I Could Be Your Perfect Disaster

I ran as fast as I could to Matt's house. He only brought me there once; I sat in his car while he ran to get something from inside, but I remembered how he got there and it was only 10 minutes from my house.

I eventually stopped crying once I reached his driveway. At this point I probably looked like a train wreck, with my makeup smeared and my hair in all directions from running with the wind. I tried to compose myself as I walked to his front door. I realized the usual gray car in his driveway wasn't there, so I assumed he was home alone.

With a shaky hand, I knocked on his door. My heart was beating hard against my chest; worried filled my veins. Being on heroin sounded great right now, maybe that could give me the courage I needed.

I heard footsteps behind the door and soon, it opened. My breath caught in my throat. Matt stood there, his brown hair all messy. He looked really cute..but I couldn't let that distract me from what I came for.

He looked shocked, and then he sighed. "What the hell do you want?" Well he clearly wasn't happy. I felt the tears coming again. "I-I just..wanted to talk to you.." "Well I don't want to talk to you." The tears began falling. "B-but Matt..p-please just let me explain..please.." I cried harder. I probably looked ridiculous. My vision began to get blurry again, but I could see Matt begin to frown. He gave me sympathetic eyes, then sighed once more. "O-okay, come in." I took a deep breath and walked inside. He had a really nice home. He led me to his bedroom; it was the typical boys room. There were posters all over his dark red painted walls, and I saw a few guitars in the corner.

He sat on his bed and I stood in front of him. My heart was still beating fast, I took another deep breath to try and slow it down. Matt looked up at me, and I couldn't help but notice how adorable his eyes were. I shook my head internally, I needed to focus.

"So, what do you want?" I tried to not cry again while I spoke. "W-what you saw back there...that's not what it looked like.." He laughed coldly. My lip quivered and I almost broke down crying again, but I regained myself. "Oh so you weren't making out with Josh? What were you doing then? Giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? I'm not a fucking idiot, Leah." "He kissed me! And two seconds after that, you came outside. I would've pushed him away!" I knew I lied, but I just didn't want him to hate me. He laughed again. Now I was just getting frustrated. "Why the fuck do you hang out with Josh anyway? Clearly you don't care about anything I say because I warned you. He's bad news; if you haven't found out his secret yet, you will eventually and you'll be damn fucking sorry you didn't listen to me." Was he talking about the heroin?

He already was right...I let Josh expose me to heroin and all because he was attractive? I felt my eyes begin to water, and it wasn't because of Matt; I was beginning to realize what I was doing to myself. I got wrapped up in drugs all because of a boy who doesn't even talk about dating me and has sex with me whenever he's high or on something. Now, I'm addicted, and I knew I wouldn't be able to get myself out of this. My life was going to crash down on me and I had no way of stopping it...

I started crying again, the sobs getting louder. I fell onto Matt's floor and cried more, but soon felt his warm arms wrap around me. "Leah, shh, don't cry.." He said in a much quieter voice. "I'm sorry I yelled at you and got mad, I just don't want anything bad to happen to you because I care about you so much..please don't cry anymore, I'm sorry.." I turned to face him and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

How could I ever do this to him? Right from the start, Matt was always there. He was my first friend at school, he introduced me to people, he did everything he could to make me feel safe and happy..and all I could do was go after a boy I thought was pretty and now I'm addicted to one of the most harmful drugs because of him. I can't believe how selfish I am.

I didn't want to mention the drugs to Matt, I knew that would just hurt him more. Right now, I just felt like doing something to ease this tension.

Without thinking, I pulled out of his grip and crashed my lips to his. They were so warm and I could sense his shock, but his lips soon formed into mine. I kissed him slowly; thinking in the back of my head if I should even be doing this or not.

I felt muscles in my stomach clench; my heart began to beat fast. Oddly enough, this felt so right. I pulled away from him, just to be able to stand up and climb on his bed; he quickly followed. He connected our lips again, holding my face in his hands. I pulled him closer to me, tangling my fingers in his hair. He gently bit my lip and that's when I flipped him over so I could lay on top of him. I planned my next move out in my head.

I tugged on the loops of his pants and he pulled away from my lips, wide eyed. "D-do you want to?" He said quietly. I bit my lip. Right now, it felt right. I slowly nodded and he reconnected our kiss and laid me down on his bed. He began kissing my neck softly and I pulled on his hair.

Eventually, when he got my clothes off, he looked into my eyes one more time. "I-I don't want you to regret this." He said with worry in his tone. I shook my head and whispered, "Make love to me."