Memories

Willow pushed the blankets off of her and sat up in the bed. She pulled the braid her hair was in out and re-twisted it, draping across one shoulder. She turned her head to the right and looked down at her phone, resting her chin on her shoulder. The front of it showed that it was charging, but that she had no messages.

Sighing, she got to her feet, pulled her phone off the charger and padded her way through the eerily quiet apartment. After convincing Jackie that she was really and truly fine and that she wasn’t going to kill herself, Jackie had agreed to go her boyfriend Derek’s house with the promise Willow would call her as soon as she woke up.

She set up the coffee and lit a cigarette before pressing the start button on the machine and dialing Jackie’s number.

“Thank God I don’t have to pay the rent myself,” Jackie said as a hello.

“You’re super funny,” Willow said, monotone.

“How’s your head?”

Willow’s mind flashed to the bar that they’d sat at the night before as she downed shot after shot. Jackie had bought her the drinks, for her birthday and to drown her sorrows.

“Slightly thumping, but otherwise fine.”

“Well, when you get ready, I left your present on the roof.”

“Did you finally get us that picnic table set?” Willow asked, finally able to smile.

Jackie chuckled. “Something like that. You’ll have to go find out for yourself.”

“Alright, I will. Tell Derek I said hi.”

She listened as Jackie pushed the phone from her mouth to repeat her statement. She waited a few more seconds before Jackie came back.

“He says happy belated birthday and he can kick Zacky’s ass if you want him to.”

Willow flinched at his name and sighed. “No, that’s okay. I just want to forget, really.”

“Do you want me to kick his ass?”

Smiling a full smile, Willow shook her head. “No, thanks though. You’re the best. I love you.”

“Love you, too. I’ll be home sometime later today and we’ll get dinner, okay?”

“Sounds like a date.”

After she hung up, Willow poured herself a cup of coffee, added her creamer, and stood at the window, looking out.

Her mind wandered to the night before and how sad Zacky had looked when she told him she was done. Sighing, she blinked a few times and looked at the city. She remembered they didn’t always have bad times. In fact, the first time she’d met him was one of the best nights of her life. She smiled as the night replayed in her mind.



“I said let go of me!” Willow screamed, pulling her arm from the guy who’d forced himself on her to dance.

“You’re too pretty to not have a guy by your side.”

“Who says she doesn’t?” a voice asked and Willow turned to see the most beautiful man she’d ever seen staring at the guy behind her.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m her fiancée,” the man said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Willow stiffened but the guy’s grip fell away from her arm and she turned to stand beside the dark-haired man with the weird piercings. A tattooed arm snaked around her shoulders and she leaned into his side.

“Zacky, what’s goin’ on?” another guy said, coming up to join their group.

“Yeah fuckin’ right,” the guy said, laughing.

“You don’t believe me?” Zacky asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“She’s been here for over an hour by her damn self, jerk-off. Where the fuck have you been if you’re her fiancée?”

“Letting her have her girl time. She’s here with her best friend,” Zacky clarified.

“Whatever,” the guy said, shrugging. “Stupid whore wasn’t worth it, anyway.”

Willow gasped and Zacky’s face turned a dark shade of red. Suddenly, his fist slammed into the guy’s jaw, knocking him down so hard, his head bounced off the floor. Willow’s hands cupped her mouth as she watched Zacky lean over the guy.

“Just because you have to go home with Jill tonight,” he said, making a jerking off motion with his hand, “doesn’t mean you need to be a fucking douchebag in front of a lady. Watch your fucking mouth.”

He stood up straight and turned around with a smile on his face. Wrapping his arm around her neck, he led Willow away from the guy.

“I’m Zacky, by the way.”



She smiled at the memory and how he’d bought her drinks, danced with her, and made her laugh the whole night, not expecting one thing in return…except her phone number. He hadn’t even tried to kiss her though he admitted later that he’d wanted to so bad.

They’d ended up having a lot more in common than she would’ve thought and it wasn’t even two months later that she realized she was in love with him. It didn’t take her much longer after that to realize he had feelings for her too, and when they had their first kiss, Zacky had told her why he didn’t want to get into a relationship with her.

She understood; his band was his first priority and he was on the road a lot. He didn’t want her to have to wonder what he was doing, or with who and he didn’t want to be away from her for that long. Willow had a good laugh a month into his first tour away from her when she realized it was happening without them being together. She still wondered what he was doing, and with who, and he kept telling her how much he hated being away from her.

That had been two years ago. Sighing, she lit another cigarette and refilled her coffee cup. She pulled herself up onto the counter flicked her ashes into the ashtray beside her.

At least this time, she hadn’t fallen asleep on the roof waiting for him.



“Will, wake up.”

She blinked her eyes open just to immediately shut them from the blinding sunlight.

“What time is it?”

“Almost nine.”

“Where were you?” she asked, sitting up, popping her back.

Zacky inhaled his cigarette as he looked at her. She flipped her head over to tie her hair up on top of her head. When she finished, she looked up to see him shuffling his feet, looking down.

“Zacky?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking up at her.

“I slept outside, Zacky. I don’t think ‘I’m sorry’ is going to cut it this time.”

She stood up to move past him to go to the door. He flicked his cigarette away and whirled after her, catching her by the waist. He pulled her back against him and she felt his lips against the back of her neck.

“Let me make it up to you, Will. Please. I’m so sorry.”



She’d let him get by with it that day, and every other time he fucked up. Not anymore, though. She was done. She shook her head of her thoughts and looked down at her empty mug. Her shoulders slumped and she dropped it into the sink before jumping down to the floor. She walked to the living room to plug her phone up to the stereo. She found a song and pressed play before she headed back to her room to take a shower.

Pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, she braided her hair again. Pausing in the hallway, she finished tying the hair tie around the end of her braid and opened the door to the roof. She climbed the stairs and pushed out into the open air. She turned to her right to the open area and saw four huge wooden Adirondack chairs surrounding a fire pit that was lit, beyond them were two lounge chairs with a small table between them, obviously meant for the two of them. She turned around to look at the view and froze.

Zacky was sitting in her place on the edge of the roof. He had a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants on, his hood pulled over his head, yet she still knew it was him. Her eyes flicked to the ladder that hooked over the roof wall from the fire escape, knowing he’d used it to get access to their roof.

The sounds of “Poison and Wine” by The Civil Wars floated up through the open door from the living room as she quietly made her way to where he was. She turned around and sat down, her back facing the city and her front facing him. She didn’t look at him as she lit a cigarette and exhaled.

“I’ve been listening to country music all day,” he said, linking his fingers together as he rested his elbows on his knees. "For some reason, they always sing about depressing shit and it seemed appropriate."

She didn’t say anything and they sat quietly while the song faded into “Almost Lover” by A Fine Frenzy. Tears rushed to Willow’s eyes and Zacky sighed.

“This song would come on,” he said, shaking his head. He lifted his eyes and looked at her. “Say something, Will.”

“Fuck you,” she said but her voice cracked.

She heard the indrawn breath he took and she turned her head to the left, away from him.

“Can I show you something?” he asked, quietly.

“What?” she asked, still not looking at him.

He reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone and turned it on. He pulled up his messages, went to her name and held the phone out to her. She saw it out of the corner of her eye and turned her head. Gingerly taking it from him, making sure she didn’t touch him, she looked at the screen.

“Guys wanna celebrate last night of tour. You and jack wanna come with or do you want me to tell them we pass? Your call, birthday girl.”

Her brows drew together as she looked at the “Failed” underneath it.

“It wouldn’t send. I tried like ten times but it still wouldn’t send. Look at the time.”

She looked to the top of the message.

11:34 PM.

That was before she’d gone backstage. Her eyes flicked to his.

“That doesn’t explain why you didn’t just call when you got out of the building.”

“I was going to call you when I got to the bar. I know I’ve got signal there so I was going to call there.”

“So why didn’t you tell the bouncers?”

“I did. He didn’t tell you?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Obviously.”

“I’m sorry, Willow. I didn’t mean for all of this to happen and I didn’t know you felt that strongly about things.”

She handed his phone back to him.

“Willow, please,” he said, sounding so defeated. “Let me fix this. Let me fix us. I love you!”

She chewed on her lip as she thought. Her heart squeezed as he said the five words she'd been dying to hear him say. She was completely torn from shooting him down instantly, based on past incidents, but at the same time, he’d given proof that he hadn’t forgotten her completely. That in itself was enough to make her want to say okay, but she was still wary. Plus, he'd told her he was in love with her. Wasn't that what she'd always wanted?

“You told me last night that people change, Willow. Let me prove to you I have changed. Please.”

Every ounce of her wanted to tell him no, but the one vital organ that was standing in the way…was the one she knew would break if she did tell him no.

He stood up and held out his hand to her. She looked at it for a few seconds before looking back up into his eyes.

Her heart sped up as she thought of those eyes looking down at her, his hips moving sensuously slow, grinding into her, driving her crazy with need. How he trailed kisses from her mouth to her ear and down to her chest, how his fingers teased her sensitive nipples, pressed into her pelvic bones, grazed her clit nearly making her come off the bed.

All of the heat in her body made a beeline for her loins and she shifted uncomfortably. She weighed her options, the pros and cons of each decision. She had so many bad memories of waiting for him, broken promises, and lonely nights. On the other hand, the laughs, smiles, and happy memories were so good they almost made up for the bad ones.

"You're right, Zacky," Willow said, nodding. She stood up and walked over to him, ignoring his hand. "People change... too bad memories don't. You fucked up too many times and realized it way too late. Strike three, Zacky."

She leaned up on tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek before she breezed past him to head towards the door down into her apartment. She paused just before she pulled the door closed.

"Get off of my roof."

Zacky's eyes closed at her words and he flinched when the door shut. He felt his throat dry up with the need to cry but he just nodded and moved to the fire escape to climb down.

Inside of the door, Willow was pressed against it, her top row of teeth digging into her bottom lip to keep from crying out. She tasted the coppery metallic of her blood as the tears spilled down her face. She slid down the door until she felt the floor beneath her. She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and buried her head, crying openly.

God, how she wished memories could change.