Girls, Breaking Hearts
"I know you're looking for salvation in a secular age, girl I'm not your saviour."
The second John saw the figure beside him, he knew he was fucked. He sat up on his bed, feeling drained. He was worn out from the entire night, until morning- on the couch, on the floor, on the kitchen counter, on the shower, and on the bed like he’d predicted. He didn’t know how he managed to last that long but he did, and so did she. The chemistry between them was obvious, he couldn’t deny that. But when he saw her sleeping form, looking innocent, he felt shitty. How could he do that to her?
“Fuck,” he mumbled to himself, hitting his forehead over and over. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
He continued cursing out loud, making her stir awake. He froze when she sat up and touched their shoulders together. “Good morning,” she said, sounding tired and hungover. “Slept well?”
“Yeah.” He laughed nervously and quickly moved away from her, tearing his eyes away from her naked form. “I’ll make some coffee, why don’t you get in the shower?”
“Alright,” she said, but neither of them moved and she felt like she had to say something. “Listen, about last night-”
“It was wrong,” he interjected quickly cutting her off. “God it was wrong... On so many levels, I can’t...”
Brooke felt the sudden shame rising to her cheeks. “John, don’t be like that. I threw myself at you, it’s not your fault.”
“No, listen.” He mentally groaned as he thought of what he was about to say. “What happened was a mistake. I take full responsibility for that, but it can never happen again. God... It was very wrong and it shouldn’t have happened.”
The moment he said that, she felt shitty. “Okay, wow.” She laughed bitterly as she held the sheets to her chest and touched her feet to the floor. “You know what, forget the coffee, I’m leaving.”
“Fuck.” He closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he tried to think of more pleasant words he could use. “Brooke, please. We both know that last night you were drunk, and it was pure sex-”
“Didn’t mean anything to you but just sex, I know that. I knew that. But it meant something to me, I wanted it, and I knew that even after that I wouldn’t have a chance with you, but I thought you cared about me and expected you’d at least not think I’m that disgusting for you to regret it like this. Clearly it was my fault, so I’m so sorry.”
He blinked at hers, lips parting in disbelief. Her words were like thorns and her voice was laced with bitterness, her tone pungent. She thought he was disgusted with her? How could she think that when he could think of about twenty people who would brag about having done it with her?
She exited the room, quickly dressing up. John followed her and stared at his feet as she moved. He didn’t know what more to say. What else could he possibly say to lessen the blow or take back the damage? Certainly not the fact that he felt the chemistry last night and knew it wasn’t just lust.
But no, he couldn’t admit that to her. Hell he didn’t even want to admit it to himself. So he stayed quiet, convinced that whatever words that would flow out of his mouth regarding the topic would just set her over the edge or make matters worse. Like he’d written before, he truly was never the best with his mouth.
“Brooke,” he said softly. “Let me drive you-”
“No, I don’t fucking care,” she snapped at him. “Save your gas for someone else, I’m sorry I did this.”
And with that, she left, angrily slamming the door behind her.
~
John didn’t want to go to dinner with the Shelton family especially now that he’d slept with David and Marissa’s little girl. But his mother kept bugging him to come, insisting it was the polite thing to do especially since the Sheltons and the O’Callaghans were tight-knit. Then Jenny played the we-missed-you-so-much card, and he gave in before the guilt trip could come.
But being there seated across the beautiful Brooklyn Shelton who sported a neutral expression was a different kind of guilt trip. John tried very hard not to squirm in his seat when their parents talked about how he used to babysit her when she was younger, and he spent most of the time wishing it would be over and done with.
Brooklyn still hadn’t recuperated from the whole encounter with John, which happened almost a week ago; six days in total. She’d cried for three nights straight after that, almost wished she could take it back, all in all she just wanted to forget it ever happened. She couldn’t, though. Especially not right now with John shooting subtle glances at her every once in a while.
When Jenny and Marissa started talking about how they’d wanted Shane and Brooke to get married someday, both groaned and Shane slapped his forehead repeatedly while Brooklyn covered her whole face, making John raise his eyebrows. He didn’t like the way he felt as of the moment, it was stupid. He didn’t like their parents rooting for Shane, though he’d initially thought they were together as well but now that he’d gotten to know Brooke, he didn’t want her for his brother.
He was jealous.
“What are you gonna start dating anytime soon?” John joked, joining the conversation. He smirked at Brooklyn and she visibly glared at him.
“No we are not,” she snapped.
“We’re just friends, this is not some cliché movie guys,” Shane groaned at the same time and everyone but John laughed. Once again, he smirked and stretched his legs under the table until his feet met hers. He watched her freeze, but didn’t look at him. He lightly kicked her shin but she still didn’t move.
Brooklyn knew that John was playing games, and she didn’t want to be a part of it. He had broken her heart and pride and if he thought he could charm his way out of it, he was mental. When he kicked her for the fourth time, she finally looked up at him, giving him a subtle glare. In return, he just flashed her a crooked smile, and her heart leapt a little.
Well, maybe she did want to participate a little.
Three hours after the O’Callaghans left, Brooke read in her room for a while. Until her phone rang and John’s name flashed on the screen.
To say she was shocked was an understatement. But she managed to brush it off when she answered the call, after five rings.
“Hello?” she said sounding bored.
“Hi, is this Shane’s girlfriend?” His teasing voice boomed making her completely irritated. She was not being petulant; he was simply being a jerk. Why was he doing this? How could he go from basically telling her he was disgusted with her to teasing and joking around as if they were friends?
“What do you want?” she snapped angrily.
The harshness changed John’s mood almost immediately. Everyone knew how he was, every time he knew he’d hurt sometime he would try and act like it never happened at first, and if that didn’t work that was when he apologized. So he sighed, feeling downright shitty as he leaned back on his car and closed his eyes. He knew that playing it off as a joke was a jerk move.
“I’m sorry,” he said seriously.
For a moment, no one spoke. John didn’t know what else to say, and Brooke just wanted him to continue. But he couldn’t. John was a very honest person but honesty had its risks, and it was very hard for him to choose his words wisely.
But her silence prompted him to continue and be honest. “I wasn’t disgusted, okay? I don’t even know why you thought of that, for what it’s worth you were truly amazing and I would do it again if you were my age especially and understood this type of thing, but you’re young. That’s where it boils down to. I do care about you, that’s why I wished it didn’t happen. You’re a great girl, Brooklyn. And I’m sorry I tried to pawn it all on you, but I take full responsibility for what happened. I took advantage of the situation. I made you feel like I didn’t want it, and that’s wrong. I’m sorry, I just don’t have a way with words.”
Brooklyn was left silent with his words. Now her pride was okay. At least he did care about her.
“Brooklyn please say something,” he said in a pleading voice, hoping for forgiveness.
“Okay,” she simply said. But her voice was soft, no longer showing any kind of anger or resentment. “I forgive you and I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, it was all me. I shouldn’t have...” He trailed off, hitting his head on the seat. “God I’m doing it again, aren’t I? I need to shut up. Just know, it was only a mistake because of our age, but regardless of that it was the best- fuck!”
This made Brooke laugh. “God John, it’s okay just shut up.” John loved the sound of her laugh; it made him smile. “Sooooo...you wanted it huh?”
At this, John found himself chuckling as he shook his head. “Don’t tease me girl,” he said. “That’s a trick question and you know it.”
“It’s actually a simple yes or no.”
“You are a devious little girl and you know it,” he joked.
“I am actually not a little girl anymore, thank you very much,” she scoffed, sitting up to straighten her shirt. “I am an adult- owwww! Fuck!”
John flinched a little upon hearing her scream, and he furrowed his eyebrows curiously. “What happened?” he asked. Once again, she laughed- it was truly the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
“I hit my head on the wall,” she whined. “I was trying to sit up and just, the wall was there.”
He closed his eyes, trying to imagine her there, what she was wearing, and then quickly stopped himself. It was wrong. And he didn’t even how her room looked; and he shouldn’t.
“So that was an interesting dinner,” she mulled over and he smiled. “All the babysit talk.”
He groaned loudly, hitting his forehead with his palm. “Please, let’s not talk about that. I’m not a paedophile. I’ve never thought about you that way until I saw you with Shane that night.”
His bluntness caught them both off guard. He wanted to take it back, but she was quick to react. “Oh? Want to know what I’m wearing right now?” she said in a faux seductive voice which made him laugh and actually want to ask.
“Not a chance.”
What was supposed to be a five to ten minute conversation turned into an hour. And another. And another. Until it was 5 AM and both were laying on their bed, yawning.
“Fuck I can’t believe we’ve been on the phone for four hours,” Brooke said, laughing a little. “I have to get up in like, two hours.”
“Well I guess I better let you go now,” he said, his voice raspier than ever, laced with drowsiness.
“Uh-huh.” There was silence on the other end for a few moments before she laughed once more. “Please don’t tell me this is gonna be one of those no-you-hang-up first things. I hate that.”
“I will not do that!” he gasped loudly, laughing. “I am not thirteen, thank you very much.”
“You did that when you were thirteen?” she asked curiously. “Don’t tell me you were already dating at thirteen?”
“Okay, this conversation will resume later. You go to sleep now.”
The promise of later brought a genuine smile on Brooklyn’s face. “Alright,” she said. “Good night, John.”
“Night, Brooke.”
“Fuck,” he mumbled to himself, hitting his forehead over and over. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
He continued cursing out loud, making her stir awake. He froze when she sat up and touched their shoulders together. “Good morning,” she said, sounding tired and hungover. “Slept well?”
“Yeah.” He laughed nervously and quickly moved away from her, tearing his eyes away from her naked form. “I’ll make some coffee, why don’t you get in the shower?”
“Alright,” she said, but neither of them moved and she felt like she had to say something. “Listen, about last night-”
“It was wrong,” he interjected quickly cutting her off. “God it was wrong... On so many levels, I can’t...”
Brooke felt the sudden shame rising to her cheeks. “John, don’t be like that. I threw myself at you, it’s not your fault.”
“No, listen.” He mentally groaned as he thought of what he was about to say. “What happened was a mistake. I take full responsibility for that, but it can never happen again. God... It was very wrong and it shouldn’t have happened.”
The moment he said that, she felt shitty. “Okay, wow.” She laughed bitterly as she held the sheets to her chest and touched her feet to the floor. “You know what, forget the coffee, I’m leaving.”
“Fuck.” He closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he tried to think of more pleasant words he could use. “Brooke, please. We both know that last night you were drunk, and it was pure sex-”
“Didn’t mean anything to you but just sex, I know that. I knew that. But it meant something to me, I wanted it, and I knew that even after that I wouldn’t have a chance with you, but I thought you cared about me and expected you’d at least not think I’m that disgusting for you to regret it like this. Clearly it was my fault, so I’m so sorry.”
He blinked at hers, lips parting in disbelief. Her words were like thorns and her voice was laced with bitterness, her tone pungent. She thought he was disgusted with her? How could she think that when he could think of about twenty people who would brag about having done it with her?
She exited the room, quickly dressing up. John followed her and stared at his feet as she moved. He didn’t know what more to say. What else could he possibly say to lessen the blow or take back the damage? Certainly not the fact that he felt the chemistry last night and knew it wasn’t just lust.
But no, he couldn’t admit that to her. Hell he didn’t even want to admit it to himself. So he stayed quiet, convinced that whatever words that would flow out of his mouth regarding the topic would just set her over the edge or make matters worse. Like he’d written before, he truly was never the best with his mouth.
“Brooke,” he said softly. “Let me drive you-”
“No, I don’t fucking care,” she snapped at him. “Save your gas for someone else, I’m sorry I did this.”
And with that, she left, angrily slamming the door behind her.
~
John didn’t want to go to dinner with the Shelton family especially now that he’d slept with David and Marissa’s little girl. But his mother kept bugging him to come, insisting it was the polite thing to do especially since the Sheltons and the O’Callaghans were tight-knit. Then Jenny played the we-missed-you-so-much card, and he gave in before the guilt trip could come.
But being there seated across the beautiful Brooklyn Shelton who sported a neutral expression was a different kind of guilt trip. John tried very hard not to squirm in his seat when their parents talked about how he used to babysit her when she was younger, and he spent most of the time wishing it would be over and done with.
Brooklyn still hadn’t recuperated from the whole encounter with John, which happened almost a week ago; six days in total. She’d cried for three nights straight after that, almost wished she could take it back, all in all she just wanted to forget it ever happened. She couldn’t, though. Especially not right now with John shooting subtle glances at her every once in a while.
When Jenny and Marissa started talking about how they’d wanted Shane and Brooke to get married someday, both groaned and Shane slapped his forehead repeatedly while Brooklyn covered her whole face, making John raise his eyebrows. He didn’t like the way he felt as of the moment, it was stupid. He didn’t like their parents rooting for Shane, though he’d initially thought they were together as well but now that he’d gotten to know Brooke, he didn’t want her for his brother.
He was jealous.
“What are you gonna start dating anytime soon?” John joked, joining the conversation. He smirked at Brooklyn and she visibly glared at him.
“No we are not,” she snapped.
“We’re just friends, this is not some cliché movie guys,” Shane groaned at the same time and everyone but John laughed. Once again, he smirked and stretched his legs under the table until his feet met hers. He watched her freeze, but didn’t look at him. He lightly kicked her shin but she still didn’t move.
Brooklyn knew that John was playing games, and she didn’t want to be a part of it. He had broken her heart and pride and if he thought he could charm his way out of it, he was mental. When he kicked her for the fourth time, she finally looked up at him, giving him a subtle glare. In return, he just flashed her a crooked smile, and her heart leapt a little.
Well, maybe she did want to participate a little.
Three hours after the O’Callaghans left, Brooke read in her room for a while. Until her phone rang and John’s name flashed on the screen.
To say she was shocked was an understatement. But she managed to brush it off when she answered the call, after five rings.
“Hello?” she said sounding bored.
“Hi, is this Shane’s girlfriend?” His teasing voice boomed making her completely irritated. She was not being petulant; he was simply being a jerk. Why was he doing this? How could he go from basically telling her he was disgusted with her to teasing and joking around as if they were friends?
“What do you want?” she snapped angrily.
The harshness changed John’s mood almost immediately. Everyone knew how he was, every time he knew he’d hurt sometime he would try and act like it never happened at first, and if that didn’t work that was when he apologized. So he sighed, feeling downright shitty as he leaned back on his car and closed his eyes. He knew that playing it off as a joke was a jerk move.
“I’m sorry,” he said seriously.
For a moment, no one spoke. John didn’t know what else to say, and Brooke just wanted him to continue. But he couldn’t. John was a very honest person but honesty had its risks, and it was very hard for him to choose his words wisely.
But her silence prompted him to continue and be honest. “I wasn’t disgusted, okay? I don’t even know why you thought of that, for what it’s worth you were truly amazing and I would do it again if you were my age especially and understood this type of thing, but you’re young. That’s where it boils down to. I do care about you, that’s why I wished it didn’t happen. You’re a great girl, Brooklyn. And I’m sorry I tried to pawn it all on you, but I take full responsibility for what happened. I took advantage of the situation. I made you feel like I didn’t want it, and that’s wrong. I’m sorry, I just don’t have a way with words.”
Brooklyn was left silent with his words. Now her pride was okay. At least he did care about her.
“Brooklyn please say something,” he said in a pleading voice, hoping for forgiveness.
“Okay,” she simply said. But her voice was soft, no longer showing any kind of anger or resentment. “I forgive you and I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, it was all me. I shouldn’t have...” He trailed off, hitting his head on the seat. “God I’m doing it again, aren’t I? I need to shut up. Just know, it was only a mistake because of our age, but regardless of that it was the best- fuck!”
This made Brooke laugh. “God John, it’s okay just shut up.” John loved the sound of her laugh; it made him smile. “Sooooo...you wanted it huh?”
At this, John found himself chuckling as he shook his head. “Don’t tease me girl,” he said. “That’s a trick question and you know it.”
“It’s actually a simple yes or no.”
“You are a devious little girl and you know it,” he joked.
“I am actually not a little girl anymore, thank you very much,” she scoffed, sitting up to straighten her shirt. “I am an adult- owwww! Fuck!”
John flinched a little upon hearing her scream, and he furrowed his eyebrows curiously. “What happened?” he asked. Once again, she laughed- it was truly the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
“I hit my head on the wall,” she whined. “I was trying to sit up and just, the wall was there.”
He closed his eyes, trying to imagine her there, what she was wearing, and then quickly stopped himself. It was wrong. And he didn’t even how her room looked; and he shouldn’t.
“So that was an interesting dinner,” she mulled over and he smiled. “All the babysit talk.”
He groaned loudly, hitting his forehead with his palm. “Please, let’s not talk about that. I’m not a paedophile. I’ve never thought about you that way until I saw you with Shane that night.”
His bluntness caught them both off guard. He wanted to take it back, but she was quick to react. “Oh? Want to know what I’m wearing right now?” she said in a faux seductive voice which made him laugh and actually want to ask.
“Not a chance.”
What was supposed to be a five to ten minute conversation turned into an hour. And another. And another. Until it was 5 AM and both were laying on their bed, yawning.
“Fuck I can’t believe we’ve been on the phone for four hours,” Brooke said, laughing a little. “I have to get up in like, two hours.”
“Well I guess I better let you go now,” he said, his voice raspier than ever, laced with drowsiness.
“Uh-huh.” There was silence on the other end for a few moments before she laughed once more. “Please don’t tell me this is gonna be one of those no-you-hang-up first things. I hate that.”
“I will not do that!” he gasped loudly, laughing. “I am not thirteen, thank you very much.”
“You did that when you were thirteen?” she asked curiously. “Don’t tell me you were already dating at thirteen?”
“Okay, this conversation will resume later. You go to sleep now.”
The promise of later brought a genuine smile on Brooklyn’s face. “Alright,” she said. “Good night, John.”
“Night, Brooke.”
♠ ♠ ♠
the last chapter is merely a filler, and this one is a pure flashback just to show how they started.but i have a lot in store for the next one, and it will be longer than this and the last combined, i promise.
thoughts?x