Meet Me by the River's Edge

" What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind "

I remember back in 9th grade, I had a crush on this boy called Kyle, we were actually pretty good friends and man, I was head over heels in love with him. Then one day out of the blue, he introduced me to this girl, Annie, his girlfriend. I tried so hard to dislike her, tried so hard to find just a tiny little flaw in her personality or looks. But there were none. I couldn't help but like her and enjoy spending my time with her. So as much as I wanted Kyle, I knew Annie was perfect and there was no hope for me.

That's exactly how I felt when Jack and I got to meet Georgie's new foster parents. They lived about 15 minutes from the new house in this picturesque little suburb. Their house reminded me of the one from UP, the facade was painted in a gorgeous light mint green while the roof was held in mostly pastel pink with a few mismatched tiles here and there. I knew Georgie would love this. They had a big backyard and I could see a shaggy haired bobtail dog run around the garden wagging his tail.

The swing set in the garden, the self made window color paintings, the dog — everything seemed so perfect. I tried so hard to hate it. These were the things a kid in Georgie's age needed, the things I could've never properly given her. Sure I could've bought a swing set and a dog but it would never seem as perfect as this, It would seem out of place and forced.

And then we met them and if I wasn't so sure it's not possible, I would've asked them to adopt me too please.

Emily was this drop dead gorgeous woman in her mid 30s who looked like she just jumped out of a vintage 50s photograph. She was a pre school teacher and worked with special needs kids every second weekend of the month. She had won several prizes for her cooking skills and to top it all of, she wore a Bon Jovi T-shirt.

Chris had made some money with real estates back a few years ago before following his dream of owning his own store selling custom made motorcycles.

Those two were the coolest bunch I had ever met in my life and I was searching so hard to find a crack in their seemingly perfect personalities, but to no avail. They were just as perfect as it seemed.

And they weren't even conceited or stuck up, no not at all. They had greeted us as if we were old friends, offering us a beer and asking us if we wanted to stay for their monthly BBQ.

It made my heart swell, seeing Georgie run around in the garden with the family's little son, Noah, and the dog (who I was informed was called Ozzy).

This was all I had imagined for Georgie and I would've to get over the fact that it wasn't me giving it to her, but someone who actually knew how to raise a child.

The drive home to the apartment was rather silent. Both Jack and I were still trying to process the new situation. Georgie was here in Baltimore but not with us.

" So ... what do you think ? " Jack asked hesitantly. It made me sad that he thought he had to walk on eggshells with me. Did I really give off such a vulnerable vibe ?

" I think — I think they're so fucking cool they're on a completely new level of the coolness scale. Even cooler than we are and we're already pretty dope. "

Jack let out a long breath. " Oh thank god, I thought I was the only one. Not gonna lie I kinda wanted them to be my foster parents too. I mean they have a slip n' slide so that's me sold already. "

" Same, oh my god. They were so funny too, and she wore a Bon Jovi tour shirt from the 80s. How cool is that ? "

Nodding his head enthusiastically Jack tried to keep his eyes focused on the road. " I know, I saw. So Fucking rad. Man I always thought we were cool. We're actually really lame. "

" At least our sex is good. "

" True that. High five. "

And so we high fived and prided ourselves with this little victory we had.

For a moment we drove in silence which was neither particularly comfortable nor awkward. It was just silence in the purest form there is. The silence where there's just nothing to say so you stare on and wallow in a quite moment — that's until your boyfriend disturbs the calm with one of his typical horny comments.

" Can we fuck when we get home ? "

" Dude, a bit more subtle ? A bit more romantic ? "

" Since when do we do romance ? "

He had a point. We never did romance for the sake of romance. There were moments when we did romantic stuff, Jack even more so than me, but it was never particularly planned or thought out just so he could tell everyone how romantic he is. We kept that to ourselves for us to keep and no one else.

" You do have a point. I guess we can. Coop should be at school still so I don't see why not. "

" Nice. Billie, you're the real MVP. "



Jack's hands softly caressed my hips as I was fumbling to get the keys into the lock and open the door.

" Babe you gotta stop if you want me to open the door. " I said, my voice laced with amusement and a hint of lust.

" I don't want to though, we can just do it right here if you feel like it. " his words were hard to make out since he mumbled them in between placing kisses on the back of my neck.

" Geez, you've got neighbors. I'd rather not. "

Eventually I got the key in and we stumbled through the door, hands roaming the other's body and lips connected.

" You want me to bend you over the couch ? You want that ? " Jack murmured against my lips.

" Oh god please don't. " It was not me those words came from. Jack quickly removed his hands from me and I turned around to see that we weren't as alone as we though we would be. Not only was my new found teenage brother standing in the doorway that lead from the living room to the kitchen, no there was another boy next to him. He seemed to be about the same age, messy ginger hair thick framed glasses, piercings through various parts of his face including the nose and lips and a lopsided smirk on his face.

" Shouldn't you be at school ? And who's your friend ? "

" Last period teacher got sick. What a shame. " his voice was dripping sarcasm.

" You sound really devastated "

" I am ... I really am. Oh and this is Miles we've been friends since basically forever. "

Miles lifted his hand for a little wave. " I'd shake your hand to introduce myself but seeing how you just groped your boyfriend there I really don't wanna know where that hand's been today. "

Jack and Cooper both couldn't hold back their laughter at that comment and I had to admit it did make me chuckle too.

" Can't blame you really. So ... uh sorry for having to witness that. You guys gonna stay here for the day or ... ? "

Cooper tried to get his laughter under control and looked at me with an eyebrow raised. " We were planning on it yeah we got this stupid ass project we gotta finish. But if you need us to leave you alone that's fine too. "

Jack spoke up before I could. " Nope, you know what ? You guys stay here, we're going to our house. "

Our house. The house Jack had bought without me knowing. The house I loved so much when I was a kid. The house we'll most likely spent a long time of our lives in, maybe even with kids someday.

We hadn't had too much time working on making it ours. Some weekends had been spent painting the walls and doing some work here and there but we were nowhere near finished. All that was at the house so far was a mattress, a camping cooker, a stereo and a fridge. That's all we needed for long nights painting walls.

" That's right, you guys have a house. Go 'bent each other over the couch' over there, you horny kids. " Cooper joked.

" You know what ? That's exactly what we're gonna do "

" Ew Billie. Stop ! "

" Come on Jack, let's go do some bending. "



It was pouring outside. Thunder was clapping and rumbling and every once in a while a flash of lighting lit up the sky. It was loud and chaotic and the complete opposite of how I felt at the moment.

I was softly wrapped in post orgasmic bliss. Jack's fingertips left invisible lines up and down my arm, sometimes a swirl here and a heart shape there. His breath was warm on my skin and my heart had just found it's way back to beating at a normal pace. I felt so calm and yet so alive.

" I wanna stay here forever. No touring, no recording, no grocery shopping, no clothes, no nothing. Just this. Sex and cuddles " he mumbled against my shoulder, his words being dulled by my skin.

" We'd starve. "

" That's fine. We'd starve side by side. It would be tragically romantic. "

A chuckle left my mouth as those silly words of naivety were spoken.

" Jack ? "

" Hmm ? "

" Can I tell you something and you promise me you wont laugh ? Promise me you won't make fun of me when I tell you the things I'm about to tell you. "

He nodded against the side of my face and placed a kiss on my cheek. " I promise "

My heartbeat was starting to pick up a bit as I was thinking about the words that were about to leave my lips. I could never take them back. It wasn't like the were some monumental confession or anything like that. But they came from that deep corner of my heart that I had just discovered when Jack walked into my life and that, despite getting better every day, I was still a bit afraid of.

Deep breaths Billie, ok here it goes.

" There's this quote by Oscar Wilde and it goes 'The very essence of romance is uncertainty'. My life has never had such a thing as certainty. I never knew what the next day would bring, when would mom collapse under all the weight ? When would dad snap and kick us out ? When would Mattie take her last breath and would I be there with her ? Who was gonna end up in my bed tonight ? ... shit like that. For a while I felt almost calm when looking into my future and not knowing what my next step would be, where I'd sleep the next night and who would be by my side. Uncertainty was something I was so used to that I felt comfortable in it. Uncertainty was the only thing certain in my life. And then you came along and for the first time in my life I don't crave what's coming down the road. I'm not thinking about the next party or where I'm gonna crash next Friday night. I don't look into the future and think about all that could happen and all the uncertainties and opportunities along the way. The only thing that makes my heart beat faster is knowing that whatever happens and whatever is waiting for me no matter how exciting or scary, You will be there by my side. For once in my life there's something 100% certain and it makes me so incredibly happy and less scared of whatever is coming next. I always thought Oscar Wilde was so right when he wrote that quote. Now I just feel like he didn't have the right kind of certainty in his life. "

Jack only stared at me and I was almost 100% he was going to start laughing at me any minute.
But then — nothing.

He just kept looking at me like my face held the answers to all the question he had ever asked himself and to be honest, it scared me. People didn't look at me like this. I was so used to this tint of pity that was always present when people were looking at me—the girl with the dead sister—that when it wasn't there, when Jack's glance was completely void of anything but pure adoration and love, I was terrified.

" Why are you looking at me like this? "

" Because "

" That's not an answer. "

" It is though. "

" Jack pl—"

" I wanna post about us. I wanna make us official. You just gave me what I needed to hear. You just washed away this 0,1% of doubt I had about us not lasting. I wanna show you off Billie. I wanna show everyone how certain I am about us. Can we do that ? I love you so much Anabelle. "

He only gave me time to nod before pressing his lips to mine. In that moment I decided that knowing who you're gonna wake up next to in the morning really isn't such a bad thing after all.

We kissed for a while, no care in the world. No fear. No doubts.

Eventually though we got out of breath and the physical activities from earlier took their toll on us and we fell asleep. Or at least I did.

A while later I was woken up by a buzzing sound that seemed to by twice as loud since my phone was placed on the hardwood floor next to the head of the mattress.

" The fuck is that ? " I grumbled picking up the phone and being met with a shit ton of notifications from instagram.

" That's my fault sorry " Jack exclaimed before pulling me in his arms. He didn't sound one bit sorry though.

" What did you do ? "

He simply nodded towards the phone and I opened the instagram app. There were so many new followers, so many comments and then there was the notification of being tagged in a picture. Oh god.



" Are you kidding me ? Seriously Jack ? "

He propped himself up on his arms and looked at me with a sleepy expression. " Whut ?! ? "

" The picture you posted. Did you have to post one of me naked —in bed ? "

" You looked pretty fucking great. Really fucking beautiful."

I was very well aware of the fact that he had just opened Pandora's motherfucking box and I would be the one who had to deal with it. Despite me always trying to act like a tough bitch, I was scared this time. I was scared shitless of those voices that would wash over me and use words they didn't understand to describe a person they didn't know through rumors and made up anecdotes. I was scared of what they'd say and think about me. Not because the fans' opinion mattered to me, it really didn't. But I mattered to Jack. He loved those people despite not knowing them and I was scared that whatever they'd think of me would influence the way he was feeling.

" Hey, you okay ? "

Nope.

" Sure. "

" Anabelle ! "

" What if they hate me ? What if they find out about how much of a fuck up I am and make you realize just how much better you deserve. "

I felt Jack's hand cover my lips to stop me from talking, his wide eyes looked back at me filled with ... anger ?

" Shut the fuck up Shortie. Look I don't understand why you do this all the time and it makes me so god damn frustrated. Why do you always paint yourself as this horrible fuck up ? "

" Because I am " was what I wanted to say but his hands still covering my mouth turned it into a muffled mess of sounds that no one could ever put into a full understandable sentence.

" Let's see, you had a shitty childhood right ? Your mom was busy working to feed the family while your dad was being an all around asshole who didn't give two shits about his kids. You only had your sister. Then she gets sick, your boyfriend cheats on you and your whole life is shaken up. You're supposed to carry all this weight while you're still half a kid. And then ? Then your sister dies and you are alone. So what you had a few drinks too many, took a few things you shouldn't have and fucked a lot of people ? What does it matter ? You made it out alive and you're a real fucking great person. Life dealt you the worst cards it could've and you still made it. This could've broken you, killed you. But it didn't. And you give me too much credit for that. This isn't on me, it's all you. It's time you realize that. You're not half the fuck up you could've turned out after everything that happened to you. Be proud of yourself for once. I definitely am and I know your sister would be too. "

I could count the times someone told me they were proud of me on one hand and never had I felt a sense of pride in myself. Not until this day. If Jack could believe in me, be proud of me, then I could to. He had reached anything a person could only wish for and he was proud of me. Let me tell you, that felt wonderful. Warm and cozy and all around blissful.

" So if my fans have a problem with you or your past, that's on them. I don't care. I know about your past and I take it. Let me decide what I think of you, not them. I love you. I love you. "

He took the hand from my face and cupped my cheek instead. " You get that into that thick head of yours alright ? "

I nodded, not trusting my words.

" Good. Now I'm gonna kiss you and you're gonna kiss me back and we'll pretend you never ever doubted yourself in the first place. "

And so we kissed, for a long while, until I felt as if all my worries and doubts were gone for the moment. I hadn't felt this light and carefree in a long while.



We found ourselves tangled in the sheets with lazy smiles on our faces, the radio playing some Ed Sheeran song in the background.

" Tell me something I don't know about you. " Jack spoke up as his fingers proceeded to draw invisible patterns on my skin.

" What do you want to know ? "

" Doesn't matter, anything really. "

" Hmmm ... I'm a huge smashing pumpkins fan."

" Who isn't ? "

" True."

"Whenever I'm sad I put on 'The Goonies' and it makes me feel better."

Jack chuckled and placed a kiss on my head "Makes sense it's a really good movie. What else ? "

" Sometimes I feel like I'm living on a prayer "

I could feel him pull away from me a little and as I looked up I was met with eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

" Huh ? Like the chick in the song ? "

" No, I feel like I am the song 'Livin on a prayer'. Like everyone loves that song, right ? Whenever you put it on at a party people sing along and go nuts. But if you ask people what their favorite song is, no one will say 'Livin on a prayer'. I feel like that sometimes. Like people are happy when I'm there and I'm a good time but I'm no one's favorite song. I know you told me not to doubt myself but sometimes I can't help it. I try my best to stay positive from now on though, I swear. "

Little kisses were placed on my head then down my temple and on my cheeks until he reached my lips and granted me a soft, loving kiss. "I'm glad you're trying to be more positive, that's all I want. But just so you know, you are definitely my favorite song. "