Never Look Back

“Alex.” I groaned against his back, I shoved him off me and he groaned too but reluctantly rolled back onto his side. From staying up too late and leaving too early to get home, we were all exhausted and lying on the kitchen floor. Patrick laughed as he side stepped all of us to reach his coffee cup.
“Rough night?” He asked, looking down at us.
“Rough morning too,” Jack mumbled into the floor. I should probably be getting my hair and nails done and shaving my legs and showering for the dance but honestly…I didn’t think my legs could carry me that far.
“Alyce, you need to go get ready. It’s almost noon and you haven’t done anything but lay here,” Alex said, reading my mind.
“Nooo…I don’t want to just yet.” Anyway, the dance was from 8-12 so I had plenty of time to get ready. I thought back to Octavian, the popular girls I was with would get ready for dances together from sun up until the start of the dance. We got our hair and nails done at high priced salons and got professional pictures done when our dates came, nothing was taken lightly.
Alex stood and figuring he was leaving, I closed my eyes to try to sleep again. Next thing I know, I feel myself being lifted, I opened my eyes to see Alex carrying me into the bathroom, dropping me gently in front of the shower.
“Alex.” I whined.
He squatted down next to me, “Please Alyce, you need to start getting ready.”
I sighed but picked myself up and shooed him out. He smiled and closed the door behind him when he left. When I did get into the shower, the warm water did not make me wanna come out, I sat under it as it enveloped my body, the water ended up getting cold though because I soon remembered I did have to shave.
I stepped out and wrapped a huge, plush, purple towel around me and stepped out into the cool hall and went to my room. For the time being until I would put on my dress I changed into a pair of boy shorts and a tank top.
I blow-dried my hair and switched on my curler, it felt weird getting ready by myself. Almost sad since I had no female friends at all, they all hated me except the one girl that was obsessed with my relationship with Alex and I still don’t know her name. I did smoky eye make-up that I was actually impressed with since I had no idea what I was doing.
As I began curling my hair, Alex came in to check on me.
“Hey, looking good.” He smiled as he peeked around the door at me.
“What’re you wearing to the dance?” I asked him, he obviously wouldn’t wear a suit, maybe a dress shirt or something.
“Black button up shirt with a navy blue bowtie to match your dress, black dress pants and nice shoes,” he shrugged then chuckled after a beat. “Oh, and to also match your dress my mom blinged out the cuffs on the shirt to match the silver on your dress.”
I gave him a look and he stared laughing, “I’m only kidding.”
I laughed too as I released a freshly heated curl and laid it back into place. He walked up behind me and snaked his arms around my waist, I smiled at us in the mirror.
He kissed my cheek before saying, “Let me curl your hair, I’ll be good I promise.” I laughed and shook my head at him.
“No, you would make me look like a lion.” He chuckled and denied it, making me giggle. “Now get out, you’re distracting me. Go shower or something.” He complied and later I heard the shower run in the bathroom and playfully rolled my eyes as I finished the last of my curls, switching off the curler. I pulled my bangs back and braided a piece of it and pinned it all down together at the back of my head.
I checked the time, it was 3:45 already. I headed back out to the living room to see a wet Alex and a baggy eyed Jack watching T.V. Alex of course had no clean clothes so he was sitting on the couch in just a towel, I caught myself staring at his chest for a maximum of 3 seconds…thank God he was staring intently at the television screen.
They both looked over at me when I entered and sat next to Alex.
“Your hair’s cool Aly,” Jack said to me at a poor attempt to make a compliment but nevertheless I accepted it.
“Oh…thanks Jack,” I paused before saying. “When is Becca coming over?”
“She’s coming around 6 with her friend and her friends date, they want to take pictures over here. Rian is coming with his date, Kara and Zack is coming with some girl from his school named Charlotte. Matt isn’t coming I don’t think.” I nodded and the conversation stopped right there.
“Alex, should we stop at your house to grab your clothes?” He looked at me for a moment before nodding. I went to change quick into something more appropriate for his mother to see me in and put on a pair of skinny jeans, black boots and a cream sweater.
He drove us there and skipped steps up to his abnormally clean room, not long after he started rummaging through drawers for casual clothes before and after the party there was a soft knock on the door.
“Yeah?” He called and the door slowly opened to reveal Mrs. Gaskarth. I wondered idly where his father was…or if he had one.
“Oh hullo Alyssa, how are you?” She asked in a small voice.
“I’m doing well thank you, how are you doing?”
“Dandy honey,” She smiled at me before turning to Alex. “Just checking up son, anything you’re looking for, anything you need?”
“No, I’m good. Hey, pictures are at the Barakat’s at six o’clock,” she nodded even though he wasn’t facing her.
“Well, I’ll leave you two. Nice to see you Alyssa,” she smiled.
“As you Mrs. Gaskarth.”
“Please, call me Isabelle,” she said and with that she left the room. Alex closed the bag that held all his clothes and shut his drawers.
“You have everything you need?” I asked him as he gazed thoughtfully at his bag, probably trying to think if he was forgetting something.
“Yeah, I think so,” he went over to the closet and pulled out his dress pants and shirt that were hanging up. “Ready?” I nodded and grabbed the shirt and pants for him.
He gazed at me for a second before answering, “Hold on,” he set his bag on his bed and took the clothes from me and set them on the bed too.
“What is it?” I asked as he approached me.
“With the way you look right now, I’m sorry but I can’t help myself,” he practically whispered, took my face in his hands and kissed me. He backed me into the wall and I balled his shirt up in my hands on his back as our lips moved together effortlessly. This was the first heated kiss we’ve ever had. We didn’t stop either until we both pulled back to catch our breath, he rested his forehead against mine as we breathed into each other, waiting for our hearts to slow down.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” he whispered.
“When are you gonna tell me?” I breathed back.
His lips trailed up to my ear and whispered, “I can’t.” He kissed me on the forehead before going back to pick up his bag. I quick squeezed my eyes shut and felt his hot lingering breath. I opened them again to grab his pants and shirt before we headed back to the house.

I sighed before I grabbed the handle to the door that lead to the backyard where everyone was waiting to take pictures. I had changed into my dress, heels, earrings and other jewelry. I pulled it back to expose myself to everyone, all eyes fell to me as I stepped out to join everyone.
Becca and her friend “Cassidy” all looked enviously at me, Patrick smiled warmly, Jack grinned goofily, Kara and Charlotte gazed nicely, Rian and Zack grinned and threw in a wave and front and center was Alex. He smiled his crooked grin and his eyebrow furrowed together like he was sad, his grin switched to a very warm smile.
“You look absolutely stunning,” he whispered into my ear and I felt myself blush.
We all lined up with our dates and threw out poses and positions, it was weird being on the other side of the lens. Patrick, Isabelle, Rian’s mom and Zack’s mom were the only people who I recognized. I figured the other moms were Becca’s and Charlotte’s. Alex and I got one of just us, we posed like we were slow dancing, he dipped me and froze. We smiled and stared into each other’s eyes while everyone hurriedly snapped the pictures. He snuck in a quick half lingering peck before he set up back up on my feet.
“You would’ve thought we were married,” I mumbled to myself.
“I was thinking the same thing,” Alex mumbled back and we both laughed at each other.
Then, we were on our way. We all rode in the band’s van, which wasn’t classy but it was all we had and no one complained. Alex intertwined our fingers as we entered the gym to loud music and darkness with strobe lights flashing everywhere. It was completely packed and I looked around to see couples grinding up on each other and cringed in disgust.
Alex led me into the heart of the chunk of people along with the rest of our group, we didn’t grind on each other like everyone around us but we did a quicker paced slow dance. He twirled me around and threw out all his dance moves on me.
“Where’d you learn to dance?” I called to him over the music.
“My mother, we’d dance a lot to the radio in the kitchen back when I was younger,” he called back to me and I smiled sweetly at him. I looked around us at Becca grinding on Jack, her friend grinding on her date and Rian and Kara dancing like Alex and I. They looked absolutely adorable together while as I couldn’t find Zack and Charlotte anywhere.
“Alright! Hope everyone’s having an awesome time! It’s time to name the Homecoming King and Queen!” The D.J. yelled as the music slowed to a quiet beat.
“Okay, here we go….Homecoming King is…Alexander Gaskarth!” I smiled huge at Alex as he made his way to the D.J.’s platform, raised slightly above the floor so everyone could see Alex accept his crown.
“Congrats man, now for the Homecoming Queen…winner is…Lisa Ruocco!” My heart sank, I watched her proudly make her way to the platform and accept her crown next to Alex. I obviously knew I wouldn’t be picked since every girl at this school practically hated me but anyone but Lisa could’ve won and I’d be fine with it.
“Now make way, the Queen and King must now share a slow dance!” He shouted.
“Fuck!” I hissed, knowing this was everything that Lisa wanted. The crowd backed up and formed a circle where Alex and Lisa were going to dance.
Alex quickly came to me with pleading eyes, “is this okay?”
“You don’t really have much a choice, but it’s okay…go for it.” He nodded slowly and backed out into the circle to connect hands with Lisa as they danced to a slow song that I didn’t recognize. Every girls eyes were either on them or on me, waiting to see if I’d maybe blow up…or maybe run up and snatch that crown right off her head…or even break up with him for dancing with her. I ignored all gazes for my well-being.

Alex’s POV
“Well isn’t this coincidental,” Lisa purred at me as she slightly closed the distance between us. She had curled her hair and wore a red tight dress that definitely showed off her cleavage, it matched her blood red lipstick she wore. “You look hot Alex.” I remained silent, looking at the crowd behind her.
“Where’s your girlfriend? How come she didn’t win?” She asked innocently and I glared down at her.
“What’s your problem with her Lisa? Mad because now I won’t have depression sex with you?” I hissed at her.
“Don’t flatter yourself, I don’t like her because she isn’t right for you. I am. I know that you miss me, you are practically going crazy since you haven’t had sex in weeks. So why don’t you? No one has to know…” she trailed off into a whisper.
“Trying to seduce me at a school event? Not very classy Lisa…but then again, you never have been.”
She glared, “stop denying the fact that you want me as much as I want you. You want sex and I can give you it and Alyssa will never have to find out…tell me, when are you guys going to finally have sex if you ever do?”
“Stop it,” I seethed, she was starting to control me and I could feel myself slowly giving in.
Her lips found my ear, “Remember our sex? How great it feels, why deprive yourself? You can have it all Alex. She’ll never find out…”
“I can’t, I can’t do that to her…the guilt will kill me,” I choked out as I looked into her dark eyes that were slowly manipulating me.
“Alright and that’s a rap you crazy kids! Everyone on the dance floor!” The D.J. yelled and people poured in around us.
She lessened the distance even more, “meet me in the men’s bathroom, left stall in ten.” With that she slowly bit her lip and smiled. I quivered as she strutted away from me just as Alyssa approached.
“Hey, what’s up?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowing.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” I lied. She didn’t seemed convinced at all but she didn’t push the subject.
“Well, what now?” She asked.
“Uhh, I have to go find Jack and talk to him, I’ll meet back up with you later,” I lied then quickly pecked her on the cheek before leaving.
Out of pure curiosity I went over to the bathroom and slipped inside, I pushed back the left stall and found no one.
“Looking for me?”
I spun around just in time to see Lisa click the lock to the bathroom. She slowly approached me and ran her fingertips up my arm.
“I didn’t come here for you I came here to tell you to back off,” I growled at her and she smirked.
“Give in Alex, she’s not gonna find out, no one can come in the door is locked.” I shuddered as she continued, her palm rubbing the slight bulge that soon appeared in my pants. “I can give you what you’ve been dying for with nothing in return.”
I snapped, my lips smashed into her as her other hand grabbed my hair, unable to help myself. I ran her up against a wall and continued kissing her, losing all self-control I once had. She switched us so I was against the wall when she broke the kiss and began unbuckling my belt. I forced her onto her knees as she yanked down my pants and underwear, taking me into her mouth. I groaned in pleasure and closed my eyes, forgetting how good this felt. I grabbed fistfuls of her hair and let another groan slip through my lips.
I heard my phone vibrate, I bent down to grab it in my pants pocket all while Lisa continued.
It was a picture message from my mother, I opened it to see it was a picture of Alyssa and I looking at each other and laughing and another of when I had dipped Alyssa and kissed her. I didn’t know anyone had gotten a picture of that. I recovered.
“Get off!” I yelled and shoved her away, she looked up at me with wild eyes. “No matter how many times we have sex or you suck me off like the slut you are I’ll never love you. I’ll never think of you as more than an easy fuck.”
“Alex please, you don’t know what you’re saying,” she sat horrified at me.
“No I know exactly what I’m saying.” I clenched my jaw, my thoughts clouded with rage. “You’re filth to me Lisa. Filth.” With that I pulled my pants up and quickly fixed my shirt, she stood and wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand. She opened her mouth to say something but I had already turned my back to her and left to find Alyssa.
I walked straight into the huge group and began asking if anyone had seen her and of course they hadn’t so I headed back out to the drinks station to look.
“Alex?” I spun around to see Alyssa and I grabbed her and hugged her as tight as I could, guilt ate at me. “What’s wrong?”
Alyce, I did something bad.”
Her face blanched, “what?”
“Lisa...gave me a...blowjob in the bathroom.” I admitted, looking anywhere but her eyes.
“Why?” She whispered.
“Because she manipulated me but I caught myself before anything else happened.” Her eyebrows knitted together.
“Thank you for telling me…but when I told you I’d be patient when you said you needed time to get used to being in a relationship I didn’t think you’d go around fucking with other girls…especially Lisa.” She trembled. I brought my eyes to hers and it felt like I was stabbed in the chest, her hazel eyes were brimmed with tears but that wasn’t what hurt me. It was the unforgiving hurt and betrayal that played through them that made me feel like I had just killed a puppy.
“I know and you’re right, Alyssa I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen, it won’t happen again.”
“How do I know that it won’t? How do you know it won’t?” She whispered. “You cheated on me…I can’t just get over that in ten minutes..” She looked at the ground for answers.
“Maybe I can’t change you…” She mumbled.
“No, you can and you have. I’ve done things with you that I never have before. You know that, everyone tells you all about it,” I pleaded. “Please please Alyssa…I…I can’t lose you. Not like this…I can’t please.”
She shook her head, “I’m sorry…I can’t.” She choked and turned around and quickly walked out through the gym doors. I felt my bottom lip tremble as I watched her walk away, everything that I loved …everything that made me happy…was gone.