Never Look Back

I rang the bell and patiently waited for someone to come, and they did…almost immediately.
“Hey, nice to see you,” he flashed a toothy grin and I smiled back.
“Hey Matt,” I told Alex and Jack that I was going to see a girl I had befriended in class, she apparently was the one that wanted me to come see her for a bit, they complied pretty quickly, getting too caught up in their videogames.
He let me in and led me up to his living room which was decorated very nicely actually. They had a tan furry couch with bright red drapes and dark olive colored walls. Across the couch was a television and to the left of the living room was a kitchen and off the kitchen a hall that led to the bedrooms and bath.
We sat on the comfy couch and talked and talked and talked. We talked about grades, teachers, classmates, Alex, the band, Jack, the game, cars, food, my pictures, futures…I swear we covered everything. I dare not say Alex’s and I status, guilt would stab its claws into my back and drag them through my flesh.
Luckily, no one was home in his house, his mom was out working and his older sister had moved out. I didn’t really feel like meeting new people today, especially them, all I needed was to hear, “I’ve heard a lot about you” and “Oh Matt, is this your girlfriend?”
“So tell me Alyssa, what does a girl like you look for in a guy?” He asked smiling. I knew where this was going, but I played dumb to better suit him.
“I like a guy who is sweet, funny, smart, supportive, reasonable, adorable, romantic...” I said trailing off, Alex flashed into my mind. “What does a guy like you look for in a girl?” I asked now, raising an eyebrow at him.
“I like a girl who is cute, mischievous, funny, silly, smart, unique and who isn’t afraid to speak her mind,” he said, obviously proud of his answer. There was a silent pause before he spoke again, “so, how does an amazing girl like you get caught up with a scum like Alexander Gaskarth?”
“I thought you guys were friends,” I said critically.
“I love Alex but I don’t agree with his dating strategy, he knows that. He treats girls like shit, he hurts a lot of ‘em and I don’t think that’s okay, he’s not someone you want to be in a relationship with.” What was this, some fucking intervention? For what, so he can tell me he would be a better guy for me than Alex would?
“I like Alex and so far nothing has happened, maybe I’ll get hurt maybe I won’t but either way that’s none of your business. No, I’m definitely not saying I’m different, because I’m most likely not and I know this might lead me down the wrong road but it’s my life and I’ll decide what I want to do with it without people preaching for me to change,” I took a deep breath after my rampage. He stayed silent, my tone softened as I spoke again.
“I think I should go,” I got up and was almost to the door when he ran up behind me and grabbed my arm, I spun around to look at him, the saddest, pitiful and broken expression I’ve ever seen him wear was plastered on his face.
“I don’t wanna tell you who to date and who not to, your right and I’m wrong. But what you don’t know yet is I can be so much more than him. I would never put you at risk of getting hurt and I would always be there for you if you would just give me the chance.”
I didn’t for once believe that he had the guts to say anything. That especially, I was shocked.
“Please stay,” he whispered and I gave in. I followed him back up the steps and to the couch, the quick rage I had felt all disintegrated from mind.
“I would be lying if I said I didn’t have any feelings for you,” I said softly. I didn’t bring my eyes to him but I could feel him perk up at my words. “But I feel very strongly about Alex,” He slumped.
“Why are you telling me this then?” He asked, hurt. “Rubbing it in my face that you have feelings for me but I still can’t have you?”
I looked up at him, “I never said that I would choose Alex over you. Alex and I have only been on one date, that doesn’t mean we’re automatically together.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I have feelings for you that I didn’t even know I had and they won’t go away. When you dropped me off, I wanted nothing more than to kiss you.”
He took my chin in his hands and force me to look at him, “you still can.”
He smashed his lips to mine, holding my face firmly in his hands so I couldn’t pull away. But I didn’t want to. My tongue slipped through his lips, finding his. I tugged his hair before he bit my lip, making me want him more. He slowly started working his hands up under my shirt, laying me down on the couch before he slid his hand under my bra. I groaned against his lips, my thoughts too clouded and my body too heated to realize what I was doing. But if I didn’t know then I knew once he removed his hand and slid it down my pants.
“Stop,” I choked out. “I’m sorry I can’t do this- I shouldn’t be doing this.”
“No, I’m sorry Alyssa I shouldn’t have pushed you like that,” he said shaking his head. “I got too into the moment.”
“I need to go,” I said hastily and fixed my bra before walking back to the door.
“I’m sorry Alyssa.”
“Bye Matt,” I whispered and walked out of the door and quickly to my car to get the hell outta there.
I blasted my music to take my mind off of tonight’s events; I shouldn’t have gone over there in the first place. I sped home as fast as I could and made it there in a record time of only 8 minutes.
“Alyce! You’re home!” Alex called from the couch; Patrick, Alex and Jack were all slouching on the couch watching America’s Got Talent. There was some decent looking woman getting piss poor feedback after her singing attempt. Alex quick got up and hugged me as tight as humanly possible.
“Ooohh hey Alex,” I breathed tightly against his chest. He let me go and I sucked in a deep breath to care for my dizziness. I felt like crying, like sobbing in Alex’s arms and begging for him to forgive me.
Fed up with all of lives events, I felt the effects of fatigue and initial weariness; I declared that I was ready for bed and left without anyone’s comments. I changed into boy shorts and a tank top, peeling off the day’s clothes and climbed into my bed that was left cool from hours of being untouched. I gently closed my eyes, hoping to forget my nightmares.
As sleep began to overcome me, I heard the muffled sound of my door creaking open and then closed. I lazily lifted my heavy eyelids open and saw a dark silhouette standing before me. It walked toward me and sat on my bed, brushing my hair with its hand.
“You look so much like your mother…I’m so sorry this happened to you Alyssa. I promise I will help make the pain go away as best I can and I’m sorry I haven’t been a very good father to you, I want to make that up to you now.” I heard Patrick’s familiar voice whisper softly. He seemed to think I was asleep as I could no longer hold my eyelids up. “I love you Alyssa.” He kissed me on the cheek before I felt him get up and heard him open and shut the door as quietly as he could.
A tear slid down my cheek, he had never told me he loved me before.
“I love you too Dad,” I whispered after him.