I Could Be Your Perfect Disaster

It was around 9 p.m. Josh said he'd meet me at the park after I told him I wanted to talk to him. Hopefully he had heroin with him because I really just wanted to shoot up.

My mom was home by now, so I had to come up with an excuse on why I was leaving my house this late. I couldn't tell her I was going to a party because this would be my third one in almost two weeks.

I figured I might as well sneak out so I went downstairs to tell my mom goodnight, just so she wouldn't come into my room at any point during the night. I pulled a sweatshirt over my head and climbed out my window, the cool breeze tousling my hair.

I walked down my road, lights from people's homes lighting it up. I felt pretty safe in this town, which is a change from where I used to live. It took me a little while before I reached the park. I could never get over how horrifying it looked at night, so I called Josh so I wouldn't have to face the darkness alone.

"Hello?" "Josh? Hey, um...where are you? I'm in front of the park and I don't really want to walk in alone.." I heard him chuckle. "A little scared, are we?" My cheeks burned. "Am not!" He laughed again. Gosh, he was so damn cute. "Turn around." "Wait, wh-" Before I could finish my sentence, I felt someone touch my shoulder. I almost screamed. I put my hand over my chest, feeling my heart race a mile a minute. "Way to give me a heart attack, Ramsay!" He smiled and laughed at me. "My bad."

We walked over to the swings again and sat down. We were both quiet until he spoke up. "So, what did you need to talk to me about?" I thought about it. How did I tell him I wanted to do heroin again? That's just not something you say to someone. But maybe he'd understand....

"Well um, about yesterday..I kind of...liked..that feeling. The feeling of..being happy and not really giving a fuck.." I could see a subtle smile etched on his face. "I-I know drugs are bad..but this one gives me a feeling that I don't want to let go of.." He sighed and then looked over at me, smirking. "So basically, you want to do it again?" I bit my lip and nodded. He chuckled and pulled a syringe out of his pocket. "Well then..lets do it."

The world was a better place after that. Josh and I played at the park like we were children again. I stumbled around trying to balance myself. We went on the swings and Josh attempted to push me, after a while he just fell to the ground in a fit of laughter. I felt like time slowed down. I'm pretty sure we've been at the park for hours. Eventually, I told Josh I had to get home, so he proceeded to walk me.

Somehow we managed to walk back to my house. Josh occasionally would stumble or fall onto the lawns of my neighbors houses. We couldn't stop laughing from it. I got to my window and turned around to see Josh right behind me, those icy blue eyes staring at me as if they were looking into my soul. He smiled at me, making my heart pound against my chest.

"Do you..wanna come inside?" He smirked at me and nodded, following me through my window. I took of my sweatshirt since I was too hot to sleep in that and walked over to my bed. Josh was already sitting on it so I decided to play around with him and sit on his lap, in a straddling position. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we just stared at each other for what felt like a life time.

I loved the feeling heroin gave me and I loved experiencing it with Josh. Any further thoughts vanished from my head when he kissed me. Sparks were bursting throughout my body and it just felt so right having his lips pressed against mine. I pushed him back so he'd be laying on the bed, while I was still on top of him. The feelings going through me were unexplainable. The desires were intense and I think Josh got the hint that I wanted to take this little makeout session further.

He grabbed onto my waist, kissing me harder. I moved from his lips to his neck, kissing it softly. His grip on me tightened, and in a second, he flipped us over so he was hovering over me. I grabbed onto his hair, combing my fingers through it.

I knew Josh and I had done this once before, and I was too drunk to remember. Sure I'm on heroin now, but it just made everything more surreal. I knew I wanted to do it again, especially with these amazing feelings ripping through my body.

Josh kissed my neck hard and I couldn't help but reach my hands down to undo his pants. After he got the idea of what I wanted, it happened, for a second time and this time, it was an out of body expierence. Every second of it gave me a feeling of ecstasy.

I rolled over to catch my breath, Josh doing the same, then he pulled me up against him and kissed my forehead. He gave me a feeling like no other, and after a while of laying in bed, Josh's eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep while I lied awake, thinking. I loved everything about today. I had Josh at the end of the night, and that's all I ever wanted. Drugs brought us closer and I was starting to think that maybe agreeing to doing heroin wasn't such a bad thing after all.