Stay Right Where You Are.

*Austin's P.O.V*

"Suicide?" I ask, hands spinning around each other in my lap. "I knew he was...hurting, but I mean, is it really that bad?"

Justin shifts uncomfortably, pulling his legs up onto the couch, crossing them. He says something, but I've unintentionally tuned out.

That one small action caused a blizzard of mixed emotions to course through me.

Alan had always loved to sit crossed-legged. It was his thing, and how he was sitting the first time we had kissed. Something that would be burned into my mind permanently.

*FLASHBACK*

We were sitting at the park, our original plan to watch the sunset, but it was now approaching the late hour of midnight.

The only light we had was the street light that was about fifteen feet away, but still casting a subtle and warm glow down upon us in the chilly night air.

We had obviously stayed far longer than intended, simply enjoying each other's company, and not wanting to part from one another, as I hoped he felt the same,

"Hey, Aus?" Alan asks from across from me, his legs crossed, and breaking my thoughts and the comfortable silence.

"Hm?" I hum gently, looking up from the oddly shaped rock I was studying carefully in my hands, only to find his eyes boring into mine as he starts to talk again, a sound I had fallen in love with the second I heard it.

"Are you...doing okay?" He asks nervously, reaching over to place his shaky hand gently on mine. "You're awfully pale."

I feel my cheeks begin to heat up and turn red as he wraps his freezing fingers tightly around mine, giving me quite the sense of security, and care.

"M'fine." I mutter quietly, trying to ignore the butterflies that had exploded in my stomach at the simple touch, and attention he had given me.

I knew I wasn't exactly supposed to feel this way about my new found best friend, a guy I had only just met a few months ago.

"You don't look fine, sweetie." He says, his small thumb beginning to trace all sorts of shapes on the back of my hand, sending shivers down my spine and arms.

Sweetie? Where did that come from? I had always been the one to call Alan little pet names, in hope that he would catch on that I had an overwhelming crush on him, but his time, HE had used a pet name, and I honestly just wanted to jump up and do the Happy Dance Snoopy does when him and the rest of the Peanuts group got together. Goddammit, if he could cheer me up this easily, I would soon be the happiest man on earth.

I chuckle nervously, trying to hide my obvious anxiousness from him, in fear of embarrassing myself even further.

"I brought you here to see if YOU were okay, Alan." I point out, my voice beginning to waver as my nerves react more and more to his electric touch, and the hand that has yet to leave mine.

He only gives me a small shrug, before looking directly into my dark eyes with his lighter more subtle ones.

"I've been having a bit of a problem, I guess." He admits, clearly his emotions had seemed to get the better of him too.

I raise my eyebrows, and scoot closer to him, ready to comfort him in any way he needed.

"Well tell me!" I reply, eyes widening, excited and eager for the answer that awaited me.

If he actually told me what the matter was.

"I'm in love with my best friend."

And before I knew what was happening, his lips were rested gently and romantically on mine while his fingertips grazed the back of my neck, right where the hair met skin.

I felt myself reacting to the feelings that flooded and overwhelmed by body as my arms reached out, wrapping around his small frame as I felt him smile into the embrace, a truly blissful feeling and I wished I could see the look on his face.

Although that I also know, that I had too fallen hopelessly for my best friend.

*FLASHBACK OVER.*

"Austin!" Justin says, giving my shoulder a harsh poke, causing me to flinch away.

"Fuck," I say, covering what was sure to be a bruise with my fingers. "What?"

"You never answered me!" He huffs, rolling his eyes, clearly displaying his annoyance in a rather rude way.

"Well, what did you ask?" I say, matching his bitchy tone, even though I desperately wanted to know what he had said.

It was about Alan, after all.

"I asked if I could uh...tell you a secret. Sort of." He says, looking around nervously while biting the inside of his lip, all sounds of annoyance fading out and replaced with fear.

"Is it extremely important?" I ask, not really caring whether it was or not as long as my boyfri- I mean, EX-boyfriend was going to be alright. That's all that mattered in my world.

"Um, yes, actually." He replies, clearing his throat awkwardly as he pulls himself into a hug.

"Well tell me for fucksake." I say, resting my hand on his rather bony knee, to comfort him a bit. "It can't be that bad."

"You're right, it isn't really that bad." He admits, stretching out a bit and resting his bigger than average feet on the floor with a thump. "Alan sort of lied to you."

I raise my eyebrows again, trying my best not to be skeptical. "How? He barely even spoke to me."

Alan doesn't lie to me, he wouldn't dream of it. I can read him like a book, and that face me an odd sense of reassurance that he wouldn't go run off with other guys without me knowing. Well, regardless, he wouldn't cheat on anyone for that matter, especially not me. I hope.

"No, aesthetically." Justin says, pushing his glasses up his nose, after noticing they had fallen down quite a bit after him and Alan's little wrestling match.

"How?" I say anxiously, my feet beginning to tap against the floor out of sheer curiosity.

"He dyed his hair and wore a shit ton of makeup today." Justin says softly, standing up and pulling a hidden, empty box of hair dye off the counter where they kept recycling.

"W-why?" I ask shakily, as my stomach tensed and it felt like someone hit me in the face as hard as they could with a brick.

"He looked like shit beforehand."

"Who did?" Tino's voice rings through my ears as he sits on the floor in front of Justin, looking up at him expectantly.

"Alan." I say, blinking away the sad expression on my face, knowing that Justin never would have told Tino.

I trusted him, and he at least deserved to know a little bit about what was going on

"Why?" Tino asks, angrily narrowing his eyes and looking to the ginger next to me. "Something you did, Justin?"

Justin only scoffs, even more annoyed than he was just minutes before. "As if."

"How gay are you?" Tino chuckles at Justin's choice of words, which I had to admit, were pretty feminine and gay.

Not even a giggle escapes my lips, as the thought of Alan hiding himself with makeup was still evident and fresh in my brain.

Why the fuck did he feel the need
to even purchase it? He was absolutely perfect as is, and no physical flaw could make me love him any less. I only wish he could see that and not pass judgement on me so quickly.

"C-could I talk to him?" I ask quietly, looking over to Justin, expecting a positive answer.

He nods slowly, looking concerned. "He might be a little...blitzed."

I give a small shrug, trying to show that I knew what might go down in there. "It is what it is."

Giving one last faint smile, I stand up and make my way to the room I had spent in so many nights before. Yet this time, I had been a thousand times more nervous than any other.

"Alan." I say, gently tapping my knuckles on the door, knowing he wouldn't answer.

As expected, I get no response, and worry begins to kick in. There was no way in hell I was going to just walk away from this. He might be hurting himself in there. He could be hurt or, even dead for all I knew.

Wrapping my fingers around the icy doorknob, I hesitantly push it open and step in, only to find Alan sprawled across his bed, lighter clutched tightly in his fingers as small snores escaped his lips.

A sigh comes out, and I carefully shut the door before entering and sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Alan, get up sweetheart." I say, gently nudging his leg with the tips of my fingers, not wanting to give him an extremely rude awakening.

He lets out an annoyed groan before rolling over, covering his face with the comforter.

"Alan, please just get up baby. It's Austin." I say, trying to keep my nerves down to a minimum, as I hadn't spent a moment alone with him since the second I had arrived back in America.

"Aus?" His sleepy voice says, pulling the comforter off his head."Is it you?"

His voice had always had it's effects on me, but even more so now, after being deprived of it for two years, it was like no other sound if ever heard, and my heart seemed to cave in.

"Yes, beautiful. It's me." A grin spreads across my lips as he turns over to face me, his eyes still shut. "Can we talk?"

"Of course." He grumbles, sitting up, finally opening his eyes and looking at me, with his hair sticking up in all sorts of directions. "What do you wanna talk about?"

I couldn't help but try to fight the even larger smile and laugh that threatened to break free, and the urge to just take him in my arms and kiss every single inch of him.

"Uh...I don't really wanna talk," I say, contemplating every word in my head before I spoke it. "Until you take off your makeup."

His eyes widen, but then he realizes that he doesn't want me to freak out, (too late.) so he relaxes as he mutters out a 'One sec.', before standing up and quietly exiting the room.

I stared down at the spot where he had just laid mere seconds ago, the cave his head had made in the pillow still quite evident, and all I wanted him to do was come back and ask me to join him in another nap. But I was sure that wouldn't happen.

Sliding over onto the bed even further, I lean against the wall, pulling my legs up to my chest as I listen to the water quietly running in the next room over.

Why was I doing this? I should have just crawled silently into bed next to the ginger sleeping beauty and let him curl up to me as he always did. Especially when I had to work night shifts and I was forced to sneak into his bedroom through the window, as not to get caught by his parents.

I had always really liked Alan's Mom. Her name was Kimberly Ashby, and she was a small, orange-haired and frail woman, but still somehow held two-thousand times the confidence of her son, who's facial features, attitude and personality were nothing like hers. Yet somehow, they got along amazingly.

Most teenage boys resented their Moms and did multiple things she didn't want them to do, but treating our mothers like queens was just another thing Alan and I had in common.

There were obviously a few differences with my relationship with my Mom and Alan's with his, since my mother and I were actually quite alike, personality wise. Same sense of humor, same care for others, and the same odd laugh.

It went beyond just personality though, we shared the same eye color, smile, dimples, and even height. It sort of shocked me how people as different as Alan and his mom could be, and still get along perfectly.

Alan, as much as I hate to admit it, was very dark. He was, and always had been a dark person, even though the times he did even the littlest of things, like laugh or smile, could cause the most senile old man to grin right back, and at the same time be rather astounded.

Even I, the first time I had seen Alan smile, was pleasantly surprised. I just had no idea that someone so distant and seemingly miserable, could have a giggle so harmonious, or a smile that seemed to light up the room and cause my heart rate to go up, and my stomach twist around itself.

I was actually a bit jealous of Alan's mother, as odd as it sounds.

No matter what, Kimberly could always put a smile on Alan's face, something I will never grow sick of seeing, and I hope that one day, I
could too be the person Alan could always rely on too cheer him up.

The door squeaks open, and I already know who's about to pop in and I mentally prepare myself for what might happen.

"I'm back." Alan says quietly, as I listen to the gentle sound of his feet hitting the floor as he returns to his place on the bed. "What did you want to talk about?"