I Could Be Your Perfect Disaster

Josh and I sat down against a tree in the park. He pulled out a syringe and I could see the brown liquid inside.

"So, why are you so stressed out?" He asked. I bit my lip. I was definitely not going to tell him what happened with Matt.

"Oh, you know, just life." That's the best I could come up with? I was mentally slapping myself. I heard Josh chuckled and saw him shake his head. "What?" I asked. He shook his head again. "Nothing."

After we both got moderately high, we just laid down on the grass and looked up at the sky. I felt amazing and nothing else mattered. I felt Josh grab my hand which made my cheeks get red.

No, this was wrong.

I pulled my hand out of his grip and he looked at me with confusion in his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

I couldn't stare into his eyes, they made me weak. I just sighed. Should I be honest with him? Should I tell him how I feel? I don't want him to laugh at me, but what if he feels the same way? No I'm probably just getting used, I need to stop this before it gets too far.

"Josh.." I took a deep breath. "What are we exactly?"

He continued to stare at me but I looked the opposite way. He stayed quiet for what seemed like a life time; or maybe that's just because I was high.

"What do you want us to be?" He said with a calm voice. This caused me to meet his gaze.

"I-I don't know.." He kept looking at me, not breaking the stare. "Do you like me?" My face got hot. What was I supposed to say? "Um..I.." Great, just make a fool of yourself Leah.

A slow smile crept on his face. He leaned forward gently and kissed me. "Now, how did that make you feel?" I bit my lip trying to contain my smile. It didn't work out so well. Josh's smile got bigger. "Well, judging by the fact that I can hear your heart beating loudly, I'm going to say you have a little crush on me."

Little crush? More like huge.

I sighed and nodded slowly. The smile never left his face. "Well.." He paused. "I like you too, and I would love it if you would be my girlfriend."

Was he being serious? I couldn't tell. I felt like my heart was going to explode. "W-wha-at?" He chuckled at me. "Don't make me say it again." I continued to stare at him. "A-are you being..serious?" He nodded. "But..you're high so..you probably don't know what you're say-" "Leah, I'm high, not retarded. I can still function perfectly fine, I've done this enough times," He laughed to himself but that last part made me worry about him. "So are you going to answer that or not?"

I thought about it. What was I going to do? I told Matt I was in love with him when I didn't mean it, I finally confessed my love for Josh, well, not entirely but I couldn't be fully honest, and now I don't know what to do. I felt like I was lying to everyone around me. I felt like I was lying to myself.

Did I want to date Josh? Of course. But why? Because he was perfect? There has to be more to that. He makes me happy, I feel so giddy around him; I feel like nothing else matters. That's enough feeling to date someone.

But what was I going to do about Matt? He can't find out, he would sure hate me for the rest of my life and I could never live with that. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

"Yes..I-I'll be your girlfriend." Josh grinned and pulled me into a soft kiss.

Did I make a good decision?