She's Not Afraid

Boy was it good to be back on the ice again after a few weeks of recuperating from my injury. I felt strong, skated better than I had before and I was confident I would start against the Leafs but unfortunately, that wasn’t up to me.

“Lookin good out there, bro.” Bennett skated past me. “Your hair…..not so much.” That little fucker. He’s always trying to one-up me.

“Keep talking shit, Sunny. I can still out-score you both on and off the ice.”

“At least I can keep a relationship, unlike you.” He snapped back. The rest of the team sounded off, obviously taking Beau’s side.

“Whatever.” Geno passed me the puck and I backhanded it past Flower.

I’ve missed this.

***

“So I was thinking about heading home for Thanksgiving. You down? Maybe hit the trails while we’re there?” Jess was stretching in our living room. She was watching one of her many workout DVDs. As an athlete herself, she refuses to spend for a gym membership.

Hence the reason we’re paying an extra $500 for a 3rd bedroom for our workout equipment. I mean, it’s not like I could get her a deal at my gym.

“Yeah, my parents were buggin me about that. We could hit up some Avs games too; I think they have 2 home games that week. I’ll have to ask around.”

I was stuck doing the never-ending pile of dirty dishes that were overflowing in our kitchen sink. Nothing worse than cleaning off two-day old lasagna and mystery goo.

“Ask some of the guys, yeah? I’m sure one of them can hook us up in a suite.”

“They’re too busy, plus the season just started. They have more important things to worry about than us coming home and hooking us up.”

Lovely. Old protein shake still in the bottle. I thought.

“Hooking us up? You mean, hooking you up. You’re the one they want to see.”

“It was one night, Jess. One meaningless night. I’m over it and so is he.”

“Just like you’re over Neal? Don’t make me laugh.”

After the countless phone calls, text messages and even twitter replies; I haven’t spoken to James since the home opener.

Ladies, if there is one thing I have learned throughout this whole experience, men are just as confusing as they think we are. Most of time, all they want is sex and when they get it, they leave.

Perhaps swearing off men would be the best thing but I just love them too much.

“Does Landy have a girlfriend, now? You guys still talk, yeah?”

There was this one time when I hung out with Landy. Gabriel Landeskog, captain of the Colorado Avalanche. See, my family, they do a lot of charity work with the Avalanche so I practically grew up with the team. In fact, Joe Sakic, he threw Jess & I’s high school graduation party that was at this fancy country club.

This always made for awkward situations anytime the Leafs or the Pens were in town. It was literally the only time I ever rooted against the Avs.

Anyway, Landy and I had a fun night. It was during the off-season before the lockout happened. A woman cannot resist the charm of Landy or basically any blonde Swedish guy. Even though he’s two years younger than me, it didn’t feel that way. He was a genuine guy and unlike me, he wanted a relationship.

Needless to say, it never worked out. I hate long-distance relationships so being in Pittsburgh while dating a guy in Colorado wasn’t anything I ever wanted.

Plus, Landy turned out to be just a really good friend and like Jess said, we still talk.

Frequently.

“He has a girlfriend I think. Some blonde chick.” I knew about his girlfriend and in fact, I’ve met her last time I was in town but Jess, well, she seems to think Landy is in love with me.

“Pfft. Landy treated you good. He was there for you after your relationship with fuck-face ended. Man, I hated that guy.”

“So did I, Jess.”

***

“So do you wanna get out of this place?”
“Neal, what are you doing?” Pauly leaned in, his hand resting on my shoulder.

“Asking this chick out, what does it look like?” I turned away form Pauly, looking at the vivacious blonde chick that stood in front of me. She wanted me bad and I needed her.

“Of course, how could a girl turn down a man like you?” She said seductively.

“Only one has, she doesn’t know what she’s missing though.” I leaned in and kissed the girl. I didn’t even know her name nor did I even care. All I knew was I was planning on fucking her.

“So much for not being a dick.” Kuni muttered to Pauly, loud enough so I could hear.

“Mind your own, Kuni.”

We never made it out of my garage. She was on me like a fat kid attacking the lunch line for the last slice of chocolate cake. She rubbed me in all the right ways, she kissed me everywhere I liked but one thing was missing.

The honesty.

She wasn’t Celeste.

No matter how hard I tried, and believe me, I tried hard; I could not get her out of my mind. With every girl I’ve been with since that night, all I see is her face and hear her voice.

She’s my curse, my kryptonite.

But she wants nothing to do with me. And for once, I don’t blame her.

I’m a piece of shit.

***

Work was very slow. Depressingly slow and I’ve had many clients withdraw themselves from the gym leaving me with a now, small stack of work.

I began searching online for flights back to Denver in November. I wasn’t going to miss a hockey game with the Predators as they also have thanksgiving break so I was completely free.

Last time I was in Denver was January because I spent 95% of my summer in Seattle working for my favorite soccer team, the Seattle Sounders. I was an Athletic Training Intern and was offered a job once I graduate but now my plans have changed, that won’t be happening anytime soon.

“Hey, picked you up some lunch.” Matt walked in, throwing a bag of food on my desk. Two slices of pizza from Fiori’s. Yummy.

“Thanks. Keep me company.”

Matt sat in front of me; his eyes were scanning my desk.

“Sorry it’s so slow. I don’t know why everyone is pulling out. It’s weird.” He leaned back, stretching his arms in the air, his shirt riding up his torso just slightly.

“Yeah, well, it gives me time to catch up on other stuff. Like vacation planning.” I started laughing.

“Hey so, I now this might be a bit forward.” Matt began. “But I was wondering if you’d wanna grab a drink after work tonight?”

I took my eyes off my computer screen, looking at him.

“Like the two of us?” I asked. He nodded. “Sure. I have nothing else to do.”

Matt smiled. “I was thinking Local. That cool with you?”

“Yup.” I flashed him a grin before biting into my pepperoni pizza.

***

Matt and I sat at the bar, ordering our drinks and food. We decided it would be easier to share our plates since Local serves big portions.

We spent most of the time talking about the gym and how it was going to change without me working there full-time.

“We’ll miss you. I’ll miss you.” His eyes were this pale blue, almost white which worked wonders against his pale face and black hair. He was a babe, a total babe.

“Awww Matty. You know we’ll still hang out, right? Hopefully I’ll have time to make it to the gym every now and then.” I rested my hand on his thigh. He grabbed my hand in response.

“Celeste, you’re so beautiful. I’ve never had the courage to tell you but after the incident with James Neal, I figured you deserved to hear it from an honest man.”

The path to a woman’s heart is through the soul of an honest man. I thought.

“Omg it’s the Pens!” I heard someone whisper.

I looked up to see a crowd of about 4-5 guys, all dressed casually. The leader was wearing a hat. Sidney Crosby. The tall guy in the back? Geno. The guy with the beard and tattoos…..

“Fuck.” I mumble, causing Matt to turn towards the entrance.

“James Neal. Just my luck.” He said.

I tried to hide myself but it was too late. He saw me and he was heading over.

“Hey Celeste.” I looked up at him. His eyes were green today and his beard was fuller than the last time I saw him. “Oh hey, Matt. What’s up?” He shook Matt’s hand.

“Not much, just here with C. You know, eating and drinking. Talking about stuff.”

James looked back at me. “Like a date?”

“Uhhh….well….”

“Yeah. A date. Do you have an issue with that?” Matt retorted. James put both his hands up.

“Ummm…no, man. Congrats.” He looked at me, as I was trying to avoid direct eye contact. “Have fun you two. Celeste.” I nodded as I watched him walk away.

See, James Neal has this presence. It’s a confident and dominating presence. He’s the kind of guy that doesn’t like to lose and for once in his life; he’s lost something great.

This provides a great deal of complication for me.

To resist James is like trying to resist eating a whole pint of ice cream after a bad breakup.

It’s almost impossible.