I Could Be Your Perfect Disaster

I couldn't find myself to breathe. I had no idea what breathing was. I stood there, mouth open, tears threatening to spill over. I felt the pressure of Josh's body that was once on me disappear.

Matt's face looked broken. I couldn't take it; I slowly cried.

"M-Matt, p-please..it's not..what it looks like.." I could barely make out words. I tried walking towards him but he shook his head and backed away. "I..I can't believe you. You lied..after everything.." The tears were falling faster; everything was becoming blurry. "No Matt, you d-don't understand..l-let me explain please.." "Save it." He said coldly. "Have fun with your douche bag."

He went back inside the restaurant, slamming the door behind him. I pushed myself back against the wall and slid down it, crying harder. Josh still stood in front of me, his face blank. "I'm really sorry Leah...I need to go." I looked up at him. "W-what?" He sighed. "All of this is ruining my high and I don't want to be here, I'm sorry. I'll see you later."

I watched him walk away. How could he do that? It was HIS fault all of this happened. If he didn't kiss me, Matt wouldn't have seen that and now he'll probably never talk to me again. My first and basically only friend I have here, gone; all because of a stupid boy.

I continued to cry. I couldn't find the strength to get up. I felt so hollow. I just wanted Matt here, I needed him. He always made me smile; he was my best friend.

I can't believe Josh could just leave without even trying to comfort me. Who cares if this was ruining his 'high', he just ruined my friendship. I wanted to hate Josh, but for some odd reason, I couldn't. What was wrong with me?

All I know is I need to talk to Matt. I need to explain myself. I'm such a shitty person, but I never meant for that to happen. The last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt him, after all he's done for me...

I needed to find him. I needed him back.