it will be fun.”
Jaime hasn’t seen Hannah since her baby shower which was six months ago so I guess he was a little nervous at the whole idea but I know everything will be alright, I think he’ll really enjoy himself.

“Josh might not like the idea of me being there though and besides, I thought we were supposed to be keeping our relationship to ourselves?” he mumbles down into the cereal bowl, it was kinda cute to see him act like this, he never worries over anything really and to see him so concerned about this was a first. Especially when we both agreed to keep our relationship to ourselves for now, I think he was afraid this would blow our cover. Hime sucks at keeping secrets about us, he usually so eager to tell everyone and finds it extremely hard to keep his hands to himself, I’m surprised he’s lasted this long without opening his big mouth and telling everyone already. I think its best to save the sly comments and our friends opinions until we were both ready to go public again.

“Relax babe, Josh doesn’t have to know that you’ll be babysitting with me, not that he’ll care much if he did anyway.” I place my hand on his shoulder to reassure him, I didn’t see how Josh would mind if he knew he would be there, he’s been bugging me to get back with Jaime for months. He’d probably jump for joy if he knew we were back together and most likely encourage the babysitting.
“I guess so, but…but what if she doesn’t like me?” he says looking at me with uncertainty eyes and quickly looking away. I let out a little laugh because he was getting himself all worked up for no reason, I know Hannah will love him how could she not, look how cute he is all worried that she might not like him.
“She’s a little shy but don’t worry she’ll love you. How can she not love someone as hyper active and annoying as you?”
Jaime rolls his eyes playfully at me, I’m glad I was able to lighten up his mood.
“Thank you for asking me to be involve with your plans.”
“I told you before, it’s me and you now Hime. For real this time, I promise.” I say leaning forward and kissing him. I really wanted us to work out, I had to move forward with my life and my relationship and leave past feelings behind.

“What is she like?”
“She’s perfect. Come over here and I’ll show you some photos of her.”
He smiles excitedly, placing his empty bowl on the night stand before shuffling over to lie beside me against the pillows and I wrap my arm round his neck to make him more comfortable.
I start scrolling through the most recent photos I have of Hannah on my phone, which were from her 1st birthday a couple weeks ago. She was only a baby when Hime last saw her therefore his reaction to see how much she has change was a huge surprise. He smiles widely and awes at the many photos of the beautiful baby girl I so proudly call my God daughter.

“Aw man I can’t wait.”
“Can’t wait for what?” I ask curiously and a little confused. He was smiling about something he had on his mind.
“N-nothing.” He mumbles, biting his lip and looking away from me as the happiness instantly falls from his face and he sits up away from me.
“No, tell me.” I press, wanting to know. He was so happy and cheery a second ago and now he’s turn all nervous and fidgeting around which only triggered my curiosity further but he kept quiet.
“Come on Hime, tell me”
“Erm, well I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about us settling down properly… maybe one day we’ll get married and adopt our own kids.”
My mouth falls open and I feel my eyes expand as I stare at him in complete utter shock. What the fuck, I really wasn’t expecting him to say that.
“I didn’t think you wanted all that.”
“I do with you.” He says shyly sitting up again.
I look down at my hands in my lap, feeling uncomfortable with the conversation. We’ve only just started seeing each other again, we both agreed to take baby steps and see what happens with our relationship but now he’s thrown this at me.

“Don’t you want that too Vic?” his voice breaks me out of my thoughts and I look back at him to see his face filled with fear and heartbreak.
“To be honest I’ve never actually thought about it…” I shrug not really knowing what to say but the truth.

His future freaked me out a little, it made me nervous. I didn’t know how I felt about marriage or kids… it was such a big commitment, I mean, I guess I do want them in the future but do I want it all with Jaime? In the past we spent most our time arguing and breaking up and for us to be parents we’d have to be 100% committed to one and other. Without a doubt I knew Jaime was already committed to me in every way possible and even though I’m trying my very best to make things work between us this time round, I wasn’t sure if I was 100% committed to him… it was still early days in our new relationship and I couldn’t give a straight answer, not yet, it wouldn’t be fair on Jaime or to me.
I really didn’t think he wanted the family life like Josh and Kellin because he’s never mention or hinted anything about it before.

As if he notices my discomfort with the subject, he squeezes his hand gently on my shoulder to assure me everything was alright.
“Vic?”
“Hm.”
“Don’t worry about it now okay. We can discuss it some more in the future when we’re both ready.”
“One step at a time yeah?” I smile faintly and place my hand on his cheek, hoping he would understand there was no rush for all this.
“Okay.” He whispers, looking down at the bed sheets all miserable like I had just killed all his hopes and dreams but the look was enough to make my heart ache. I’ve turned into such a sap over the years and I’ve got none other but Josh to blame for that. He’s basically a pro at pulling the puppy dog eyes and getting what he wants and it works on me every time and now it’s started to work whenever Jaime does it too, leaving me no choice but to reluctantly give in.
I sigh, hooking my finger under his chin and making him look at me.
“Hime, I’m not saying it’s not gonna happen but I’m not promising anything either, got it?” I say firmly, raising my eyebrows at him to make sure he understands I was being serious. The cards were on the table and for the sake of us starting over, I would think about it.
“I love you.” He squeals in excitement letting his usual large smile spread across his lips. I shake my head lightly at his reaction not being able to deny that I enjoy seeing him this happy.
“Come here.” I smile and motion him with my hand for him to cuddle with me and he wastes no time lying down and snuggling up into my side like it was his favourite place to be.