Don't You Ever Forget About Me

When broke apart my heart broke because I knew that he'd never give me those hugs before or after kissing me and because I'm not his and he'll never be mine. I know I was being incredibly stupid when I ignored him but I couldn't help it. It's only first nature to push people away.

We arrived home within minutes and Phil greeted us from the couch as we walking in, glancing up and shooting me a look that asked if I'd told him yet. I shook my head and followed Christian to his room.

I was expecting this day to go as usual, but instead of hearing music when I laid down on his bed and started playing with a stuffed animal I heard a question.

"Victoria, why did my brother look at you like that?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?" I asked back, hoping the dumb card would work.

"No. Don't play stupid. I know the only thing that makes Phil look at people like that. Why did he look at you that way?"

"I don't want to say." I spoke quietly. I couldn't tell him how I felt. Not today.

"Victoria, please tell me. We're best friends, we tell each other everything."

I was silent as I lie there, unable to get past my anxiety. The only movement my hands were making was shaking. I'd stopped messing with the stuffed animal.

"Victoria?" Christian whispered. The next thing I knew he was beside me, kneeling on the floor. A thought of him leaning over and kissing me flitted through my mind, making my heart beat fast for a reason other than my anxiety and a light blush creep up my face.

I swallowed hard. "Yeah?"

"You can tell me, I won't hate you, if that's what you think." His voice was low and it made me blush a bit deeper.

"But you will." I closed my eyes as I felt a familiar prick of tears through the blush.

"What is it? I promise I won't."

I rolled on my side and opened my eyes, only to find he was mere inches from my face. My eyes flicked all over his face, first to his nose then his eyes, his cheekbones. They found their way to his lips and I realized how perfect they were. I was filled with a sudden rush of courage and I leaned in quickly, but not quick enough.

"What are you doing?!" He blurted with wide eyes, after flinging himself backwards.

"I'm so sorry, oh my god. I'm so so sorry." I got off the bed and ran out of his room, almost flying down the stairs.

"Hey! Woah, what happened?" Phil asked when I ran into him.

"It went all wrong, Phil. Oh god, it went all wrong." I cried, running towards the front door. Where I was going I wasn't sure of, but I was going somewhere. I didn't bother to shut the door as I blasted out, and I knew I'd get talked to about it later.

I'd made it almost to the school when I felt hands wrap around my waist, Christian's voice yelling "Stop!" as he pulled me to a halt.

I stopped and looked at my feet as he walked around to where I could see him.

"Victoria, look at me." I shook my head and he gently brought my chin up with a finger so I had to look at him

"What was that?" He breathed. I didn't answer, just panted as I tried to catch my breath.

"Was that why Phil looked at you like that?" I shook my head, my breath nearly back to normal.

"Then what."

"I- I just-." I tried, but I couldn't say it.

"You just what?"

"I just really like you." I rushed.

"What?" His face was filled with confusion and disbelief.

"I like you! Okay? I just really like you. But you'll never like me back. And I'm sorry I tried to kiss you." I looked at my shoes once again.

"So that's... Oh." He said, letting out a breath after he spoke.

I began to cry, the feeling of rejection hitting me.

"No! No no no, don't cry. Shh, don't cry." He wrapped me in a hug and I tried to force myself to let him embrace me instead of freaking out.

"You okay now?" He asked when I stopped crying. I kept my face nuzzled into his chest and he kept his arms around me.

I nodded slightly. "I think."

He must have realized he was still holding me because he removed his grip on me and took a step back. I was left with a feeling of rejection that stabbed my heart.

"So, uh, you... Erm..." He stuttered, looking down at his feet.

"Yeah..." I swallowed and looked away. I didn't want to be having this conversation.

"For how long?" I saw him look up at my face for a few seconds and then look back down at his feet at the edge of my vision.

"I'm not sure. I think since around fifth grade." I moved my gaze to my feet.

His head snapped up to look at me in utter bewilderment. "That long?!"

"Just a few years..."

"Even when I was gone?"

"Why do you think I hallucinated you, almost went insane?" I looked up, getting caught in eye contact.

"I didn't... I had no clue..." His feet seemed interesting to him again.

"Do you not want me to live with you guys anymore?" I murmured. The thought of him shunning me was too painful and I almost started crying again at the possibility.

"No! Wait, I mean no I don't not want you to live with us. Which means yes I want you to live with us." He elaborated confusingly, making almost no sense.

I nodded, releasing the breath I'd been holding unconsciously.

"Come on, lets go home, I bet Phil's wondering what happened."

I nodded again, walking a few paces behind him and trying to keep my mind off of how stupid I was.

I can't believe I was that stupid. My mind screamed. Now things are going to be awkward. How could I even... My thoughts were cut off.

"We're back." Christian called. His voice was awkward and I felt even worse because I knew I'd have to be the one to explain it to Phil.

"Where were you guys? What even happened?" Phil rushed up to us. I looked at my feet.

"I'll tell you later." I mumbled.