Letters to Jack

March 10th, 2013

Dearest Jack,

I'm losing all hope that you're ever going to reply to me. I've been writing letters for seven months and I've gotten no reply, not even a text message, email, or phone call. I've been keeping track of the band online, and unless you changed your name, you don't seem to have done any touring, and that's why I'm confused. Are you home? Are you staying with someone else? God, I hope I didn't hurt you too much by leaving, I feel awful, I really do...

I hate to tell you this, but I'm really losing the will to live right now. I'm not saying this to try and make you feel guilty, but I feel that you should know that I'm really not trying hard anymore at all. I don't know if this is the end, but hopefully this won't be the last message you receive from me. Only time will tell.

Love always,

Alexander William Gaskarth

Jack dropped the letter in his hands, feeling guilt consume him like it had the first time he read the letter. He thought back to what was going on at that time.

"Jack, there's another letter here from Alex..." Rian sighed, holding the white envelope in his hands. Part of him thought it would have been good to stop giving Jack the letters, to let him move on, but another part of him knew that would have made him a horrible friend while Jack was such a mess.

"Hand it over," Jack said in a monotone voice, eyes never peeling away from the TV in front of him which was always on playing their interviews and music videos. He kept them on all the time so that Jack could see Alex and hear his voice when he was healthy, and Rian and Zack got used to his way of coping after a while. They were both upset over it, too, but the two boys knew that they had to stay strong for poor Jack's sake.

Rian complied, handing over the paper to Jack and leaving the room, since Jack liked to be alone when he received the letters. A single tear rolled down his cheek when he read that Alex was loosing the will to live, and he picked up his phone just as Rian was coming back in.

"You can't call him," Rian said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Rian, I need to..." Jack argued weakly, dropping his phone.

"Not now, Jack, not now," Rian whispered, still thinking that there was something not right about the whole situation. Jack turned his attention back to the TV screen, giggling quietly as Alex did 'the leg thing' that everyone had admired so much, just spurring him on to do it more on stage.

Rian rolled his eyes and left Jack alone again, which he knew Jack needed. It was a bad idea to let Jack be by himself for too long, Rian and Zack both knew that, especially since Jack began to literally beat himself up over Alex's disappearance, so the two boys took turns each day checking up on the younger boy.

They never realized until it was too late that Jack's 'beating himself up' became progressively worse and worse, when they thought it was only getting better under their supervision.