Secrets & Star Wars

Alan lays on his bed, the ceiling fan swirling above his head. Every now and then, that one stubborn loose screw would creak, panicking the young ginger that it would fall out. The wind blew the white curtains; causing the flimsy material to sway. Inhale. It's going to be okay. Exhale. It's not your fault.

Alan was craving the blade; he wanted the watch the crimson liquid pool up against his pale skin, a small smile forming on his face. He wanted the passion; the need; the want the metal had given him, all those years before.

He heard the front door slowly close. Austin was home. Austin; the perfect boy. Tall, lanky and perfect in every way. Not like Alan. Austin was muscely, hair falling perfectly into his chocolate eyes. Austin had a nice voice; perfect personality. His laugh caused so many to fall with passion; need; want.

As the footsteps slowly headed towards the bedroom, Alan crumbled up in the corner of the king sized bed, hiding his face in his knees and wrapping his arms around the tousled mess. Silent sobs escaped his lips as the tears brimmed in his eyes. His chest heaved as the door creaked open; feeling the presence of Austin in the room made the atmosphere seem stale. "Alan?" A whisper came. Alan shrunk up the tightest he could, trying to ignore the pain ringing in his wrists and thighs. The bedsheet had been stained with blood, sweat and tears. The opposing side of the bed sunk in, alerting the younger boy Austin had sat down. Austin's long, skinny fingers ran through Alan's orange, matted hair as he hummed quietly, "Alan, are you okay?"

The boy sat up, eyes bloodshot and puffy. Austin's heart sank at the sight; had he been so upset all this time? Alan opened his mouth but alas, no words came out. His fingers entwined with Austins and he forced a smile, but the taller male had seen through it. "No," Alan whispers, "I'm not okay." Austin's tattooed arms wrap Alan in a hug and pat his upper back, "Do you want to talk about it?" Alan nods against Austin's neck and sniffles before pulling away. Inhale. Exhale.

"Sometimes when I get upset, I-I cut myself," Alan cries, raising his arms so Austin can see. Austin turns to speak but Alan hasn't finished, "It started off small, no biggie. But soon I couldn't give it up. I needed the attention from it; the blade was my only friend. It told me to pick it up and make more. I'm not strong enough, Aus, I had to." By the time Alan had finished his statement, Austin was in tears. The salty drops pooled against his sweaty skin and rolled down his cheeks in silence. Alan pulled his arm away and hid it against the white sheet. His whole body ached; both from scars and from holding it all in so long.

To Austin, Alan seemed vulnerable. He wanted to push him back and show him how much he cared, but mama didn't raise no fool. Austin couldn't be that way towards Alan, as he was too great a friend. Alan didn't know what love was, but then again, nor did Austin.

"I'm so sorry I let you down," Alan says before sitting in Austin's lap and wrapping his arms around the taller male; head sinking in the crook on his neck. He sobbed against it and kissed his neck gently. Austin tensed up at the sudden contact. Alan had kissed him. Rubbing circles into the small of Austin's back, Alan suddenly forgot about the pain. He just wanted to feel loved, and his hunch saying Austin seemed to be the only right answer.

Austin got the memo, and slowly, carefully, laid Alan on his back. His arm safely tucked underneath the smaller boys back, his lips connected with Alan's plush pink ones. Alan's hands stayed on Austin's hips, pulling him in closer to close the gap between them. Austin was growing hard at Alan's urge.

"I'm scared," Alan groans quietly, throwing his head back. Austin rolls up Alan's shirt to see the scars; some fresh some new; lining his skin. He fights back the urge to cry by planting small kisses across each one. He reaches Alan's prominent hipbones; had he been starving too?

Austin slowly slides off Alan's socks and pants before undressing himself. They both sat in their boxers, Austin's lips ghosting over Alan's pale skin. Alan arches his back as Austin's hands fumble with the waistband. He wants them off, Alan thinks. He gulps and helps Austin take off his own. Austin's cock sprang free, flopping in the air a little.

"Are you ready?" Austin whispers, lips nibbling on Alan's earlobe. The smaller boy swallows and nods against his neck before placing his hands on Austin's shoulder blades. Austin positions himself outside of Alan before placing his tip in. Alan gasps, fingers digging into his back. Slowly; carefully; Austin pushes in, inch by inch. Alan screams when he hits his prostate, causing him to dig in so hard he draws blood. The new wounds sting against Austin's tight skin but he leaves it be. After all, Alan was a virgin.

Austin pulls out before slamming back in, causing sweet eliciting moans to escape Alan's throat. The noise of his crush for nearly 3 years moaning causes his peak to come close. Alan feels the friction between his member and Austin's stomach, causing the head to get a sensation. He's reaching his climax by the time Austin's half way done. He shifts his body differently, asking for a better passageway. Judging by Alan's screams, he's asking for it harder. He wants more. That's what Austin does.

Speeding up his thrusts, he feels himself getting closer. Alan's pulling Austin's chest closer by now, rolling his hips against the older male's. Austin blows his load inside Alan, breathing heavy and pulling out. White streaks of hot liquid finishes against their stomachs. Austin stands up with shaky legs, grabbing a towel and wiping the two men off. Alan's eyes are fighting to stay open. While they said virtually nothing, it held so much meaning behind their sudden actions.

He flicks on the TV to see a Star Wars marathon. Austin jumps in the bed next to Alan, wrapping his long arms around the younger boys' waist and guiding his head to his chest. For the most part, he was happy of his actions. He felt like he was in love.

& Alan did, too.